Former porn star, should I lie when a guy asks me what I do for work?

[JenRidgley]

I used to be a former porn star and am having trouble finding a nice guy who wants to date me and not just because of what I used to do. I have been on several dates with the guy spending most of the night staring at my chest. This usually occurs after we have exchanged conversation and I revealed what I used to do for work. I have even had several guys become obsessed with trying to guess how big my breasts are. Should I lie when a guy asks me what I do for work? Please help.

[MrOracle]

In reading your replies, the truth is that you are CURRENTLY a porn star (even if you aren't super active), and the fact of the matter is that most guys aren't going to be able to handle dating a girl who is having sex with other people (or doing sexy things for pics/video for other people). That sucks, but it shouldn't really be a big surprise - it's a common problem for porn stars.

That doesn't mean it's impossible - it just means that you can expect it to be a struggle, and you can expect to have to meet and filter out a lot of men before you can find one who can handle it and still treat you like a person. It's that "you have to kiss a lot of toads before you find a prince" story but taken to an even greater extreme.

You need to ASSUME that most guys won't be able to deal with it, and go in with that expectation, and be honest with them (for example, saying you were a FORMER porn star when you are still active is a lie - you have to be able to be completely honest because you are starting off with guys who are very unsure if they can trust you, so even the tiniest lie will validate those feelings). But there ARE guys out there who would be okay with it. Not tons, but some.

The more realistic you are about your challenges, the better your chances of success.

[JordanG95]

I would say be more upfront, if you lie about what you did for work and he ends up finding out he will wonder why you hid it from him.

[Blondie80]

Don't lie, it will come into light sooner or later. You forget one thing: though guys like using and having sex with girls, when they want to get married they want their woman to be pure and saint. This is a dream, but they are that naive, this is their weak point. You won't be able to find a decent, nice guy because as soon as they get to know your past, they will only use you and throw you away. If you lie and someone gets married to you without know it, later when he finds it out, you will be in deep trouble! Don't risk it because you will never be happy.

[Red_Arrow]

What you said is true for many men. But I think most of us are aware that our women (gf/wife/etc) had a life before us. My wife head a sex life before. We did discuss parts that had a lasting effect on her emotionally, but I did not even ask about others. And we were extremely happy and trusting. And I cannot believe that I am somehow superior in that regard.

[Anonymous]

Are you still doing porn or is it just a formal activity like the title says? If you aren't still doing it, just no longer tell them. Your past life is honestly none of their business. They are dating who you are today and hopefully who you will be in the future. The past doesn't define you. Some people are very immature and would use the past against you even if it does seem like they accepted it at the beginning. So best course of action, don't mention to them at least not until years down the road

[JenRidgley]

I still do porn occasionally but mostly bondage type stuff. It has come up before when guys get frustrated that I don't text them back for several days and then tell them I was tied up. Most don't believe me - except I really was tied up in bed.

[Sha1911]

Tied up for days? Is this porn or torture?

[InTimoreDei]

Years down the road? LOL. Lies will catch up to you way before then. Immaturity has nothing to do with it.

[Opinion Owner]

@InTimoreDei Not a lie. If she isn't cheating and he isn't asking that's the end of it. What someone did in their past has nothing to do with the present relationship

[Cornchipuniverse]

I wouldn't say keep it from them for years maybe just like one year

[InTimoreDei]

@Cornchipuniverse One year is more reasonable

[englisc]

The idea that what people do in their past has nothing to do with the kind of person they are now is a retarded idea.

[SarahsSummer]

If it bothers you, i think you should start by not drawing so much attention to your chest. Beyond that, why talk about what you USED to do? Talk about what you currently do.

[JenRidgley]

Any tips on minimize the attention on my chest? I am a 32D.

[JenRidgley]

Any tips on how to minimize the attention on my chest? I am a 32D.

[SarahsSummer]

Looser clothing. Skip the plunging v lines , button up beyond what your profile pic suggests.

[JenRidgley]

Skip the push up bra too?

[SarahsSummer]

Why would you wear a push up bra?

[JenRidgley]

Most; if not all the bras I own are a double push up.

[Purple_Babe14]

Um you should find good guys that aren't interested in only sex and other things. Or you could lie, like every other normal human being.

[Brick_3]

An issue I think you might have is that some guys might get jealous. Personally, if I'm in a relationship with a girl, I want her to be mine. I want her excitement and everything to be coming from me and I want her to love me. In other words, if I knew another man or women was tying you up, I'd be jealous. I think this is the problem you are running into. As such, guys don't see you as datable, they just see you as someone to fuck. If I were you, I wouldn't tell a guy immediately. Or if you do, make sure you are out of the porn business. I personally would have nothing against a woman if she were out of the business. However, if she's still doing it, I would probably reconsider. I don't know this is just my two cents. I'm one guy of many. Hope this helps.

[Zaim_Ipek]

For the first few dates, don't mention it. Dress in a way that isn't showing too much cleavage. Make sure they like you for you. After you find someone who really likes you without knowing your history, then tell them and see how they react.

[JellyBeanBros]

Just say you don't have a job at the moment you should still tell them that you were a porn star so it doesn't come up awkwardly later when you relationship grows but say it was a long time ago and it makes your uncomfortable talking about it (up to you when you tell him about it) if they look at your breast call him out on it and make him fell sleezy for looking try not to sound sexual at all because the mans mind will think that your interested leading him on

[JudgmentDay]

With the way how technology had become, these days, it's impossible to completely conceal and hide everything about someone's past. If the other person wants to find out about your past, they can with things like background checks, etc. Unless you were like some high level government employee working for some agency that is able to keep records and various details about you as top secret and classified. In other words, you only have so much privacy now, much less than you think you actually have. Depending upon how persistent, suspicious, or paranoid the other person are or can be and what type of resources they have. If someone is willing to move forward and ignore that it's something in your past and won't judge you for it, then a relationship can work. It entirely depends upon how open minded they are about it and willing to accept that whatever it was that happened had already happen and is in the past and that it can never be changed no matter what.

[Pegases]

Wait, so are you a pornstar now? You said you "used" to be a "former' pornstar". Former is the same in this context as used. So technically you're saying you're currently a pornstar.

[UncleRayRay]

Probably not a good idea to lie about it

[AaronShaw1]

Dont worry about it in 10 years theyll be staring at your knees.

[anon08]

😂 savage af.

[ShadezMcgee]

If you are trying to find a nice guy to date exclusively, do not lie to him about that. Last thing you want is for him to stumble on one of your videos and find out that way.

[sawno]

lying is not the answer, but you could have known this when you started the career. While many guys will find it exciting sexually they are turned off to have a relationship with someone who has purpusely as a career has been with other men while the entire world can see it.

[mrjarlboy]

Dont lie because most men dont want dishonest women and most men are not into weman who were "concered" so offen but keep look im sure you will find the one!

[nickyBBB]

No.
You are disgusting and a "nice guy" should know that.

[oddwaffle]

What do you do for work now? If you're still a porn star then it will be problematic.

If you had lots of appearances then better come clean it it will bite you in the ass later on.

It's not something shameful but guys don't like the fact that their girl is rolling around in bed with some other dudes. To make matters worse, they have recordings and some other dudes are jacking up to those recordings.

[dizmuhjam]

If you're USED to be one, dont mention it. If you still are, you have to I guess.. but if its in the past, you can categorize it as "youth-sin" as my art teacher would say.

[Sha1911]

Agreed, I don't understand, if she doesn't want to be judged on what she used to do, then why does she keep telling her dates? lol it's kinda dumb tbh

[dizmuhjam]

@Sha1911 yeah I read another reply she added to a girls opinion. Basically the description is worded poorly. It shouldve been something like "Not as much" and not "used to be".

[outsidecurve]

You need a super confident alpha. The issue is most of these guys are indimitated by your extensive sex experience and don't feel they can satisfy you. Find a guy that sees you for you.

[KingDio]

Try maybe holding off on telling someone what you use to do untill months into the relationship , bit silly though that the guys you tried with would be like that as for me everyone has a history and I've dated ex strippers so that side doesn't faze me its who you are now guys should be falling for

[Charleslvajr]

And keep in mind if you do find someone who can put up with your current or former activities, there is a good chance that any kids you have will one day bring you a video and say "I thought you said you were an actress mom!". Not to mention everyone in your kids school having a reasonable chance of seeing, well, everything. This will be another limiting factor in which guys will stay to actually make a life with you.

[es20490446e]

I won't lie, just tell them only after some time.

[es20490446e]

That said you look very sexy in your photo.

[JSmuve]

Damn, what kinda shit have you been in?

[JenRidgley]

I only do it occasionally now but I use to be a bondage model. I would tied up for hours at a time. My bedroom is nothing but armbinders, spreader bars, gags and blindfolds.

[JSmuve]

Damn that's some kinky 50 shades of grey shit.

[BuenoLeche]

It's going to turn off a lot of men. No doubt about that. Honesty is important though. You should have accepted that this would have happened prior to getting into porn. I'm not shaming you, and I've even done amateur website sex for a large audience, but a lot of people are judgmental. Not many quality working professional guys are going to want to be married to girl who take a bunch of massive cocks on camera. Not many guys are going to want to marry a woman in whom their friends can go jerk off to online.

[BuenoLeche]

Webcam*

[Gedadia]

Sadly all guys are driven by visual things a great pair of breasts are going to distract them it's in built.. As to your employ don't tell them any way they are probably talking to your breasts !!!