My boyfriend is dominant (bdsm)?

[indogal]

my boyfriend is dominant and he likes bdsm. he asked me"Is it weird that I want to love and care for you but also want to use you really hard?" what do you think guys?

[AmesJane]

Kinks aren't a bad thing as long as they are explored with respect and care. The idea of wanting to "use", hurt, or command a partner isn't uncommon and not dangerous or weird if people realise these are just facets of (sexual) relationships that are okay to be explored in a safe, consensual setting.

Practicing bdsm comes with responsibilities. Things like aftercare and looking out for your partner's well-being during play are essential. Dominance is often also inherently loving. The point is not just for the dominant partner to express his own desires, but also to be responsible for creating a pleasurable experience for the submissive partner.

If you would like to try and explore this together, I suggest you take small steps (don't head first dive into spanking and heavy rape play, there's a ton of lighter stuff you can start out with). Do absolutely sit down together and fill out a "sub list". A sub list contains a wide array of specific activities if which a sub can indicate whether or not they are willing to try them and for those that are on the "yes I'm okay with this" list, to what extent they would find this enjoyable (often a number from 1 to 5). This also gives you the opportunity to in depth discuss certain activities, express doubts, set boundaries,... It would also be a good opportunity for your partner to consider more in depth exactly which aspects and what type of activities would appeal to him.

Happy exploration if you choose to do so, and remember (both of you) to communicate clearly and often.

[Sixgun77]

Great advice

[indogal]

thank you for your advice

[AmesJane]

Np. Also know a sublist can be revised. You can always add or eliminate things as your experiences grow. Don't feel obligated to put yes on a lot of things on the first go.

[MrOracle]

gif-finder.com/.../Leonardo-DiCaprio-Clap.gif

[TangledTK]

In the same area of interest, perfectly healthy as long as boundaries are respected and both people openly communicate.

[Gramer]

Do you prefer the guy to be dominant as well? :D

[TangledTK]

Depends on the person and how we relate.

[Gramer]

Yes for example at sex, do you want the guy to be dominant or submissive? :D

[TangledTK]

Depends on how our personalities mesh. I will say that I hate doormats and I also hate guys who go "kneel girl and serve" both of which scream that they aren't fun.

[Gramer]

Hmm doormats are extremelly submissive? :D

[TangledTK]

They bring nothing of themselves to the table and just want a pair of boots to wank to.

[Gramer]

I get your point and it's true, both should put effort.. Do you want to follow me by the way because we have many messages here? :D

[AustinMan]

It's not remotely weird. MY question is: do you enjoy the BDSM aspects, the erotic pain, the rough sex?

[Berethor]

I am not sure how much I buy it, BDSM tend to have an quite dark aura around it.

[Stan_Control_]

Be glad he asked b4 goin hardcore.

[Sixgun77]

Sounds like he has pretty much the same take on it that I do.

[shadow19]

If it's passionate, it's okay

[D_Chippet]

I would say the same. I like being dom in the bed, but I want to care for a woman and love her, and put her first. It's totally normal.