My boyfriend only rated me an 8/10 physically, should I do us both a favor and just end it since I'm not his ideal type?

[Still_Wildfire]

I KNOW... I'M OBSESSED WITH THIS TOPIC!! but I'm so conflicted. I know looks aren't everything, but physical attraction is important in a relationship. I'm clearly not his type in that regard. I want to be lusted after & desired by a significant other. He says he does desire me & admits to often masturbating to me (when we're not together) but that's not good enough. I feel like given his rating, he's settling for me. I don't want to be settled for.

I'm not saying I'm the most beautiful girl in the world, but I should be better than that to him!!

He also says he doesn't even know if a 10/10 exists, but that doesn't make me feel any better. He clearly has some ideal in his head that I don't measure up to. It's a horrible feeling. Like, what are we even doing if I'm not what he really wants? I'm so lost...

I KNOW THERE ARE OTHER FACTORS, BUT THAT'S BESIDE THE POINT. THE TOPIC IS PHYSICAL ATTRACTION. DON'T TELL ME ABOUT PERSONALITY, ETC. HEARD IT ALL BEFORE. THANKS :)

[OlderAndWiser]

TLDR

1. You are very attractive in a strange, exotic way.

2. Very few girls are 10's.

3. Very few guys are married to a girl who they consider to be a 10 based strictly on appearance.

4. Appearances usually decline over time, other qualities remain.

5. IF the only reason a guy wants to be with you is your physical appearance, then he only wants you for sex and you will soon be discarded.

6. Your boyfriend is in charge of deciding what he wants in his life and he has chosen you. HE gets to make that choice.

7. Be gracious, thank him try to be a great girlfriend, treat him well, and give him your best effort.

8, Recognize that every person with whom you become involved is a package deal. Some are extremely attractive and not such nice people. Some are very nice and moderately attractive. Believe it or not, guys are attracted to the whole package and not just your boobs. Yes, it's true, We really are that advanced!

9. Many girls would love to be an 8/10.

10. If none of this helps, find a good therapist to work on your lack of self-confidence but do not make a good guy suffer for your problem.

GOOD LUCK!

[Still_Wildfire]

Lol, I'm "strange" looking? Thanks :)

[OlderAndWiser]

You are beautiful but you are not remotely close to anyone else I have ever seen. You have a very unique face. That is what I meant by strange.

[OlderAndWiser]

RESPONSE TO UPDATE: If you are determined to see things in a negative light, to assume the worst, and to be the eternal pessimist. . . no one can take that away from you. Maybe you should do your boyfriend a favor and break up with him, not because you are ugly (you are not) but because you are a Debbie Downer who can suck all the energy out of a situation. If you are depressed, get into treatment. Getting on this site and telling us that maybe you should just end it all is horribly dramatic and manipulative and you should feel embarrassed about doing such an immature thing.

[Still_Wildfire]

Thanks for your opinion. However, I don't feel that it's immature or manipulative if that's how I really feel. Lots of people come on here to vent, about all kinds of things.

[OlderAndWiser]

Empty allusions to suicide are always immature.

[MrOracle]

I totally understand that you have a powerful need to feel desired and lusted after by your man - but there's every indication that that's true already. You've told us nothing (besides this rating) that would suggest otherwise.

When you asked him to rate your appearance, he was giving you as objective of a rating as he could (given that he's aware that he is biased). An 8/10 rating is very high - it puts you in the top 10% and possibly the top 5% in appearance (remember: appearance isn't linear; it's a bell curve, with very, very few 1s or 10s). There's also the issue that he may realistically not be able to attract 9s or 10s on his best day - even attracting an 8 may have been a lucky break for him.

But @OlderAndWiser made perhaps the very best point:

"5. IF the only reason a guy wants to be with you is your physical appearance, then he only wants you for sex and you will soon be discarded."

[MrOracle]

Your insecurity (and you ARE *very* insecure to be this concerned about this issue, based only on this one rating) is that you aren't attractive enough, but incredibly attractive women (the kind you seem to want to be, at least in his eyes) have a serious problem where people only value them for their looks - and looks, as we all know, fade with time. Even worse, because those women are only valued for their looks, the can be easily discarded once a better-looking girl comes along, which is inevitable. The fact is that your boyfriend finds you very attractive, physically and otherwise, and the irony is that it's exactly your insecure behavior that's likely to be the thing that makes you less attractive to him, not your looks or body. That insecure, jealous behavior and attitude will turn most men off far faster than growing a hairy wart on your nose, so, for your own sake, you'd better find a way to rein that in...

[Still_Wildfire]

"Incredibly attractive women" also tend to be the most insecure. I guarantee you all these actresses & models everyone keeps mentioning are highly insecure as well.

[MrOracle]

That's often true (I used to work with models and actresses in a previous job, and it was common). So, if you know that, then the question becomes: why is being that such an important issue for you?

[Still_Wildfire]

Physical attraction is an important component in a relationship. Not everything, but important. 8/10 doesn't say "attraction", it says "I've seen better". No one wants to feel like they're being settled for. He actually only rates himself between 3-5. He used to tell me that I was out of his league & how I was better than he thought he could ever do, but the 8 contradicts that. It says I'm not his ideal & he thinks he can do better than me. What woman wants to feel 2nd rate, in looks or anything?

[MrOracle]

You are being both unfair to him and way too hard on yourself through his eyes - you are projecting your insecurities on to him. You also confirmed exactly what I suspected - he thinks you are an 8 (which in grades/percentages is a low-to-middle "A") and you're freaked out because you aren't an A+ - when he feels like an F who can barely dream of being with a D. At an 8, you're a goddess to him, and yet you can't let it go that there may be a handful of women who are objectively more beautiful than you are to him - even if he has no feelings for them like he has for you. Again, I'm telling you this because I want you to have a successful relationship and to be happy: LET THIS GO, and if you can't, seek some help, because you're asking too much and it isn't healthy or realistic. He's thrilled to be with you and finds you incredibly attractive - why can't that be enough?

[Still_Wildfire]

Because based on his rating, I don't believe that to be true. Thanks for your insight :)

[saraxarba]

Ok so i’m going to be completely honest with you. 8/10 is a great rating so consider yourself lucky. you saying that you know “physical attraction isn’t everything” but you still want to be “lusted after and desired” is contradicting yourself. You’re absolutely right., physical attraction isn’t everything because it all fades and goes away. And he must desire you if he masturbates to you. what you’re wanting is a guy to tell you your beautiful every day and always compliment you but there’s so much more to having a boyfriend than that. But your way of thinking is shallow (not trying to be rude) because you want your boyfriend to basically worship you and dont think he’s good enough for you because he doesent worship you.

[Analinda1999]

so like my boyfriend is objectively probably 7-9 but to me he's over ten. i see him no one us perfect but he's still perfect to me , though i know he's not to everyone. you can desire a person more than any other without calculating they are a '10'. and people decay, so its unrealistic to expect to remain perfect physically, sooner that becomes something you can live with, the better. he can still look at you like he's never looked at anyone-bc its YOU not bc you're a ten. thats how i see it anyhow.

[megzany17]

I think that he can be satisfied with you even if you don’t measure up to the highest standards. No body is perfect, and I feel I’d appreciate his honesty more than the number he gave. Some guys would just lie and say “No you’re perfect!” And id rather have the honesty.

8/10 is really high. Maybe your body isn’t his focus. Maybe that rating means nothing to him, and if he truly cares about you it’s your heart and personality that matters to him, not your body.

[Still_Wildfire]

While true, you completely missed my point lol. I want someone that is physically attracted to me, not just to my heart & personality. That's settling

[megzany17]

Maybe you’re just being insecure about something that’s not a big deal.

[megzany17]

Girl, 8/10 sounds like he’s attracted to you lol

[Pinay_ako]

Your insecurity is going to break you guys apart. You want him to flatter you with lies. The guy is being honest. If you are not happy and you're already considering breaking up with him over something really petty, just go ahead let the poor guy go. You only want your ego fed. You don't need a boyfriend. Sorry but not sorry

[witherwing]

If he rated you 10/10, he'd be lying, because no one is that good looking, so I would just go with it. I'd be more mad if he lied about it. 8/10 is honestly highest you can get with still being a regular person.

[lexythelou22]

You should probably end it, but not because he doesn't desire you. You should end it because you'll constantly worry about not being pretty enough, and that's pointless. No guy is going to think you're a 10/10, because every man has a different view on perfection. Be happy he didn't lie to your face.

[truthbeknown]

If you don't like his rating of you and you can't get over it, then break up. Simple as that.

[hellionthesagereborn]

I think you should break up with him because clearly your to conceited to be in a relationship. really? You think your perfect? That's what a 10 means, without flaw. He is saying he find you incredibly attractive but also is being realistic by stating your not absolutely perfect but your still really really attractive in his eyes, well above average and that's not good enough for you? That's really fucked up, you know that right? So he is a ten in your eyes? He is perfect in every single way without any flaws what so ever? Of course he is not because he is a human being. So maybe get your head out of your ass, appreciate having a boyfriend that finds you really really attractive and I can only presume really cares about you. Jesus fucking Christ, seriously I hate people like this because you have something really great and your willing to throw it all away for absolutely nothing. No one will ever find you to be perfect ever. Just as you will never find a person who is perfect, so you try to get as close to that as possible, he thinks you are that close to being perfect, that's a damn fine compliment. Except it for what it is and don't be full of yourself. So in conclusion, he finds you really attractive, don't be self centered narcissist and be thankful for what you have before you go and fuck it all up which you will then complain and cry about later because SUPRISE! no one will ever see you or any other human being as perfect. Get over yourself or lose something great, your choice.

[Telekinetic-Potato]

lol guys take rating girls very seriously. You probably shouldn't believe him if he went higher than an 8 because a 9 means you're almost perfect and 10's don't even exist. Like you could easily go your whole life without seeing a perfect 10

If a girl is a 6 she's average, 7 means she's firmly above average and an 8 means you're straight up hot. I don't think there are too many guys who expect to do better than a 7 let alone an 8.

In other words he likes you. But don't get mad at him because he respects you enough to be honest about how you look. I mean, is he a perfect 10 in your mind? Is your boyfriend someone who could appear on the cover of a magazine and win a contest as the most attractive man in the world?

It's not good to think like this, it's flawed and will destroy any meaningful relationships you have. Any guy who rates a girl as an 8 thinks she's attractive as fuck.

[Names93]

Lol ratings are bullshit, no we don't.

[zagor]

Ratings ARE bullshit. No one with a brain takes them seriously.

[Anon-ymous1]

Tens definitely exist dude. Seen several of them in person.

[zagor]

@Anon-ymous1 But tens depend on the observer as well.

[LohrvsData]

I'm going to be real with you. Call me an asshole if you want, I don't care. I would hope that you look past this as friendly advice.

To be perfectly honest, t's pretty selfish of you to even put your boyfriend on the spot like you're doing. These loaded questions like "Do these pants make me look fat" or "How do I look on a scale of 1 to 10" put us in a very awkward position. Either we tell our girlfriends the truth and get labeled as assholes and the woman withholds sex, or we tell them they're a 10 and get labeled as liars. Every time some girl asks me a loaded question like that, I feel like telling them the truth just to piss them off. Not a smart thing to do perhaps, but maybe that's what women like that need.

I cannot stand when women do that. For Pete's sake, your man wouldn't be with you if you weren't his type. Just accept the fact that your man chose you, and move on woman! You've got one hell of a man if he's willing to tell the truth.

I asked one woman why women ask these questions. She told me it was an ego boost. Perhaps she was right.

[Zendrya]

8 is pretty good if you ask me

[Still_Wildfire]

Regardless, it still shows that I'm not his type

[Zendrya]

how? if you're a five ya maybe that's an issue... but like I know I'm never gonna be as sexy as Emma Watson... that's just common sense.

[WalterBlack]

The 10 point scale only takes looks into account.

It would be way more fair if each of the following was scored from one to ten and then the average was obtained.

- Looks
- Personality
- Sense of Humor
- Intelligence

A supermodel might be a 10 in looks but 6 in personality, 6 in humor and 4 in intelligence. When averaged, that gives a datability score of 6.5

My guess is that your datability score would be much higher that the hypothetical supermodel. This is completely unscientific but it sheds some light on how people actually choose a person to date.

[Still_Wildfire]

Makes sense, but I don't want a guy that likes me in spite of the way I look

[Mitch6192]

I wish I was an 8 haha. Count yourself lucky. There are girls out there who can't even walk, and probably don't even get approached, and you're moaning about being rated an 8. Which is above average by the way.

[Still_Wildfire]

"Above average" is nothing when the average person is pretty damn ugly lol

[Mitch6192]

You're either a troll or just incredibly stupid, then.

[Still_Wildfire]

I'm not a troll or stupid!! Most people are unattractive

[Cammy137]

You assume that someone is going to rate you a 10. Im not saying they wouldn't but are you going to hold out for someone who rates you a 10 on physical attractiveness and also on personality? Then you'd also have to rate them a both. If my girlfriend rated me an 8 out of 10 id be offended at the fact she felt she had to lie to me. We're perfect for each other but everyone has their flaws. Yours happens to be that your 2 below 10 in the eyes of your boyfriend.
But maybe you should break up for both your sakes. You clearly won't be happy with anything less than perfection and he probably wants someone who won't blow a fuse at being rated 8/10 for attractiveness!

[acooke-13]

Honestly it's no big deal. I'd probably rate my ex a 6/7 if that, but I loved him and his personality helped cause he was great, so I wouldn't worry

[wankiam]

8/10 shows your boyfriend is honest. would you rather he lied?

[Still_Wildfire]

No, but that's not my issue. There's more in life than just honesty. 8/10 also shows how he doesn't feel about me

[wankiam]

thats just vanity on your part and if you think somehow he should pretend to be some one else just to please you then do him a favour and dump him so he can find someone less shallow. sorry but i like to be honest too

[Guxci_28_03]

Well No1 Issa 10 So 9 Would Be The Highest You Couldve Gotten & You Got An 8. You Scored Pretty High In His Eyes So Das It.

[boggboss]

I rated my girl an 8 under our honest rule she got upset also glad I'm not the only one who makes dumb mistakes

[Still_Wildfire]

Lol so you don't think too highly of your girl either, huh? 😂

[boggboss]

Lol if told her many a time she is the only girl I ever wanna be with truthly she is gorgeous but objectively there are some women who will look better but that means nothing cos I love her not them and wouldn't want her to look like them because I fell in love with her

[boggboss]

Don't feel that way it's just a difference between objective beauty and how much he would live you it's impossible to be the most beautiful person to someone there will always be someone that looks objectively better looking

[H2OHydrox]

He gave you an 8/10? That’s really high praise! You said it yourself: you’re not perfect, but maybe you are perfect for him. Don’t overthink the number; he clearly finds you highly attractive and wants to be with you.

[Still_Wildfire]

If I was 'perfect for him', I wouldn't be an 8/10 to him

[H2OHydrox]

That’s not true at all.

[Still_Wildfire]

How is it not? Perfect = 10/10

[H2OHydrox]

But you’re not physically perfect, objectively speaking. I think, deep down, what’s really going on is that you’re insecure and offended by the 8. As a result, you’re looking for advice and support here to back your desire to break up with him over it.

[hasrett]

I honestly don't see a problem.
You're too insecure. Just because he's your boyfriend doesn't mean he thinks you're perfect. But he loves you anyway.

[FakeName123]

Yes, you should. But not because of his rating, but because of your own shallowness to be willing to break up for a reason like that.

[Still_Wildfire]

It's shallow to not want him to settle for me or to be settled for? Ok then

[FakeName123]

It's shallow to expect to find a guy who sees nothing than perfection in you.

[Still_Wildfire]

It's not a matter of objective perfection, it's a matter of subjectively being perfect for someone.

[savalisk]

8/10 is high. Thats a solid A.
Right now, you remind me of that girl in class who gets an A+ and starts arguing with the teacher for a better A.
Now you're just being greedy, lol

[Still_Wildfire]

Actually I was that girl lol. 8/10 is a B at best

[DanFA]

I had the exact same problem with my ex. I was feeling jealous of an actor, and I asked her to rate us both physically. After insisting a lot, she rated me 8.5 and him 9.5, which really hurt me (this was a bit over a year ago). She was really confused, and she then told me that she said what she thought I expected her to say, but to this day, I'm still not sure about what's true and what isn't.

[mac2017]

Man up! Pussy

[DanFA]

I get the feeling you don't have a clue about what "man up" means. Either way, openly talking about the insecurities you once had is just a way to not be a repressed little bitch who projects on people who can do what he can't.

[mac2017]

Yeah stop been a bitch, Why would you be jelous if an actor? They are fake in every eay and made to be utterly irresistible to the opposite sex

[mac2017]

Yeah your punching above you weight if you think your actually a 8 youd shoukd be happy someone thinks that be! A 10/10 is megan fox, your a -4 compared to her

[Still_Wildfire]

Uh huh, I've had lots of random people rate me highly. It's all subjective. Megan Fox was maybe a 10/10 about 8 years ago lol

[Still_Wildfire]

And what guy goes around randomly calling girls he doesn't know ugly? That's rude, for no good reason

[mac2017]

Truth hurts love, you asked for opinions so dont cry when you dont get the answer you was hoping for, its a cruel world

[Still_Wildfire]

I didn't ask for opinions on that. This isn't in the 'how do I look?' section.

[mac2017]

I got bored reading your novel so i just wrote my opinon on yiur actual question but by looks of your profilw your one neeeeeedy fucker 😂😂😂 you just need to be told your pretty!