Boyfriend takes nude pictures of me while I'm asleep. Is this normal? What should I do?

[YunaSongLeague]

Alrighty, so like the title says, my boyfriend of almost 7 months took pictures of me while I was sleeping last night. I sometimes sleep naked but this time, I was fully clothed. I'm also a really light sleeper so I can wake up to almost anything, he obviously doesn't know that. Anyways, I woke up to him trying to take off my shorts and panties. I didn't really mind because he'll sometimes get really horny at night and wake me up for sex by going down on me. I decided to pretend to sleep to see what he would do. So after he took off my clothes, he started to finger me and my ass, which again I don't mind. But then, he stopped and I heard him fumble around. After, I heard the sound of his phone being unlocked and a snap. I guess he turned down the volume after that because I couldn't hear any more snaps; but, he would lift up my ass to take close up shots down there. I still pretended to be asleep because I was freaking out about how to react and what I would say if I woke up to him taking pictures of me nude while I was "unconscious". This is honestly the first time I've caught him and I don't know how many times he's done this before. I also don't know what he's doing with those pictures too and if they are just close ups of my vagina and ass or if it has my face and everything. I honestly wouldn't mind him taking pictures of me naked as long as I give him consent and I get to actually see the pictures and choose which ones he gets to keep. (I know, stupid. But, I'm as sexually adventurous as he is). Anyways, I really like him but I don't know if I trust him anymore just because he's doing this without my knowledge or consent. I just wanna know if this is normal because this is my first real relationship. I don't know what to do or how to confront him. I also just want to let you guys know that we're both 19, so I don't think there will be any big legal issue unless he shares the pictures. I don't know, what's your guys' opinion?

[Shadow44]

Confront your boyfriend. You should have confronted him right when he took the photos. It's creepy to do anything without your consent and/or anything that you're not comfortable with. I know it's your first relationship but don't feel scared to speak up about your boundaries. If he can't respect him then leave him, because things will only get worse.

I'd start by telling him that you know he took photos of you, tell him you're uncomfortable with him doing that and tell him you'd like to see the pictures. I'd also let him know that you want to delete the photos he took and which ones he could keep if you want to allow him to keep any. Be open and honest with him. If you can't be completely open and honest with your partner then the relationship isn't worth your time and you should break up. If a guy doesn't respect you or invades your privacy you should leave him.

If your boyfriend makes a big deal out of you being upset that he took nude photos of you while you're asleep then he isn't worth your time. If he wants to leave let him. I personally would have left when he started taking nude photos in your sleep. There will be more guys and hey will respect you and your boundaries. Though be honest and tell him everything you told us here.

[YunaSongLeague]

Honestly, that really helps. I've read a lot of the advice on here and they all basically say the same thing. I guess I just needed an idea on how to confront him. I'll try saying what you said. Thanks.

[Shadow44]

No problem. Don't be scared to defend yourself or just set up boundaries and stuff. if he has any decency within him he'll respect you and your wishes.

[Red_Arrow]

Not anywhere near normal!. He has proven that you cannot trust him. You should demand to see what he has, and delete them all, then leave him. I am all for people sharing their nude pictures if they are old enough and cautious. But never this kind of sneakiness. If he had asked to get those pictures, then you would be right to either agree or refuse. But he cheated you of of making that decision.
Also, getting them while you are sleeping suggests he is going to post them with the idea being of showing others how he gets your naked photos while you are sleeping.

[MarianneF]

Hmm... you should start wearing high heels now (if you are not), then ask for his phone and check all his backups (iCloud, Gdrive, etc) to ask very nicely to delete them, so he can only keep the pictures on his phone.
Then put delicately the phone on the floor and dance on top of it with your heels, and tell him that next time his d*k is going to be danced on if he dares to do that again.
When things are OK, people are permissive with the things that happen, the problem is when things go wrong and you try to make him delete the stuff after breaking up.
So that you know that this is a legal issue (and no, believe me, I am not overreacting, this IS a thing):
www.cybercivilrights.org/revenge-porn-laws/

[thedancingcookie20]

Definitely not normal nor okay. I would understand if they were regular pictures of you fully clothed and looking cute while asleep. But anything where you're vulnerable or it gets personal is not okay. The fact that he didn't at least ask is a red flag. He had no right to just do it, esp without your permission. You should confront him and have him delete those pics. He's creepy and disrespectful. If he won't get his shit together, dump him cause it may get worse

[Sienna-Rose]

Completely agree. Unless you trust him and he has your consent (even then it's quite risky) he's totally disrespecting you and putting you in a very compromising position.

[Izumiblu]

That is fucking creepy. All that other shit, ok but taking pictures without asking and then not saying anything about it is weird af and that boy deserves a beat down. I’d confront him.. at least. I might break up with him depending on his reaction cuz that ain’t cool and he knows that.

[GeminiAgent007]

He's an asshole. I have the same kinda agreement with my boyfriend but he would never take sneaky sleazy pictures of me as I slept, must be for a fucked up reason if he had to be sneaky. That's disrespectful honestly your probably going to be posted online

[Js138]

I would absolutely leave him! He has no right to take pictures of you while you're sleeping, not to mention naked! This shows a complete lack of respect and trustworthiness. Honestly, I would have been so angry I would have smashed his phone!

[CeCe94]

That's super messed up

[InfoBot]

My opinion is that you should ask him outright if he has been taking pictures of your body while you're asleep. If he has then you need to ask to see them and you need to tell him that it's not cool. Better to just put a stop to that rather than try and walk a line between what you'll allow and what you won't.

[Missterio]

I find it weird as fuck tbh lol

[KrisPW]

Creepy, but he may not realize that. Demand to see them, and if you are ok after that, suggest that future pictures are taken when you are prepared and looking your best.

[goodmandark]

Wow.. Thats incredibly disrespectful. I hope you see that. I think confronting him might be the only way to restore the trust, if even possible.

[smg1018]

That is totally not normal, he is doing it without your consent! Pretty creepy!

[i1T2daty]

Might have been cute in the days of film but with digital images capable of being spewed across internet and following you around for your entire life, it's way to risky to be "cute". His intentions might be harmless.. right now, but if/when something happens that makes him upset with you those intentions would be gone and he could use them to hurt you. I'd almost suggest that you reciprocate and do the same. After you have what amounts to leverage, ask him if it's ok if you photograph him in similar poses and settings. If he says no, than you know he's an asshole and you don't need to tell him about the pics you took unless he threatens you. If he says yes, it should be re-assuring but still take some more and keep your pre-consensual artwork on the down low

[Miristheiss]

It isn't normal to do it without your consent. You should strongly confront him if this isn't something you want.

[ImMackFreeze]

nope, not normal

[Purin]

Never, ever allow anyone take compromising photos or videos of you. When those get leaked or when you guys break up. Be prepared to have them all exposed to the world and get blackmailed.

[Rachel6677]

this sort of behaviour could be seen as sexual harassment and invasion of privacy. confront him, set clear boundaries about him needing to seek consent about doing such things

[kaskas19]

That's really really creepy... you need to talk to him about it. That is fucked up

[IrisBanks]

Isn't that considerd rape

[taleswapper]

Taking pictures without your consent, when you have an expectation of privacy, is a crime. You should DEFINITELY confront him, and make him delete them all. Then you may choose to pose for him or not.

[rickbrown6032]

Stop being crazy your naked picture all over the web without your permission get rid of this asshole fast unless your a sex freak

[genericname85]

i don´t think that´s ok. that crosses the line to a certain degree... if you don´t want that, he has no right to do it.

[DesiBeautyLover]

Get a nightgown

[Red_Arrow]

He would just lift that up.

[DesiBeautyLover]

@Red_Arrow What a creep

[Red_Arrow]

I hope you mean him. I was not the one doing that.

[DesiBeautyLover]

@Red_Arrow yeah him

[bigazz]

Sounds like a weirdo and you're probably better off moving on without him. Too easy to send pics to mates or online. Without your consent this is messed up.

[xjxssica]

No. This is against the law