How do I get over the fact I lost my virginity to someone I didn't want to lose it to?

So just yesterday I lost my virginity to a guy I didn't want to lose it to. We had sex once before but he only put the tip in and that's it. He didn't break my hymen. I met him again yesterday to hang out and cuddle and everything and we ended up having sex again. When we started having sex he pushed so hard inside me i screamed and tried to get away. I told him to just do anal because i didn't want to lose my virginity... He kept telling me everything's ok and I'm ok and I was in pain. I just ended up taking it instead. Once he finished i went to the bathroom and there was blood everywhere. I started to cry and I told him that he wasn't supposed to take my virginity and he told me he thought he took it last time we had sex... He's so dumb. I kept bleeding all night and am still really sore. He didn't comfort me at all and hasn't checked up on me through text. I feel so disgusted and used. I told him to just do anal and he ended up taking something I wanted to give to someone I loved and was married to... It's my fault for going to his place but I told him no. I don't know how I can get over losing my virginity. I was so set on keeping it 'til I was married and giving it to someone I loved, now I can't do that anymore.

Updates:
Thanks for all your opinions. and to the guys who say I'm a hoe. I'm not. He was my very first sexual experience, but I did let things go out of hand. That's my fault

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Most Helpful Guy

  • can't tell if he is "teh infemus vergin repist", or just a complete f*cking r*tard.

    Like who is not able to stop when there is blood and the girl is crying "no"?
    Unbelievable. Even if he is a stupid r*tard, he can't get a pass.

    As for you, you place too much value on the physical aspect of virginity.
    Technically, if it was about vaginal sex, you kinda lost your virginity the first time anyway, even if it wasn't complete sex.

    If its about the hymen breaking, you lost it the second time.
    But you werent ready at either times and mentally, you didn't really have or enjoy the sex.

    You will lose your true virginity when you have enjoyable sex with the man you love 😊.
    Dont worry about it.
    Let this be, and stay away from guys till you find the one you love. You aren't ready for sex now, only let it happen after you find what you look for. And dont mind taking your time, dont rush it.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Just remember that the whole idea of virginity is a social construct created by men to keep women in check. To remind them that, if they stray and/or sleep around, they're worthless.

    Thankfully (most) society has progressed quite a bit away from such primitive mindsets so remember that your self-worth is not defined by what you do behind closed doors. You've got much more to offer than your vagina.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 16

  • He should have been more sensitive and considerate. This guy sounds like a grade A asshole and he knows it. At the same time though, if you wanted to save yourself for someone you loved, you shouldn't even considered doing anal. That's just mental gymnastics and it's not saving yourself. My advice, cut this guy loose because he's a piece of shit, and don't have sex again until you married.

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  • I'm sorry that this happened to you sweetheart, I honestly wish I could give you more light hearted advice, but your best bet is to move on. What happened happened and it can't be changed. What you do is learn from that experience, take things slow. And remember it's not the end of the world. It's okay.

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    • Thank you... I'm trying to just forget about it

    • I hear you. Its going to take some time and healing. It's okay

  • Losing your virginity involves having 'any' kind of sex, regardless in which hole it is.

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  • Well too late, and you was hypocrite by doing anal before that in any case.

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  • Get it replaced surgically. It's authentic I hear...
    I'm sorry this happened to you but the only thing to do is move on and live on

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    • Virginity is the hymen you lost dear, I'm sure you're a kind and very good person inside. That's what matters

  • "I told him to just do anal and he ended up taking something I wanted to give to someone I loved and was married to"
    If I met a girl who said she had her past sex experiences have been anal because she didn't want to do vaginal, I would run.

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  • Anyone who says they do anal because they want to save their virginity has issues. Why does taking it up the ass protect your virginity? Would two dicks in the ass still protect it? What about 2 in the ass and one in the mouth where one in each hand? No... you would have lost your virginity either way.
    That being said, losing your virginiry isn't a big deal anyway. It doesn't define who you are in any way

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  • Don't mourn your 'virginity'. It wasn't that important.

    www.independent.co.uk/.../...ke-bernau-395985.html

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    • You give the worst advice on this site...

    • Show All
    • Your gonna have to be a lot more direct and specific in dealing with someone like the asker in this case.

      Just pointing out an article that goes over history and meaning of virginity isn't helping. Interesting to me, but not what the op is looking for...
      Why would you think education would be the tge answer at this point of time.

      Simple encouragement would be 10x better.

      And no, " Don't mourn your 'virginity'. It wasn't that important. " is not counted as encouragement

    • @lord_chilled asker proposed anal...

  • It's more just a mind thing, some people perceive virginity in a different way and some believe that virginity is having sex with someone you love, so in that sense you are still a virgin.

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  • Your first mistake was making out hard core with dudes you "didn't want to loose your virginity to". You tried to have your cake and eat it too, have sex with out actually having sex. Believe me if a guys been up your ass your not really a virgin. There's a reason why people wait till marriage. Should have stuck to your fingers.

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  • Still slightly feel like you've your faults in this too. You could've just left when you thought this was going to end up in sex, or should've warned him about it

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    • No I knew sex was most likely gonna come out in it. I just told him before to just do anal but Instead he shoved his dick inside me so hard I tried to crawl away but he pulled me back and told me that I'm ok even tho I was crying bc of the pain. The pain ended up going away and it started to feel good but I didn't want to lose it to him.

  • He did "take" your virginity the first time. As soon as a penis has entered you, your virginity is gone. I'm not sure if the second time was consensual or not because you said you ended up "taking it instead" and that it's "your fault" but you also said that you said "no" so I don't know. The only thing you can do is accept that you are no longer a virgin.

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  • Jst relax.. virginity is not jst only thing u can give to spcl love

    Be a bttr person for him.. may b he is virgin nd waiting for u😉

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    • Postmodernist "deconstruction" of the idea of virginity I bet Derrida would be proud if he wasn't roasting in hell right now.

  • I am try to help out wherever i can but when i read your situation i was just like " hell i dont even know what to say as im a guy"

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  • It's really easy to leave these situations, but if you still love him then you could try talking about barriers with him

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    • Don't listen to those guys, they're just being rude. I think you have a right to be upset, and what he did was wrong. I wish you the best in your future, whoever you are

    • Thank you. I really appreciate it

    • Anytime, and good luck

  • Just relax. The damage has been done. He is a scumbag for not respecting your wishes.

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What Girls Said 13

  • Don't feel ashamed, it's ok. You didn't do anything wrong. I'm very sorry this happened to you, you must feel horrible. I had someone hurt me during sex once and it was horrible, because it didn't end in the moment, but for the week after, every step I took I was in pain and reminded of what happened. It caused me to wake up with nightmares for months to come. What that guy did was not ok. He hurt you and did something to you that you didn't want to. You do have basis to report this as a sexual assault.

    I don't think virginity is important, and in a couple of years, it won't matter to you who you lost it to. But at the same time, if you define your virginity as vaginal intercourse, then you did not choose this. You did not agree to vaginal intercourse, he just did it. It wasn't your fault.

    I hope you find someone to talk to about this, maybe even a counselor. What happened to you is horrible, and it would be completely normal if you feel the need to talk to someone.

    Please ignore all the men who are shaming you. They have no empathy and no idea what pain you went through physically and emotionally.

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    • Thank you so much for being understanding. I just feel numb right now and want to forget that experience. Even though I knew sex might come out of hanging out with him I didn't think he'd be like that with me and especially ghost me after. I feel terrible but I think it's my fault because I chose to get naked with him...

    • No, it's not your fault. You were clear about your boundaries and he did not respect that. I understand there is a lot of shame and guilt that comes with it, but it really wasn't your fault. You did not ask him to overstep the boundaries.

      I think, if you don't want to take legal action, then all you can do is take your time and heal. It will get better, I promise. Just don't hesitate to talk to a counselor or a women's group if you're struggling. You are not alone. There are people out there who are trained to help people in your situation and will gladly talk to you.

  • So, don't have sex again until your with that person. You can't become a virgin again, but you can be celibate until you find the person you want to marry

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    • Yes I think that's what I'll do. And I hope so bad I find him soon bc I really do like sex. I just wanted to lose it with someone I loved...

  • Ugh how sick :/ but I wouldn’t worry! I once too thought I wanted to lose my virginity to someone I loved and I’d be with that one person forever.. but it’s all an unrealistic fairytale. Sex is really not important. It’s only important when you give it importance. I respect your views on it but I honestly believe you’ll change your mind about it later in life. As for this situation though, it kinda sounded wrong :/ I’d just avoid him

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  • You weren't a virgin yesterday. If already had had anal sex, then you weren't a virgin. If you had had a penis inside your vagina, whether or not you bled, you weren't a virgin. He's not dumb, you are.

    People say "I'm saving MYSELF for marriage". The whole of yourself. Not "I'm saving one of my HOLES for marriage".

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  • Make the next guy wait. It's the easiest way to weed out the guys that only want you for sex. This will also make sure the guy actually cares for you and your feelings. Make sure the next time is with someone you love. Sex with someone you love is the best feeling in the world.

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  • You said no but then basically made it sound like you just decided to let it happen. It's hard to say what this situation really is but it sounds like there was consent involved, you retracted it, and then reinstated it? It's hard for me to tell if there's a case for rape here.

    Either way, it happened. You can't change it. You have to trust that you'll find a man who won't care that you had sex one time.

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  • Yeah, that's rape. You told him no, and he did it anyway.

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  • Hate to break it to you but if you've already had anal sex your not a virgin so don't worry

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  • Talk to someone who is close to you and have them help you through your rough time

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  • You said no but he was persistent so you just let it happen. Sounds like rape.

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  • It sounds like he forced himself on you. If you screamed and tried to get away and he didn't back off, that's sexual assault. You should report this this is serious.

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  • Uh, he did take it last time, seeing as “virginity” is NOT a biological state of unbroken hymen, but something people thought of once. You cannot “break” your hymen, you can make small tears in it, but not just because of sex.

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  • But you could have avoided any naked sexual activity if you wanted to stay a virgin for the one you love. You can't have your cake and eat it too. Once you get naked with a guy and you are a virgin, he will tell you anything to coax you/trick you into losing your virginity. This is the reason why I never get naked with a guy or sleep over. I want to lose it when I get married to the one I love. I also crave sex , guys try to get in my pants and some even say I will be less sexually frustrated if I do at least something sexual but I know all that is a lie. So I will never sacrifice my dream by giving in to the desire. First thing you need is to accept that it was not entirely his fault. Ofcourse he has been really bad but you could have avoided it like I do. Hope it helps.

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