How do I get over the fact I lost my virginity to someone I didn't want to lose it to?

So just yesterday I lost my virginity to a guy I didn't want to lose it to. We had sex once before but he only put the tip in and that's it. He didn't break my hymen. I met him again yesterday to hang out and cuddle and everything and we ended up having sex again. When we started having sex he pushed so hard inside me i screamed and tried to get away. I told him to just do anal because i didn't want to lose my virginity... He kept telling me everything's ok and I'm ok and I was in pain. I just ended up taking it instead. Once he finished i went to the bathroom and there was blood everywhere. I started to cry and I told him that he wasn't supposed to take my virginity and he told me he thought he took it last time we had sex... He's so dumb. I kept bleeding all night and am still really sore. He didn't comfort me at all and hasn't checked up on me through text. I feel so disgusted and used. I told him to just do anal and he ended up taking something I wanted to give to someone I loved and was married to... It's my fault for going to his place but I told him no. I don't know how I can get over losing my virginity. I was so set on keeping it 'til I was married and giving it to someone I loved, now I can't do that anymore.
Updates:
Thanks for all your opinions. and to the guys who say I'm a hoe. I'm not. He was my very first sexual experience, but I did let things go out of hand. That's my fault

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm sorry that this happened to you sweetheart, I honestly wish I could give you more light hearted advice, but your best bet is to move on. What happened happened and it can't be changed. What you do is learn from that experience, take things slow. And remember it's not the end of the world. It's okay.

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    • Thank you... I'm trying to just forget about it

    • I hear you. Its going to take some time and healing. It's okay

Most Helpful Girl

  • Don't feel ashamed, it's ok. You didn't do anything wrong. I'm very sorry this happened to you, you must feel horrible. I had someone hurt me during sex once and it was horrible, because it didn't end in the moment, but for the week after, every step I took I was in pain and reminded of what happened. It caused me to wake up with nightmares for months to come. What that guy did was not ok. He hurt you and did something to you that you didn't want to. You do have basis to report this as a sexual assault.

    I don't think virginity is important, and in a couple of years, it won't matter to you who you lost it to. But at the same time, if you define your virginity as vaginal intercourse, then you did not choose this. You did not agree to vaginal intercourse, he just did it. It wasn't your fault.

    I hope you find someone to talk to about this, maybe even a counselor. What happened to you is horrible, and it would be completely normal if you feel the need to talk to someone.

    Please ignore all the men who are shaming you. They have no empathy and no idea what pain you went through physically and emotionally.

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    • Thank you so much for being understanding. I just feel numb right now and want to forget that experience. Even though I knew sex might come out of hanging out with him I didn't think he'd be like that with me and especially ghost me after. I feel terrible but I think it's my fault because I chose to get naked with him...

    • No, it's not your fault. You were clear about your boundaries and he did not respect that. I understand there is a lot of shame and guilt that comes with it, but it really wasn't your fault. You did not ask him to overstep the boundaries.

      I think, if you don't want to take legal action, then all you can do is take your time and heal. It will get better, I promise. Just don't hesitate to talk to a counselor or a women's group if you're struggling. You are not alone. There are people out there who are trained to help people in your situation and will gladly talk to you.

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What Guys Said 16

  • He should have been more sensitive and considerate. This guy sounds like a grade A asshole and he knows it. At the same time though, if you wanted to save yourself for someone you loved, you shouldn't even considered doing anal. That's just mental gymnastics and it's not saving yourself. My advice, cut this guy loose because he's a piece of shit, and don't have sex again until you married.

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  • Still slightly feel like you've your faults in this too. You could've just left when you thought this was going to end up in sex, or should've warned him about it

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    • No I knew sex was most likely gonna come out in it. I just told him before to just do anal but Instead he shoved his dick inside me so hard I tried to crawl away but he pulled me back and told me that I'm ok even tho I was crying bc of the pain. The pain ended up going away and it started to feel good but I didn't want to lose it to him.

  • Anyone who says they do anal because they want to save their virginity has issues. Why does taking it up the ass protect your virginity? Would two dicks in the ass still protect it? What about 2 in the ass and one in the mouth where one in each hand? No... you would have lost your virginity either way.
    That being said, losing your virginiry isn't a big deal anyway. It doesn't define who you are in any way

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  • "I told him to just do anal and he ended up taking something I wanted to give to someone I loved and was married to"
    If I met a girl who said she had her past sex experiences have been anal because she didn't want to do vaginal, I would run.

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  • Your first mistake was making out hard core with dudes you "didn't want to loose your virginity to". You tried to have your cake and eat it too, have sex with out actually having sex. Believe me if a guys been up your ass your not really a virgin. There's a reason why people wait till marriage. Should have stuck to your fingers.

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  • Don't mourn your 'virginity'. It wasn't that important.

    www.independent.co.uk/.../...ke-bernau-395985.html

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    • You give the worst advice on this site...

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    • Your gonna have to be a lot more direct and specific in dealing with someone like the asker in this case.

      Just pointing out an article that goes over history and meaning of virginity isn't helping. Interesting to me, but not what the op is looking for...
      Why would you think education would be the tge answer at this point of time.

      Simple encouragement would be 10x better.

      And no, " Don't mourn your 'virginity'. It wasn't that important. " is not counted as encouragement

    • @lord_chilled asker proposed anal...

  • He did "take" your virginity the first time. As soon as a penis has entered you, your virginity is gone. I'm not sure if the second time was consensual or not because you said you ended up "taking it instead" and that it's "your fault" but you also said that you said "no" so I don't know. The only thing you can do is accept that you are no longer a virgin.

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  • Well too late, and you was hypocrite by doing anal before that in any case.

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  • Losing your virginity involves having 'any' kind of sex, regardless in which hole it is.

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  • It's more just a mind thing, some people perceive virginity in a different way and some believe that virginity is having sex with someone you love, so in that sense you are still a virgin.

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What Girls Said 13

  • Just remember that the whole idea of virginity is a social construct created by men to keep women in check. To remind them that, if they stray and/or sleep around, they're worthless.

    Thankfully (most) society has progressed quite a bit away from such primitive mindsets so remember that your self-worth is not defined by what you do behind closed doors. You've got much more to offer than your vagina.

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  • So, don't have sex again until your with that person. You can't become a virgin again, but you can be celibate until you find the person you want to marry

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    • Yes I think that's what I'll do. And I hope so bad I find him soon bc I really do like sex. I just wanted to lose it with someone I loved...

  • Make the next guy wait. It's the easiest way to weed out the guys that only want you for sex. This will also make sure the guy actually cares for you and your feelings. Make sure the next time is with someone you love. Sex with someone you love is the best feeling in the world.

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  • Ugh how sick :/ but I wouldn’t worry! I once too thought I wanted to lose my virginity to someone I loved and I’d be with that one person forever.. but it’s all an unrealistic fairytale. Sex is really not important. It’s only important when you give it importance. I respect your views on it but I honestly believe you’ll change your mind about it later in life. As for this situation though, it kinda sounded wrong :/ I’d just avoid him

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  • You weren't a virgin yesterday. If already had had anal sex, then you weren't a virgin. If you had had a penis inside your vagina, whether or not you bled, you weren't a virgin. He's not dumb, you are.

    People say "I'm saving MYSELF for marriage". The whole of yourself. Not "I'm saving one of my HOLES for marriage".

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  • You said no but then basically made it sound like you just decided to let it happen. It's hard to say what this situation really is but it sounds like there was consent involved, you retracted it, and then reinstated it? It's hard for me to tell if there's a case for rape here.

    Either way, it happened. You can't change it. You have to trust that you'll find a man who won't care that you had sex one time.

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  • It sounds like he forced himself on you. If you screamed and tried to get away and he didn't back off, that's sexual assault. You should report this this is serious.

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  • Talk to someone who is close to you and have them help you through your rough time

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  • You said no but he was persistent so you just let it happen. Sounds like rape.

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  • Yeah, that's rape. You told him no, and he did it anyway.

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