girlfriend annoyed me with her celebrity crush and so I decided to make up a crush and let her taste her own medicine?

[Anonymous]

My girlfriend of 4 years, she is 21 and i am 23 (fake age here on gag), has a celebrity crush on Johnny depp. She always watched his movies, had 1000 pics on her phone and computer and masturbated to him holding a picture of him daily.
She talked about how hot he is and bla bla bla.
Then i told her it annoys me that she does all this stuff and she should stop doing it around me (well, at least she didn't masturbate next to me but the other things wrre annoying enough)
She listened and stopped doing it around me for 2 weeks but started again. Talked again, didn't helped and again tried but nope.

Then i decided to pay it back, let her taste her own medicine.

I dont have any crush, god i never crushed on anyone beside my girlfriend and i dont understand celebrity crushes.

I simply made up a crush, some girl from college my guy friends call extremly hot and who is very popular at college. Not that i understand why, she looks pretty normal like everyone else.

I waited 2 months and then i started having pictures from her on my phone (photos from her photoshotting which were free to download on her instagram profile), left her instagram open, liked every single pic of her and started talking about her with my girlfriend.

With the time she asked me what this is all about and i simly answered "she is the hottest girl i know so its normal to keep pics from her and be attracted to her" (almost the same thing she said about Johnny depp).

She went quiet and left the room. With the time she grew mad and started hating me following her instagram.
She even started accusing me of cheating on her and i just said "its just a crush, it isn't harmful and its quite normal". Then she began crying.

After this i had enough and stopped doing this.

Now my girlfriend is insecure about her body and such stuff.

I know this was a shit thing from me to do but it had to happen cause after talking with her 1000 of times about how she made me feel with johnny depp i had to make her feel the same.

[hellionthesagereborn]

Honestly I don't think it was wrong that you did it, too far perhaps, but what was wrong that the second she freaked out about it you should have immediately confronted her on what she was doing i. e. if its so bad why have you been doing that to me for all of these years? That sort of thing. In fact you should tell her that, let her know that how she is feeling, she did that to you for years, and that's why you did it back to let her understand what she was doing to you, it was not right of her and you probably took it to far but honestly she needed to learn this lesson (clearly) and now its time for you to let her know that this was a lesson, that you did not find it appropriate for her to constantly fantasize about some one else, that it hurt you and that you wanted her to understand how you felt and since she refused to actually listen to you when you tried talking to her about it that this was your only recourse. If she says that its different if its a celebrity, well she is lying. She is fantasizing about replacing you with some one else, their is no excuse for that, NONE. She was emotionally cheating and if she does not respect you enough to realize how horrible she has been about this, then you honestly need to break up with her. Yes its true that she will probably never be in the same room as him but that does not change the fact that if she was she would immediately try to cheat on you with him. accessibility does not make it any different. Again, if she is unwilling to change then you need to break up with her, what she is doing is wrong, she does not respect you and she does not seem to care that your being hurt by this yet she has the audacity to be upset when she is placed in the same situation. That's selfishness to the extreme.

[jjlm9149]

If I read this correctly, in your attempt to make a point over something that, while hurtful, in the scheme of things is quite petty and tame, you not only repeated the behavior that you found hurtful, but you ramped it up until it affected her to the point she now has a damaged self image? This actually fits the abusive behavior commonly referred to as "gaslighting."

In other words, what an immature, selfish, unforgiving thing to do; I think it's safe to say you know the answer to this question.

[Asker]

I only continued doing it until she showed me a sign that it affected her, after it i stopped immediately. Who knows, maybe she damaged my self image too? So why was her behaviour petty and tame but mine abusive?

[jjlm9149]

For one, it should be clear that if it affected you, it would her as well, and the evidence points to your being fully aware of and choosing to capitalize on this. If there's genuine care in your relationship, you shouldn't want to hurt her, even if you're hurt. It takes the turn into the abuse realm because of the way in which it was done, and the intent thereof. Unless she was actively trying to hurt you, then she was just choosing to ignore something that she probably didn't understand the impact of. That's inconsiderate, but that's not abuse.

[jjlm9149]

You explicitly stated you waited two months before starting this process of "making her understand." Your intention was to hurt her, not to be understood. As there is no concrete evidence she was intentionally trying to hurt you, I have to assume she wasn't. I KNOW for a fact that was your goal, because you've stated it repeatedly. Intentionally harming others for the sake of self-gratification, control, or payback is at the root of abusive behavior. I've interacted with many abuse survivors on a very personal level. This kind of behavior is always how the pattern starts.

[Wonderer89]

This is horrible. Instead of making your feelings known and setting up boundaries with repercussions if they aren’t met (like ending your relationship if she can’t tone it down) you choose to invent a connection with someone you supposedly have access to.
A celebrity is very different from someone at your college. She has no access to him, she is never going to be able to touch or sleep with him and he will never date her. Your “crush” is accessible and the possibility of you choosing her over your girlfriend (which you currently are in her eyes) is a reality.
Instead of being a mature and rational adult your behaviour is that of an inexperienced teen. I have large doubts your relationship will be able to recover from this

[hellionthesagereborn]

So its different because while she is absolutely willing to cheat on him with some one else she is unable to so its okay? That's pretty messed up. He also mentioned that he had talked to her about it. But again, that's really messed up that its okay for her to fantasize and desire some one else to the point where she completely disregards his feelings and how it affects him but some how if he retaliates he is the bad guy. Seems like bullshit to me.

[Wonderer89]

@hellionthesagereborn try reading my first paragraph again, instead of applying your personal issues to something I haven’t said and wildly and deliberately misinterpreting my comment. I’ll even paste it again since you obviously skipped passed it in your haste to jump to conclusions Instead of making your feelings known and setting up boundaries with repercussions if they aren’t met (like ending your relationship if she can’t tone it down) you choose to invent a connection with someone you supposedly have access to. Again, one more time: SETTING BOUNDARIES AND REPERCUSSIONS IF YOUR FEELINGS AREN’T RESPECTED. SUCH AS ENDING THE RELATIONSHIP. You know? What normal people do when their partner completely disrespects them

[hellionthesagereborn]

I did, he had already spoke to her about it, so he tried to put her in his shoes so she could understand what she was doing to him in order to not have to go to the "extreme" of breaking up with her. you then tried to argue that emotional cheating with some one that you are willing to be with but are unable to is some how better then emotionally cheating with some one you might be able to cheat with. I was just pointing out that's wrong, that's like saying that trying to kill some one and failing makes you a better person then if you tried to kill some one and succeeded, no you are still morally reprehensible for the act because your intent was exactly the same only outside circumstances ensured that the outcome was different not your personal will and choice. So why is his repercussion bad? He made their be a repercussion. Personally I think he went to far but still to argue that some how her behavior is some how more acceptable is just absurd.

[Wonderer89]

Behaving in the hurtful way someone else does to try and make them see your side is absolutely worse, because you’re doing so with the intent to hurt. She is clueless and ignorant, if it took ending the relationship to make her see that her behaviour was unacceptable then so be it. She either chooses to learn from that or she keeps it up and he has kept to his morals and is able to find someone with more compassion and maturity. Instead he’s lowered his standards to behaviour he’s complained about - so a hypocrit, deliberately behaved in a manner to hurt someone so she gets a taste of her own medicine and destroyed her self esteem by the stunt. A celebrity is not available like a real person is, and gaslighting anyone to manipulate them to be ok with their spouse lusting after someone else they’re in proximity to because their fangirling is out of control is disgraceful. Only an idiot would think Johnny Depp is just as much of a threat to a relationship as a real and accessible averag

[hellionthesagereborn]

But talking about the issue didn't fix the problem? Walking away wouldn't have gotten her to realize the errors of her way either, so what else can you do? Some times you need them to see things from your perspective. Again, I think he went to far but that doesn't change the fact that she did deserve this, she inflicted this against him for years, why do we not care about that? Why is it that his pain is something that is trivial but hers isn't? she is the one who inflicted harm, he retaliated but then had the courtesy to stop when she actually responded to it, she on the other hand did not such thing for him, she kept going completely indifferent to how it made him feel. Some times an extreme shock must occur for some one to finally get it. As for the Johnny Depp comment, yes it actually is a real threat because again, she would not hesitate to cheat on her boyfriend if only she had the opportunity, that's the only thing keeping her loyal to him, lack of opportunity.

[hellionthesagereborn]

By your argument as long as this girl he had a fake crush on rejected him, everything he did was perfectly acceptable, after all he has no chance with her because she doesn't want him so him wanting to cheat on his girlfriend with her is perfectly okay because she won't let him. That's a really twisted mindset. I feel like maybe you done the same thing to a boyfriend and are trying to justify it because otherwise how would this possibly make sense to you or anyone else? Wanting to cheat is bad, it doesn't matter if the person you desire doesn't want you, its the fact that your willing to hurt some one that you are in a (supposedly) commited relationship with. That's the problem, the willingness to throw them away as if they where nothing. Its not about having the opportunity to destroy their significant other, its about their intent and will to do so if that opportunity arises.

[Wonderer89]

@hellionthesagereborn lol I love how when people have nothing better to say they try and make it personal as though I must be like her to understand her behaviour. I’ll reiterate my point one more time, even though I don’t think you’re going to get it because you simply don’t want to. When someone won’t respect your feelings, your morals, your deal breakers or you as a person; you end the relationship. You don’t lower yourself to behaviour you yourself are asking them not to do, because you’re lowering your value and creating an ethical shit storm that you then 100% deserve. People will either rise to meet your standards, or the fall into history because they aren’t a good match. This is about more than a celebrity crush, this is working the relationship minefield that one is going to walk on for life. Your wife is seeing someone from work? Talk and set the boundaries with repercussions and follow through or go and set up your own liaison? Only one keeps a moral high ground

[Wonderer89]

@hellionthesagereborn “By your argument as long as this girl he had a fake crush on rejected him, everything he did was perfectly acceptable, after all he has no chance with her because she doesn't want him so him wanting to cheat on his girlfriend” That’s not my argument at all. Simply your narrow minded viewing of the mental game being played. He created a situation with a real and available person that he could point out to his girlfriend. SHE has no idea about what this other girl will/can do, all she knows is there is a woman her boyfriend is interested in fucking right there in close proximity and for all intents and purposes, completely available and a very real threat. The mindfuck that would do to someone is 100% more than crushing on a celebrity because it’s real, it’s tangible and he’s voiced an interest should the possibility arises - and there is potential to. Whether or not the girl wants to is irrelevant when he’s planted the seed of infidelity, her mind will do the rest

[hellionthesagereborn]

No, that's not making it personal, I stated that the way you are defending something that is clearly undefendable seems like its a cover because you have no argument other than that since she didn't follow through with it because circumcstances wouldn't let her that its perfectly okay. It sounded like such a far fetched rational that it well came off as a rationalization of a behavior that you yourself may have exhibited at one point in time because its clearly not logical and its clearly not moral so it seemed more like an excuse then an actual argument.

[hellionthesagereborn]

As for the rest of your argument, no he is not interested in this other girl, he outright stated he never wanted any one but his girlfriend. So that was incorrect, also you are again ignoring the statement, if she cannot have sex with this man because of circumcstances and thus its okay for her to want to cheat on her boyfriend with this guy, to even let him know that she wants this guy more then her and that is okay then how is him doing the same thing not equally acceptable? The answer is either its acceptable for him and her or neither of them. Their is no other option that is logical. Again, this is not an argument, your either saying what he did was okay because his chances of cheating where slim and what she did was okay because her chances of cheating where slim or it was wrong for both of them. Your basically arguing that because it was her she gets a free pass and because it was him, he doesn't even though they did the same exact thing.

[spuitkaas]

God that's immature and stupid. Especially for a 30-35 year old. I mean sure, she was wrong with being so obvious about it and shove it in your face, but now you got even below her level.
Also there is a big difference between a celebrity crush and a normal crush. A celebrity is someone you don't know, will never know and more like an imaginary character you like with a certain face.
A normal crush you do know, you've seen how they act and there's more chance on cheating and liking that person more than your partner.
Anyways, instead of really solving your problems, you crushed her self-esteem and maybe even your entire relationship.
You can't treat people you care about like this.

[Asker]

I am 23 years old. So the only difference between a normal crush and a celebrity crush is the chance of meeting them and on action on it? What a bullshit difference, there isn't really one. The same way as i dont know this girl i chose as my crush she doesn't know the celebrity. The same way as i have a particular image about this girl i made up myself she has one on her celebrity too. So the only difference is the chance of meeting them which doesn't make it any better. Especially becausd you make it seem like celebrities are not humans but some kind of gods who live in another world impossible to meet but guess what, it ain't so hard cause they are normal humans living in normal cities, so its not impossible. She didn't changed and didn't listened to my complain and didn't changed so i had to understand how i felt.

[jjlm9149]

30s or 23, this is childish behavior at best. It looks like you're trying to find justification in and sympathy for something you know shouldn't have done. Be the bigger person, apologize, and don't pull this kind of crap again.

[Asker]

@jjlm9149 we both apologized to each other. It was an necessary pain to make her understand what she did to me and see, it worked.

[jjlm9149]

And it left her with lasting damage and you with what seems to be a lasting sense of guilt. Doesn't sound it worked to me.

[Asker]

@jjlm9149 dont worry, she is fine. Sure she was insecure about that other girl but she knows now that i couldnt care less about this girl and that i wouldn't leave my girlfriend. And guilt is only there if you believe you did sth wrong

[jjlm9149]

If that's so, there was no point to posting this question.

[AHellaNo]

This girl was literally saying and rubbing in his face, the fact that she would cheat in a heartbeat if only somebody she doesn't even know gave her some attention. I do not see how having a lower chance of cheating actually happening makes it any different to a crush on somebody you know. The intent to cheat is where she went wrong. Were she to say she just found him attractive then sure, everybody has those feelings. But she was masturbating to his picture. And in my opinion the intent to cheat is just as bad as the actual cheating.

[ccoster]

Celebrity crushes and real life crushes are different but I think you both took it too far. She should have respected you when you told her how you felt about it, but you shouldn't have made up a crush you should have spoke to her about it again and if she continued to do it she clearly doesn't respect you enough. By the sound of it neither of you respect each other and that's really bad.

[Asker]

Oh i respect her but sometimes if everything doesn't work you have to do things you usually wouldn't do. Why are celebrity crushes and real life crushes different?

[ccoster]

Because the chances of sleeping with a celebrity are drastically lower than someone you know.

[Asker]

Is this all? The chance is the difference? This is nothing!

[hellionthesagereborn]

That's completely inaccurate. Claiming that because she would probably not meet the crush that its okay that given the opportunity she would cheat is okay is just disgusting. She is emotionally cheating on him with some one else, it doesn't matter if that some one else is within a certain distance of her location or not, the intent and desire are the same. What if her celebrity crush moved into the neighborhood would it be wrong then? How far must the distance be before its okay to want to cheat on your significant other with that person? How much do you have to be told how much more desirable another person is before its to much? did she hit that mark or does she have a ways to go?

[Dr3amstar91]

If she thinks it's a girl that you could possibly have access to she's going to take offense and maybe even try to one up you. Celebrity crushes are harmless since you'll never meet the person. Just remind her you don't like it, she'll try to stop. It's hard to stop having a celebrity crush because the person with the crush will find it harmless since in a way it's not real life to them.

[Dr3amstar91]

Also she's going to obsess that you've done something with this girl before or that you'd prefer this girl over her and leave her or cheat on her with this girl since this girl is (in her mind) obtainable.

[Asker]

Really? I have met celebrities. Why shouldn't i? Its not like they live in another world or so. With a little traveling its easy to meet them, maybe not talking to them but seeing them in person is really not that difficult. Why does everyone make it as if celebrities are somehow far away? They live in s simple city like everyone else. Would be nice if she would stop when i asked but i guess her crush is strong inside her.

[Dr3amstar91]

You're right about the fact she should have stopped. I'm only replying the way I am because I've had a very similar situation. My celebrity crush is Doug Baldwin and it bothered my boyfriend so I stopped talking about it but I did think it was stupid. Celebrity crush is pure fantasy and it's also in someways not even about the celebrity.. in someways they are a person will never let us down, break up with us, cheat on us blah blah blah. Because it's not real and will never be real we know they will never hurt us. That matters to girls a lot. And if we could have it be real we'd probably freak out a little because that part of the crush would be gone.

[Asker]

Great, why can't she see my "crush" the same way then? A pure fantasy which isn't real?

[Dr3amstar91]

Because she thinks you can have access to that person and would go for it and are possibly even settling for her

[PillowThief]

There is crushing on a celebrity and then there is obsessing over them in lust. From what I gather, the excessive lust is what pissed him off, and quite rightly so.

[PillowThief]

The principle isn't different just because of a line of fame, either. And regardless, if she weren't so invested in Depp then she might've instantly realised that he was taking the piss and trying to show her that she was being too obsessive.

[hellionthesagereborn]

Harmless? So being compared to some one else and found lacking by your significant other over and over again, is harmless? Its harmless that she has the desire and the will to cheat on him but because she does not have the access its some how okay while he has neither the will nor the desire to cheat but because the girl happens to be at his school what he did was wrong?(this after he had already talked to her about this). You don't see something wrong with that reasoning? I really hope that your put in this situation, maybe you'll change your mind when its you who has to deal with being told that some one else is more desirable then you by the person your in love with.

[PillowThief]

Nah. If you kept the principle on point then rather than whining about cheating or personal insecurity, she should buck her ideas up and realise that she's crying because she's just learned how you've felt the entire time. There's the acknowledgement of another's perceived beauty, yes, but then there's obsessing over it with thousands of picture with one hand fist-deep. She was obviously too dense to realise she was doing something to you that she'd hate for you to do in return. No offence, of course. Just stating the obvious, based on everything you've said.

[thomascale18]

I feel there's a difference between celebrity crush and crush on someone you know. I think you went a bit far, but to be fair she probably should have avoided being so obvious about it. I would probably have obsessed over some celebrity to get even with her. Just apologize and make sure she understands it happened because of her.

[Asker]

What excatly is the difference between celebrity crush and normal crush?

[thomascale18]

Well you know you won't meet your celebrity and that he/she is just an image. You don't know the real person. Meanwhile a crush on someone you know is more personal. You know the person. And your girlfriend will compare herself to the crush.

[Asker]

Really? I have met celebrities. Why shouldn't i? Its not like they live in another world or so. With a little traveling its easy to meet them, maybe not talking to them but seeing them in person is really not that difficult. Why does everyone make it as if celebrities are somehow far away? They live in s simple city like everyone else. Just because this girl exist in my near surrondings doesn't make her different than some celebrity.

[Sudipta007]

I masturbate to lots of pornstar , image, magazine,, pictures, not me all men are masturbate like this. So your girlfriend masturbate to celebrity is completely normal. And you masturbate just for revenge? I mean wtf? Ever humans have desire with imagination... in my opinion she is doing normal. She won't cheat you...

[Anonymous]

You were supposed to choose a celebrity. Not someone close you could easily access.
Or choose someone totally irrelevant.

[Anonymous]

no she is definitely wrong but you did go little overboard. should've been a celebrity.

[Anonymous]

Why can't you just break up? I think it is a different story with just a crush because it's actually possible to meet them.

[Anonymous]

You both obviously need some growing up to do. I know you stated Fake age but sound like you still in high school.