Guys, My boyfriend constantly pointing out other women's bodies to me. Disrepectful or not?

Question

My current boyfriend and I have been together for about 4 months. My previous relationship prior to meeting him was very minipulative and abusive, I was also cheated. My boyfriend is well aware of my prior relationship history. He's 25yrs old, younger than I would typically date.

The start of our relationship he appeared very kind, considerate and mature. As of recently, I'm starting to see different sides of him that are raising a lot of doubts to me. For the sake of this post I'll just start with this one. He has made comments on how much he finds me attractive from time to time, but lately he's been making a lot comments about other women to me.

Everytime an attractive women is on one of his social media news feeds he makes a point to scroll back up to gawk and comment "wow great tits" etc. Normally I just ignore it and brush it off, but lately is become obsessive and crossing a line. I've expressed that I find it annoying, but I don't want to make him feel like he can't be open with me. I understand that beauty is everywhere, and of course there's nothing wrong with noticing and even acknowledging, but I when I'm being ignored mid response bc he's gawking at another attractive women walking by it feels rude.

I just feel like there's a line, and then it just becomes disrespectful to to the women your with. I'm not one of the bros so I dont want to here all about another women's "ass and titties" especially when it's just the two of us. It feels insulting to me. I wouldn't care if he was hanging out with the guys, but you seriously going to make constant remarks about another women's breast or what not when you've got a perfect pair sitting right next you.

He has an extremely flirty personality and his career will require him to be out of state or country for months at a time. I'm supposed to be moving in with him and across the country together next month. I'm getting cold feet. Is this a red flag? Lack of maturity? Respect? Or perfectly normal?

Dean7 · Accepted Answer

Alright so you mentioned he's 25 years younger than you'd date, he's young and wild and sounds to me you're older than him which explains why he's still hungry for more, if he's serious about your relationship and cares much he wouldn't be commenting shit about other girls in front of you that's just disrespectful the way I see it not unless you're one of his buddies than it's OK, I'm a man my self and beauty is everywhere yeah but when I'm with a lady I don't stare here and there, his career requires him to go abroad and he's the flirty type and you'll be going with him unless you can put a leash on him than you're good to go, I think you should tell him how you feel about what makes you disappointed about his actions towards women and if he's loyal and really loves you..

litewave27 · Accepted Answer

It sounds like he's becoming more comfortable around you and opening that side of his personality to you.

If you tell him that it makes you uncomfortable and maybe explain why you don't like it then maybe he'll realize it can be inappropriate and stop. Who knows, he may have done it with his ex who was comfortable with him expressing that.

If he keeps purposely doing it, even when he knows how that makes you feel, then that's very disrespectful to you and you should definitely question your relationship.

907doc · Answer

Yes, lack of maturity maybe... but mostly just an ass hole thing to do. If he can't even pay the attention to you when your there would defiantly think it's a red flag

SouthpawPablo · Answer

express how much this hurts you dont act like its not a big deal if it really is a big deal tell him exactly how you feel how it hurts you but you also want him to be able to be honest with you it may be that maybe he has lost interest sexually in you to some extent and maybe even he does not notice or is just trying to be an ass so you break up with him? and maybe look like the mean one just what i get from what i know and i would definetly rethink the moving thing with him 4 months is not nearly long enough to know someone truly let alone be willing to follow them to the ends of the earth unless you truly think he is the one and i dont think that is true by how he makes you feel then go if he's the one if not then let him go for the both of you

TadCurious · Answer

I think that's really bad form on his part and yeah, it may well be a lack of maturity. When you're in a relationship with someone, it's just really crass to go on and on about how hot someone else is, all the while when your partner is right there with you. The person doing that doesn't have any empathy for how that would make their partner feel.

madgoat · Answer

Well you mention being ignored. Maybe that's more the problem than him looking at other girls.

Skinach · Answer

I think he thinks that making comments such as this shows his honesty, but at this point it's just rude. Talk to him about it, and tell him how you feel about his comments

BradFreeman · Answer

Tell him how you feel. If it makes you feel uncomfortable don't allow it. I personally wouldn't be doing that however every person is different, just be open to him

moldilocks79 · Answer

Well at first it sounded like he was just seeing exactly where you drew the line or testing how upset you would be but after reading the entire thing it sounds well over the top.