My boyfriend says that I can have sex with other men as long as I dont let him know, what do you think about his reasons?

I am a 26 years old virgin girl from a very religious and conservative culture, accordingly i never had big freedom or sex because i was scared all the time, i fell in love with a very open minded experienced American man 30 years old and we have been together for 3 years, and i never had intercourse with him, he loves me so much and really sometimes feels sorry for me that i was never given full freedom in my love to see and experience things that are very normal in his culture, and for him, are very pleasurable and necessary for someone's growth like sex! ,, that's why sometimes when we talk he tells me that when we get married (So i am not attached to my family or scared of their punishment anymore) that he wants to give me full freedom to explore and experience sex, and that because he loves me and because in his eyes i have excreted a lot of effort and deprived myself a lot of things to stay virgin, he doesn't want me to feel this way anymore,, and that as long as i dont let him know and will be discreet about it, and will only love and care about him that i can do it.. i found it so strange, but knowing how free minded he is, i didn't take it dramatically, for example, in his eyes, strippers and hookers is just a job and that there is no shame in it,, he really believes in personal freedom of choice.. yet he sometimes pulls his permission back and tells me that he is afraid that if i opened up and became experienced other men, that i may leave him and break his heart for another man, because he loves me so much.. he also sometimes tells me that he doesn't want to ruin me, but only wants to help me be happy ,.. yet he never pushes me on anything bad.. for example never pushed me to fuck him!! what do you think about that?
Updates:
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for those who are saying that he doesn't care or love me, this man has left his family and friends and job to move to my conservative country to be next to me, he also changed his religion to mine so we can get married,, all that and i never had sex with him because i am always terrified of my family.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • I can understand whay he's trying to offer you, However I would encourage you to cross one Bridget a time if you really like him and you're wanting to be in a long term relationship with him then wait until you've had that experience with him to decide if that something that you need to have with other people. It sounds like well he understands that if you are never with anyone else you may always have that question in the back of your mind. That said if he is somebody that you truly care about and want a long term relationship who knows he may be every bit as satisfying as you would hope. I feel like as long as you 2 are honest and he's actually giving you permission for you not because he is sleeping around behind your back since you are not wanting to have sex yet, Then it sounds like in some ways you've already made your decision that you wanna wait for marriage. If you haven'tI would encourage you to just have a truly honest conversation with him About both what his suggestions mean to you and how you feel about them and how they affect the way that you see the relationship with him moving forward.

    • Saw your update... sounds like you've got a special guy that you really like. Good luck and I hope your family can learn to love and accept him.

  • I think some people feel a need to hear themselves say things that will sound as if they are very open minded, liberal, unconventional, and they will say things that they don;t really mean. If he REALLY meant that it was okay for you to have sex with other men, then why is it that you must hide that information from him?

    • i think he is just trying to be selfless about it, he wants to me to enjoy and be happy, yet the fact or imagining it will hurt him, so he doesn't want to know...

    • If he is that "selfless," why not just have an open relationship and be honest about it?

    • because open relationship means he gets to sleep with other women too, and he knows that i dont accept that !

    • Show All

Most Helpful Girl

  • He sounds like someone who really cares about you. He wants to be with you but he doesn't want to trap you or hold you back. Sounds like he's a keeper.

    • You're joking right? Ignoring everything else wrong with that statement, you do realize that's a double standard in concept, purely because I'm pretty sure you wouldn't be ok with him sleeping around with other women... that is if you actually cared about the guy in the first place.

    • How can he is a keeper actually he is a player who knows very well to play with your feelings just open your eyes

    • In this situation, I think you are probably wrong. Though trust me I understand that most of the time you both would be right.

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What Girls & Guys Said

0 20
  • I've had this arrangement. What makes it work or not work is communication. Check in with him, and if it ever starts causing problems, cease immediately and take care of your man.

  • Thats the stupidest thing to do.
    You have kept yourself from sex so that you could share it with your husband.
    If you were to do it with other guys after then why worry to wait it till marriage

  • he's confused and insecure. for some reason virgins bring this out in guys (especially guys who are also virgins). it eventually turns into a lack of respect and appreciation but only after having sex. the first sign will be a sense of entitlement
    a truly good intentioned man would simply respect you and appreciate your personal power not offer solutions as if something was wrong with you

  • There are many open minded people, hence open relationships. I don't know if this is an open relationship or you cuckolding him, but it's something that would require serious thought. You both need to ask yourselves if this is right for you.

  • He's cheating on you and you are a toy. You are one of the women that men want to marry, get as far away from him as possible.

    He is sleeping with tons of other women and you are being manipulated. Don't you dare say he represents Men, you are dating a boy right now that will use you.

    Or like the others have said he's a cuck but I doubt this is the case. You are the fall back girl for this guy, search his phone, receipts and talk to his friends/family to gather information. But regardless RUN.

  • Your husband sounds like a communist cuck. The west is full of them. What you have is a man who doesn't believe in right and wrong. It's called nihilism. He was probably raised in a left leaning aria like California , or New York. Bought up in postmodernist Marxist schools. His type pose an existential threat to western civilization and the world in general. He's what is call a "useful idiot" People more in the know manipulate men and women like him to do their dirty work. Watch for certain things he might say that are clues he's indoctrinated (not that you need any more proof but to nail it down) Does he call himself a "feminist" does he use words like "intersectionality" or "homophobic" or similar jargon?
    Take a look at this video, these are the kind of people that produce men like him. Maybe you can help him.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cf2nqmQIfxc&feature=youtu.be&ytbChannel=Jordan+B+Peterson
  • Hard to say. Maybe he's also going to have the freedom to have sex with others. So it benefits him as well. Since he will have sex more often than you.

    • Then perhaps you found a gem of a guy. 😊

  • This guy is nuts. All this stuff about needing sex for personal growth... nonsense!! He's filling your head with cray cray. A person who is in a committed relationship, and has principles doesn't need to have sex outside of marriage. I've gone on for paragraphs about this topic, and I won't repeat myself here, but this guy's viewpoint is ridiculous.

  • This is a very strange man, yet highly interesting. A man who cares for his woman's happiness and well-being is an honorable man. But I don't see why he is telling you to have intercourse with other men. You haven't had any sexual experience (based on the post) so how would he even know if that's what you like? Frankly speaking he seems like a really great guy and you should be fine being open to him about sex and your thoughts about it. Besides if you have sexual urges or not, I think you should explore things with him before wondering off with other men (pretty bad for our hearts as men)

  • he probably feels as if you are going to sleep with other men after losing your virginity because you have been so removed from the whole experience that is sex. his freedom comment stands only for so long until he feels as if it may be the comment that causes you to separate from him

    • yes, i believe this is the most correct comment, he always mentions how long i have held my virginity, and that he is scared that once i lose it i will get crazy and want to do all kinds of things,, so i think he just says that so he can feel okay with it,, but it still scares him, because many times he ended up saying that he is afraid it will make me leave him and break his heart for someone else..

  • Then if he is that worried, he should not have told you that it was okay in the first place.

  • Maybe he's testing you. His proposal is strange.. I wouldn't tell my girlfriend anything near that, unlest I give up on the relationship and I become unable to give my 100%.

  • He's a cuck

  • Honey I'm just gonna tell you flat out. There are only 2 reasons why He would allow such a one sided arrangement, Either Like the people below said he's a total cuck or doesn't expect you to remain faithful in the first place.
    Like he feels you were so sexually sheltered, that it's gonna happen eventually, so he just gives you as don't see, don't know policy.

  • you are too boring.

  • Girls love sex?

  • He has plans to pimp you. Oh yeah, and drop the virgin act while you're at it.

  • I think he's a pussy, move on. No man who cares about you would allow this

  • Could be a recipe for disaster.

  • how do you know he's your boyfriend, if you've never had sex?

    • what do you mean?

    • just sayin'