I feel that I scared him off or crossed the line with him...

[neffyiffy]

There was a guy that I've been talking to for about 3 weeks now. The first time we went out one-on-one (without any of our friends), we got tipsy together and I ended up sleeping over his place and we fooled around (but we never had sex cause I'm still a virgin and still want to keep my virginity for now). Last night we went out to his friends birthday and it was great and we hit it off again, we drank together and had fun and we started making out again, but when we started talking this time I think I spilled too much and told him to just be honest with me and tell me what he perceives of me and our type of relationship together. I asked him if he's interested, if he just wants to be friends with benefits, or just friends, or anything, to just tell me so that I can prevent myself from being hurt and know what category to place him in and to change my mentality based on his response. I said if he wasn't interested then I can just forget all about him when I go back to school again out-of-city. He told me that was rude of me and that he feels cornered, and that he likes me as a person or else he wouldn't have called me out. Then I kept on whining about how I wanted more alcohol and so we smoked weed together and to make things worse, after that I started whining about how I wanted more alcohol or weed. Then I started making out with him in the car and he was extremely tired and said that he had to go home. By the time we almost got back to his house, he could tell I was a little worried about not going home because I didn't want to disappoint my mother again, so he asked if I wanted to go home and I told him only if that was okay with him, and that I felt bad because he was already in front of his house. He took me back home anyway and we made out & fooled around for a bit & I started grilling him again about what he wanted out of our relationship and if he only wanted to be friends with benefits & he hesitated and told me "I like the benefits part" and then he answered with "right now I do" and that he feels cornered & that this was making him uncomfortable. at this point he said he needed to take a nap (it was late at night already) because he was too tired. So he drove off somewhere else a block or two down my house and we stayed in his car & he fell asleep. While he was sleeping I left his car and just walked back home w/out telling him. The next morning I sent him a text saying "Hey sorry I left the car yesterday, I didn't want to come home too late and you were sleeping like a baby so I didn't want to wake you up either so I just walked home lol. hope you have a good day @ work :)" & he has ignored me since. Can you guys help fill me in on everywhere I might have went wrong/been rude? & how should I handle this now? (p.s. I also have to get my earrings and clothes back from him before I go to school in a week so I will most likely have to contact him in a few days regardless)

[Miss_All_Time_Low]

Well, guys can answer whether you came on too strong. You probably should have waited a bit longer and see how it went. If he'd get bored of you in a matter of weeks, that alone would answer you. It's pointless to consider things before a certain period of time - not to mention you need to be sure of your own feelings and first build the whole picture of the guy.

Anyway - he obviously likes the "benefits" part. It might be all he wants, in which case you wouldn't be losing anything.

If you want me to be honest ... I always thought "friends with benefits" was the most ridiculous thing in the world. The only person with ANY benefits is the guy. If you agree to something like this, you must have very low morals. Prostitutes at least get paid - you don't even get emotions in exchange.

Either way, do what you want.

If I were you, I would be nice, sweet and act interested in him and his life from this point on, but I wouldn't send him a text message every day or have any more serious relationship talks. I'd also try to stop analysing everything I or him did all the time and just keep busy with other things.

If he wants you enough, he will make a move. Trust me.

You can flirt innocently and you can act nice, but that is about all.

If nothing happens, let him go and be more careful when the next boy comes along. x

[rubberducky11]

I think you were a bit to intense. And then you kept doing it. Just go with things. If they're getting to intimate and you don't feel comfortable without a commitment, pull back instead of demanding an explanation in the moment. Not everything needs to be resolved or answered right now, a relationship builds over time and time is what it will take.

As for this instance.. I would give him some space.. If you should you can respect his space and the obvious boundaries he's putting up, there might be a chance at salvaging your friendship. If you keep pushing, you'll lose him completely.

[0004matt]

Neffyiffy go with this its exactly what I would tell you.

[MrEM4N]

If I was him and you were talking like that to me I'd be having red alarms going off in my head that this girl was going to be trouble and to pull out before it gets weird. You came off REAALLY strong and that's pretty unappealing that early in the relationship. You can keep hanging out just stop talking about the future and enjoy the moment. Find a stride and go with it. If he tries to push to a more intimate setting you can corner him and ask what his intentions are but don't get all "are we soul mate material?"

[neffyiffy]

Should I apologize for coming off too strong that night because of the alcohol? Or should I just pretend that nothing happened and ask for my stuff back? Thanks, I did this kind of stuff to two guys and no wonder they all ended up bad

[MrEM4N]

If alcohol always gets your lips loose like this than I would stray away from drinking with prospective boyfriends. As far as what you can do with your current beau? Not much. The damage is already done if he won't respond back to your texts. The only reason he isn't responding is because he doesn't want to lead you on. If you send him an innocent message like "Hey I left some clothes at your place. When is a good time to pick them up?" that should be fine. He might even welcome it and take ...

[MrEM4N]

... it to mean you're trying to distance yourself from him (not being clingy) which might work in your favor. You can also suggest that he drop them off at your place. The idea, though, is to come off nonchalant. Also, don't 'haha' or 'lol' all the time and excessively apologize. It's so unattractive when chicks say sorry every five seconds and putting "lol" at the end of every single sentence makes you look nervous. Save the laughs for when something is actually funny.

[neffyiffy]

Correct, this kind of stuff ALWAYS happens whenever I'm under the influence of anything. It's just so hard not to when it's so fun being so open but it usually gets me more into trouble with people and scares them away more than anything. Should've learned this by now. Thanks for the extra tips, they are all very helpful, and it reminded me of something else I said to him that night... I told him that I was scared I wasn't pretty enough and he just looked up and laughed and said omg...

[MrEM4N]

Saying you're afraid you're not pretty enough for a guy can be endearing you just can't go around saying how ugly you are or that you need to diet all the time. All girls are insecure of their looks at some point and it's not really a deal breaker. It just can't be said too frequently. But, if you link a lot of insecure qualities together it forms to make a bigger picture that IS hard to work around like nervous laughing, avoiding eye contact, saying you're not pretty & being too emtnl

[neffyiffy]

You know what, it's funny that you mention that because I've noticed that a lot of times, when I tell a guy that I'm afraid that I'm not pretty enough sometimes or that I think that boys don't really like me, they seem to respond very positively and either find that endearing and likeable or at least baby me more and support me about it. But I definitely also agree with you on not being overly insecure overall in the bigger picture to the point where it becomes socially detrimental or unattractive

[neffyiffy]

And just for the sake of remembering and making myself feel better, and for telling you just for gossip, one thing I DO feel good about hearing is when he said that he liked me as a person because I'm smart, I keep my composure regardless of what anyone else thinks, and that I keep my word. He also mentioned that it's a whole other combination of things, and if he's not interested it's cool because I can accept that and get over it, but at least I am glad that he told me those good things

[neffyiffy]

So I'm thinking about sending the following text... Do you think this is okay? "Heyy, I just wanted to apologize for being all over the place on Tuesday. I know it was probably a little much to handle and it's still my responsibility to control my thoughts and emotions even when I'm not sober. Besides that, I think I might have dropped one of my leaf earrings in your car... Can you let me know if you find it? Thanks"

[neffyiffy]

EDIT: "Heyy, I kinda wanted to apologize for being all over the place on Tuesday. I know it was probably a little much to handle and I know that it's still my responsibility to control my thoughts and emotions even when I'm not sober and overemotional under the influence of anything. So sorry if I did anything to make you feel uncomfortable. Besides that, I think I might have dropped one of my leaf earrings in your car... Can you let me know if you find it? Thanks"

[MrEM4N]

You can apologize but don't get too long winded. Most guys typically aren't interested in drawn out explanations. You're better off keeping it short and sweet. Something like "Hey, last night was pretty crazy. I didn't mean to get super emotional on you, alcohol just gets the best of me sometimes. By the way, have you seen anymore leaf shaped earrings in your car? I lost the ones I was wearing that night and I think they might have ended up under your seat." You sound casual and in control, now.

[neffyiffy]

Ugh I think its too late now. ugh. iwaswaiting for your reply but didn't get it so I just sent this: me: I think I may have left one of my earrings in your car.. can you let me know if you find it? him: found it already.. well timmy found it lol. me: darnit.. I guess I can just pick it up from you w myjacket next time him:kay ill drop it off me: ? wait, when are you talking about ha ha [he doesn't respond so 30 min later I send him the next txt] me: I'm leaving on Sunday so its not a good idea for you to come aft

[neffyiffy]

Er that.. if its too short notice I can just pick it up from you next time I come back" & he never responded. its too late for me to initiate anything now through text cause then id just be pushing it. I thought you weren't gunna respond and was waiting so I just went ahead and sent that. now its done bad

[MrEM4N]

That wasn't bad. But the key thing to remember is clarity. If he's being vague then instead asking him to explain himself, take control and be decisive. Offer him a good time to come over instead of asking when he'll stop by. That way you're not left in the dark waiting for a response. A certain amount of control is sexy and shows confidence, just like when men do it.