Sexual Relationships
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Why won't my girlfriend open up sexually with me, but in her past she had many many partners (guys & girls) that she did all types sexual things with?

We have been together for 3 years and at the beginning we had great sex but she wasn't very open as far as trying new stuff and she didn't like giving or receiving oral. I told her that I really enjoy giving oral and that I'm into different things sexually. She told me she was very into some fetishes also and I would see where she would watch all kinds of kinky porn when I wasn't around. Well I would attempt to try the stuff she was watching online and she wouldn't get into it and just wanted normal sex no foreplay and BAM BAM BAM over. Nothing real exciting. But she also would tell me of all these stories about past experiences with other people including with other women and i didn't understand why she did all that stuff with people that she wasn't in a real relationship with but with me she is very vanilla and kinda boring. I'm the longest relationship she's ever been in and I'm about to ask her to marry me. But here lately the boring sex has turned into almost no sex at all. I've talked to her and the only excuse she gives is she needs to feel comfortable with me abd when she does she says THE SEX IS GOING TO BLOW MY MIND AND IT WILL BE ALL THE Time! But we've been together 3yrs I think she should be very comfortable with me by now. And a lot of the wild sex she had prior to me were just hookups or relationships for no longer that 2-3 months. So how was she comfortable enough with them in that short period of time but not with me. She just says she doesn't know why? I believe there's more to it she's not telling me... either someone else she's seeing or she's really not attracted to me, I don't know. Another thing from day one she has never initiated sex if we had sex it's because I was the one who came onto her. And she really hasn't ever hardly touched my penis I can probably count the times and it was just to direct it in her. I'm lost and was hoping maybe someone had some answers or advice. Thank you
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Most Helpful Girls

  • Maybe some of that stuff was pretty painful for her, or in other ways, she came to regret being so free about it. That's called change. It happens to all people.

    That said, I agree that her excuse seems a little hollow, in light of the fact you've been together 3 years. I'm very sorry she still doesn't feel comfortable with you.

    Put the engagement ring away for a while and invite her to counseling, where you can both safely explore he reasons for not feeling comfortable. You both deserve a fair shot at making things work once you really know what you're dealing with.

    This isn't about fixing her, pressuring her, or coercing her into doing what you want. This is about understanding her and giving her a safe space to share her concerns.

    But, without making a childish ultimatum, I think you can't take no for an answer on the therapy. She may have some incredibly valid reasons to feel the way she does. She may have undergone an incredible trauma. But three years in and she's barely ever touched your penis, and now appears to have no libido or something, I think she owes you at least that much - to explore it honestly with you.

    • Well since this post I tried therapy, even though I didn't want to go. She refused it and I finally set down and explained it all to her. I never gave her ultimatum, but she couldn't really give me a reason, well she didn't give me a reason I thought was justified by her actions (or lack of actions).

    • She just kept saying that since I'm on the road traveling all over the country (I Ride Bulls Professionally $ I compete in MMA Competitions) that she can't seem to get close to me enough to open up.

    • But she doesn't work and I support us financially so a lot of the times she is on the road with me. And here lately I have been able to compete in some events closer to home so I'm home a lot more. I just didn't see that as an excuse. And she is very open in communicating and has never held back anything whether it was painful or not. There has been nothing in her past that would make her uncomfortable. If there was she would tell me. But I'm at the point now that I'm tired of always being the one who pursues her and I'm tired of being the one who initiates everything. I'm tired of feeling like I'm not wanted physically. I've never experienced that. Just about all my past no relationships were very very heated sexually and very spontaneous. It was desire felt by the both of us and I never doubted myself with anyone before this. Not saying I'm amazing by no means. I'm just saying well I guess you just have to be there!!!

    • Show All

  • There's good sex with your guy but then there's the best sex you ever had and that guy is usually in jail

    • I just got outta prison (4yrs) 3 months before we met!!!

Most Helpful Guys

  • You need to tell her that, after three years invested in this relationship, you both need to decide whether you want to make it permanent and, if not, you should go your separate ways. Lay out for her your concerns and fears and tell her that promises of how it will be in the future are not enough. You need to know why things aren't different now.

    A good LTR requires love, passion (lust,) trust, and respect. You have a right to question whether she feels lust for you. If she does not give you a direct answer, you are right to question whether she respects you.

    DO NOT MARRY SOMEONE EXPECTING THEM TO CHANGE IN THE FUTURE!

  • This screams she's cheating in my head. 3 years with you and she's still not comfortable. And your not having sex anymore.. sounds like she's bored sexually. You need to get this squashed man. Sit her down and tell her how you feel. Like be completely open. Dont sugar coat shit. be real. And tell her your stipulations. if she's really into you shell open up. if she runs away. she wasn't meant for you anyways.

    • I did and I'm still where I was prior to the set down. I think I'm about to pull out and see what happens.

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What Girls & Guys Said

1 10

  • I don’t know... 🙄 girls are an enigma...

  • Three years you've been frustrated? I wouldn't have stayed past about six months. Time's a-wasting. She's shown you that she's not going to change. You can either accept what you have or end this and hope to meet someone more open-minded.

    • I do love her and I hate to end a relationship purely on sex. But your right it's getting to the point where I'm starting to think is she being unfaithful or is it me. And I know that it's gonna cause more problems. Do you think I should tell her... Look I need sex and I need more spice in it or more exploring, and if not then I want out of relationship?

  • She’s not actively trying to improve things. Either that needs to change or you need to move on.

  • Maybe she's making it up... or maybe she stopped after a bad experience.

  • You seem to be more attracted to her than she is to you. If you think this is going to get better after you're married think again.

  • She's not going to change. She clearly has made her case that she doesn't see this the way you do.

    • Let's say she does change what's the chances it's genuine and her only doing it to keep me not because she enjoys it?

    • by what she said over and over and over again, i doubt she'll change for genuine and just do it for you

    • Yea...

  • I was just in the same exact relationship as you buddy. She was a whore in Milwaukee and everything. Same thing happened. I had break up with her because I found out she cheated on me with some guy who’s in a band. Because according to women. Being in a band is hot shit. Anyways your sexual relationship is practically dead. She’s not going to change and your more attracted to her than she is to you. I know you love her, but you’re probably going to be much more happier without her.

    • Thanks

  • id never go out with a girl that doesn't do oral or wanna have sex once a week or more. and try other things like anal and different postion. you can get a booty call to just bend over and bang

  • Break up with her. She is a sloot

  • She is doing what many slutty females do. She is putting on fake morals to try and regain some standing as more than just a hoe.
    Like most females, she did all sorts of nasty shit with strangers because she didn't know them and women seem to lose all moral codes when they know that no one they know will find out. (Proof: Just watch women at male strippers)
    I guarantee that if you broke up, she would almost instantly let some piece of shit she barely (if at all) knows, violate her in ways you couldn't even imagine.
    I have seen so many women do this shit.
    They hold out on their partners and come up with endless excuses as to why they don't want to, then without pause will become nympho skank the second she gets new dick.

  • she may regret being a slut and doesn't know how to go about sex with you, wants to change her slutty ways

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Home >  Sexual Relationships  > Why won't my girlfriend open up sexually with me, but in her past she had many many partners (guys & girls) that she did all types sexual things with?