What does sex really mean to men?

[Anonymous]

Its a bit mysterious this strong correlation between men and sex. I started wondering about it after listening to some decent karaoke last night, in which lyrics to a song mentioned how the husband felt distant from his wife after she ceased to let him make love to her. It was like an intimacy break, which seemed to deeply disturb him.

I think stopping sex in a relationship in general isn't great for both men and women - but this idea would seem to bother men a lot more, as sex is pinned to men as a 'need' as opposed to a woman's 'want.'

In the game Silent Hill, the main foes are mannequins made up of only a woman's legs and pelvis area - reflecting the male protagonists' difficulty not being able to have sex with his sick / dying wife, and feeling guilty to think of it in her condition.

Sometimes I wonder if society kinda downplays the deep rooted connection men feel through sex, whether casual or loving, for the sake if coveting that strong, stoic, male image? Or maybe how we tend to imagine being cuddled in his arms, is akin to the closeness men feel in sex? Not emotionally, but the contact.

I can def tell when my boyfriend is making love to me, or just wanting my legs open - what doesn't change is the sense that "something" is so fulfilling to him about it beyond instinct... not sure how to explain, but I feel a natural obligation to give him sex as he "needs" it rather than us casually deciding to do it. He isn't sex crazy, we do it maybe 2-3 times a week.

What is sex really like to men? Why are men associated so much with sex, even being said to think of sex most the day? Why isn't this associated with women, thoug women can be sexually driven too?

What is the force behind this gender dimorphic aspect?

[btbc92]

It's because Society tells you to have premarital sex in that you don't have to wait until marriage to have sex. If you watch a lot of Mark Gungor material he will immrdiatelt explain why the situation is happening. God had designed sex to be belonged in marriage between a man and a woman for a reason. He designed all of us to be sexual beings and to be fruitful and multiply. But he has also given us the ability to have free will and it is simply our choice to participate in such matters or not.

Too many people are being sold a lot of that sex is something that you need and it's not need. It is over at desire and they want in this selfish way of thinking is what's hurting people and many good couples. In marriage if that person have premarital sex before then they going to see and feel that there's no need to do so any marriage with their spouses. And often times it's the women that are guilty of this. And that's another reason why a lot of men with virgin woman because they don't I want a woman that's going to turn on and off with sex in marriage. At least with a virgin woman who loses her virginity with her husband will immediately attach and bond drew the sex act and desire to always want to have sex with him. Women who have premarital sex can always choose when they want to or don't. And this kind of allof attitude really hurts men.

They are so associated with so much sex because sex is constantly being thrown and dumped in the faces. Pornography is readily available. Sexually explicit material is always sold in stores in the form of media. Many consensual material is constantly displayed in advertisements and billboards. Sex overall sells. So everything that what you're saying is the price of having premarital sex and making it the priority of once dating relationship when it shouldn't be. People have willingly destroyed their sex lives without even thinking. And when you try to speak out on it all of a sudden is prudish and religious. Meanwhile studies since the early 1980s have proven that premarital sex is raising our divorce rate. More people are more sexually promiscuous and cheating on each other. According to a UK study more than 50% of women admitted to having a man readily ready on the side in case of divorce while married. It is a truly sad situation.

[Asker]

Yeah sex can definitely be very immoral and damaging

[btbc92]

Asker you have to understand that sex is overall not immoral or damaging. It's when and how we choose to use sex is when it becomes immoral or damaging. An example is trying to force your partner into doing sexual acts they are not comfortable with. Premarital sex in general is not moral but marital sex is. It doesn't mean that people who have sex outside of marriage is always bad people. But their decisions cause them to do the wrong things, and in the end when it could have just married the person who they want to have sex with now that can no longer be with them because they did what they did. They hurt each other so much that they separate from each other by breaking up and now his relationship hopping from partner to partner sexually. In turn it's rearranging your thought patterns and how you view sex and people that you choose have sex with. Now because you're so used to it you get married and you carry that same ignorance into your marriage.

[btbc92]

And when your sex life and your marriage falls apart everything falls apart in your life. That's why God made it a certain way but people don't want to listen.

[Asker]

My aunt and uncle did not marry as virgins, and their marriage is going on 19yrs. Its a bit extreme to curse a marriage due to pre-marital sex. Even God forgave prostitutes, even let them re-marry

[btbc92]

Ask her it has nothing to do with me cursing a marriage is what we choose to do ourselves. , my parents did not marry as virgins either but there was a lot of consequences even though they lasted 24 years. It has nothing to do with taking things extreme. It's about being smart then to put yourself in a position you're going to regret later on in life. And then be forced to make more difficult decisions then you would have already had to deal with had people waited. It's not that it can't be done it has everything to do about you learning from your mistakes and finally doing it right while you're still married. A lot of people do not get to that point in their life when married when it comes down to humbling themselves. But it makes things a lot more difficult.

[btbc92]

So which would you prefer to do the easy way or the hard way? Everybody has a choice.

[Livinglogical]

A woman whone enoys sex is not 'gender dysmorphic'. Craving sex is human, its not assigned more to any gender biologically. Its just that it is considered more socially acceptable as a result of socialisation in most societies for men to be highly sexually active.

[Sexy_Steve]

Not true. Men have about 20 times more testosterone than woman and testosterone is what gives men that aggressive sex drive.

[Markfish]

Men are far more sexually attracted to women than women are to men.

[Asker]

There are plenty of studies indicating otherwise

www.google.com/.../the-reality-the-male-sex-drive%3famp

there's a bias that for some reason its not "fair" or "equal" that men have a higher sexual desire.

Weird, if men are more sexual, its not negative that women aren't

[Sexy_Steve]

Then those studies are bullshit. There's probably a million other studies that say the opposite. Men have about 20 times more testosterone than women.

[Markfish]

Although a lot of that "is there anything good about men" series is feminist bullshit (I mean just read the name) what was in this link is true.

[Markfish]

She was agreeing with you, it's the asker posting that, not the opinion owner.

[Asker]

@Sexy_Steve No that study supports your argument, I agree men are more sexually driven, my comment was for the lady poster

[Asker]

@Markfish Yeah that series debunks a lot of feminists driven arguments

[Markfish]

A lot of that series is feminist driven though, the one talks about the female brain being superior as it has a lot more white matter (even though the male brain has a lot more grey matter).

[Asker]

@Markfish They are pointless studies for arguing gender superiority. I mean, men being more logical thinkers due to often being in more critical thinking risky situations, is akin to a fish having gills for water breathing. doesn't make fish any better or less than air breathers, just adapted to suit naturally founded roles. I dont understand why feminists feel the need to push transparent ideology. My boyfriend is a chemist and is vastly more logical than I am. I dont feel threatened, I feel more comfortable with how he can logically deduce things for the better. He praises my creativity and adaptability. He is more sexual, masturbates more if I can't be there, ask sexual favors at random often as the urges just come. I think mens sexual nature is just another cute aspect about them. They give you this look and make you feel so necessary for something only you can give them

[Markfish]

Aaah I personally would like it if women had the same sexual desire, when they don't it makes you feel undesired. Most men would want it that way, your boyfriend almost surely included. A lot of women altgough not actually demisexual seem to have the demisexual like trait that emotional attraction can greatly increase their sexual attraction to someone. As in once they are in a relationship with a guy, they can want sex just as much. I had a girlfriend who wanted sex more often than me, which at the time I thought was impossible.

[Sauron2099]

I'm no woman, so I'll be speaking from the male perspective only. Sex is usually seen as an outlet, when you're horny, you need to release the built up whatever you wanna call it, which can be done in multiple ways, using your hand or having a partner or even other ways too. Now how many times do I get horny? Almost every single day and the whole problem is that it is hard to focus on anything else during that period and thus we want to get rid of that feeling to get on with the rest of our day. So now in case of a woman that you are involved with, who decides one day to simply stop having sex with you. The first thing that comes to mind once you realise that is, why? Why is she doing this? If I am involved with someone and sex was part of the relationship, I would expect the woman to put out. If she is unwell and states so, you turn to simply using your hand until she's better, if it persists after she gets better, you break up with her since you can see the simple signs that she is not interested anymore and find someone who will give you what you want. Same applies to women as well, if you have a wife who doesn't get it regularly, if she is sexually active, she will eventually get so sexually frustrated that she most of the time cheat if she cannot work it out with her husband or if she is just a cheater. And honestly I don't blame a person for doing this but only for actually cheating. If you don't get it, you try and work it out, if you can see that it will never work then you move on, but you don't cheat since that is pretty much seen by me as a betrayal of trust. That said what is the point of having a relationship if your primal urges are not satisfied?

[Anonymous]

Women think about sex all day, it's just further in the back of the mind like an undercurrent, rather than a voltage towards the front. People, especially men, have been brain washed into thinking sex is more important to them, than it is to women. It's all bs...

The reason why men are associated so much with sex is because people have believed the clever projections of women that have worked to control sex, and gain power from appearing like they need and want it less.

Most men are too brain washed to ever put this to the test...

[Sexy_Steve]

horse shit

[Asker]

Please see the science article posted in the update. There are also experiments with testosterone levels in female mice that increased their sexual drive the more testosterone they had, as opposed to estrogen which can actually dull a womans libido. Things would be smoother with the genders if we just accepted and adjusted to our differences

[Opinion Owner]

Like I said, it's an undercurrent, rather than at the forefront. It's there in the background and can be bought out, but with guys, it's more obvious, and at the forefront of the mind.

Then you also have this article talking about a study written in a book that says the opposite of the one you posted www.theatlantic.com/.../

[Asker]

Those articles report about how society downplayed the fact that women have the same sexual instincts that make us want sex as men do. Its like reporting that pirhanas like meat just as much as sharks, but which one eats more?

[radrio]

Men tend to get in relationships for sex, and stay for the love.

Women tend to get in relationships for the love, and stay for the sex.

[BigGuy8]

I've met plenty of women who want sex multiple times a day. If you are in arm's reach, your zipper is probably down. But I do get that in some cases, women don't put as much focus on sex. As in they have a different value for it than a man does. Men are wired to spread their seed. They want to stick it in, ejaculate, and move on. Women are wired to nurture and care for their families. Not everyone meets these stereotypes, but it is pretty close to universal. Men also attach their masculinity/manliness to their sexual prowess. If women are giving themselves to him, he feels like more of a man. Women are less likely to take pride in a large number of sex partners, especially since she could have the kids of multiple men if she isn't careful. There is also a harsher stigma towards women, as the "slut" label is directly pointing at them. Anyone who calls a man a slut is just going to receive laughter and a lot of "duh" responses. That's how society is. Men are supposed to have lots of sex, women aren't. And this may be why ancient Greeks used boys for pleasure and women for babies.

[Jaysfortner]

For some of us at least, it's a way to deepen your emotional and physical connection with that person, making them someone special. If you're a Christian, it's even more true, because then when you wait till marriage it makes that sexual connection something two people look forward to. Something that locks your relationship into place.

[Buckzor]

It's different for some men. Different for different partners, ie; single vs married.
I think women are a lot more likely to base sex of emotional connection/attachment, and men are more likely to do it based on a want, and physical attraction. Don't forget, men are wired to have the desire to have sex and reproduce, as it is the sole function of men.

Now I haven't had sex, nor have I had sex in different situations so I can't say from experience, but this is what I assume.

Obviously different men will have different thoughts on why they want and have sex too.

[slatyb]

Plenty of women on GaG asking how to make their partners more passionate. Sex is a pretty basic need and a primary reason we form partnerships. Both men and women feel rejected when their partners are not accommodating. My position is that people in a relationship should generally accommodate unless they are ill. I would not stay with a woman if I was usually begging for sex.

[Finchie40]

Sex is amazing and makes a guy feel closer and wanted by his partner gives him security and love , if a partner stops giving him sex then all it does is make him feel. that he isn't good enough or she doesn't want him anymore he starts to feel hurt and then he might turn to someone else to fulfill what he lost

[sletarra]

It doesn't mean anything to me nothing special tbh

[Jihhan]

It depends on morals, values, beliefs, and other aspects. That's like asking "what does studying mean to highschoolers?"...

[DarkerThanGrey]

Depends on the man. I personally like to be with girls which i can correlate. Smart, passionate, and caring. doesn't even need to be pretty. Sex its vital especially for man. Its a way to connect.

Some people say you only know the real personality of a man in three situations.

Sex
Drunkness
And when he's furious.

So u can see... sex ita directly linled to the depths of us man. In a caring manner or in subconscious.

Be aware of that.

[sachin2110]

Sex means a lot obviously. I mean the first stage people say they love each other but they just really wants to have sex. After that phase u will know a real men what's ur value to him and totally everything.

[DylanLongDong]

We use it to feel good

[Goodonestaken]

When I love a woman it's not sex anymore it's just love. when I don't love a woman all I think about is why I'm having sex because it's never going to be love.

[rockrewls]

I think you have far to much time on your hands for freudian type thinking haha, in which case you may inevitably over think something simple.
In general men want to have sexual release, we covet the female gender (in general), but it is my thinking that women want sexual pleasure every bit as much as men, and maybe even more so, but due to past societal stigma, where "that" kind of woman was abhorrent and inappropriate women were stifled sexually.
That social ideology is now changing, in that woman are far more free and in fact encouraged to express themselves sexually even to the point of exceeding men's drives and desires.
Ultimately though men's elevated testosterone levels along with most men being very visually stimulated, causes us to desire women sexually, and why not out parts are made to fit theirs, it seems like a good match to me :)

[colin77]

everything

[garfield1968]

For me its communication. Relaxation carring pleasing and fullfulment

[Markfish]

Simply a man can knock up multiple men everyday, while a women can only be knocked up once in 9 months. Eggs are more rare than sperm thus worth more. This is why men are far more sexually attracted to women than wonen are to men. Sad really.

[CptCold]

Sex is a release to us. It is the best way to relieve stress. Men physically need to get off to stay healthy

[Sexy_Steve]

Because men have about 20 times more testosterone than women.

[Asker]

True, they injected female mice with testosterone and the mice began trying to hump each other all day lol

[Sexy_Steve]

Are you being serious?

[Asker]

www.sciencedirect.com/.../0031938471900308

[Anonymous]

Men can have casual sex which makes them feel good and powerful, without caring about the woman.

But -inside- a relationship, feeling sexually desired by the woman is, for most men, critical. It's not a nice to have bonus. It's -the- fundamental thing that makes them feel desired as a man. With that missing, they feel like an asexual robot who is valued only for what he provides.

I'd suggest that our brains work this way because they evolved too. Essentially, for men, random mating is a 'good' evolutionary strategy. Pairing off with a desirable woman and helping her raise her children is also a good strategy, but -only- if they are sex partners, and likely if she's not sleeping with anyone else. Essentially, the reason men evolved to fall in love is in order to help the children the relationship provides. They're not thinking of it that way. But sexual rejection is a sign to men to move on.

[Opinion Owner]

I'd also add, is this downplayed by society? Yes. The reason is primarily because a lot of societal 'myths' were basically what teens were told to avoid premarital sex. Traditionally we steered girls into determining if men were looking for just sex (in which case we'd stress to avoid him) or if his intentions were good (i. e. marriage... and then fucking). Because of that girls were told if the guy just wanted sex, he didn't love her. A man who loved her would wait. But waiting typically meant waiting a few months till the wedding, and it was understood wives would have sex whenever the husband wanted (which didn't always happen). Well we've moved to thinking sex is fine whenever both parties want it, before or after marriage, but we've not really addressed what happens when sex drives are different, while still carrying the idea that true love isn't supposed to be contingent on sex. It always was.

[Anonymous]

That’s a very good question but you seem to have an understanding for it after reading what you said and that it’s more of a drive and need for us

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah women love sex but seem to be more selective with who they get it from but guys aren’t as picky if they are going to get laid and it’s just sex