Husband mad over no bj and no constant sex life?

[Anonymous]

My husband and I have been married 2 years. We have a 4 month old baby I recently went back to work and he stays home with our son I come home late and tired he doesn't help much around the house he doesn't clean or cook at all.. So he expects me to be super happy to come home pick up after him and take care of Jason so im done with cleaning, giving Jason a bath, feeding time, bedtime and leaving the diaper bag ready for the next day incase they go out somewhere at around 1am i take a quick shower so im in bed by 1:15am i put my alarm for 6am to get my son up feed him change him leave him ready and put him back for a nap get myself ready make me breakfast and be out by 9 am in which time husband shall not be bothered because he decides that watching tv at night is better and sleeping until late is the thing to do. So by the time im in bed he will ask me for sex if i say i don't want to or that im tired he won't stop and he won't let me sleep so i end up doing it.. And now he wants me to give him a bj i told him I don't want to i don't like it and he tells me he doesn't care that he wants it and I have to do it and i say no and he gets mad tells me im selfish and that it's unfair to him and i get mad and always end up telling him " but it's not unfair to you when i pay the rent and your fone bill the internet and electricity and gas so you can be here at home comfortable while i bust my butt at work" so he gets mad at that I don't even know if im right or wrong anymore he just always makes me feel like i do everything wrong.. So i need advice!! sometimes i feel like i should leave him and other times i feel like i have to deal with it.

[rockrewls]

He needs to learn what it is to be a husband, I used to be a bit like him tbh I was married for almost 24 years until she died from cancer, she loved me dearly and I her, we both worked but when she got sick everything changed, I had to do it all and wish I still could be doing it all with her here.
If he's at home supper should be cooked and the house cleaned the baby fed and put to sleep, all the clothes washed, dried, folded and put away.
And if he was really a man that loved you he would draw you a nice warm bath and sit with you with a glass of wine and help you unwind from your day, with gentle arm rubs and maybe a massage, I know that's how I would be now, but it too late for me she's not here.
When and if the next woman comes along I will never take her for granted, I would cherish her for every moment of my remaining life.
Tell him what I've posted hopefully he will have a change of heart, and if he does change, he may just see a change in the intimacy between you both.

[Asker]

Im sorry about your wife.. And i have told him and others have too but he tells me at least he's not out there cheating on me or doing drugs thats always his response.. So ith that im supposed to feel a whole lot better about how he treats me. I wish he would at least pass me a dam towel but even that bugs him..

[rockrewls]

Wow he truly doesn't know what it is to be a husband, i'm sorry you are going through this :( If he doesn't change it will not end well.

[SEntertainment]

First off.
Not taking no for an answer isn't ok, no matter what the situation. Of you don't want sex, he doesn't get it, and he can get over it. I've had to, and I will have to again in sure. But it's each person's choice.

Second off.
If you're working all day and he's a stay at home dad, the house is his primary responsibility along with raising the kid.
That child is going to watch his dad more than anything else, and he's going to grow up imitating his father. He needs his father to be a worthy role model to imitate, both in contributing to household, and in how he treats women.

This situation isn't ok at all. He's using your kindness to do nothing, and forcing himself on you. Something has to change, or will most likely break you eventually.

This isn't fair to you, or good for you. Or even ok.

[Asker]

Yes i know it's not ok i just always give in because it's the only way he will let me sleep.. Amd him taking care of the house nope i don't think I'll ever see that day.. He won't even take out the trash i was 9 months pregnant and still having to go down the stairs since we live in an upstairs apt. And taking a heavy trashcan down and since my car broke at around my 8 month I literally had o walk about 3.5 miles to work and back since the bus doesn't run the way i need it to go.. Sometimes my boss was able to drop me off at home.. Because he didn't want to let me drive his car or take me to work becasue that was putting unnecessary miles in it.. So i feel like divorce is coming soon..

[SEntertainment]

Thats... really bad.. I hope thing change for the best, but it seems unlikely at this point. You have been a total gem for being so patient and doing everything you could up to this point. But if he won't even carry the trash out or put a fee miles on his car, that's rough. It really sounds like he's both leeching off you and demanding unconsentual sex from you. Any woman deserves better than that, not to mention one who works as hard as you do.

[Anonymous]

You guys need to communicate, he is wrong in his attitude, and he is wrong for getting upset about you not giving him a BJ, BJ's are not a standard in sex, you have a vag for that so for him to expect it even when you tell him you're not comfortable with it is sad. He is wrong for not respecting you, and he is wrong for being irresponsible with his time, you still prepare things for your son so that your husband can have an easy day even though you work all day, he needs to compromise more.

But he isn't wrong for still asking for sex, is there a way you can find time in the week to do it? Is there away you guys could sit down and talk about it so he could understand where he is wrong and so you could come up with a solution?

Do you plan on taking turns taking time off and staying home with the baby?

[bellaj1196]

Oh i'm sorry you're going through this, your partner seems very inconsiderate, just reading your day to day life is tiring me out, how can someone witness you do all that and still force a blow job :/

I think you should have a long chat with him, if you haven't already.. and tell him you are feeling overwhelmed with all these responsibilities that your upholding alone, as well as carrying out your new mum duties. If you don't mind me asking, why does he not have a job? I think cause his at home idle, he doesn't realise how demanding employment and household chores can get.

[Asker]

I have many many times I have always talked about how he makes me feel but he doesn't really seem to care.. And according to him he is an online salesman but he doesn't really sell anymore because his excuse is that its hard to deliver with a baby.

[bellaj1196]

You shouldn't feel like you should just deal with it. Because life isn't just about mundane day to day tasks, and a relationship/maintaining a family isn't a one sided thing. In order to feel happy and balanced, you should share the responsibilities and burden with your partner. Have you thought about day care, or a nanny/family member looking after your son, so your husband has no excuses and gets busy doing something. By what you have shared he doesn't seem to be doing much around the house. Maybe if he had a job, he wouldn't be so demanding on the sexual side. But either way for him to say 'he doesn't care if you want to or if you dont' thats a really serious thing and shouldn't be taken lightly.

[Anonymous]

Get out of there if he doesn't start pulling his weight. I wouldn't trust him with my child, probably doesn't even watch him. Your child is only 4 months old, it won't hurt to split up. Besides, it's worse for children if their parents stay together when they should actually split up. He sounds like a tool who forces you into sex. Leave him.

[Asker]

Yea no sometimes he take Jason to his parents and goes back home to sleep and tells me to pick our son up after work.. I do feel like leaving him and at how i see this going i probably will soon. Thank you.

[Opinion Owner]

No problem lovely. It's not a healthy relationship by the sounds of things, and it's sad. He gives no effort. I hope you figure it out, good luck with everything. Xx

[TacosRAwesome]

Tell him to step up. If he's not capable of recognizing what needs to be done around thr house (at least the basics like taking out the trash, clearing the tables, washing dishes and doing the laundry) make him a list of daily tasks. If in a couple months he's not getting it, dump his ass.

[Red_Arrow]

This is a marriage that should never have happened. He is a baby and insists on having things his way and doing nothing to deserve tham. And you just keep giving in to him. So it will never get better. I see no way to fix things other than you getting out of the marriage.

[Egore]

So what is his role exactly? Did he loose his job or bin always a jobless dependant happy grown up kid who moved from under his parents roof to under yours !!

[Asker]

No he used to ork as a gardener but he got tired of having a boss.. And now he is "his own boss"

[Egore]

Interesting delusions he's experiencing dear. If i was in his place.. id worship you for the amazing efforts you're doing. You'd my shining morning sun lol.. you go above and beyond your energy limits and what your mind can stand for the sake of the survival of the family... You're an admirable person and should be treated with utmost respect which he clearly lacks it toward you yet dares accusing you of whatever.. His blindness and ignorance make him incapable of noticing that... You're taken for granted love

[Buckzor]

Sounds like another situation where the marriage seems rushed and it will cause little problems like these.

[bellaj1196]

demanding your partner to perform sex/oral sex is not a 'little' problem. being a freeloading nobody is not a 'little' problem.

[NerdInDenial]

@bellaj1196 isn’t that what most housewives do? Freeload...

[SEntertainment]

@NerdInDenial I've seen both men and women do this. It's pretty prevalent on both sides sadly. Men who think 40 hours at work is their punch on the card, and they don't have to do anything else. Too oblivious to see their wife doing twice the work they are. Women who literally shop all day while their husbands work, and get mad if the husband expresses anything. It's sad.

[NerdInDenial]

@SEntertainment it depends how much the breadwinner makes

[bellaj1196]

@NerdInDenial But she's not a housewife so whats your point? And you cannot call housewives freeloaders, they are maintaining the house, cooking, cleaning, feed the kids, changing the diapers etc. Her husband doesn't help much around the house or cook at all. He looks after their son while she's at work and thats it. Housewives do MUCH more than that. If he wants to be a house-husband, fair due.. its a demanding bloody job that gets no pay. But his not, his a freeloader that expects sex. Please read the post before responding or forming such generalised, stereotypical opinions. bottom line: HER guy, does nothing but baby sit (his own child) for a few hours, then demands his wife to give him a blow job. It doesn't matter if their marriage is a 'rushed situation', she's doing her job and then some more, his watching a kid for a few hours. Their both grown adults, and so are you. Its not hard to see the injustice here.

[NerdInDenial]

@bellaj1196 Do you know his side of the story? How do you know she’s not exaggerating? My point is if a woman were to do the same thing, most women would not shame her.

[NerdInDenial]

@bellaj1196 more importantly, she married the guy; if he is a bad husband, should she not take some of the responsibility and think to herself well for better or worse? How about writing stuff out and dividing the workload?

[bellaj1196]

@NerdInDenial Of course I dont know his side, she's sharing her side so i can only respond to that. Also I cannot stand women and men who sit on their arses and do nothing all day except look after THEIR children. In these cases the house is usually a mess, relationship is a mess, kids ain't fed properly, and overall hygiene is lacking. And most people feel this way in the UK too (freeloaders are broadly disliked), i dont know how people do things where your from. If you want to be a househusband, then perform your duties too, like a housewife would, then you ain't a freeloader. Please dont make this a gender debate, its just common courtesy, a human being is quiet clearly drained from work, they come home cook clean after YOU and the baby, quickly shower to get some sleep for the cycle to repeat, so you have a roof over your head. Forcing sex is just plain cruel.

[NerdInDenial]

@bellaj1196 I’m not saying forcing sex is good; I’m just bringing up the issue that this always becomes an anti male issue.

[SEntertainment]

@NerdInDenial it's as frequently an anti female issue as it is an anti male issue. Pretty even in the guilty gender split here.

[NerdInDenial]

@SEntertainment I disagree but that’s okay.

[bellaj1196]

@NerdInDenial Why is gender an issue here. This person shared their story. You decided to respond in a way that seems sexist. If this was a guy asking for advice. And he said he works his butt off working, doing household chores, cooking, look after the baby. And then the wife demands sex. We would not only call this guy a HERO, but we'll also be calling the wife inconsiderate (which is true, if u can't see your partner is overwhelmed and your forcing sex, your a shit person, full stop). Granted he may get a few comments from other GUYS, not women, calling him names for not wanting sex.. but again do you see how this attacking masculinity thing.. is a guy thing. Most people, especially women will be applauding the guy and advising him to leave the partner. Anyway, lets agree to disagree. Goodbye

[NerdInDenial]

@bellaj1196 no they wouldn’t; for example, alimony is not an issue until women have to start paying. The fact is you are rare if you hold both sexes accountable. Society blames men for everything.

[Asker]

We dated 4 years and i that time he was nice and hardworking he used to help me out around the house so my parents would let me go out. And now he changed and he tells me that its my job as the wife to take care of the house the baby and our sex life.

[NerdInDenial]

Did you talk about the arrangement prior to marriage?

[bellaj1196]

@NerdInDenial I hold both sexes accountable, so do most people around me, the law of the country I reside in. I just watched a documentary about Russia passing the law for wifes to be beaten up by their husband, so that legal there as of this year :) and consequently domestic abuse is soaring in rates over there. And another documentary, of indigenous young girl (some as young as 3) being raped, murdered and prostituted in Canada. And why? Because there indigenous and they have vaginas. Society see's us as the lesser race, and tbh I'm tired of this dumb ass debate, nothing will change anyway. Men are king!

[NerdInDenial]

@bellaj1196 not in the West

[SEntertainment]

@NerdInDenial this sounds much more like you've personally been hit by this, not like you're making am objective analysis of the bigger picture. Sadly, assuming even half of what she said is true, this guy needs a serious reality check.

[NerdInDenial]

@SEntertainment it affects more men but hopefully the gynocentric nature of the courts don’t get you too especially if you’re married.

[BlueDream]

Why isn't he working? He should be busting his ass too now that you have a son. It sounds as if he was to at least help you at home, maybe cleaning up after himself, cooking every now and then you'd have the energy to want to have sex. This is something you need to seriously speak with him before it gets worse and its too late to fix it. Remember communication is key.

[Asker]

I have talked to him about it but goes in one ear and comes right back out the other.. And he isn't working because according to him he is a online salesman which i also have to pay for his ads online but he now puts the excuse that its so hard to go do a delivery with a baby.

[BlueDream]

He needs to get a REAL job. With a secured check. If you don't talk to him about it, you're going to explode one day and all will go down to shit. You need to be serious with him, like sit him down and talk like a married couple should. If he doesn't listen, then you may have to consider showing him you're not fucking around and grab your baby and go. Sometimes reality hits them when they feel they've lost everything. Lessons need to be learned.

[Asker]

Yea i am going to but he will be the one leaving since im the one who pays everything so i get to stay at my own home.

[QCpress]

www.evilenglish.net/.../...64-4436741716-ngbbs.jpg

no comment...

[madgoat]

If what you say is true, you have an unsustainable lifestyle in which you don't get enough sleep.
He doesn't appear to actually do anything at all.
From what you've written, I don't see what you get out of this arrangement.

[NerdInDenial]

You should stay for the sake of your child

[Asker]

I also feel like this at times but i don't want that to be an example for my kid.

[NerdInDenial]

Well has he told you what he does during the day?

[Maidai]

Sounds like you need a man not a boy. A relationship shouldn't feel like daycare

[Asker]

Yup i know but sometimes he says he will change but i don't see when.. He really makes me feel like im taking care of two kids not just one

[g3neral]

To be honest, he should not be asking. If you do not want sex, you have a big problem by yourself...

[SEntertainment]

Yeah, her problem is she's doing everything two people have to do because he's not doing anything but sitting on his butt. She would have time to want sex if she wasn't too busy doing his job too. Seen enough men and women do this to their spouses.

[Asker]

Yea my problem is i am tired at the end of the day right now i got off work at 7:45pm picked up my son fed him and changed him gave him his meds. Since he has the flu and i'm grocery shopping by myself with the baby and still gotta get home do some laundry amd finish cleaning the kitchen and do my whole routine. So sex is not really in my mimd at this point.

[g3neral]

I still feel you are punishing yourself and him.

[sameold]

Bj is let down. Woaha your a wife not whore. Tell him to suck his own dick. Or use his left hand. You put up with a lot. Your a great woman. Shit. You work and then clean? He needs to reevaluate his postition. He should be sucking your sick off till you fall asleep.

[cobo0402]

He doesn't get it. What gets you head is being nice and helping around the house. It's his damn fault.

[Asker]

Yup..

[Robster470]

Life is hard he needs to respect your needs

[HaydenLand]

Leave him
Get a divorce he doesn't deserve you

[Asker]

I know i just always felt like he was going to change back o how he was when we were dating. But i guess not

[Anonymous]

Tell him to wash his balls. Don't get married.

[Anonymous]

Use the reward system. Dishes - handjob, dishes and laundry - blowjob, dishes, laundry and getting the kid ready for bed - mediocre sex, and so on

[bride-2-be]

Love this idea lol

[Anonymous]

If he is the one staying home, part of the job is taking care of the house. Remind him of that—you are a mother of one, not two. Also, if he can’t respect that you’d be tired, that’s his problem, not yours. If he can’t accept that, kick him out on his behind for a bit, give him a taste of the real world.

[Asker]

Haa gunny when i tell him that he tells me im being rude and mean by saying he's not a child and i shouldn't be having to pick up after him too..

[Anonymous]

This could lead to domestic violence.

[Asker]

I know im afraid it could amd now specially with the baby..