Sex after how many dates? should I tell him I’m a virgin?

Question

So Im into this guy I met on tinder but **we’ve only seen each other 3 times** I’m 20 & he's 25. I’ve been in 2 long term relationships but haven’t had sex yet, for one reason or the other-too young or distance. But this guy is older than me & he has a lot more experience. Would I be right thinking that he probably expects sex soon? I’m fine with it I’m just a little worried bc I’ve been quite careful about whom I choose to sleep with- even after i 100% trusted & was in love with both of my past partners, and I don’t like the potential risk of him sleeping with me a couple times and then dropping me, it would kinda suck losing my virginity to some guy on tinder like that. So I’m wondering if I should be straight forward & say something like “look I like you but this is what I ideally want, and this is my situation (Virgin), obviously I don’t have a crystal ball to see if things work out, but are you with me just for a casual hook up or are you open to possibly more?” Is this too much after only 3 dates? Am I wrong to expect a possible relationship from tinder if things go well? Ugh help me🤦‍♀️😂

Logorithim · Accepted Answer

I wouldn't tell him that you're a virgin just yet (that could make him more eager to have sex with you), but you can make it clear that you want to take things slowly, which he will interpret as you being in no hurry to have sex. Rather than confronting him and asking him what his intentions are (because you may not get a truthful answer), you simply make him wait and tell him that you need to get to know him better before having sex with him, should the subject come up.

You can expect that any guy you meet on Tinder, even if he is open to a relationship or explicity wants one, expects to have sex with you. You have the right idea when it comes to losing your virginity to a boyfriend, not some casual hookup and not doing something you don't feel comfortable doing.

vincjh · Accepted Answer

I admire your strong mindset on what you want and don't want.

I'm going to be real. People on Tinder are either broken, weird, crazy, single parents, bored or horny. 1% are actually looking for something serious and are a catch. He does expect sex. It's not bad but once you've had sex, it comes easier than your first time. You should be straightforward with him. There is nothing wrong with that. Better to say it now than being put into a real life position where you feel pressured into losing your virginity to him out of just sheer awkwardness.

I honestly hope he is a nice guy and understands and take it how you want it to be like. Best of luck! I wish for everything you wish for!

RdotC · Answer

You shouldn't be afraid to express your feelings. This is something extremely important to you, so by all means tell him. Hopefully he respects you. I can't say what his intentions truly are. All I can say is that I think it would be beneficial to tell him. Give him a chance to make it special, so at least if things don't work out, you can say that your first time went well. Which is more then what most of us get to say. Also, try not to feel ashamed about how you met him. This is 2018, times are different. There's no need to feel embarrassed, own it.

boggboss · Answer

If he is a player that won't matter as he will agree to it to get sex u stating what u want like that won't change what someone's intentions are

GingerGuy · Answer

You should be straight forward and say want you want yes. Your virginity is your business only! So that's completely optional if you tell him that or not. To ask him what he's looking for, I've been asked that on the first date, so yes absolutely ask and it's not too soon AT ALL! Try not to over think this. Breathe! lol And sex after how many dates? This totally depends on the people and relationship. They are all different and you can't place a specific number to it. It can be the first date (I have before) or several dates. It's when you are both comfortable and ready for it.

areyaready4this · Answer

Lmao! You met him on Tinder and hope its true love? you're only fooling yourself cause i guarantee he expects sex and i can almost guarantee he'll be gone shortly thereafter. In case you didn't know, Tinder is a well known 'hook-up' site. Thats all it is. Can more happen? Sure! The likelihood of finding true love on a site where 98% of the members KNOW its just a hook-up site, may 1-2%? Just set the bar low, wxpect gim to leave after he gets it and anyrhing after that will be considered a bonus!!

introvlox · Answer

Honesty is best. Just remember even if your honest there's no guarantee he will be. Wait as long as you feel comfortable as you only get one go to lose it