Men and women's hearts are equally prone to breaking—but does one gender suffer more soul-crushing agony along the way?
According to a new study published in Evolutionary Behavioral Sciences, women are more negatively affected by breakups than men, experiencing more emotional and physical pain after a split. Hold the pity party, though, because women actually recover more fully than men.
"Breakups seem to 'hit' women harder at first, but they do recover, often in better 'relationship shape' than before," says Craig Morris, a professor of anthropology at Binghamton University in New York and lead author on the study. "Men react differently initially, but also seem to never truly 'recover'. They just sort of move on." But why?
How women respond to breakups
For the study, Morris and his colleagues surveyed 5,705 participants in 96 countries (63 percent were from the U. S.) about their romantic splits—including the severity of their breakup, who initiated it, and what went wrong in the relationship. Participants were also asked to self-report their emotional and physical pain on a scale of one (none) to 10 (unbearable).
The women fared worse when it came to emotional pain. Their mean response was 6.84 compared to men's 6.58—a difference that may seem small but was considered statistically significant. When it came to physical pain, women's mean score was 4.21 on a scale of 10 versus men's 3.75, also statistically significant.
Following a breakup, women also reported more depression, fear, and anxiety. Men, meanwhile, reported more feelings of numbness, loss of focus, and anger.
Interestingly, women were also more likely to do the breaking up than men—despite facing a more painful road to recovery. The researchers point out that this finding backs up previous research showing that women initiate divorce in 70 percent of legal cases.
How evolutionary biology explains the difference Why are women more likely to pull the plug, if they're going to end up more hurt? Morris says women take the risk because they "have so much more to lose" by being with the wrong person—at least according to evolutionary biology theory. The theory teaches that men compete and women choose when it comes to mating. Men are wired to gather resources and battle other men for the best female, whereas women are wired to be selective—especially when looking for a longterm mate with whom to reproduce and rear children. Yes, once again, it comes down to baby making. (Researchers also believe that monogamy itself evolved because, many millennia ago, it was too difficult for only one parent to raise a human baby. Women needed to make sure their mate stuck around.)
If one buys into this theory, men can exit a relationship with little effect on their future reproductive success, whereas women cannot. Women have more at stake when entering a relationship—and thus it hurts more when the relationship ends. But as Morris pointed out, women ultimately tend to come out emotionally stronger, whereas men never really, truly get over it—they just find another mate. "Most women, broadly speaking, seem to be hit hard and fast by a breakup, but are less self destructive, utilize more social support, and recover faster and more fully," Morris says, adding that women hit a moment when they realize, "it's really over, it's time to move on."
Men, on the other hand, "seem to react badly and in some sort of self-destructive/angry fashion often combined with depression," he says. "This can last for months or years. Then they just sort of 'move on,' usually via another relationship." In the modern world, this phase is what's commonly known as the "excessive Tinder stage." Love hurts for everyone The truth is, breakups hurt for everyone. As anthropologist Helen Fisher once put it, "Why did our ancestors evolve brain links that cause us to hate the one we love? Perhaps because it enables jilted lovers to extricate themselves and start again." Morris believes that breakups bring literal pain not only to help us start over, but also to make sure we take our relationships seriously. "Breakups should hurt, so that we have evolved to avoid them! If breakups didn't hurt, we'd invest very little in relationships," he says.
Of course! Because of our dating dynamics, where men make the first move, women get to experience less rejection and aren't as used to taking it.
here here
Going to be totally honest here and say that bitch is a fucking bitch, oh my goodness she's so horrible and she overreacted a shit ton on there fucking hypocrite, yeah nope I can say it that we do tend to not handle it very well at times - I just hope we don't all act like that crazy bitch on those text message shit.
Because it's essential for a woman to feel pretty and sexy.. And when he rejects her she feels the opposite..
We women can't live a happy life if we are ugly. We must be pretty.
That's why it gets to us more.. For you men looking sexy isn't vital, what's vital for men is getting sex..
Because women had to be desirable to survive in old times. Undesirable women just left behind. Being desirable equals survival for women. Men have to be desirable too but men survived with their strenght not their looks.
Is that conversation even real? I can totally see women doing this: “My life is over – I can’t cope – I’m going to post passive aggressive quotes and cute selfies on Instagram until he realises what he’s lost.”
Yeah
Wow. Some women. Although you can't base an opinion on just one example.
The women posting selfies and passive aggressive posts is absolutely true.
A. Because:.
I can’t cope – I’m going to post passive aggressive quotes and cute selfies on Instagram until he realises what he’s lost.
LMAO 😂
I was rejected this morning as a matter of fact 😭
That's mean
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I heard once in breakups that for women it's a big thing at first then they get over it in time, whereas for men it's a small thing at first but grows gradually into a bigger problem.
Like, you'd see a guy out with his friends the day after, but down the road he's crying himself to sleep at night. A woman you'd see crying themselves to sleep at night initially, then in a month or so it's like nothing even happened.
I think we could assume the same logic for being rejected by a crush.
I think it just depends on the person's psyche and maturity in the end. I don't know if it can be broken down to gender. Perhaps gender differences in the US vs the UK (adding culture) might shed light on this thread
If you put an obviously ridiculous example you are going to skew the results of the poll
Girls take it worse then men.
All of the proofs you showed above is nothing compare to men splashing acid on our face when we rejected them. I have plenty of guys who threatened me far worst than what this girl did.
Judging by your name I take it you're Indian/Pakistani? Stop hanging around Muslim men and you'll find acid attacks are non-existant outside of the Islamic world
@Negrodamu5 Columbia has the highest acid attack and it is not a Muslim country.
Non-existent in the civilized West, then
Women have it worst because we have to cope with the bitching and mocking of other women. Rejection is ok as long at people who reject you dont start thinking they are irreplacable and turn it into bitching and bullying.
In my experience both take it quite poorly.
Women handle it worse than men because men are used to it. Men do the majority of asking someone on a date or asking for a number, so they get more rejections. Women are always rejecting people, but when they get rejected it is something unusual and harsh for them.
I agree, but I've had some men react terribly to rejection as well. It depends on the person I'd say, though women are probably more likely to be hostile because they aren't used to it.
That girl is a psycho.
I dont take rejection well
Some folks lack empathy towards women. Some don't care if they offend or hurt someone feelings.
Sometimes with good reason.
They like to make fun of men. N they are materialized
I’ve never met a woman who can take rejection lol. Even if they are outwardly polite and okay about it, you try and be their friend after and they are COLD... something I know. And I don’t mean simply distant, they get bitchy and passive aggressive even if the two of you have to do something together or wood togethe etc.
I think we tend to do it. We take it more personal probably
that conversation turned me on
Women definitely take it worse. Men face rejection constantly and are expected by women to not have any emotions. A woman gets rejected once and stop the planet from rotating, she's upset.
It depends on the girl but I take rejection fine
Cuz I’m used to it
FeelsBadMan
Yeah women can't take it.
They will be bitter against u forever.
Women take it worse trust me I am one. They either ignore you or rip you a new one for saying the wrong thing.😒
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