Am I a Shallow Person for wanting a Virgin to marry?

[Anonymous]

I'm 27 years old virgin, religious guy.
I'm good looking about 9/10 (as told by many) and I'm 6 feet tall. (1.83 m)
I earn 6 figure salary in Microsoft.

I got so many opportunities to get laid in my life. But all I ever did was making out because sex is not allowed before marriage.

Now, Im looking for a woman to marry.

When I take her out for a date , I tell her that I don't want to hide anything, I had a lot of casual sex and a lot of relationships. (I lie)

And She says she had few relationships as well.
I block her after that. She is out.

My friends told me that I'm shallow to want a virgin. But I think that if I can control my desires and save myself for 1 woman.

Why should I accept a woman who didn't respect her body, who didn't respect her future husband when she opened her legs in front of a guy just for temporary pleasure.

Also, i have seen on Google that a woman who had a lot of past sexual partners can never become a good wife and a good mother.
And the risk of promiscuity and divorce goes up dramatically.

I don't want to sleep with one eye open for the rest of my life.

Loyalty is my top priority, and I will never accept a disloyal, promiscuous woman as my wife.

Am I a shallow person?

[Pink934]

I see where you're coming from there.

I also adhere to my religious beliefs where sex is concerned and you know, being 24 and never having slept with someone by choice can be tough at times. I start thinking - what if I don't actually enjoy sex after all this? What if I never find someone to marry? What if I never have the chance to have kids eventually? And so the list goes on.

And what's more is, I can't find a partner whose beliefs resound with mine. Sure I have had boyfriends and I have one now. But it's very hard because he's had sex before and I haven't. And he knows my views on it. But I also wonder, will I be able to sleep with a man who's been with another girl before me?

So I completely get where you're coming from, and good on you. I wish I had the strength to stay single and hold out for someone rather than getting myself into situations like I'm in now.

[Pink934]

However, it maybe not entirely fair to deceive a woman just to get the truth out of her? It doesn't have to be like that - just ask subtly :)

[aicarg]

Everyone has their own personal standards and values that they place when finding the one. That's truly fine as I can imagine the disconnect between the girl and yourself if you share opposite values on how you view sex. Sex is sacrade to you and is meant to be kept for the one you marry - I tottaly respect that.

However, I'm MORE so DISTURBED by YOU LYING on the first date. If I was in the lady's shoes and told you truthfully I was a virgin even after you lied and told me you had many sexual encounters; but then you told me otherwise afterwards or I find out down the line that you lied to me... I'd be mad hurt, call you out on it ("so much for not wanting to hide anything") and block you out completely.

[MlleCake]

You're shallow for lying, and you're shallow for thinking it makes any actual difference. If you plan to marry a virgin, you should be dating within conservative, typically religious circles, not regular women you meet "how ever". You should probably have the help of religiously conservative elders in your community to help you find a girl who is chaste in the way that you desire.

But, since you stayed chaste as well, I guess it's your right to want a life partner who is at a similar level of sexual experience as you are.

I think 99% of what people believe about virginity is a bunch of crap. Personally.

[kap_nss]

Maybe you're shallow, maybe not. You are a religious person and you want a virgin. Since you are a virgin I think you're in your own right to desire one. It won't be easy at all but you'll eventually find one.
Drawbacks:
* You will never be 100% sure she's a virgin. She could lie to you and there's no scientific method for being sure.
* Even if she's a virgin she could cheat on you and/or divorce. Actually, virgin people who's been with a single partner in it's entire life is more likely to cheat than experienced people.
* You could end up falling in love with a non-virgin girl (it's something common among religious people) and the you'll regret not having done what she did (enjoy sex for years with other guys, in your case other girls).

[Xasildo]

You're really setting your sight narrow to a point with your old fashioned viewpoint. I hope you don't try to convince people that they're going to be unfaithful because they've had multiple partners/relationships. It can take a while to find a person you want to settle down with for a long time.
It is shallow to define a woman just because of her sexual history. Loyalty isn't lessened by that, it's based on the person themselves. But clearly it's part of your ideology and I doubt you made this question to receive anything but validation for your viewpoint.
So
Best of luck to you finding this gal.

[wolfcat87]

Women who have had sex with more than one person can be loyal. Most of them get married and stay married and committed. I think you are closed minded, but that doesn't make you wrong. It's like a person who refuses to eat anything but plain noodles for their whole adult life it does not hurt anyone but you.

What if you marry a woman and find out you're entirely sexually incompatible? Will you sacrifice yourself on the altar of bad sex for eternity in the name of loyalty? Will you force yourself to continue to have sex with her no matter the misfit or how foul? Many a miserable marriage has started with good intentions. Not everyone wants to live like that.

Some of us respect ourselves enough to want to be happy in life. Some of us want to be sure that the person we choose to be loyal to is a match that we will never regret or question. Not everyone dreams the same dream. Good luck to you.

[Asker]

Your grand mother and grand father. My grand mother and grand father. Your father and mother. And my father and mother. And most other people's parents or grandparents Didn't explore their options by fucking 100 people and then deciding whic cock suits them best or which vagina is most pleasurable. They just married, and guess what, earlier marriages lasted longer and were more happier. Divorce was a rare incidence. And now, even after selecting the best cock and vest vagina. People are still getting divorced. Don't you think something's wrong?

[wolfcat87]

Again, the vast majority of people never divorce... The vast majority of people have had multiple partners. I think you're letting your paranoia override logic and actual facts. Also, humans have been sexual at most point sin history. Just because it was taboo to speak of it to their friends and family does not mean it didn't happen. People are just able to be honest about it now. I've been with my husband for over a decade. He wasn't a virgin when I met him, and I've had far more than the average number of partners. His parents weren't virgins when they married either, and they've been together for over 30 years. His father even hired a hooker once. I don't know what my grandparents did before or during marriage, but I would never presume to know what they did or did not do... The happiness in marriages has certainly not decreased. The average number of partners has never has been 100. That's exceedingly rare which only supports the irrational paranoia issue I see here.

[lord_chilled]

You are overestimating promiscuity. There have been promiscuous times and places and there have been non promiscuous ones.

[yougurt]

You're judgmental, not shallow. If you're a virgin yourself, you can set that standard for your girlfriend as well. But lying to get that info and saying a woman who had sex before is disrespecting you and herself is very judgmental and narrow-minded

[Nico63]

Well I am a good mum... and hoping I could make a damn good wife and I have had a lot of sexual partners.

I think it’s nice for you to wait however we live in a world where at your age the Liklihood of you finding a girl who is a virgin is few and far between.

[lilaqua]

No not really. But god you're missing out. Sad to hear

[Astoriana]

I agree with @MlleCake, but I will add this:

Your friends are right about you being shallow. You don’t seem to care about anything that makes a relationship work, just virginity. It’s as though your future wife or girlfriend could be basically brain dead but you’d be fine with that as long as she’s a virgin.

[JulieXO]

Everyone has preferences. However, I think you shouldn’t lie on the first date, it makes you a bit of a hypocrite. You say how important loyalty and honesty is, and then you lie to her the first time you see her. Is that really how you want to start a relationship with a girl you might want to marry one day?

[Asker]

I lie because I want to hear the truth from her mouth. Do you think she will speak the truth if I say I'm a virgin and looking for a virgin? hell NO

[JulieXO]

The same could be said for the opposite. She might be a virgin and be embarrassed about it so she’ll lie about her past, just like you.

[Asker]

Thousand cock stare on the face of a woman doesn't lie.

[The_monk]

Don't waste your time with the child, virgin, go figure.

[HOAAH]

I mean you are a virgin, so you wanting a virgin is ok too. It's just not ok if you are doing a double standard, like you are not one but you want one.
I was a virgin before I met my now husband too but he was not (he had 2 girlfriends before me), but he is faithful to me and we make it work. I'm sure he watches porn and wacks off all the time, but whatever. He still works, makes money and pays the bills while I'm a stay at home mom. So what I'm saying is, it is ok to marry a non virgin as long as they really really want to work it out with YOU and aren't hung up on some other person in their past. Also sex before marriage is just another sin, like lying, greed and arrogance, or forgiveness. So I just learned to see that he is not perfect and neither am I, so Jesus died for him as well as me...

[PoliceLivesMatter]

It’s whatever you want man. If you truly believe this than, you could actually be unhappy if you veer away from it.

[ChronicThinker]

Lying isn't very Christian of you.

[Celtero]

You're completely right about divorce rate skyrocketing with n-count.

These days it's better to remain single for men. A woman is just gonna use you for your looks and money.

Though honestly, I smell BS.

[wolfcat87]

Actually, the divorce rate does not skyrocket. I had this debate with someone else on the site earlier and looked up the stats. Women are by far likely to stay married and not cheat no matter how many partners they have had. At the worst it's still about 65-70% that stay loyal. That number has increased not due to sexual partners but due to society's acceptance of divorce as a viable option (In the 80's 85% would not divorce even with a high the partner count). If he found someone 100% against divorce his odds would be just as good as finding a virgin.

[Celtero]

www.dailymail.co.uk/.../...ine-likely-DIVORCE.html

No hymen no diamond.

[DaveDavidson]

Nope.
I mean it might not be all that feasible, but nobody can fault you for wanting it.

[soomin_kim]

You are not shallow you saved yourself for marriage and you want a girl who did the same. Im also saving myself for marriage and i don't want a guy who isn't a virgin as well. Don't listen to people saying you are closed minded you are religious and they aren't , there is nothing wrong with waiting till marriage ^^

[NomNom16]

I won't think you're shallow. I also think the same as you because we might be share the same value.
People who think you're shallow might be not share the same value as you.

[Andreas300787]

yes you are shallow. not for your religious opinions or wanting and equally inexperienced girl. but for the rest of your post.
the reasons you give make you look shallow and stupid.

[Andreas300787]

first part of your post could have just been "male 27 and virgin by choice" but you give a detailed list why you dont suck. then you lie to women on your first date to trick them into telling you stuff about their past. And then you block them? like a teenage girl? then this stuff about how she doesn't respect her body and future husband by having sex... followes by your awesone point how it makes them bad moms and wifes? You just can't be a virgin yourself, but you have to discredit women who doesn't live up to your ideals? Here is a bible quote for you: Do not judge so that you are not judged.

[kusoe]

You want what you have in return. It is only fair, despite temptations you have done well in keeping your virginity, it will count on judgement day.

[The_monk]

I'm glad that you block her, believe me, she deserves better than a guy who cannot just say "look, I'm a fucking virgin guy and I'm looking for the same kind because my religion forbids the pleasures of the body", instead you decide to be a little boy who rather lie than being truthful.

And yes, you're shallow. Not for wanting a virgin but for being liar. Grow a pair.

[jacquesvol]

"Also, i have seen on Google that a woman who had a lot of past sexual partners can never become a good wife and a good mother."
On Google you find opinions from all kinds of persons. Not necessarily true.

Noone 'deserves' anyone.

[Iron_Man]

No your not you have the right to request a virgin girl if you want one

[Waffles731]

I think that you are lying

[lord_chilled]

No not shallow at all.

You have standards. I have them too.
I voted c tough, just for the lolz.

Your strategy is effective but if it turns out she actually is a virgin, then you kinda messed up by saying that you aren't.

I think its better if you let a third party do the digging regarding sex life.