Should I be concerned about my boyfriends taste for really intense porn?

[Artemisss]

By intense I mean like mascara running all over, girls being called super degrading names, violent face f***ing, so violent some girls puke. Its some kinky ass, upside down, jamming dicks into faces, tears running everywhere, and being forced into some pretty harsh positions and sometimes looking like they were crying or in pain.

I myself have watched and participated in some pretty kinky stuff and watch porn myself. Some really rough stuff sometimes too. But This was like next level shit... Full blown misogynistic dominance, not like rape type stuff, but these girls were not all enjoying themselves AT ALL. Very BDSM if not totally BDSM. And this is pretty much the only type of porn he's watching.

I'm trying to keep an open mind here. He's never done anything serious to hurt me or demonstrated behavior towards me that would make me think he'd do anything to me. And he's most definitely not even close to being dominant towards me in our sex life... in fact I'm dying for him to be much MORE dominant. (Not the gnarly style skull crusher type though...) If anything I think our sex life is lacking because he's watching porn TOO much. I'm in my freakin' prime (34 he's 46) and he wants to watch porn more than he wants to have ravage me. Possible porn addict?

I would love some feed back... is this shit normal? Is it something I need to worry about? Does he want to do that kind of stuff in real life and that's why he watches that kind of porn? or is it fantasy?
I need some sort of understanding here.

Your turn :)

[MrMysteryMan]

Seems perhaps maybe he wishes he could be like this with someone or to be able to manhandle women like this. Also, if he's more interested in that porn that wanting to ravage you (which boggles my mind), it tells me perhaps he isn't as confident as he wants to be and he dreams of being this dominant with women like he sees in the porn. That's one view I have of it.

Another could be that he has been dominated by women or feels that women have dominated him or that he's never been the one to just get what he wants. Maybe has had a lot of very strong women in his life or was abused or somewhat controlled by a woman in past relationships or even his mom or sister or something. So he's never felt stronger than women and so he plays out his wish to be the dominant, and the anger of being pushed around by women is projected through the violent, woman degrading porn he watches?

Or, some men just get turned on by seeing women violently used, like a worthless whore toy just for a tool to get off. I don't agree with the harsh degrading shit, but I'd love to have a woman who wouldn't mind being my dirty little sex slave when I wanted. Oooohhhh the fun that would be for both of us...

But it could be a number of things, but you really won't know until you talk to him about it.

Also, if you want him to be more assertive with you, tell him exactly what you want. Likeas raunchy as you can get. I like it when a girl is somewhat descriptive and really graphic when it comes to sex. It's supposed to be a naughty time together without reservation really. Too much "read between the lines" talk can confuse things or get miscommunication very easily between men and women, especially now that there's that fear of maybe going to far or the #metoo thing.

[JimRSmith]

I don't think it's normal, I think you're right to be concerned, and I think he should cut back on porn use in general, and should give up on the degrading stuff entirely.

Too many people let porn take over their lives, and he's clearly one of them.

[Artemisss]

I agree. There's been a lot of porn. I know there are some people that really love that stuff, women and men alike. But there has been nothing communicated to me as far as what he seems to really like. Our sex life lacks, and I only just found out recently that it was because of porn. he's watching like 4-5 times a week, we have sex maybe once a week, twice sometimes. I feel like this is something about him I can't change.

[JimRSmith]

As in you think he'd be unresponsive if you asked him to concentrate more on you, than on the porn?

[Artemisss]

As in we have had this conversation before. The last time this came up it was because I snooped. It was wrong , and I admitted it and apologized. Now, what I FOUND when I snooped is what leads me here. The porn was PLENTY. He had large files with women he slept with in the past, videos and photos (like a lot), those were more normal ish, it was the quantity of them and how recently he was reliving his past women. And I also found the crazy ones then too. That’s when I realized that our sex life was lacking not because of low sex drive but because he was whacking him self off too much. I can’t compete with this. I’m a normal 34 year old woman who wants nothing more than for him to want me MORE than the porn and for him to be open with me about what he likes sexually

[JimRSmith]

Which, to be fair, is entirely reasonable, and is not asking too much. I'd question things, too, if I were you. You're not wrong about this.

[Artemisss]

Thank you. That makes me feel better. Don’t know how I’m going to handle this. Is this something I should be breaking up with someone I’ve been with for almost a year over?

[JimRSmith]

I think only you can answer that. I'd probably ask yourself questions along the lines of whether or not you think he is going to change, how you think the future will play out for you as a couple, though. Another thing to consider is that some people enjoy fantasising about stuff that they wouldn't want to make into reality. Most of these are women, it's true, but there will also be guys who do this. So he could be one. What you described, however, would personally give me pause for thought (and that's an understatement). I'm personally not Ok with the kind of porn he's into, and it would be a big red flag if a girl I was dating was into that.

[Artemisss]

I’m hoping you’re right about the fantasy thing. I’ve considered that. As freaked out as I kind of am, I’m also very open minded to things people can be into. Sort of a live and let live mentality. I have friends that do unspeakable things to each other and they love it, and there are large communities of people who like BDSM. I’m reallly trying to mix some rationale into the basket. But I lean pretty heavily towards the same mentality you have. This is extreme.

[JimRSmith]

I think ultimately - trust your gut. I see further down another guy mentioned that he'd be worried that there are darker issues going on, which you're clearly concerned about, as would I be. I'm a big believer in if something smells off, then it probably is off. Trust your instincts.

[Artemisss]

I am too. If I have to come on here to find people to talk to about this, just to even give myself some peace of mind from this, then there’s a big problem to be addressed. I’m not sure what’s worse, the problem itself or the fact that I’m scared shitless to address said problem with him because I’ll open myself up to this and I’ll get shut down because he’s not going to want to talk about the fact that he has a problem. I have a lot invested in this relationship and I feel like all of this is changing how I see him as a person. It’s kind of heartbreaking to be honest. To think you’re with one person and then to find out after almost a year that they have a huge secret about themselves that affects a very large aspect of our relationship and a huge part of my self esteem. so much for you to read haha Thank you. I appreciate you. I really needed to talk about this.

[JimRSmith]

Not a problem, happy to help.

[XRabbitHeartX]

I personally think I will feel disgusted to be with the the type of guy who find such things hot. My boyfriend doesn't even watch porn let alone will find a woman puking or getting fucked in a degrading manner attractive. Neither any of my ex's who didn't even want to do basic BDSM play. Everyone is entitled to watch whatever they want but I think your porn taste does to a certain extent dictate what you think is acceptable. Clearly your partner thinks it is perfectly OK for women to be treated like that in porn which I don't know would make me feel icky. I feel that is actually bordering abuse because if the girl isn't even enjoying it then why the hell would it be hot to watch?

I would honestly breakup if I were you and find a guy who couldn't stand a woman being treated that way, let alone find it a turn on. It is NOT normal.

[th3c0unt]

Ok I feel creepy now. I'm going into questions and you're goving the exact replies I want to give like 100% @XRabbitHeartX

[Anonymous]

You should be worried that this is only his fantasy, and you haven't yet made this reality with him.

I understand the apprehension you might have. I once felt that way too, but I have to say having your face fucked is one of the hottest experiences ever if you really like feeling submissive to your man. It can take a bit before you can really adjust to letting him have that control over you, its a learning curve. But it's so worth it. At this point, I actually prefer having my hands tied behind me first so that I can't control it even if I wanted to. It's wildly submissive, and I love it.

I would also say, yes this a fairly common interest among guys that I've met.

[SnapTsch]

Let's keep the possible addiction to the size for a while
The fact that he prefers porn over you is a pretty big warning of possible losing of sexual interest

[Artemisss]

Well the really shitty part is that I've been all sorts of patient over the past 9 months, running under the idea that his medications cause the lack of sex drive. He swears I turn him on, there's no one else sexier than me to him. But He's watching porn 4-5 times a week and our sex is reallllly low... like maybe once a week. It makes me feel like there I something wrong with me.

[SnapTsch]

Lack of sex drive would have resulted in no porn as well Normally people don't watch porn for the script and cinematography. Maybe he is is fetishising something that he knows he isn't going to get from you

[Artemisss]

Maybe... but if that’s the case, even if I can compromise and get into some of what he likes, do you think I won’t be enough?

[Artemisss]

And come to think of it, the porn I watch is a lot of what I don’t get from him... 🤔

[reventon4]

@SnapTsch I don't really see why. She seems to be a very attractive woman who is willing to perform anything in bed. Not sure why the boyfriend would rather jack off alone

[SnapTsch]

@Artemisss I can tell if you compromising would be enough because I dont know your husband nor his inclinations. The only answer you'll get us gonna be from him. Based on the second reply, I understand, that's usually why readily available sex is sidelined for porn because what's on screen is what they crave and what's on the bed isn't as good as the one on screen.

[SnapTsch]

@reventon4 doesn't matter if you or me or anyone sees the reason behind it, its his life and his choices.

[reventon4]

You are the wildest girl in languagd I ever seen

[Artemisss]

This is nothing my friend... I was holding back on the language

[reventon4]

I can relate to porn as I watch quite of bit of them myself, nothing compared to the kinky taste that he possesses. I liked you saying that you are in the prime of your life–which is very true to women in their 30s, and deserve a better sex life. I think he is too deep into his fantasies and felt lame to make it come true. I read a post about a pair of lovers yesterday that they constantly flash each other–whether it's boobs, vajayjay or penis, I thought it's a really hot game to play and instantly stimulates the sex drive. Perhaps you can experiment this with him?

[EmmaG1997]

All guys watch porn but this seems extreme

[LastNightmare]

Yeah this is extreme

[RenegadeSailor]

He might be affraid of what he desires.

When you have strong desires to do things that are really taboo in our society, he can wind up feeling bad about it.

Also consider that we don't always have the same urges towards everyone.

[tk42jm]

Well if you're not into it, it is kind of a bad thing but does the sex matter more than your feelings?

[Artemisss]

I'm not into that type of intensity... I enjoy a good amount of kinky stuff. And no the sex doesn't matter MORE than our feelings, but an emotional connection is not the ONLY part of a relationship

[Jaybournexx]

Yeah I’d be concerned he might have some darker issues

[Artemisss]

I am... very much so.

[Jaybournexx]

Good luck

[Artemisss]

Thank you! I might need it.

[avi007bondster]

Umm its concerning.. but not alarming if you want your man to be dominant as you yourself said he has to learn from somewhere...

[Artemisss]

I want him to be MUCH more dominant. I don't want to be sexually abused like these girls, maybe just semi BDSM? Is there such a thing?

[avi007bondster]

Well you'll have to let him know what is acceptable and to what extent and what is downright unacceptable.. communication is the key... But someone who loves you wouldn't hurt you.. even if i get a bit rough in bed with my girl when she gets hurt in any way she lets me know i told her that let me know if I'm too rough... Ps I'm not in bdsm and fetishes and stuff just good old hard pounding

[LastNightmare]

Oh man.. He's into BDSM

[buckybarnes85]

I'm concerned

[rockrewls]

Maybe he wants to ravage you, have you asked him?

[Artemisss]

Maybe I don't ask in the right ways? I've asked him before if there is anything I could do differently, or if there was anything I could do to make our sex life more exciting for him. It doesn't normally produce results.

[rockrewls]

He need to communicate that to you, or how will you know what gets his motor running, so to speak.

[ChristianThermals]

that's crazy