Sexual Relationships
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Is it really too much to expect a guy not to look at porn while in a relationship with you?

I just find it really disrespectful for a guy to look at porn when we're in a relationship. I'm not a prude, I just really hate porn, I find disgusting. There is no love in porn and love is what makes sex good.

We always make excuses for men because of biology but I really don't see it. Men don't have to rape women when they see the a leg exposed, they do have control. I really don't think men have to look at porn, it's just a choice.

Maybe I expect too much in return for my unconditional loyalty.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • It's not unreasonable whatsoever. Few people want to admit it, and far more might ridicule me for saying it, but: infidelity begins with the mind, first and foremost.

    Someone who refuses to allow themselves to so much as even lust after someone aside from their own partner isn't ever going to have issues with being loyal. On the other hand, someone who makes a regular habit of getting off to other women -will- look at other women lustfully. They -will- check out other women in their day to day interactions on the street, and they're probably far more likely to cheat. At it's core, it's a form of disloyalty, whether people want to admit it or not.

    An ex of mine (incidentally someone I intended to marry), once wanted to take me to a strip club for my birthday, while we were still dating. I refused, not once.. but probably about three times. Two reasons, really:

    1) Allowing myself to lust after another woman, in front of her no less, would sow the seeds of distrust in her head. It'd show that I have a capacity and willingness to fantasize about other women. And in the long run, that could -seriously- hurt her, and inhibit her ability to trust me, or ever feel safe being in a relationship with me.

    2) I'd immediately regret it. Even on my own time, behind her back, I held myself to a standard of not checking out other women. And I know, deep down, had I ever slipped, I'd have genuinely felt bad about it.

    This may not be the case for everyone, but to speak from my own experience, as a guy: The last time I truly loved someone, I couldn't bring myself to look at another woman that way, period. In my mind, no one compared. I didn't -want- anyone else, and so I wouldn't bother looking. Long after we broke up that feeling still persisted. It took me a substantial amount of time to get over her, and far more to even consider dating anyone else.

    I've a very low opinion of people who fantasize about other women when they're dating someone. And I think far less of those who would willingly continue watching pornography when they know it's harmful to their partner.

  • I 100% agree with you. I'm sure this won't be popular but watching porn anytime is wrong for many reasons, the exploitation of women, the cheapening of sex, the creation of unrealistic expectations of women and men etc. But watching porn while in a relationship is being unfaithful to your partner. It is cheating, period. Like I said I'm sure that won't be a popular opinion but, yea.
    You deserve better than a man that takes sex so lightly.
    PS I'm sure I'll be called a prude as well lol.

    • I think it's a wonderful thing and who wouldn't want complete mutual love and loyalty? If I ever marry in the future, this is what I want. It's not too much to ask for.

    • You're absolutely right. It isn't too much to ask. He's out there, you'll find him. ☺

    • You know what it comes down to I think... if you find the perfect person for you, you really don't need anyone else. Why would you?

Most Helpful Girls

  • What I understand which is what you need to understand is that it's not about you. It's about him. If a guy has been watching porn since he was like a teenager, do you really expect that just because he's in a relationship he will stop? No he won't. And if he can get pleasure from watching porn and that makes him happy, shouldn't you also be happy?

    Why women put pressure on men to fit into their own mold of what perfect is, I will never understand. If it is a really serious issue to you then make sure he is not a "porn watcher" before getting into a relationship with him. But don't expect that because you think your pussy is the best thing on earth he will change his habits. You can't make a zebra change its stripes.

    And by the way I also dislike porn because I find it loveless. But I would respect my man enough to at least let him be, or if he asks me to I'd watching with him (probably while servicing him since I really really don't wanna watch it lol. But the point is that is such a trivial stupid thing to make a big fuss about.

    Unless you are super insecure about yourself and immature enough to think him watching porn is somehow cheating. In that case seek help.

    • Omg yes girl preach I love everything you’re saying.

  • Divorce rate is 50% now. The rate is going up for men who watch porn. Porn has ended many marriages. I wouldn't marry a man who had an addiction with porn or who wouldn't be able to go weeks without watching it. Porn really does affect the mind. We are just brainwashed now and the sheep will disagree. Sorry but it's true. My boyfriend has told me I wasn't allowed to watch certain things and I listened to him although it got me super mad inside. BUt then found un exited porn sites on his phone when he tried showing me something. Bruhhh.. I got played. men go as far women let them go. If women don't have a problem with porn then they will not stop watching porn. But I bet if more women didn't let them watch porn they would stop watching porn because the real thing is much better than porn and if you disagree then that's sad. But you either deal with it or leave him. You have the right to leave him. You can choose what guy to date. There are guy's out there who are not addicted to porn and perhaps may look at porn once a year when they are truly weak but have no addiction to it. It becomes an issue when women settle for less. They are not truly happy but they stay with the guy anyway.

    • Porn has not ended marriages. Lack of sex from the woman has ended marriages, fighting over money ends marriages, cheating does because a woman fucks the mail man rather than watch porn!

    • @Apope16 Porn has ended marriages lol I had to work on an essay where I read many pages, and pages, and more pages from different articles about the cause of the high divorce rate. Did you stay up all night reading these articles? I don't think so. Yes, Porn has ended marriages. You say porn doesn't end marriages but lack of sex from women has ended marriages and etc. lol Yes even men cheating has caused marriages to end, even women who choose their cat nancy over their husband has caused a marriage to end. I have met pastors who have cheated on their wife which ended their marriage. For example, celebrities, do you think those famous men who are divorced? didn't' watch porn? yet they still cheated on their wife lol You really think women who cheat on their husband don't watch porn? You are only giving me different scenarios. None of it proves that men watching porn hasn't ended many marriages. You seem naive. Watching porn doesn't help one to be faithful if it helps you then... sad.

    • Porn addiction ended my marriage And made an incredible, beautiful woman feel like shit. I have since quit but it's too late to repair the marriage. It really does alter brain chemistry and basically brainwashed me. I despise porn, both for what it does to people in the industry and to the intimacy between couples.

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  • You don't expect too much. What is acceptable in one relationship isn't acceptable for another. My husband never looked at porn to begin with so I never really had to deal with it but I have read about some studied that say that porn is unhealthy for a relationship because it is supposed to make you more aware if the fact other people can be sex objects and it can increase a wondering eye, or along those lines anyways. I do watch porn but I would stop immidiatly if my husband had a problem with it. I have left people for less than a lot of what I have read on here because I am picky and weeding through all the people I didn't want quickly allowed me to find a man that never expects me to put up with anything that makes me uncomfortable because he is a mature man and truly values me. Some men will try to make up excuses that aren't actually valid because they want to have their cake and eat it to, it is up to women to keep our standards high. I myself have never been broken up with and never been cheated on, as far as I'm aware anyway, and I do believe that is because I don't demand a man to not do those things but because I simply won't waste my time on guys like that.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Your boundary is that his sexual interest be only focused on you, which is fine if that's your limit.

    But this is sorta unreasonable. Because porn is a one-way experience... he's just masternbating, he's not interacting with one else.. he's alone.

    Does this mean he also can't masterbate in the shower alone? Because in that same experience he'll be fantasizing about someone, or a group of someones. Is this also cheating?

    If I had a woman who demanded she become my ONLY source of sexual release, and I WOULD consider it, she would then have to be willing to meet my needs when ever I had them.

    I'm tired after work? Blowjob.

    We had sex last night and this morning I'm still turned on? Sexy times.

    To me that would be a reasonable compromise.

    Or... even better. Would you be okay if he shot porn with you, so that he could masterbate to you when you're not around?

    This also seems like a decent compromise.

    I'm curious what others think.

    ~ Robby

    • I'm just curious? If she were to do that, meet your needs and/or do porn for you, would you then be satisfied with that? And would there be issues not watching it?

    • @Pennybee Absolutely. If she had this specific need, to be my only source of sexual satisfaction, and if she was always available to me sexually, (or would playfully record some stuff for me to masterbate to) I would extremely pleased. :D

    • If I loved him I'd always be available for him under the condition that he would always be available for me as well, even if that means a 2 and half hour marathon when he's exhausted after work. Be careful of what you wish for. I definitely prefer a man who doesn't need to jack off on the spot whenever the urge hits. Key word here is man (not an ape).

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  • Omg 200+ answers from guys

    and 90+ from women 👀😬😂

    so um…I cannot determine the universal acceptability, or “code of honor,” here.

    I’m definitely not going to show up at your guys’ place in a black and white striped shirt, and whistle, to blow and drop a flag on you guys, IF he did so. 🧢🏁🚩

    I personally would not accept a guy who did that. My body has one purpose for him. If I can’t cut it for him, I don’t want it. 🙅‍♀️

  • It is, when it’s something they use to express themselves sexually outside of your relationship. Instead of trying to change people and attempting to cage them within your personal ideals just choose men who aren’t interested in it in the first place. Sure your pool to select from will be much smaller but it’s going to be a happier and more fulfilling relationship for both of you than getting caught up in something so menial

    • It was a good learning lesson for both of us. He cried when I broke up with him but he has his porn to keep him warm now.

    • 🤷🏻‍♀️ Someone who shares his values will show up for a much more fulfilling relationship

    • Yeah likely some girl that doesn't respect herself, who has had 100 sexual partners :D

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  • I watch porn too. It has nothing to do with loyalty. I don’t imagine myself as the girl. I just watch it as it is. And I prefer lesbians although I’m not a lesbian. I watch threesomes but I am not confident enough to do it in real life and I will get very jealous in a threesome. I watch gangbangs too when I’m really horny. I will never do such things but I enjoy watching it. Sex is always better than porn no matter how small your boobs are, how much you weight or how big is the dick. It’s always better than jerking by yourself to porn. If he watches those sluts with super big fake boobs and neon fishnets trust me he doesn’t want you to look like that! It has nothing to do with loyalty, he’s not cheating. All men watch porn even if they are married... even if the sex is good you still need your time masturbating and it’s easier with porn cause you’re more open to new stuff and relaxed and you sometimes find out what you really like or what helps reaching orgasm.

    • Sometimes you are horny at 2 am and your SO is not with you. Thinking at your so does not help it’s not the same sometimes you just need to see something, the motion or the moaning. Don’t make him stop watching porn just don’t talk about it if it makes you feel uncomfortable. Try sexting and sending nudes or videos of yourself while you masturbate. He will jerk off to that too and he will enjoy it much more. Best part is he can come back to these so you know he’s not jerking off to sluts only but to you too. It’s like private porn, best porn and for his eyes only.

  • Too much. Who cares? He can say he's not but he still will. Would you rather get him off each time he gets horny? Sounds like it could be some work. But if that's more pleasurable for you go for it.

  • I mean, it really depends. The biggest reason I can see for a girl not wanting a guy to watch porn is jealousy. That makes sense, but honestly he isn’t having sex with the other girls in the porn videos. Should guys also not be allowed to talk to other girls while there are in a relationship with someone? Or go to the beach where girls will be wearing bikinis? Or even watch an R rated movie that contains a nude scene?

    By the way, girls watch porn, too. I watch porn and I’ve even watched it while I’ve been dating someone. It isn’t about the person at all, it’s just a way to help me masturbate sometimes.

    I just think it really depends, but if a guy doesn’t seem interested in you, and is more into the porn, then it may not be the porn, it might just be you.

    • Porn can be used as just a masterbation tool but it can also be a source of addiction and an pornography addiction in a make can cause E. D., low sex drive, depression, low testosterone, and lack of interest in a single partner. The Ted talk on pornography addiction is highly educational, and I have personal experience with the addiction ruining a relationship.

    • Cool. But that isn’t for everyone, and if people don’t like porn, then maybe just, I don’t know, don’t watch it. Most people I know aren’t addicted to porn. It’s okay to watch porn every now and then. Alcohol is also addictive. Does that mean no one should drink it, not even people that can handle it?

    • No that's not what I am saying at all. what I'm saying is that a porn addict wouldn't be interested in a girl sure to the porn and it has nothing to do with the girl herself.

  • I've never expected to be with a guy who doesn't watch porn and I'm a commitment girl. As long as I'm the only girl he's sleeping with and he isn't doing anything behind my back with other girls it's cool. It's when he's talking and trading nudes with other women and on multiple dating sites you need to be concerned.

    You just need to know that he loves you and when you have sex that it's making love and not just f***ing.
    Actually I've watched porn with a guy before and it was interesting to see his sexual preferences. I also watch it myself because of a high sex drive but I'd never love my partner any less or cheat because of it.

  • I'd prefer not. As long as he doesn't NEED it to get hard for me before we... I guess it's fine but it just takes the passion out of it, the intamicy that comes with sex. Just saying

  • It's not to much to ask and there are some guys that don't watch porn (I personally find it extremely cheesy, and nothing realistic at all so I don't enjoy porn) but what you have to understand is that in the culture we are in porn is considered normal for males, l as everyone does it, so don't judge others because everyone's telling them it's normal, just accept that and focus on finding a guy who is head over heels into you because someone that can only see you will have no need to look for other satisfaction in his life.

    • It's a sick culture. I will thanks.

    • you're not wrong, I think it's really influenced an increase in divorce rates as well personally which is really sad, good luck though!

  • You’re right, there is no love in porn, it’s totally about sexual drive. If it makes him happier to watch porn occasionally and, therefore be more devoted and attentive, then what is wrong with it?
    And again, you’re right, it is a choice, but why do you feel like you want to force that choice?
    P. s., I’m honestly not asking this to be snide, I just want to know so I might be able to help ☺️

    • That's ok. He knows it bothers me because I consider it cheating. He is getting off to images of a woman that is not me. I have respect for myself and I know my worth. He isn't more attentive and devoted. It's just a matter of time before he does it in person I'm sure. It's way less of leap.

    • I’m sorry you see it that way 😔 But I can assure you, forcing someone to not watch porn won’t preclude him from cheating. He’ll either cheat, or he won’t, regardless of his viewing habits.

    • yah this women def broke up with a guy for a dumb reason, as a guy i watch porn anytime bro like and its fake too, its not like its a end all thing

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  • Im curious how do you feel about women who watch porn?

    • I don't like porn, at all, period.

  • Then it would probably be best to date someone with the same view on porn. To say after you've started dating that you find that unacceptable would be strange I think.
    I don't see an issue with it personally and wouldn't be happy if the person I was with told me I couldn't watch/look at it.
    I don't use porn to forget about my SO. I use it as a tool for those times when all I want is a quick release and to get turned on. I don't prefer it over my SO, nor would I choose porn instead of my SO. But it is nice when I am by myself and find myself feeling frisky

  • I 100%, COMPLETELY agree with you!!! Porn is disgusting. And to me if you are in a relationship and one partner watches it knowing the other partners stance on it, I consider it a form of cheating! Its not hard to be true and faithful to one woman in all the ways possible! Men just think they don’t have to because society makes excuses for them. I completely agree with you!

    • Really? So as a man, you find it easy to be with one woman as long as she wants? Otherwise how would you know how hard it is? You don't think society makes excuses for female behavior? What gives you the right to tell men how to express their sexuality?

    • @jmsch636 all I’m saying is that if two people are in a relationship and one partner feels like the other person shouldn’t watch porn and they have valid reasoning, then the other person should respect their feelings/opinion and not watch it anymore. If the two people really love each other and care about the other person and their feelings they would do everything in their power to make that person happy. That is how I feel. People can disagree and that is totally fine.

    • So the guy is suppose to stop doing something he's been doing since middle school just because it makes the girl uncomfortable? If this was the other way around I bet you would be saying that we should accept how the girl is and not to ask her to change because we got with her and not the person we want to shape them into. I think this is more to do with the girls insecurities than anything else

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  • For many guys, it is a lot to ask.

    Think of it this way. There are a lot of girls out there who are unconditionally loyal, AND are freaks in bed.

    Your best bet is probably just to find a guy who shares your feelings on sex.

    • Yeah. A super religious dude who believes that women should stay at home and sweep. Why not csll this chic out and tell her shed wrong to not let her man be a sexual being with sexual fantasies who needs release before blue balls?

    • @Apope16 Her feelings on porn aren't necessarily wrong; just different. And I don't think she's against ALL masturbation, so a guy being unable to watch porn wouldn't really give him blue balls because he could theoretically jack off without watching porn. Just for the record, I'm not against porn myself. The stupid acting and unrealistic women are annoying, sure, but that's just why I stick to amateur videos lol. I'm just answering the girl's question without attacking her.

    • I dont care for her opinions on porn. I care for her opinion of controlling her mans sexual fantasy. He can masturbate to whatever he wants as long as its legal. Its a sexual fantasy. 10% of women fantasize about being raped. It doesn't mean that what they want.

  • Wouldn't you think it's better that they look at porn and masturbate rather than cheat on you? I'm not saying those are the only too options but your sex drives might not be exactly the same. There might be times when they're in the mood and you're not.

    • *only two options

    • Exactly. I don't see how expressing your own sexuality with porn is bad when literally you're only interacting with yourself.

  • Watch it together then.

  • In this day and age, I really don't expect to meet any adults who don't look at porn some. I wouldn't want a guy who is porn obsessed because those guys always suck in bed. If it's a now-and-then things, I think it's wise to make peace with it. It's just so easy to get now.

    • interesting... are they bad in a uniform manner, or are their a variety of problems?

    • You really are a seasoned woman

    • @Obfuscate Uniform. Can't focus on being present in the moment, hyper body-critical, prone to be overly aggressive about sex acts that aren't particularly pleasurable to women while ignoring the ones that are, think orgasms happen faster than they do, very cock focused.

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  • My man watches porn, I don't care. He doesn't always do it, sometimes he uses my pictures

    • Goodness gracious... You are a woman and you are comfortable with your man getting horny and getting off to another woman? Think about that. So I assume you're consistent in that you are ok if he's on tinder every now and then as well? Don't you think that you deserve better than that? And if not, don't you think the women that he's objectifying deserve better? I'm not hating on you. I just don't understand...

    • @FactNotFeeling I never said it is right, but he is his own person and will do what he sees fit. Him getting on tinder is hella different. He isn't actually fucking anyone else or talking sexually with anyone else. If he wants to sext he will come to me. He has watched porn since he was a young teen, I'm not going to be able to change that.

    • @FactNotFeeling I also don't understand. If men hated porn I bet many women would judge women who watch porn and would just see porn as disgusting but I guess many women just settle for less?

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  • good question. I'm not anti porn but it should just be viewed as entertainment and shouldn't impact on people's sex lives.

  • I think what matters most is accepting that human sexuality is something that you shouldn´t try to control. The things that turn him on and how he wants to please himself are his business and doesn´t concern anyone else. He´s not watching porn because he thinks that you are not good enough. It´s just visual stimulation for when the real thing isn´t available.
    You state that "There is no love in porn" and I don´t see why there should be. Having sex with someone you love is ofc completely different, but when it comes to masturbation, it´s purely about letting off some steam with the help of something that gets you there. I honestly think he´s not disrespecting you! Me and my girlfriend watch porn tgt and sometimes when we are alone. We have made it very clear that we are the perfect match and that´s why we cherish each other´s sexuality and fantasies (and no, we don´t share each other to other people).

    I can´t help but think that this thinking of yours sprouts from some insecurity? And that is ofc always understandable.

    • That's the thing, it does concern someone else, me! I find it selfish on his part and I think society is sick because almost everyone separates love and sex. That's what prostitutes and sluts (male and female do). Why is love something that is dissed now? I think it's only because of selfishness.

    • Have you ever taken time to look at yourself? You don't think it's selfish of you to make him suppress his sexual needs? Love and sex don't have to be separate. It's selfish people who make it that way.

    • @dragonxbars No I don't think it's selfish of me to ask him to not watch porn but to be with me. He isn't a monkey, he can control himself and so can you. You just don't want to.

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