Can you find out if you're sexually compatiable without having sex?

[Anonymous]

There were 5 guys whom I actually liked. I wanted to know who to date. So I had dates with all of them (not at the same time. One day for each guy) And then I invited all of them in my house and said that i am abstinenc but still want to know if you're good in bed without having ANY physical contact with you. I asked each of them to kneel and move their hips so I can see how fast and hard their an fuck. I honestly liked 3 of them. The first one was moving emotionlessly. The second one was moving without rhythm. So I asked those 2 guys leave my house and never remember me!!! I asked the 3 guys to tell me about their sexual preferences. I was k with the bedroom taste of the 2 guys But the 3rd one was a kinky mathafacka. I told that kinky guy to go to hell! And then I asked the 2 guys to tell me how thye fuck. Like how they start, and how they finish, and the foreplay part also. The first guy was kinda cringy. He descrbed foreplay the way that it lookjed like he's a pleaser. He said he wants to spend the most of the forplay on cunilingus. CRINGY AS F. The 2nd one said he wants to kiss passionatley and then throat the woman. I thought. That's my man!!! So I chose hiim. Now we're engaged!

[wolfcat87]

This was seriously messed up... You "liked" 5 guys. You clearly didn't love or feel a genuine connection to a single one, because you reduced their worth to this pathetic performance! You may think you're pure in body, but your mind is very dark and twisted.

You cannot measure sexual compatibility through hip gyrations or demonstrating or describing foreplay. Just no. For one, foreplay techniques are very quickly altered to fit the person you are with. So, that really is not something that matters or can be measured pre-sex. As men mentioned, hip gyrations are pointless unless you are actually having sex. No one can mimic their sexual gyrations outside of having actual sex. Those movements are in response to the sensations they are chasing ad responding to.

As for the dance idea in the comments... No. The most amazing sex I've ever had has been with a man who cannot dance a bit. He also would not have been able to demonstrate anything sexual for this demonstration when I met him.

Also, sex without love won't mean much anyways. You didn't love these men, so the sex will never be truly amazing. Just pleasurable or acceptable, but it won't be mind blowing the way that sex with a person you fell head over heels for and chose for that reason would be.

Scent is also a big thing. The smell of a person helps to determine compatibility and strength of bonding. The men I have fallen in love with have always had very similar smells. It's a very spicy, sweet, deep fruity scent. My body and hormones respond to this and give me a ton of bonding hormones. No matter what they've done in bed, that smell, that connection, that being in love, and the overall perfection of it has been what made the sex amazing. It was not about superficial things.

There's a reason why most normal people do not marry for sex or even consider tastes a deal breaker. One of my best friends has a wife who hates oral sex. He loves oral sex, but he loves her more. He doesn't want more kids, but she does so he tries for her. So, he's adjusted to fit her needs. That's love, and that's a real relationship.

[Asker]

at least I haven't had sex with them. What about women who have sex with many men in order to know who is compatible with them. If I'm gross for testing sexual compatibility without having sex with men then what are women who test sexual compatibility by having sex with men?

[wolfcat87]

If they are objectifying men instead of viewing them as humans, then they are just as bad. Sex does not make a person gross, but treating people like objects and reducing them to nothing more than what they can do in bed does.

[Asker]

I meant if they have sex for testing sexual compatiability

[wolfcat87]

My issue is not with you wondering if you're compatible... My issue is with how you think about men and what you reduce them to in your head. It's sad, and you clearly do not have a concept of what real love is like. As long as you are happy, then proceed. I wouldn't stop you any more than I'd stop the women having sex with men to test compatibility. You're not better than those women, and their methods are not worse. It's all a bit insane in my opinion. What will you do if you marry and he decides your vagina is not right for him? Maybe it's the wrong shape/size. Would you be happy to be reduced to that one thing to weight your whole value as a partner? That is what you did to those men. Karma is very real, love.

[Asker]

I'm a virgin. I don't know how my vagina is not right lol

[wolfcat87]

Virgin just means nothing's been in there. Vaginas come in many shapes and sizes. They do not fit any and all sizes and shapes of penis... Haven't you seen so many conversations about why size matters?

[wolfcat87]

I'm going to take a wild guess and guess you must be from some second rate country where the education is low and people are taught to value people for what is between their legs more than any other characteristic... Are you from Eastern Europe? You sound like the types of girls from Eastern Europe. Not even the ugliest and least educated first world man would put up with this, they would label you badly and run far away as many of the men in the comments state. I feel bad for the men where you are. I should come and tell them there are must more respectful women in other countries who would value them for more than these silly displays. Girls in our countries don't generally date 5 men or make them perform like animals. That is why people are looking down on you in the comments. They don't care about something as silly as virginity. They care about the person you are, and you seem like a bad person. I will fly to where you are and explain this to the men myself. They'd be happy.

[Asker]

You're very angry. by the way men who don't care about a woman's past have 0 self respect and are dumb as fuck

[Asker]

First world men? Lol you mean men who are pussies. Those beta cucks. No thanks.

[wolfcat87]

Ahhh, I see I was right. I'm not angry for me, but I am angry for the men you treated so badly. I should be. That you are not only reflects badly on you. Also, there can only be one alpha. There's no such thing as a country of alpha males. Alpha means at the top, #1, the best of the best. That these men performed for you like dogs shows very clearly that they are alphas of nothing. A true alpha would have turned on you and put you in your place. Go up to an alpha wolf and try to get them to do a trick. You'll be dead very quickly. Ha ha. By your own presentation of the facts, your men are whipped and treated inhumanely. Sickening.

[Asker]

Girl. Read the update. You can't be that naive

[wolfcat87]

It's not really naive. You clearly have not been around enough to know what women will say... including yourself. I've seen Armenian women post similar nonsense on here. I suppose that makes you naive as well as a trolll. I'm sure your parents are proud. lol.

[Asker]

I'm not Albanian

[wolfcat87]

Ha ha ha, I'm not sure why MysteriousDarkness was so offended. I never said he's not intelligent. Now I might though.

[wolfcat87]

I say this because he blocked me and then mentioned a battle of wits AFTER he blocked me from responding to him. Sounds like the actions of someone afraid of an intellectual competition. XD

[Anonymous]

... I don't know what to say... I just... WHAT? This has got to be one of the top ten most RIDICULOUS things I've ever read...
First off, I'm going to bet this is bull shit because I can't see you getting one guy to audition for you by thrusting at air nevermind five.
Secondly, if you honestly believe that humping whatever is going to tell you about sex then you're beyond help. It's a whole other situation when you've got another person involved in the mix.
Thirdly, your priorities are fucked. Instead of concerning yourself with what they're like sexually and treating them like breathing dildos you should treat them like people and get to know them.
If the roles were reversed I doubt you'd be willing to demonstrate how you'd suck his dick or ride him, you'd probably tell him he was a fucking asshole and walk out.
(And if you would be willing to audition you lack self respect and would be allowing yourself to be reduced to nothing more than a fuck toy)

[Asker]

at least I haven't had sex with them. What about women who have sex with many men in order to know who is compatible with them. If I'm gross for testing sexual compatibility without having sex with men then what are women who test sexual compatibility by having sex with men?

[Opinion Owner]

Those women are at least honest and unless they're out for one nigh stands and casual sex they had relationships with these men. Not just a single date, talks about kinks and air humping. You want to pretend like you're all pure and shit. Meanwhile you care about nothing but their sexual kinks and how they have sex. That was proved by you in how you narrowed it down to one guy. It wasn't about who they were as a person, it was about how they fucked. That's far nastier to me than a woman that's had a few sexual partners.

[Asker]

Those women have sex the first time they meet the guy. Nasty as fuck

[Opinion Owner]

You're mistaken. Not all women have sex on the first date and as I said those that aren't out for casual sex and one night stands had relationships with those men. That doesn't mean they had sex the first night. That's a mighty big generalization.

[Asker]

I meant those women who have casual sex

[Makeuphoarder]

Haha. When I read your story. I didn't believe these men would just start thrusting their hips for you & also come to your house knowing you're abstinence. Then kicking them out immediately lol like they were being kicked off a game show. Good one though!

[DizzyDesii]

Im happy for you. This sounds fun. Its like a weird version of the bachelorette haha. I prob wouldve done sonething similar but i wouldn't want the guys to know theyre competing against others lol. You should actually read my latest mytake :)

[0112358]

While I guess there are women out there who are primarily looking for someone who moves their hips in a specific way, i'd guess that's very, very, very rarely what people mean by sexual compatibility.

I'd also just point out that what you saw may not be accurate, because they weren't actually having sex, hence weren't actually in that head space.

Beyond that, even having sex a few times only tells you a little. What's a bigger deal is whether you can get a good long term rhythym for how often, what type, what you do when one person is horny the other isn't, openness to kinks etc.

I think you -can- learn some stuff: how kinky they are, etc. Like you and guy 3 really would not have been a good match - you both would have been unhappy.

The pleasing vs. dominance thing, you know, i'd say young people often don't really know where they stand there. I think the majority, not all, guys sort of like to be dominant and feel powerful, but that can be expressed both by them getting the woman off AND by them using her, so how that plays out can depend on what they know she's into, and confidence, which can change over time. I might be tempted to ask them about how much they'd enjoy being really dominant if they knew their partner was into it. Some guys who talk about eating the girl would NOT want to be dominant. Others would love it. They basically want to own her world, and they're as happy to do it by stimulating her as they are to do it by spanking her and telling her to bounce her ass faster. They just crave that intensity either way.

[StrangerByTheDay]

I am glad you got engaged, it is indeed a nice story.
I can hardly imagine myself going through this, whether I am looking for the girl, or the girl looking for a guy.
Frankly, if I was one of the 5 guys, you would have expected 4 guys in your apartment before things even starting.
the act itself is something that should not be predicted or planned in my own opinion. you should both go with the flow.
to be honest, I like the foreplay and what comes after the act itself.
I like romantic kinky stuff but I go with the flow. most of the time it goes differently than the previous time.
I like to spice it up each time with a new act.
being open to new sexual experiences is mostly good and brings the couple closer I guess.

[Asker]

at least I haven't had sex with them. What about women who have sex with many men in order to know who is compatible with them. If I'm gross for testing sexual compatibility without having sex with men then what are women who test sexual compatibility by having sex with men?

[StrangerByTheDay]

hello dear, frankly i am not criticizing ur method. i am not also saying u should have sex with them. let's say u and i are going out, and after a while u get completely honest with me and tell me u hav been seeing 4 other guys. it is normal for me to excuse myself and walk away as for the fact that i have been faithful towards u while u were not. Yes. i approve ur method of asking those deep questions. i would most probably talk about that with my girlfriend and feel more comfortable with her opening up our minds. how would she feel if the guy she's datin is also going out with 4 other girls? i always approve this kind of talk or a sexual act itself before marriage coz many married couples divorce just because they r sexually incompatible. each one has his own way of seeing things. i have no right to judge u or ur acts. i just give my own opinion and honestly :-) being really open minded regarding this subject with ur partner brings u closer together ;-)

[StrangerByTheDay]

I guess you have selected me as the most guy who made a fool out of himself? :-P Nevertheless, I don't regret sharing my opinion, in case the story was true :-) I am really glad it made you laugh ;-)

[Logorithim]

It worked for you, but I wouldn't do this because someone might be willing to do something different for you or put their kinks aside. Gotta have the experience to tell, although it is good to communicate what your expectations or inhibitions are.

[Weapon77]

What the hell? Why do you think the one guy had no emotion while thrusting? Because he wasn't getting anything out of it! Gotta have motivation. If I tried this with girls I'd be named a sexist dickshit. Forget trying to test for sexual compatibility because there is no test but experience, most of that depends on emotional connection anyway. You need to focus on finding someone emotionally compatible.

[Asker]

is my story cool?

[Weapon77]

I voted for the "cool story bro" option lol it would be better if you added some dialogue and published it in a magazine.

[AscxJ]

... You basically chose the dude based on whether you like his sex style. What the hell. If this is true, seriously, what the hell.

[Asker]

There were 5 guys whom I actually liked. I wanted to know who to date. So I had dates with all of them (not at the same time. One day for each guy)

[MrMysteryMan]

LOL that's a horrible way to find out if they are good in bed. You should see how well they dance, not just move their hips. If they can move to a rhythm then they should be good at moving to YOUR rhythm if you want to go that route. A better way is how sensual they are when you two kiss or hold one another. Or how connected your minds are. Great sensual sex is based on more mentally being connected than physically if you ask me. So if you guys have a mentally sensual connection without even trying, trust me, you guys should be really good together physically.

[Asker]

where were you when I decided to use the method I described above?

[MrMysteryMan]

What do you mean? You like my methods better?

[Asker]

unfortunately yes!

[MrMysteryMan]

Well, if you felt sensual arousal from what the guy you chose said, I'm pretty sure you will be happy.

[Poppykate]

Lol 😂 I know right! I wouldn’t mind getting mentally sensual connected with @MrMysteryMan

[MrMysteryMan]

@Poppykate Hmmm do I have to start your fire or are you going to light my match then? ;)

[Poppykate]

Lol 😂

[BiggerNotBetter]

I like your approach (I'm assuming you had a calming discussion with each of them), but I think you asked the wrong questions, although it appears you have been successful. I would have to say the key to a good sex life is a compatible approach to sex (some people are very reserved and some love to scream and laugh) coupled with a genuine desire to please your partner. If you can communicate with him about your desires and he can tell you what he likes, you'll do fine. It's rare that a man or woman can't physically do what the partner wants. If nothing else, the man always has his fingers and tongue, and those never go soft.

[ThreeSevensSalvo]

Just ask them what they're into and look for during sex. I woulda walked out of this mad house experiment.

[Asker]

at least I haven't had sex with them. What about women who have sex with many men in order to know who is compatible with them. If I'm gross for testing sexual compatibility without having sex with men then what are women who test sexual compatibility by having sex with men?

[ThreeSevensSalvo]

That's not something I'm gonna defend because I didn't say to do those things. I said, just ask.

[ToddyWoddy]

Sexual compatibility is more about who is dominant and takes initiative, you're methods aren't going to tell you anything.

[Imme330]

If a girl asked me to do that I would have laughed in her face and told her to fuck off I'm not going to compete with 5 guys like that if a girl is like that all it does is scream whore to me and I'm sorry I don't do whores

[Asker]

I'm not a whore

[Imme330]

That's not what it sounds like with your 5 guys and all you care about is how they fuck

[Asker]

no. I wanted to choose only one man to fuck

[Imme330]

Yeah but you made them act like they were f****** you or f****** someone or the air or a pillow it's just ridiculous if you want to know how they f*** then f*** them

[Asker]

i wanna stay pure

[Imme330]

LMFAO no one is pure we are born into sin how do you think that's staying pure

[MasterAetos]

Yet you said you practice abstinence... This means you deny yourself pleasure, including sex. So, I am not inclined to believe anything you say.

[Imme330]

And when the f*** did I say that I think you got me confused with somebody else fucking retard

[MasterAetos]

Wasn't referring to you mate, was referring to OP, Asker.

[Miristheiss]

Talking about what you each like and want and expect. Talking is usually always a good way to find out about each other and learn in what ways you are compatible and not. If he tells you he wants theesomes, daily anal and bondage and you are against all three than you've got a big clue. Talk... communicate.

[Asker]

Lol I hate those things

[Markasaurous]

You need communication, love, and willingness to learn to be sexually compatible. You don't need sex to figure that out.

[adolescentswede]

I thought kisses was the standard. If there's enough of a attraction gap for this kind of screening then I suppose that could work

[BrianMerritt]

You discuss it. Simple.

[NucDylan]

Christ, this is horrible

[Asker]

why?

[NucDylan]

Dated them, but dating had no real influence on decision. Then you line them up like cattle and make them dance. It is just not to my taste I guess.

[OatsnWhey]

sloots gon sloot

[Asker]

lol. they haven't kiss or fuck me. How am I a slut?

[OatsnWhey]

your logic and how you select guys is slooty as fuck. if you don’t seek any connection and just want to know how they fuck, then do a FWBs thing

[Asker]

You didn't reasd this part There were 5 guys whom I actually liked. I wanted to know who to date. So I had dates with all of them (not at the same time. One day for each guy)

[OatsnWhey]

Lmao just embrace it. You’re a sloot

[Asker]

pleaseeeeeeee don't say that... You don't think you should test sexual compatiability? if testing sexual compatiability without even having sex is slutty (or slooty as you spell) then what is testing sexual compatiability through sex?

[Asker]

I shut you down? You wish I were a slut. Knowing that another guy gets the most loyal girl irritates you. If I'm a slut then 99, 9% of women are sluts. And even WAY sluttier than me.

[MasterAetos]

What on earth did I just read? Why would you deem sexually compatibility in this manner? Furthermore, you stated you were abstinent... this means you deny yourself pleasure. So, why would you care about who's good in bed?

[IonHat]

Hahaha what did I just read...
If someone were to ask me to do that and was serious about it I'd never talk to them again

[Asker]

at least I haven't had sex with them. What about women who have sex with many men in order to know who is compatible with them. If I'm gross for testing sexual compatibility without having sex with men then what are women who test sexual compatibility by having sex with men?

[IonHat]

Those women aren't testing sexual compatibility. They are having fun. They aren't choosing a long term partner. If they were they wouldn't be basing it on how their test subject moves their hips...

[Asker]

so being a slut is not gross? but testing compatiability is?

[IonHat]

Making an audition for who moves their hips the best way is gross. Being a slut is almost as gross.

[Anon-ymous1]

No.

"No" is the only real answer here.

[Asker]

is my story cool?

[Anon-ymous1]

Not really; I can barely read/understand it.

[Asker]

where are you from, honey?

[Anon-ymous1]

Around.

[Kandy-Kane]

What da fuq...

[Kiran04]

No, not really.

[SomeGuy965]

The only thing you accomplished was weeding out the kinky guy you didn't like. That's fine, but you could have asked that before you had sex anyway. But the others that you booted, could have been ok if given the chance