I keep getting groped while traveling on the bus, How do I protect myself?

[Anonymous]

When I rode the greyhound for 9hrs, I sat with my legs crossed, everytime I dozed off this old fart kept rubbing my butt and thighs.

Everytime i turned around and told him to stop he acted like he didn't do anything!! I thought i was crazy!!!

The next time i rode the bus for 9hrs the girl next to me talked the entire way. When we arrived in New York she insisted the train stop was in the opposit direction!

I don't know my way around like that but something told me not to trust her. When I looked on my phone I showed her she was wrong she got angry at me for looking at my phone and kept insisting the map was incorrect and stormed off...

I had a feeling she was trying to rob me since she told me she uses drugs and is homeless.

Anyway Saturday i rode on the bus for 9 hrs and this man kept drilling me trying to date me. I kept rejecting him and ignoring him. He kept rubbing my thighs and placing his head on my shoulder. He touched my butt several times. He took my sandwhich out my hand and ate it. He took my water and drank that too. He tried to make me pay for his things at the rest stop. He kept putting his arm around me and looking in my phone screen so I couldn't even text my mom. He snatched my phone from me and called himself and has my number. He texts me and calls me

Just now i was walking with my mom and i saw him. He looked me in my face and thank god didn't say a word!

My mom says he probably didn't because he saw me with her.

I don't want to travel amymore I don't know what to do. When some men talk to me i try to be as direct as possible. But some just dont go away. They touch me i say no i move their hands i say stop doing this without permission

I look young for my age so I don't know if that's why. But I'm scared and keep having nightmares. I wear loose clothes and always have on headphones.

When im at the bus stop guys stop their car very close to me and try talking to me.

I feel really upset how do i make this stop?

[Bas96]

That's indeed awful. There are some people that do that, especially in close public spaces, knowing the person has no where to go, for hours long. It's annoying, humiliating, frustrating and without any decency.
It's sad that there are people like that, and you can't avoid them when you can't just walk away. You can prepare though, by buying pepper spray, pretending you're taking a selfie, when you're actually taking a picture of the sex offender. These people love getting attention, don't give them any. Take a picture of the person harassing you, or record a video of it. You can present that evidence to the police and the company that provides your travel. They can either give him a sentence in jail or kicking him out of the public service you take. His licence would be revoked.
I hope it doesn't happen again, but if it does, don't be scared to do something. I know that people can be unpredictable, but it's better to be safe than sorry. Even if you kick them in the balls, you can claim self-defence, hoping that people surrounding you will be on your side to prove you're right. Best of luck!

[Anonymous]

You need to fucking make a scene, don’t be afraid to let people know whatever is going on if a guy is touching you without your permission literally stand up look at the nearest guy and or girl and say hey this guy is fucking groping me take a photo of him. Even if the person doesn’t it will scare him enough to stop it, plus try not to sit somewhere were you can get corned in. My family has dealt with the sort of thing before, so please do something about it. Stay safe

[Asker]

My mom said the same thing but if i make a scene will it provoke him and make him angry enough to find me and hurt me? For example i ran into him today. What if i had embarrassed him and humiliated him and when he ran into me again he held a grudge and followed me and physically assault me or hurt me? I am afraid if i provoke a man he will retaliate if he is crazy enough to do the things he's done to me isn't he unstable enough to find me and assault me? I kind of have ptsd so i get really paranoid and afraid

[Opinion Owner]

I know and that’s a fair point but it’s fear of retaliation that stops people from talking and coming forward, now if you feel that he is capable of doing something like that then sure my suggestion isn’t the way to go but still that doesn’t mean do nothing. Is there any other way of getting around. Do you live in a rural area or a city... don’t live in fear

[Asker]

Thank you so much you're right i have a lot of fear in me I will work on being less afraid and try to be more bold ! I live in the city but I visit my mom in north carolina and every bus ride. This happens everytime In the city most guys don't have time to waste so they do not bother me for as long. But in Charlotte i keep running into creeps And your right i could choose to fly instead of taking the bus. Thank you so much again I didn't even think of an alternate form of transportation!

[Opinion Owner]

Anytime, U deserve better. Never forget that

[Girlzrule]

Ya gotta get nasty ma'am if he tries that crap. Lol get gun or kitchen knife

[Girlzrule]

Live with the wildlife they don't do that crap

[Girlzrule]

Or buy a mean aggressive dog actually

[Anonymous]

This is so wrong!! People try to say why isn’t she defending herself, etc. For some it might seem like you’re not really bothered because you’re “letting it happen” but it’s just so scary because you don’t want to make a person aggressive and further endanger your life. One guy slapped a girl’s butt at club and when her brother defended her, the guy shot her brother. My moms response to that was: “if a guy touches your butt, let him... I rather have your butt touched than you dead.” which is crazy!!! We should be able to tell people to leave us the heck alone without fearing for our safety. You should get pepper spray and carry it visibly. Try put something behind you if someone is touching your thigh. If they have small talk bring up your boyfriend (even if you don’t have one) or husband. Be serious. Don’t even entertain them. Don’t look at them or anything. Put on headphones so that if they do talk to you, you can ignore them without feeling awkward. You should also Tell security. I’m so sorry this happened and continues to happen to you. hope it gets better.

[Asker]

Yes you get me so much I literally was so afraid because i was scared he would kill me or hurt me if i embarrass him! He was very muscular i was scared because i know i am so much weaker than him and he could stalk me and find out where i live and kill me if i provoke him and scream and yell at him or threaten him! Some people become full of rage when they are embarrassed and are crazy enough to kill you for rejecting them! I know i have heard stories of some men who are rejected who shoot them and so forth or beat them senselessly So its not like i want this to happen to me or i entertain it i just try to endure it without pissing them off so they dont hurt me. But i am def going to listen to the other guy and just pay for a plane ticket no more bus! Thank you so much for understanding where I'm coming from!

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah. Save a little extra money for that plane ticket... your safety is way worth it. These creeps will most likely keep doing it to other girls... I hope no one ends up hurt. Such a horrible experience.

[LilytheHorcrux]

I get groped almost on a weekly basis on public transportation. During the first few times, I froze up and was too scared to do anything to defend myself. If this happens to you, know that this is NOT your fault. It is normal for you to go in shock during this ordeal. During the next few times, I finally snapped out of it and called them out. Some even had the nerve to call me a lying bitch. I once managed to take a pic of the person who was groping me and posted it on social media. Now I try to sit away from the window and the door (as these are the areas where I was more likely to be assaulted) and carry a pepper spray in my bag.

[BunButtJennie]

I've had things happen to me as well. From my ass getting slapped, to guys almost rubbing their dick on it.
It's strange cause I'd carry a pocket knife and nothing would ever happen, I'd only get nice compliments from some men but when I'd forget it at home, all these guys would come from nowhere trying to do something or tell me stupid shit..
Soooo I think carring a pocket knife is the way to go. But don't be afraid to us it when needed!! I keep mine in my pocket for easy access..
Best of luck & be safe out there girl!

[Asker]

Omg that's so disgusting! I'm sorry you had experienced that I'm definitely going to carry something on me next time too! Stay safe and thank you for sharing even though ik it was a disturbing experience

[djmzes]

Simple
Food for thoughts cuz everything has a root cause.

[PondyPand]

I've always liked seeing your replies, but this is just wrong on so many levels. That's quite rude and insulting, and she's already said she dresses modestly in loose clothing...

[djmzes]

I never give an answer specific to one asker but for the general public. Secondly there is something that is making them doing it. Finding the reason. Third her clothes may be ok for her, but not ok for guy as guys and girls thinks differently and the attraction for women is one of desire that was beautified in men.

[djmzes]

What is modest for her is not really considered modest for men.

[PondyPand]

Im sorry but you sound so old right now. Its nkt the mens fault they can't control themselves and not treat her like some prostitute or piece of meat? Is that what you are saying? Should she wear a full on black robe Does she need a neon sign too? I still think they'd ignore that. Some people are scum.

[PondyPand]

I agree there's a reason, but both quotes are simply you saying she must be dressing to "ask for it".

[djmzes]

Some are scrum I agree... Some are not scrum by nature tho. But you are right... I am old so I know things you do not know and I have seen you do not know and I have seen people regretting and inviting dangers to them without they realise. Again it may not applied to you specifically but to someone having the same problem as you and just look for a path to start.

[AshAsh98]

Victim blaming. Nice.

[Logan-5]

I echo MindYourEyes. Stop being cheap. Find another way to NYC.

[LittleMissLib]

Ohhh girl I would be so furious! They definitely would wish they never met me if people started that crap with me. Even if I didn't have a weapon on me. Hell I've even been told I'm terrifying when I'm angry. That's all I gotta say.

[lol20075]

This is exactly why I hate going around on buses. Some idiot tried to serenade me with his guitar playing and that was literally the end of that. Is there any other method of transportation you can take besides bussing?

[Paris13]

Pepper Spray Away Today. xx

[MlleCake]

Raise holy hell every time.

[sjoes006]

Never ever take the husband don’t fall asleep alone.

[Sablekiss]

I’m so sorry you had to experience that disgusting behavior. I will give you some strategies I use when I’m out alone. I am very petite and pretty so I get a lot of male attention. However I make sure to exude a nasty ass attitude. It’s resting bitch face turned up to 10. I walk around like a first class high riding bitch so men do look but they NEVER touch me. Be brief and forceful when you decline and move to another area. Don’t give them the opportunity to take a second shot. I’ve been all over the world in some very dangerous cities and I make it out alive you will too. FYI men prey on the weak they are picking up on your fear. Project strength, things will get better. ~Godspeed ~

[VIVANT]

call the ops. you have wifi on a bus.

also assertiveness training courses.

not doing things to avoid escalation does not work. a person can kill you if you do nothing more easily.

[VIVANT]

also best is to immediately involve everyone around you. peer pressure/ shame will elicit peoples inhibitions. you should not be responsible for his behavior. don't feel shame :)

[dsgaboy]

I wish a hot woman or a woman period would gawk and rub on me... Guys never get hit on like that and it would be awesome, why are you complaining

[kaskas19]

Because she doesn't want to be touched?

[dsgaboy]

Smh guys love being touched by a woman it's the men that we mind, women are soooo backwards

[kaskas19]

We're backwards because we don't want to be groped? Sorry, but most of us, men included, aren't that desperate. If we want to get laid, we'll get laid. Would you like some dude grabbing your privates or your ass?

[dsgaboy]

Yeah men are thirsty people walking through the desert and women are a 7-11 to us, it's easy for women to get laid which is why men act the way we do. We are horn dogs competing for women while women just sit back and watch men fight for them. y'all have it made! So go ahead with your big head

[kaskas19]

I doubt you're getting laid. You look like a creep.

[kaskas19]

And you are one. Wow. In this instance, looks can make you tell a lot about a person.

[dsgaboy]

Oh how original of a come back, bitch I'm married and I get lots of pussy, now you wanna point and call names bitch let's go

[kaskas19]

Okay retard.

[dsgaboy]

Cunt

[Celtero]

Bro, think of it this way. Would you want an old lady or old man trying to put their finger down your buttcrack? I hope not.

[SomeoneBlue]

dsgaboy I get what you mean about guys liking girls to be all over them. Just girls just ain't that way. its not their nature... I know very few women who are like what you described.

[Djiceman40]

You into raping women cause it's very close to that she doesn't want guys groping her

[Celtero]

@SomeoneBlue You're missing the point. These molesters are not attractive. They're probably mentally ill or on drugs. Bus people are pretty nasty, and attractive guys don't go looking for dates on a greyhound.

[SomeoneBlue]

@Celtero I get the point... I was stating on the mindset part.

[SomeoneBlue]

As well, I get into fights with guys because of dumb bums like this. I fight for this shit, so do not say I dont get the point.

[Sharon94]

I don't know how to make it stop. I personally have bought a thingie that is a keychain and when you get harassed or something you can pull out a thing and it will make a lot of noise to warn others and scare creeps off. Maybe you can order something like that online to make you feel a little safer. There are other self-defence items like this. If I were you I would buy a lot of those.

[MsMusic]

Ok you need either mace or a taser. Something to protect yourself with. Defined yourself, firm no, call police if necessary.

[Hidden_P]

Umm... why are you regularly riding a bus for 9 hours? And at what time are you doing this? If you're sleeping is it through the nights?

[Asker]

I was visiting my mom a lot since she needed help looking for a new place, packing, and moving. She lives in North Carolina and I live in New Jersey. I typically chose the hours 6pm-6am since it's less traffic. I have decided I'm not taking the bus anymore

[Curmudgeon]

Long distance bus travel is common in the USA, especially for smaller cities. NOTE: Greyhound is a private company, not the typical government local public transportation, and one should expect better of them.

[Hidden_P]

Oh okay. Long distance regular bus travel isn’t that common here. I think that’s sensible! It sounds like a lot of time wasted and maybe investing more in different transport would be better

[FlyingSpatula]

You should get pepper spray and just tell people to fuck off. It sounds crude but it's effective. If they don't listen the first time, bring out the pepper spray. Be sure to get the proper license for it.

[OlderAndWiser]

Are you 14 years old?

[Eva323]

Just call the cops. Right there in front of them.
“Yes, officer I’m on (whatever) train. He won’t stop touching me. I’ve told him to stop multiple times. The next stop is (whatever). Thank you officer.”
Obviously you wouldn’t be talking to the actual police officer but a call center type person. Say it anyway. Make it obvious who you’re talking to. They’ll probably back off and if they don’t you have access to help.

[brennanhuff]

Is there anyway for you to not go on the bus? Buses and subways, man they seem to attract the creeps. Able to get a ride or drive to where you need to go or walk? You have any guys friends and maybe they can ride with you on your way to work or wherever you're traveling to make you feel safer. It doesn't hurt to have mace on you too.

[MaddyMax]

My dad made it mandatory that all my siblings learned how to protect themselves especially my sister and I. I've been in similar situations like this and I usually end up hurting them for it. If you want him to really get the idea that he shouldn't try anything is either you knee him in the balls, slap or punch his face your choice, (If you punch his face I suggest his nose), or get pepper spray.

[Beatrice1865]

Or knee her in the vagina if the groper is a woman. That’s equally as effective.

[MrMysteryMan]

I'll tell you a simple solution. Don't fucking take the Greyhound. That system is notorious for un-savories and the less desirables.

[MrMysteryMan]

No worries and stay safe.

[jcoldstream]

A metal chastity belt would give you some protection against rape. Apart from that, an electric stinger soon gets unwanted hands and cocks out of the way.