My Boyfriend told me he wants to sleep with other women?

I don't really know how this even came up, I didn't ask, I don't want to know. I get finding other people attractive, I do, because I do it too, but I have yet to be in a relationship when I look at another person and think about having sex with someone else or pursue it.

It would be naïve to think that someone wouldn't see others sexually, but at the same time many others seem capable, and yes it depending if they act on it but after he made such a point of it out of no-where you have to ask questions, is it while you're with me? is it people who are our friends, strangers, tv characters? But then he just clammed up and kept back tracking.

The whole animal instinct thing gets a bit old as an excuse, I don't understand why your partner would ever come out with something like that with the excuse 'well you've been with more people than me,' which he doesn't even know because I've never brought up my past relationships because it tends to end up hurting someone's feelings.

I'm genuinely confused, he made it wants to sleep with other people, not cheat, but he pretty much said he compared me to the thought of them which is a massive kick in the tit. I do want to know other opinions though, I'm pretty sure I know what I want to do, not by choice, because I love him, but I'm not willing to be with him and him comparing me to other women trying to work out if it would be better or not.

Have any of you ever experienced this? what did you do? How did you react?


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Most Helpful Guys

  • While his point of view may not align with yours on this matter, at least he told you he is feeling this way.
    You should maybe find out if this is just a fantasy or if it's something he has a strong desire to pursue. If its the latter then it doesn't seem like your relationship is meant to be.

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    • It’s not so much it doesn’t align it’s more the fact he’s comparing our sexual life to having a sexual life with others, kind of the grass is greener on the other side sort of thing and I feel like that’s a pretty cruel thing to say to someone that loves you , I respect the fact he has been honest but we had a great sex life and if he’s left wanting more from someone else or even comparing me to others then I feel it’s not the bases for a healthy relationship

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    • * won't hurt

    • Oh wow! I'm very sorry to hear that... and yes, with that in mind his timing was absolutely dreadful and completely unacceptable. When someone needs support, that's not a time for discussing fantasies at all, let alone one like this.

  • Thank you for sharing, because hearing about guys like that makes me feel so much better about myself xD

    I can't comprehend why he said it. I don't think he understands how much it hurts and how it makes you feel insecure. You can try to explain it to him rationally. Everything you said in this post makes sense, so just try to explain that.

    If that doesn't work. Start comparing him with other guys? Something a practical example helps you to understand...

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Most Helpful Girls

  • I've been the person on the other side of it, the one asking to be close to other people. There's certainly a bit of a learning curve but at the end of the day it all comes down to how much you trust him to uphold your boundaries and if he comes back to you as a happier person and if he shares that emotional happiness with you.

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    • thank you for your side, It's honestly not my thing though, I feel like if he's happier coming back to me then he can be happy elsewhere, away from me. I'm not judging just so you know, it just really isn't me and I can't be with a man who is willing to go off and sleep with others. I couldn't deal with it personally, thank you for you input.

  • If he didn't express that he was interested in an open relationship at the very beginning then he is a shit. Be glad he actually told you and didn't start to do it behind your back.
    I think that would be how it goes if you stay and tell him that you aren't interested. He will cheat and then you will be even more heartbroken.
    I think your relationship is over unless you are willing to allow him to sleep with other people.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 12

  • He just degraded himself from "boyfriend" to "fuck buddy".

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  • it was disrespectful to you in the way it was described.. But he was also being honest. its time for a heart to heart and explain to him how that made you feel.

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  • I haven´t experienced it, but it is surely a reason for a break up.

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  • Kick him into touch. It's not what you want, and is grossly unfair on you.

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  • I haven't experienced this, but I wouldn't want to be with someone who would prefer others over me in bed

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  • Nope.
    And boyfriend be like "Excuse me for a second, i wanna yiff the fox."

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  • I haven't been through it but i think you need to dump him

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  • It sounds like there are other factors that are downplayed.

    You dont want to tell him just how many sexual partners you've had, because in your experience that "tends to end up hurting their feelings.

    "Tends to" suggests that "I'm uncomfortable with how many people you've slept with" is trending among the subset of people you've disclosed your sexual experience with, among the overall number of partners you've slept with for long enough that there's a detectable "tendency". You've been hearing "I'm uncomfortable with how many people you've slept with", before this latest guy was your partner.

    I'd add to that only a very inexperienced guy would ask such a dumb question.

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  • That's the biggest red flag I've ever seen!

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  • I'd dump them.

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  • Time for a new boyfriend

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  • Yeah he just wants to fuck he doesn’t love you and plus who tells their girlfriend that if I’m in a relationship dating or committed I’m loyal til the end of the relationship wether that be death or break up

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What Girls Said 11

  • Yeah, been there and he dumped me so that he could sleep with other girls, then he wanted to get back together (he had done that before).
    I told him to fuck off this time.

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  • Welcome to Gag Town and Best of Luck.
    As Master and Influencer Twice over on Two categories, I Can tell you I have Helped Many on Today's Toms. I have Dated and Mated a Few in my Day and I Can honestly Say... Your man is wanting Space and to probably Spread his Wings and Things to be with others.
    Set him Free. But if So, Don't let Joe back to do it Again as a Full Circle Problem Pattern. xx

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  • You are doing the right thing. No guy ever had the balls to say it to me outright, but I've been cheated on a couple times, so obviously they wanted to.

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  • Yeah, "men being men" or "being animals" is an excuse. People are perfectly capable of monogamy. If my fiance DARED ask to fuck other women, he would be very single, very fast.

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  • whaat even if he did why would he say that to you, i would break up with him even if its not that bad if he feels that way now imagine what itl be like in 10 years

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  • I guess since you know what to do then do it. But don't let him come back again. And also don't feel like you are the problem, because you are not

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  • That’s wrong and he should want to be with you and only you. You should tell him how you feel how upset you are when he told you he wanted to sleep with other people a relationship is a team and he should be o my making love with you.

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  • We tried it. Pleased to meet you. We keep doing it. I advise.

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  • Maybe that was his way of saying he was breaking up with you

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  • You mean EX boyfriend, Right!!!

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  • He is a Meow-friend, not a Boy-friend.

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