Would too many sexual partners in the past be a dealbreaker for you?

Question

For me personally, yes. For many reasons

AllThatSweetJazz · Accepted Answer

Yes. I want the number to be less than mine, ideally as low as possible.
It's just a turn off. I want to explore and grow with a person, it's like if the number is higher then that takes all the meaning out of it. I definitely don't want to be 'taught' anything by someone experienced, I want to experience it together and figure it out together.

I saw pretty good expression of how I see it from @laevo
"I just can't get over the upsetting feeling of being one of many. It makes me feel like I was a conquest and not really special or meaning anything to that person."
Except as a guy I don't even amount to a conquest. Girls just seem to get attention way easier, I'm not even a conquest, I'm like novelty food; just an impersonal moment of fun.

bigoat · Accepted Answer

Many find that a partner who has been sexually active with another person is less "theirs". Relationships are made to feel as though each partner belongs to the other, and when intimate acts are performed with those outside that relationship, the feeling of belonging is lost if ever so slightly.

laevo · Accepted Answer

It depends on if that person is a reformed skank or not. What did they learn from their experiences? Why did they have so much meaningless sex? Are they a different person now? All these factors play a part. I realize that I will be part of a journey and not the end result for a lot of people in dating / crushes / sex, but I just can't get over the upsetting feeling of being one of many. It makes me feel like I was a conquest and not really special or meaning anything to that person. But every person and situation is different do I would just have to see honestly

Minahh · Accepted Answer

Yes definitely. I don't really think that he can make strong emotional connections when he had many sexual partners and I'm not talking about sexually transmitted diseases he could possibly pass on me.

CallMeDave · Answer

For me, I think it would depend on the circumstances. I would see a large number as a negative, but if they were committed relationships it would be less of a concern than if they were ONS or friends with benefits. Sex in a committed relationship doesn't bother me at all. ONS or to a lesser extent friends with benefits would make me worry a bit about whether I can trust her to be faithful.

How long ago they were also would matter. If she's 40 and had a lot of partners when she was 18-25 but only one or two since then, it would be easier to not worry about the behavior from many years back. If she's slept with 8 guys in the past year, that would probably be a deal breaker though because I wouldn't trust her to be faithful if she was willing to have sex that easily in the recent past.

Also, what counts as "too many" would vary based on age. At age 50, ten guys in the past wouldn't be a concern (as long as they weren't mostly in the past few years). At age 21, it would definitely be.

So I guess my answer is that it's complicated and depends on several things.

remmadee · Answer

I'll be honest. At first I thought it mattered a lot to me because I felt uncomfortable being with a guy that has been with a lot of women. Mostly due to insecurities and worrying that he would always compare me to previous partners.

My boyfriend didn't mention to me he went through a friends with benefits phase in his early 20s and it bothered me a little. But after thinking about it I didn't really care. I had already had sex with him several times and we seemed to be getting along really well. We were both clean surprisingly. So it turned into an exception. I didn't want to judge him for something that was in his past because I was insecure about being compared to other women. That just seems unfair to him. Under normal circumstances I would've been well informed about my potential partner's past experiences and whether or not he used protection and so on.

So... I guess my answer is normally yes, but I made an exception for my current boyfriend. I still don't know the actual number and it's probably for the best. My mind would probably explode or something. Whereas I've had 5 partners including him.

tiffany_g · Answer

I've had well over 100 sexual partners, I may have even broken the 200 mark, and in my circle of friends I'm considered "the virgin" because of my comparative lack of experience.

It doesn't matter if someone's a virgin or if they've had a different sexual partner every day of their adult life as long as they come out clean on the tests.

Mikecheck123 · Answer

Yes if the girl is young and already has a high number. If your reach your 30's or 40's the number is probably around 5-15 that's fine. But if you are 18 and you slept with 5-6 guys already it shows a sign of irresponsibility and in some cases lack of self esteem/self respect. Or if you slept with too many guys within a short period of time like 4 guys in one year/ gang banged 3 guys at once. And I think blowjobs, anal, and hand jobs should count as sex too in this case. Mainly because I don't want to be with a girl who sucked off like 30 guys but only slept with 3 of them and they say it didn't count.
Call me traditional, but i feel like a girl should not get too physically intimate with too many guys. And be honest with the guy you are dating, If he judges you then he is not right for you. If you really want to experiment I think you are better off just getting a friends with benefits over a one night stand. That way you trust them and you can have more of a say in what you want since the guy will be more likely to listen and not ruin a good thing. That being said practice safe sex.

DidiXDidi · Answer

Nope. I slut around and don't care, and have never cared if the woman I'm with does the same. Promiscuity has no bearing on how much I like someone.

windknowsmyname · Answer

Hell yeah.

DigitalArchon · Answer

If you're in Double Digits I dont want anything to do with them.

On Average Women have 4 sexual partners in their lifetime and Men have 7 (Those are just statistical averages)

Myself personally have only ever been with my current partner (Fiance)
she has been with 4 people in her life (Myself + 3 others)

It slightly bugs me but It was a time when we were not together so I can't exactly be upset about her living her life before I entered the picture. I mean its not like she knew things wouldn't work out with the men she slept with.

Honestly the best way is dont ask dont tell.

Paris13 · Answer

Who has to Know? x

sketchy · Answer

Don't ask; don't tell.

coralee · Answer

I have a strict don't ask don't tell policy with past sexual partners. The only thing I'm owed or owe in a sexual relationship is a clean bill of health. Everything else has nothing to do with me.

Selena2418 · Answer

Nope, the past is the past. Its about who they are as a person in the present.

Cyber_Ghost · Answer

What somebody does in their past has NOTHING to do with me. It's how somebody is with ME that makes the difference.

BarMan95 · Answer

Why should it be a problem, what you used to do is just that, what you do next is the important part

MrMysteryMan · Answer

Hmmm, seems like a lot of girls want virgin guys, on paper.

GreedyGiver651 · Answer

As long as they were all in honest situations, there is no such thing as too many

Berethor · Answer

I can say for sure that it's a turn off for me, so I think that I would go with yes. :)

maiave · Answer

Yes..

AEther · Answer

i'm pretty chaste and monogamous by nature (not for any "moral" reason, that's just how I am) so it may indicate an incompatible mentality, but no, I wouldn't judge someone for their past if I felt we had a shot.

passinby · Answer

I don't care it is only a rental. I just have to make sure the tank is full when I return it.

Ellie-V · Answer

Yes. Why would I want a guy who has been in so many other vaginas? That’s just nasty. He isn’t a nasty person, but I would personally feel disgusted allowing a dick to go inside me when I know his thing been everywhere else. It’s like multiple people using one toothbrush. Unsanitary.

Would too many sexual partners in the past be a dealbreaker for you?

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