My boyfriend humiliated me in front of everyone, how do I get over it and forgive him?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and i were on a date and i got a text from a friend in college asking about something. I texted him quickly and my boyfriend asked who's texting me and i said Mason. He got angry and started yelling at me for talking to this guy. He said you're talking to this guy again! And his face turned to someone i don't recognize. Everyone was looking at us at the restaurant and i told him that we can talk at home but he started yelling again saying that guy wants to sleep with me and he can tell from the way he looks at me! Why can't i see it! People were murmuring and looking at me so i left and he followed me trying to apologize and try to explain to me what happened back there. I told him to leave me alone for a couple days.

[ShortCircuit]

Do you want to forgive him, or do you want to be right?

Yelling at you in public was most certainly wrong of him, and you should express to him how it made you feel. He is by no means exempt from apologizing to you.

However, let's not conflate his reaction in the restaurant with the entire situation between you and Mason. I don't know enough about your relationship to deem it inappropriate or not. However, I have a hunch that you know it is, but want to keep it anyway and posted this with the intent of taking the most extreme instance of your boyfriend overreacting and painting it as representative of the whole situation, in order to trick everyone here into giving you validation. I don't mean to be presumptious, but I've been on this site for almost 5 years and I encounter that sort of thing alllllll the time.

The takeaway: You need to reconsider your relationship with Mason, and hear your boyfriend out, and I mean actually HEAR him. Be more empathetic, and put yourself in his shoes. On the otherhand, your boyfriend needs to learn to control his anger and express his feelings in a more mature way.

[Asker]

I love my boyfriend and i want to forgive him. As for Mason we don't talk that much and i don't even call him to avoid problems with my boyfriend. It was the only one text replying to his question and my boyfriend did what he did. Maybe i was wrong by doing this but i tried to control myself until we go home and he didn't.

[ShortCircuit]

Like I said, his reaction was immature, but let's not forget that it was a reaction--to something *you* did. This isn't a zero sum game. You are both in the wrong, you both need to acknowledge your faults, you both need to forgive (if you want your relationship to survive, anyway), and you both need to make an effort to reconcile. There's something you need to understand about men: Your feelings for Mason are 100% irrelevant. Let that sink in. Your boyfriend isn't upset because he thinks you are interested in another guy, he is upset that you are entertaining a guy that (he believes) is interested in you. That in and of itself is disrespectful--regardless of your own feelings. Also, you can deny that Mason is interested in you all you want, but you have to be a special kind of arrogant if you think you are better able to sense when a male is interested in you--than ANOTHER MALE.

[Asker]

:( :(

[ShortCircuit]

I know you feel bad, but moping isn't going to do anything. Make things right instead 👍

[Asker]

I will :(

[Asker]

Thanks

[ShortCircuit]

No problem. Good luck

[worldscolide]

Yeah.. I have a no cell phones rule when i go on a date with someone. The moment that thing comes out it wouldn't matter who you were texting i would be pissed.. You were both in the wrong for this one.. you were in the wrong for answering a text from a boy while you were out with your boyfriend, and he was in the wrong for his reaction to what you did. Don't mistake this for absolution though, because you were initially in the wrong on this one. he just made it worse. Personally i would have left while you were texting and ghosted on you.

To be honest i have left the restaurant and left the girl with her half of the bill when she got her phone out. Its extremely disrespectful to do that i am not there to get to know your phone, i am not there to get to know the top of your head as you're texting i am there to get to know you.

[Asker]

I didn't text him for a long time it was only one text replying to his question and nothing more happened.

[worldscolide]

Irrelevant, still extremely rude and the wrong thing to do. How would you feel if he did that with a girl that you felt like she liked him? the bottom line here neither of you are without fault and you need to accept that.

[worldscolide]

Additionally... A text can wait especially if you're on a date or out to dinner with a boy friend.

[kittycat119]

You shouldn't have been texting a dude while on a date with your boyfriend. That's wrong and he had a reason to be pissed. But he didn't have to flip out on You, though if you constantly do this then yeah he's in the right

[AngelicSin]

Excuse me so when we get in relationships we aren't aloud to talk to anyone else from the other gender? wow, sounds like freedom.

[kittycat119]

@AngelicSin and where did I say this? Because I clearly stated she's wrong for getting on her phone while on a date with a man her boyfriend has clearly told her he dislikes. Not once did I say you can't have friends of the opposite gender

[AngelicSin]

It's a date not a marriage cermony, chiil a bit.

[kittycat119]

@AngelicSin and a date is something you respect and not get on your phone during like an asshole

[AngelicSin]

Like she said they are together on a casual date, the alst time I checked phones are allowed in restaurants so we agree to disagree.

[AngelicSin]

Like I said, we agree to disagree.

[kittycat119]

@AngelicSin well you're the one giving horrible advice 2 her telling her 2 break up with him and seek revenge like a child. So really even if we disagree it doesn't mean much with your thinking

[Asker]

Can you stop arguing with everyone here please or take it somewhere else?

[AngelicSin]

Chill. Your. Tits. Sweethart.

[kittycat119]

Wow asker seriously? Gurl get real she's the one who commented on what I said. Get a life and learn just cause u don't like what I'm saying doesn't mean I'm arguing

[kittycat119]

@AngelicSin says the one who came 2 my comment

[AngelicSin]

Just repsect the asker will you?

[kittycat119]

@AngelicSin then leave off my comment then since you're the one who was arguing not me

[AngelicSin]

Babydoll, you started being aggresive not me. And of course I'll leave you are too creepy for me to continue talking to you. Au revoir.

[kittycat119]

@AngelicSin nope just pointinh out you clearly can't read as you twisted what my comment was. That's not being aggressive. That's pointing out when someone's being dumb and wants to see something someone didn't say

[Anonymous]

You don't forgive him, you break up with him and then take revenge.

[Asker]

What do you mean by revenge?

[Opinion Owner]

I mean pay him with the same coin, break up with him in public

[Brewmaster531]

Don't be with this guy. This won't be the last incident of this type. He's going to do this again and you shouldn't have to deal with it. That's nonsense and not okay. This is not an isolated incident and it's not something you can just say "you can't do that" and expect everything to be okay. This issue runs deep inside of him. He didn't stop when you asked him to stop, he didn't stop when it was realized he was making a scene, he only stopped when he realized you were leaving him. You can't be with someone who will only respect you the moment you decide you're not going to put up with their attitude. You need to stay away from this guy.

[OlderAndWiser]

Does that guy have a sexual interest in you?

[Asker]

He is friendly but my boyfriend thinks something else. I don't know

[OlderAndWiser]

How would you feel about him carrying on a conversation with a girl who might be interested in him. . . while he is on a date with you?

[Asker]

Be mad i guess but not going to yell in fron of everyone.

[OlderAndWiser]

Have you and he discussed this problem previously?

[Asker]

Yes a lot at home and he just lose his mind when it comes to this guy that i only see as a friend. He doesn't want me to see him or talk to him and it's hard because we're in the same class.

[OlderAndWiser]

So he is frustrated because you have ignored his wishes on this subject? I am not suggesting that this justifies his behavior. If you had a jealous reaction to one of his female acquaintances, how would you want him to react?

[Asker]

:( okay i know it's my fault

[OlderAndWiser]

You contributed to the problem, and you need to understand that, but that does not justify his behavior. You both owe an apology to the other. If you want this to be resolved, offer him your apology first.

[doyalikejazz]

Don't be texting other dudes around your man bro

[jessture]

I would dump his sorry ass for throwing a temper tantrum like that in public. I'd never tolerate that from my woman

[Asker]

:( :(

[kittycat119]

Yeah but texting a dude while on a date with your boyfriend is a shitty thing to do as well. And a cause to be pissed about

[jessture]

Depends, was she quickly texting someone platonic like she said? If so, his actions are completely unwarranted. Was she actively cheating on him? Maybe. Maybe he can act like a fucking child and cry about it for the world to see, but I don't get the sense she did that.

[kittycat119]

No you don't go on a date with someone and text someone on your phone. Idc how quick a text it is, That's disrespectful. Especially when she knows her boyfriend doesn't like the guy

[jessture]

She sent one text. That doesn't warrant acting like a two year old. Spending the whole date on the phone still doesn't warrant acting like a 2 year old. It warrants not getting another date.

[kittycat119]

Yeah it does when she knew his dislike for the guy. And honestly he shouldn't have flipped out but if I was him I would have left her and she could pay for dinner since she wanted 2 b ride and get on her phone

[jessture]

I expect adults to demonstrate self control... I know unrealistic expectation...

[kittycat119]

Yet she didn't show any self control when she texted the dude her boyfriend hates during dinner 🤔

[jessture]

So now you're victim shaming...

[kittycat119]

She's not a victim. Both are at fault

[jessture]

So sending 1 platonic text and acting like a whiny entitled bitch causing a scene in public are equal in your book?

[kittycat119]

Yeah. She was being childish by texting someone while on a date. That's an asshole move. And causing a scene is an asshole move. She could have waited 2 send the text so yes she brought this on herself. Granted he should have acted more adult aboit it

[jessture]

If he was frustrated and communicated like an adult, I'd agree that she deserved it. But 1 text to a platonic friend doesn't entitle him to turn into a drama queen

[kittycat119]

Yeah it does when she knows how he feels about that friend and she ignored his feelings

[jessture]

So wheres the line to you? Should he be able to add punches on to the verbal abuse and rationalize it because she sent 1 text?

[kittycat119]

It wasn't verbal abuse so don't even try that

[jessture]

So screaming and causing a scene in public isn't abuse to you? What is? Wheres the line where you will no accept his childish behavior? Punches? Violence? If she accepts the abuse now from him it will only escalate.

[kittycat119]

You can tell at someone for being an asshole which she was being by getting on her phone

[jessture]

So verbal abuse is alright in your book... got it.

[kittycat119]

That's not even close 2 verbal abuse. That's a man sick and tired of his chick not respecting how he feels and disrespecting him while on a date with him. Not her damn phone and idiot friend

[Asker]

@kittycat119 stop this! End of the discussion. Thanks for your opinion and comment now stop arguing with him.

[kittycat119]

Asker you're only saying that because I pointing out both you and your boyfriend where wrong. Hence why you didn't say anything 2 him because he believes you where right

[Asker]

@kittycat119 i just don't want any arguments on my question and that's all. If you are righr or not right i only want to say thanks for your opinion and it helpful.

[johnmichaei]

Very jealous but he shouldn't have done you like that

[Asker]

He is like this when it comes to this guy but never did it in a public place before

[johnmichaei]

So this is someone that you used to go with an X or something like that or he just thinks he's trying to get in your panties

[Asker]

I've never dated Mason and i don't think of that because i really love my boyfriend and just him. Mason is a friend to me

[johnmichaei]

Well maybe your boyfriend doesn't see something that you don't see but you know how that works

[kimo6]

talk to him why did he react like that make him apologize its not a big problem it happen for every couple man get mad quickly and you can say that he did that coz he was jealous and he love you

[Myrdices]

Is he wrong? What guy wouldn't be upset about you texting the same dude constantly that doesn't look good from the outside looking in

[Asker]

So it's my fault? :(

[BOUNTYGUY9]

thats up to only you

[Asker]

I don't know how i feel now

[BOUNTYGUY9]

well make your mind up time if it was me l would get him out of your life he has no respect for you at all

[Deukalion]

how would you feel if he would talking to other girls?

[syddakid]

Don't get over it, get rid of him. Maybe he has some deep dark secrets that make him feel guilty and he lashes out at you because of things he's actually done.

[Asker]

It's always about this guy

[Anonymous]

Why text another guy when you are with your boyfriend? Put the phone down.

[Anonymous]

If you want to forgive him, talk to him and tell him you’d prefer him to be more calm and except lain himself rather than exploding with accusations in a public place. It’s all about communication tbh

[Anonymous]

do not forgive him, move on

[Opinion Owner]

do not take revenge... ever.. just move on

[Asker]

Move on?

[Opinion Owner]

in other words leave him!!!

[AngelicSin]

lol this is the one that disliked my comment lol

[Opinion Owner]

@AngelicSin i do NOT believe in revenge