Sexual Relationships
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Does friends with benefits ever really work?

Can two people really be friends, close deep friends, and still occasionally satisfy each other's sexual urges without one of them catching feelings while the other doesn't?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • If it counts, on a friend meeting I had met with a common friend and she was cool. Later she texted me, she got my number from her friend and we started talking but she was going to return France in two months. In few days, the more we talked, she started to like my character and we flirted. We had some kind of sexual attraction and we had sex without having any romantic feelings. I guess the reason she was going to return and we would probably never met didn't let us fall each other. We rarely talk to each other, she sometimes tease me that I should move there but we were close while she was here. It wasn't one time sex and she had told she'll never forget how I treated her. In my university, I've known lots of girls to become someone like that, but I didn't want to use them at all. I knew some were serious with me, that they would fall into me.

    • That's cool.

    • And what do you think about it? Does it really work?

    • Thanks

  • Yes - WITH THE RIGHT PEOPLE. But many people (and, the truth is, most of them have vaginas) cannot have sex without getting emotionally attached, and if you are one of those people, then obviously friends with benefits is not for you.

    Most (but certainly not all) men are capable of having sex without developing feelings - but this assumes that there were no feelings to begin with. If there WERE feelings on the guy's part at the start, having sex is going to amplify those feelings. Thus, friends with benefits isn't 100% doable for men either, though men's success rate is far higher because men find a lot of women physically attractive that they don't have feelings for, and having sex with one of them won't create feelings where they didn't exist.

    • I agree with this. So many people go into this type of situation thinking it will be easy and not realizing they aren't made for this type of relationship

Most Helpful Girls

  • Talking from experience it does not work out. Things get messy. Too messy. Emotions get mixed in. I had a friends with benefits and we were doing okay and I will admit that I was the one to catch partial feelings. Managed to turn them off and accept our relationship for what it is. Then she caught partial feelings. Then we dated for like a month. Then she ended things because she found out this other girl liked her and they've known each other way longer. I took that pretty well and we still remained very close friends. Maybe a little too close. The sexual tension is always there 24/7. Fast forward and now we are having sex again. I haven't asked about the other girl but we are falling down the same rabbit hole that we were in before. I enjoy it still but friends with benefits can get messy.

  • I’m not sure it’s possible. I think once sex is involved, someone is eventually going to catch feelings of some kind. There’s also a possibility of losing a friend once the dynamic of the relationship changes. If they had a really close friend that they started having a sexual relationship with, it’s probably not going to be the same as it was before after they stop having sex.

    • Thanks.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Not for me... I’m not an idiot. But, I’ve also never seen it be successful long term for the ones I’ve seen go for it. I mean noone ever died... but it always killed me to witness the slow painful demise of a perfectly good friendship.

  • It depends on the person's understanding. There should be casual at 100% level.

  • I had a friend for over a decade that was my friends with benefits. Whenever one of us wasn't in a relationship we would use each other for sexual gratification and if the other got into a relationship it would stop and we would be great friends as always. We are still friends and we are both married now

    • Would you do couple swapping with your friends with benefits who's married now for some extra fun?

    • @TaureanBull81 No, my husband isn't into any of that

    • Ahhhh what a shame @Justacatlady. I think couple swapping would be so much fun 😉

  • Not in my experience. Do it long enough and you'll both bounce across that line once or twice. The things that keep you from making a solid/serious relationship at the start of a friends with benefits scenario never get delt with because you're both getting what you want physically. Because you never fix those problems, you're always on two different wavelengths and it always seems like someone is "catching feelings".

  • Depends on Mother Nature, God Above, Love And... One's Heart from the Start. xxoo

    • Very good point. Thank you!!

  • Yes it can work. I have had a couple of FWBs and we never crossed the line beyond what it was. However the rules were very clear.

    • Tell that to One's Heart from the Start. xx

    • What were your rules?

    • Do you have a family?

  • I'm going through this exact scenario rn lol I'm thinking it's gonna be too hard bc of the friendship ( he's my bff) I think it's prob possible with a casual friend but if there's a strong bond already as friends, someone gonna catch feelings and get hurt and then you risk what you had.

    • Hey this was the same situation I was in but our fear or losing each other as friends made it so we never really discussed our sex life, we just did it when we were really in need of sex and then just continued doing stuff as friends

  • It doesn't work long term

    I have had 2 friends with benefits and over a yr, one developed feelings for me.

    As a short term fun time, yes it works

  • Sex has never made me fall in love with someone or develop feelings for them. Sex is an act of lust, passion and attraction, sure people have sex with people they love or have feelings for but not always. If the friendship is already that close and deep I would think those feelings of attachment would have already rooted... if not then a friends with benefits relationship shouldn't be a problem.

  • I think so. It's about the maturity of it all and setting out the ground rules ahead of time is key. I don't think I've ever had one, but I've had it where a good girl friend of mine used to ask me to have sex with some of her friends. That was interesting I must say, but I can't say I didn't love it. ;)

    • Also, I would think it's easier on a guys end possibly. I think guys don't fall so easily from sex as women do. Maybe it's our position of more of the one doing the penetrating and not in the let's say vulnerable spot of being penetrated? Hmmm just a theory mind you.

  • Lol! I don’t think that it is actualy possable... but then again who am I? Haha!!

  • I don’t believe this is possible mostly but in some cases yeah it works out

    • I’d only do this with a super handsome guy though. I wouldn’t want to have sex with someone I didn’t view as handsome. That wouldn’t be fun

  • "There's no Shane... and cookies"? Beware, Apple users: this is what you can expect it you make the horrible mistake of buying a Google Android product.

  • Theoretically it's possible, but it's can never be 100% safe to play with fire.

  • Never been in that position yet but it has been done, I just wonder at frequency and if feelings are honestly never generated between them. I kind of agree with you

  • They can work, but usually don't last that long. Hard to maintain them

  • Depends on the person. I've never had feelings but others do

  • I think it is possible, but extremely rare. There's often little or no respect there (something there should be, especially in this situation) and communication is often lacking and this is a MUST!

    I asked a question on here if any women (specifically) had respect for their fwbs, and not 1 said they did! Not 1.

  • Whos to say the rule is you can't catch feelings... or some feelings...
    --> if you really think about it --> having feelings for someone is not necessarily one or the other, it's a spectrum... it can be a little or a lot

    Im assuming most friends with benefits do of course have a thing for each other... lol...
    - but its ok, you both live your life... get them when you can.. and be happy for that. If it ever becomes more, then sure if you want that. But he has to want that too for it to work

  • Like a sex education thing

    • Leave your heart out of it and enjoy the moments.

  • Show More (69)

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