It used to bother me a lot in the beginning of our relationship. Now it doesn't bother me anymore. I don't know if getting older has made me milder or whether being together with my wife for so many years now has had an influence on this.
What I do know is that one day I came to a realization: even if she finds guys hot who look different from myself, that doesn't really mean anything. It doesn't mean she would cheat on me behind my back. And more importantly, it doesn't mean she finds me unattractive.
The truth is that we can all find different people attractive for different reasons. In my case, my wife does fit my "type" very well but still, there are some women I find attractive who look quite different from her. I think many young people mistakenly believe that it's a black-or-white issue and different preferences are mutually exclusive. But that's not the case. For example I generally love petite girls but that doesn't mean I find all curvy girls unattractive. It also doesn't mean I will find every single petite girl attractive because even if a girl's body is perfect, her face might not be so cute.
Another thing I came to realize is that physical attraction and love aren't exactly the same thing.
Of course my wife finds me physically attractive (hopefully ;-)) but I think most of her attraction towards me comes from me as a person, as an individual, not as an empty shell of skin and flesh. The reason I know this is because I feel the same way about her. Other girls are "cute" or "hot" but they never excite me as much as my wife does because they're strangers. What makes my wife attractive to me aren't just her looks but her opinions, her character traits, her mode of acting... her entire personality. And sometimes, these things can also affect my physical attraction towards her positively.
I think this is also why I've made the long transition to the point where I don't mind the idea of my wife having sex with another man: because even if she finds certain physical features about him attractive, he's ultimately just a living sex toy. He's not the one who makes her laugh and the one she feels truly happy and emotionally intimate with.
So, I feel like this has a lot to do with confidence and self-esteem. Jealous people tend to have a very low self-esteem. I try to be confident about myself. I don't feel threatened by other guys and my wife's attraction for them because I know my qualities and I know my wife loves and wants me because of them.
Excellent response- I think you've hit the nail on the head.
Thank you ;-).
I feel the same way. I love my husband and I find him attrractive, not just because of his look, but also because of how he is, how he makes me feel, how he looks at me and what we share. I can see that other men might be objectively pretty, but I am not attracted and it does nothing to me, the only one I am Attracted to is my man. I get the question. I think that eould bother me. But how I feel is that he is only looking at me and me at him.
It’s not a good feeling. For me it doesn’t create an inward insecurity but it does make me question if I’m the one she chooses and prefers
I'm extremely jealous so I'd get bothered either way lol I've been on both sides and here are my issues:
If I look like his ex, I'm thinking maybe he's still thinking of her when he sees me or compares me to her.
Or if I don't look like girls he's attracted to or his ex, then I'm worried I'm not his type and he probably just settled for me. And he's secretly wishing and longing for someone else.
There's no winning with me haha.
Thanks for explaining that. It shows we can look at it any number of ways.
Yes, and I always look at it the worst way possible :/
Try to be more confident- the way I see it, you're doing something right if someone wants to be with you.
It wouldn't bother me. Bc i am sure of me.
Thanks for the MHO. :-)
Everyone thinks they're sure, until they get cheated on.
@Maxim245 i have, so now i am sure of me...
Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions
What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!Hard to say if I would be bothered by it without a bit more context. I mean even when in a relationship one can find another person attractive which is fine. There’s no harm in that. If my partner was masturbating over someone else though it would definitely bother me depending on who it is. Like my boyfriend he thinks the actress Gal Gadot is hot so if he’s thinking about her while masturbating it’s like whatever. She’s a celebrity. It’s not like they will ever meet. It would concern me however if they were masturbating over someone who they spend time with on a daily basis.
I wouldn't care. It would bother me more if the person they found attractive someone who looked a lot like me - because that means I'm not good enough at being an attractive version of myself.
Doesn't bother me. No one has just one type.
I really wouldn't care if he thought another woman was pretty and she was different from me. If i liked the woman in question I would probably agree with him and compliment her as well. But, if he wants a 3 way with her I will only do it for for him once like, for his birthday or something like that.
I think that is very generous of you.
I'm secure enough in our relationship to give him that. thanks for not passing any judgements.
Then, once he's gotten a taste of another pussy, he'll be wanting - and getting - more and more, behind your back.
Christmas lights & flowers are both pretty but look nothing alike. If I found out would be different than him telling me about attractive he found someone else
Well I'm Asian while my boyfriend's ex girlfriends are all white. But it doesn't bother me. Because attraction isn't all about looks. For example I am very much attracted by charm, not necessarily hair or eye colour etc. (even though I do have a preference).
Tbh it does because I'd feel like I am not really his actual preference or he is just settling. I had a big war with my boyfriend regarding this issue. Guys can downvote me. Many girls feel the same way but act like they are cool about it to avoid being called insecure.
Though it bothers me, I still can tolerate it if he explains to me how a man's brain works. The only thing that I won't consider is dating someone who had a strong racial preference in the past, but all of sudden find me attractive and wanna date me.
I appreciate your honesty, because we guys don't realize this. Regarding racial preferences, those can change. To give you an example- although I'm open to a girlfriend of any race, I've always assumed that an Indian woman wouldn't be interested in me for cultural reasons, so she would not have been the first woman I would think of approaching.
I can understand the cultural reason but I have been told by some foreigners here that they won't date Indian women because they found them unattractive, till they met me. I feel uncomfortable with this kind of compliment.
Yeah, that's understandable. Let me ask you this, because I am curious about it- do Indian women find white Western guys attractive?
It doesn't. I already know I'm his type, but I know he has more than ONE type.
Exactly.
It’s outside of your control so why worry about it
My current boyfriend never makes it known he finds someone other than me attractive. I mean, in the beginning stages there was a girl who was the president of a club we were in, and I had mentioned how attractive she was and asked his opinion. We both agreed and would joke about it from time to time. She was a “bigger” girl than me, she had curves, but was on the heavier side. Her face however, was beautiful, she took care of herself (clean hair, makeup, dressed to her figure) and she had a lot of confidence.
I don’t mind that he finds her attractive, and is totally different looking than me. She is, and I thought so too.
Now, because we are more serious, I don’t really want to hear about who he finds pretty/hot, etc. If he mentioned someone (which I don’t think he’d do), I’d probably feel a little insecure for a moment, and then think to myself “well, I’m pretty too!”
It bothers me so much that if my boyfriend does do that I will breakup
Sexual attraction is a fantasy that comes in all kinds. I can find that petite blonde over there hot, the curvy blonde hot and the dad bod delivery guy hot🤷🏾♀️ I have many “types” not just the one I’m currently dating.
I’m so sorry I didn’t answer directly. My partner being attracted to different types doesn’t bother me UNLESS my partner compares, or makes me feel unappealing.
A partner should never do that.
Jealous people often think the only person appealing should be their own partner. 🤦🏾♀️ I hope these jealous ass people practice what they preach and find someone just like them. I find lots of people appealing, I haven’t heated in my 11 years worth of relationships though
Doesn't really bother me, finding someone else attractive in a relationship isn't a crime. As long as they treat me with respect and love me im fine
Didn't bother me if they look. As long as they just look
I'm not bothered by it. Its natural.
Follow me 🙃
Bothers me immensely.
Why would it?
That's what I am hoping to find out by asking this question!
It hurts me and it makes me find myself less attractive and I might lose my beauty confident
"Masturbate to that person"? Really?
There has to be more to this story. Instead of talking generalities, why not ask about your specific situation? You'll get a lot more out of it.
It's not about my personal situation, it's about others' opinions:
My boyfriend masturbates to Emily Ratajkowski. I have zero boobs. Does it mean he’s not into me? ↗
It means he jerks off to porn instead of spending quality time with his woman. A complete fail. Fake sex porn addiction is a sickness. Just look at all the sex-widows on here.
Not at all. I'm as white as white can be, but my girlfriend loves (well, not loves, lets say lusts after) a Spanish athelete.
I am secure in my knowledge that my girlfriend loves me, so the fact that she finds Spanish guys hot doesn't bother me any.
Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
Most Helpful Guys