Is it rape if he's my husband?

So my husband doesn't like to have very much sex, but I have found myself really horny a lot recently, especially at night when he's tired from work and just wants to sleep...

So, I was thinking about maybe waiting until he falls alseep, and then riding him for a while to get off? He sleeps like a rock, literally NOTHING wakes him up, so that wouldn't be an issue. And he would not feel as pressured to have sex more than he wants, so that would be a good thing right?

The only thing is, I know he wouldn't go for it if I asked him. He'd never know if I didn't, but he wouldn't like it if I told him. So I'm not sure where this would fall around the line...

To be clear, I have NOT done anything.. yet. I just need to know if this is still considered rape? Thank you for answering.Is it rape if he's my husband?
  • Yes thats rape.
    Vote A
  • No its not.
    Vote B
  • Depends/ need more info.
    Vote C
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
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If you vote the 3rd option please explain?

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Most Helpful Guys

  • If you are sexually committed in a relationship where sexual consent can be assumed it is not rape by default unless they tell you otherwise. However, this is a different case. First of all you know he would not consent to this which means consent is not given, second of all he is unconscious so he can not defend himself if he does not wish to have sex with you. Therefore to do it legally it is absolutely required to get his permission first before having sex with him in his sleep as in this case consent can't just be assumed as he has no chance of revoking consent.

    There is a deeper issue to the matter and cheating on him with his sleeping body isn't going to solve that. You should be focussing on finding a better balance when you are awake, even if its as simple as you just riding him while he does his own thing or him giving consent to the sleep fucking.

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    • Ya I guess.

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    • First of all if you really need it that badly just wake up earlier haha.
      But just casually bring up that you heard that its not normal to be extremely deprived off energy after work especially if it persists after a good night of sleep and that he might be on a slow path to a burnout. Assist him in finding some alternatives, perhaps he doesn't actually physically relax properly, perhaps there is to much going on at work, perhaps he simply has to long hours. Its hard to tell but try to find a solution with him. What can also help is for him to be observant of his breathing as its part of the reason i got the issue where if your this exhausted all the time it can be an indication he is breathing more then nessisary wasting a ton of energy which can be easily solved by training yourself to only breath in when its needed rather then doing it constantly. Find some material online about the signs of an upcoming burnout and some advice to remedy them, unfortunately mine where in dutch.

    • Okay, I'll check, thanks.

  • There is no question that it's rape. Simply reverse the genders in this scenario and it will be easier for you to see it.

    Female doesn't want it.
    Wait for her to fall into a deep sleep.
    Take it anyway?

    So much rape.

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Most Helpful Girls

  • dont do that! respect his wishes of space. he will be upset and tired. just masturbate... and try to sext him during the day instead

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    • He doesn't sext, he doesn't think there's a point to it, but yes I get it.

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    • k try doing some research:
      www.mentalhelp.net/advice/husband-hates-sex/
      strongermarriages.com/.../
      www.drpsychmom.com/.../
      You could try marriage guidance or make it clear that if his approach doesn't change a little, he runs the risk of you straying. This is a message all sexually neglectful spouses need to hear: you can't expect your partner to abstain just because you do.
      However, you have to accept your husband's limitations, just as he must comprehend your ardour.

    • Ya true.. but honestly it would be more of a struggle to get him to go to therapy than to blow him. 🙄 He fucking HATES therapy. We've only been once, and i could probably get him to ho back, but that would be really tough..

      I'll do research and try it though, thanks. You've been really helpful.

  • I don't know but what I do know is, if he's tired and wakes up to you grinding on him, it could end up in a big argument.

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    • He won't wake up, I know that. I one time fell off the bed and gashed my knee on the bedframe and literally screamed bloody murder (it hurt a ton and was bleeding a lot) and he didn't wake up. And I also started slapping him to get him to wake up cause I couldn't get back up but he didn't react, and so I just crawled to the bathroom and stopped the bleeding myself.
      About an hour later he woke up, and THAT started a big argument.

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    • Okay wishing you the best x (Keep a steak at hand just in case he is a vampire hehe!)

    • Lol thanks.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 29

  • OMG > RAPE is when someone is NOT WILLING TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU.. . people who answered this is rape. Don't seem to understand the meaning behind the words. WOW
    So his YOUR HUSBAND you own that **** if his that hard of a sleeper get your ROCKS off with his thing and enjoy it. Other wise you will end OF LEAVING HIM OR CHEATING > trust this

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  • i have woke to my wife blowing me.. I have slipped my self i her while she slept.. only to have her wake up and ravage me in return.. its not rape..

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    • That makes sense, but what if I'm pretty sure he wouldn't be okay with it if he were to find out?

    • if you know he woeld not be ok,, then perhaps...

  • I think that I am going to say neutral on this one, because even if it's technically you rape him, people are going to be far more forgivable to you, simply because you are a female, and also because you are wife.

    tvtropes.org/.../DoubleStandardRapeFEmaleOnMale

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    • I mean ' going to stay neutral."

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    • Usually not, but the fact that you both female and married might had tip the scales. At the very least it sounds like a composed case, and something that rarely happen.

    • True..

  • I would ride his cock so you can cum several times.

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    • Disgusting pervert

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    • There's nothing to put up with.

      I'm perfect

    • Then I'm shocked you even bothered with me lol. You should know I already have a perfect.

  • Still rape.
    Marital rape is the act of sexual intercourse with one's spouse without the spouse's consent. The lack of consent is the essential element and need not involve violence.

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    • I know, right? It's surprising so many dudes think this is okay. Which is why this is a serious men's issue.

  • Maybe ask him about that before you just hall off and do it.. He might be ok with it, he might not.. If he is not its definitely rape

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  • Only if he wanted to see you in jail.

    If you are sleeping with someone, that is consent.

    However, it sounds like you have the classic problem of sexual incompatibility with your spouse. That is the number two reason for divorce.

    The only way you might be able to stay together is if you find a sex buddy. I know several married couples that are happily married because one or both have sex with someone else regularly.

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    • No, fuck no. If it's not with him I don't want any. I'd never divorce him over this, I'm just trying to find a solution..

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    • Well, don't say no one ever told you about your future.

      The road you are going down is well trodden.

    • Pussy.

  • Ask him if he would be ok if you did this. If he's that tired the plumbing may or may not work well.

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  • The term ''rape'' is totally over-used in these days. Rape in my eyes involves violence and/or ''force'' and it causes emotional injuries. What you describe, is merely naughtiness.

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  • I don't think it would actually be rape because you're married, but I'd still say you shouldn't do it unless he's okay with it.

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  • No it's not rape, it's one of your marital rights, and he is responsible to give it to you and vice versa

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  • yes that is rape because a sleeping person cannot consent

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  • Look, rape or not rape you need a man that can please you.

    You don't even need to rape him, you can use a dildo. It's no different.

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    • It's not the same... 😟
      But based on the results so far, it's what I'll have to settle for for now.

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    • Never been myself, so I don't know :D. Have you told him about it?

    • Well yes, that was the one time he actually started it, the honeymoon lol. A few weeks later i tested and he was there. We both want kids.

  • If it wouldn't wake him up then he must be really tired.
    It may be the reason why he doesn't want to do it?

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    • He always sleeps that heavily. His brain just shuts off when he goes to sleep, I guess..

    • Ther are lots of small things there
      I sincerely hope that you'll sort it up
      You should talk
      Tell him how you feel.

    • I will, thanks.

  • Talk about your fantasy and listen/see/feel how he reacts

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    • Its not a fantasy, its I want sex and he doesn't a lot if times.

    • Tell him which way you plan it.

    • I'm planning on it, he already saw this question, he has GaG too.

  • if he's cool with it then its ok i guess

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    • Ya but I doubt he would be, thats the problem.

  • I think it's not even possible

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    • It is, trust me. He could sleep though anything.. 🙄

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    • Ok hard to understand that masturbation is not way better than sex. But each to their own.
      Maybe break up with him

    • No, we'll work something out.. I'm not gonna get a divorce over this, I knew it would be difficult when I married him.

  • If it's not consensual, then it's rape. Period.

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  • YES OF COURSE THAT'S RAPE WHAT THE FUCK

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    9

What Girls Said 16

  • Married or not, he's not consenting therefore you would effectively be raping him. I would just talk to him about the lack of sex and that it bothers you.

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  • Rape is if the other person does not consent. The relationship between the two parties is irrelevant.

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  • NO
    DONT DO THAT OMG
    He's your husband and he's sleeping..!
    Also you are aware he won't let u do this if he was awake..
    Why don't you just masturbate?
    Or maybe ask him to fuck you while he's awake?

    Seriously this is WRONG

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  • If your husband ain't trying to fuck you, he's either disinterested, gay or both. What the fuck I look like whipping someone's dick out and doing all that for?

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    • In that way he may be disinterested, but he's not unhappy will me or wanting something else, if that's what you mean. He just seems disinterested with sex in general..
      And well shit, I know he's not gay lol.

      I would just ask him to have sex, and probably will at this point, but whenever I do a lot he either says just wait until Sunday (the day we normally have sex) or says okay and then falls alseep partway through..

  • Yes that's rape. He has to give consent first.
    xx
    ~ Mrs Manson

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  • Yes it's rape. Get a grip.

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  • No , he’s your husband

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  • He can't give his consent. Yes, it's a rape.

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  • Yes, by legal definition, that is definitely rape.

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  • If he can’t give his consent, then it’s rape.

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  • That’s rape

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  • This is weird. Why not just wake him up?

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    • He doesn't want to have sex very much. He'll most likely say just wait until Sunday, and then go to sleep.

  • The fact that you said you knew he wouldn’t like it if you asked him is the answer. If you love him why would you want to do something ‘to him’ that he wouldn’t like?

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    • He only wouldn't like it if he knew. If I didn't tell him it wouldn't effect him at all, but yes I know. I'm not gonna do it..

    • It should mean the same thing in your mind though if you have any integrity and respect for him.

  • I don’t even know how this whole plan of yours could possibly work, but regardless, that is rape because he has not given consent.

    Congratulations, though, you’ve got yourself a guy that’s likely into men more.

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    • Um no. Shit, come on. he's not gay. He literally almost assaulted a guy for winking at him and sticking his tounge out, he ain't gay. Period.

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    • Eh it's fine. I knew that getting into this so I should be able to deal with it somehow..

    • Lol, I just like that you put it in quotes 😂

  • Ewwww... your giving woman a bad name is this a guy pretending to be a woman.

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    • Uh.. no.
      And how am I giving women a bad name? Seriously, I haven't done anything! I was asking you be sure, and based on the results I'm gonna play it safe and not do it. Gees, what's so awful about that? And why would you think I'm a man?

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    • "It seemed like a possible option"

      Why the fuck are you surprised people are having a strong reaction? You're literally saying you were seriously considering raping someone. That it seemed like a plausible option. Do you not see why people are freaking the hell out?

    • I was ASKING. I didn't DO it! Fuck, you'd think I was planning a murder the way she spouted off! 🙄
      I *asked* that's all. I only asked. My fucking HUSBAND who I was talking about isn't even upset like she is! Probably because-- what? Oh right-- I didn't do anything but ASK!

  • If I were you, I would do it, it's definitely better than cheating... and I don't think that he would struggle too much, most guys would like it actually ;)

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    • Well he wouldn't wake up even if I did do it. But ya I know, most guys would be fine with it. But if he were like most guys I wouldn't be tempted to do it in the first place lol..

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    • I see, he is too soft?

    • No, when he's hard he's really hard. I meant he doesn't get hard very often-- unless, you know, we are having sex.

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