Is rape EVER justified if he/she was "asking for it"?

Question

Keeping with the rape theme of my last question, I really want to know what people think on this subject as well. As you'll likely see (if you were on my last question) there was a gent who claimed being fucked while unconscious was "fake" and if you put yourself in said situation, clearly, it isn't rape.

Won't state my opinion there, just providing you context. It inspired this current question.

So, it got me to thinking: is there EVER a situation where someone is very literally just "asking for it?"

The first story that came to mind was an old news story I read some years ago I believe, where a woman's shower wasn't working in her apartment, so she told her landlord/neighbour. This guy said she could use his shower, but ONLY if she agreed to shower with him. She agreed, and apparently he raped her during this encounter. I'll try to find the story to include in the updates.

I remember hearing this story and very literally asking myself whether this was actually rape, because the story didn't add up. To me, I would assume agreeing to shower with someone, naked, in their house, would have a sexual connotation to it. However, seeing as the definition of rape has clear lines that state if you say no, and someone continues, it's still rape.

Before anyone loses their shit: I don't think rape is justifiable. I do believe there are obvious situations where you can avoid danger, but it doesn't make it okay for anyone to rape you. This is just for discussion's sake.

Benedek38 · Accepted Answer

"Justified" is a strange word.
It presumes there WAS a rape, but it was somehow acceptable. Rape in any form is unacceptable.
Well... maybe not.
I'll present a pretty weird fictional scenario where rape might be justified, just for the sake or argument.
A Mad Max-like apocalyptic desert. A guy has something valuable - a loved one, a pet, a house, a car, etc. A woman destroys it for some reason, with malicious intent. The guy wants to take revenge. His revenge takes the form of rape.
I'd say in this case one could justify the rape, as this is clearly an eye for an eye scenario.
In a country with legislations? Not likely. I can't see any way to justify rape. Again, maybe if the person was denied justice, and seeks revenge.

But let's stick to reality. Your story regarding the shower in my opinion can never be justified rape - it can be a consentual intercourse though, meaning it wouldn't be rape. And generally speaking, we can probably never know if the intercourse was consentual in a similar case - it's a he said/she said situation without evidence.

I agree to a certain extent with this: "I would assume agreeing to shower with someone [...] would have a sexual connotation to it."
And I'll say something controversial.

I seriously think the idea of consent is too specified. I am not just talking about consent by body language - that's another debate.

I am talking about the fact that there are certain predicaments where consent is simply too heavily implied, and if you don't want to have an intercourse, you should mention it.
I think there's a proverb for this: "In for a penny, in for a pound". If you agree "go to bed with me", and you don't have clothes on, don't call me a rapist if I initiate sexual contact, and you don't say anything about it.
If you don't want my consent, say "no". But don't expect me to stop just because you forgot to give consent for every movement I make.

At some point, giving consent would make sex like the replay function on those old VHS and cassette players - it only works as long as you press the button.
After a while, you'd get fed up with pressing it, and find another way of windin the tape backwards.

So yeah. I can't really express myself, it is late around here, and 2500 characters are far too few for such a touchy topic, but generally speaking I think that the current approach to consent is unintuitive and cumbersome.

Aguysopinion4799 · Accepted Answer

I believe in the way I am about to describe this, agree or disagree at your will :) I will respect your opinions if you respect mine, let's start...

I believe that rape is never justifiable as the definition of "Rape" is "unlawful sexual activity and usually sexual intercourse carried out forcibly or under threat of injury against the will usually of a female or with a person who is beneath a certain age or incapable of valid consent" and so it is already UNLAWFUL.

Now, to the times when they may be "Asking for it" this is, in my opinion, just an excuse people use to cover the fact they were turned on by the victim and trying to cover for their behaviour.

Any morally sound and thoughtful person, would NOT take sexual advantage of another individual without their consent and even in a situation like say... the one below, would be capable of keeping themselves from performing such an action on the other.

The scenario: You are over at your friends house, she is having a shower and while you are downstairs and having a drink of... orange juice, you hear a bang. The girl has clearly fainted from fatigue or something in the shower, you can see her naked and you have to decide what to do-
A) Call an ambulance

B) Cover her with a towel and carry her to a softer area to reduce injury

C) Apologise in advance and check her body for notable injuries

D) Take advantage of the situation and sexually abuse her

If you chose A, B or C then I see you as morally sound but in this situation, if you are her friend and chose D, like... umm... What the ****... Don't know how to continue the comment if you chose it T_T

Hence, I do not think there is a justifiable reason in ANY situation in regards to rape, even if they are accused of asking for it.

Thanks for reading and I hope this was alright :)

QueenofCups · Accepted Answer

I was raped when I was 15.

I made out with a guy at a party. I liked it, but I didn't want to go any further. He wanted me to blow him. I said no and pushed him away. I was really drunk and went in a bedroom to lay down. He followed me in and raped me.

Was that justifiable?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Rape is never justified, like cheating can never be either.

Like you say, situations can be avoided, and staying sober helps a lot. Any girl should be able to walk alone in the dark, but a bit of forethought could have avoided the need for that. It is all about risk management.

Wonderer89 · Answer

I don’t think that rape is ever justifiable - but I believe there are too many situations in which consent is blurred between the two parties resulting in the encounter being labelled as rape.
I think as women we have a huge social advantage when it comes to reporting rape and it being taken seriously compared to men - but that too many take advantage of that skewed balance even unintentionally (like confusing regret with lack of consent). While statistically there are far more sexual assaults and violence against women I feel that the lack of numbers against men shouldn’t impair the validity of reports made.
But back to question (sorry, rambling!) I think in some situations there needs to be a little bit of accountability rather than it be called rape. Like your shower scenario - what was she expecting? Showering naked with someone is akin to second, maybe rounding third base? By consenting to that exchange (using the shower in return for him also being in there) it’s not unreasonable to assume further sexual contact was on the table and if it was unwelcome she should have said no instead of going into his apartment in the first place.
Yes consent for sex needs to be there - but it should also be clear enough for a *reasonable* person or group to agree that the message was clear that consent was removed or never given for an altercation in its entirety - not just a snippet.
Same with going to someone’s house, alone and together imbibing enough alcohol to be impaired. What was expected?
Choosing to go home from a club with someone then changing their mind when they’re in the strangers bed but not being clear in their “no, please stop” and expecting their stiff body language to convey they no longer want it.

A rape accusation (not even resulting in a conviction) can ruin lives, I just think more thought needs to go into the behaviour in a scenario as a whole and the understanding it took to get there before determining intentional rape or misunderstanding/mislead

maddymuennich · Answer

the only time someone would be “asking for it” is if they actually asked/agreed to have sex. there is no such thing as a women (or a man) asking for it by wearing “slutty clothing” or flirting if she didn’t actually want to have sex.

MlleCake · Answer

Rape is never justified. Victims are not to blame.

wingattebaby16 · Answer

Rape is wrong no matter the circumstances.

jellyroo · Answer

Nah. You have to either BE VERY DUMB to have someone saying no and begging and crying etc etc and still force sex onto them and assume it isn't rape, or have a disgusting mind set and not give a shit, aka think the person's "asking for it". I don't buy either as an excuse in any way.

If I have a neighbor who asks me to hold their wallet while they search for something in their car, me robbing them is a shitty act, regardless if I believe their trust in me was stupid, misplaced or what have you, or not. Me thinking they were dumb to trust me is pretty irrelevant, in my personal opinion.

That said, every action is a potential risk. That Uber driver might be a kidnapping serial killer, that pizza guy might have a secret poisoning fetish, that dark alley might have some shady people in it waiting to jump out at you.
We should always be cautious and do our best to protect ourselves. But sometimes it's hard to tell when you can or cannot trust a person, especially if you're bad at judging body language. So it shouldn't really be a factor.

SarahsSummer · Answer

your question
"is there EVER a situation where someone is very literally just "asking for it?"
in and of itself negates the possibility of rape. If a person is LITERALLY asking for it, they are asking to have sex, with an implication on rough sex. if you ask someone for sex you cannot be saying no to sex, which is literally what rape is.

CheerGirl38139 · Answer

Poll. Poll. You forgot the poll.

Dommer · Answer

I agree. Rape is never justifiable. The question is when is 'rape' not 'rape' instead of 'justifiable'? The shower story is interesting. There is as you say some question regarding the woman's judgement and whether or not in consenting to shower with him she was consenting to some form of sexual contact, but perhaps short of intercourse. Even if she did explicitly agree to penetration doesn't she still have the right to withdraw consent?

Jjpayne · Answer

Never! Consent! consent! consent! consent and consent!

boggboss · Answer

No rape is never justified the only situation that it's blurry is when people give concent but then take it back but dont way anything

Celtero · Answer

Not really. I just lose a ton of sympathy when I hear the woman put herself into a stupid situation so carelessly.

Also, I don't really think it's rape unless the man knows he's raping her. So if a woman gets into bed naked with a man just to sleep or cuddle or some other dumb shit, then he makes sexual advances and she "freezes up," and can't say no, then I don't think it's rape. At that point it's like putting on assless chaps in prison and being shocked when you get your sphincter stretched by your cellmate.

I know if I was being raped, I'd fight tooth and nail. Bite his dick off, poke out his eyes... whatever it takes. He'd know for sure that I wasn't happy.

Cosytoasty · Answer

Im fairly certain there will some girl so racked with insecurity and anxiety or some shit that she will ask a guy to have sex with her for her own validation, but deep down is thinking "no, please stop". In this situation she would be literally "asking for it" and she may simply say after that she was too scared to verbally communicate no to the guy... thus turning it into rape.

I'm willing to bet that isn't all that uncommon too with how insecure so many girls are.

TonyMetal86 · Answer

Showering at his home, getting naked in front of him, seducing him, and when she turns him like a raging bull, OH NOOO, don't...

This is funny, it's ok if it passes by just rape, thankd god he didn't tear her apart...

Will i call it rape, of course not... i'll punish the girl for traping him and i'll just warn him not to fall a victim for such acts in the future...

Swaggirl1 · Answer

Only rapist should be raped

JC103 · Answer

I lost my virginity to a girl that took advantage of me. Rape is only ok in role play

Hannajenky · Answer

If you're already having sex and one of you gets weireded out and says stop but it takes a while for them to stop that is probably ok

KAYJJAY · Answer

No it is not

NYCQuestions1976 · Answer

I'm showering alone for the rest of my life.

LegateLanius · Answer

Never is rape justified.

outside_Toronto · Answer

Never

Is rape EVER justified if he/she was "asking for it"?

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