Sexual Relationships
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My boyfriend got an erection from another female and I'm not sure how to feel?

We were at a concert and there were a ton of beautiful women. I understand how guys work but as a woman, I can't help but feel somewhat like betrayed. Sounds crazy. I know. Regardless, she was wasted and trying to make her boyfriend jealous so she decided to dance up on all the guys in a row. There's not much space in the seating. I'm not the jealous type but when I looked down, he was covering himself after she had danced on him. I asked him why had had not said anything even if it were for a few brief seconds and he said he didn't see the harm, that he knew she was just acting that way to make her boyfriend jealous and it wasn't like she was actually coming on to him. However it really bothers for some reason that another girl gave him a boner and he decided that that it was no big deal. As a girl, I would have moved immediately if a guy were dancing on me. Am I being irrational?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • He can't help getting the boner, but he did make a choice when he allowed her to dance on him. Guys can't control erections, but they can control what they focus on. The real issue here, is not so much getting the boner, but that he made a mistake in judgment, and instead of saying he made a mistake, he justifies his actions. Women can grab a guys attention with sexually connotative acts, and give them boners. That can be difficult for a guy to turn away from. But he made a mistake, and should own up to it and apologize to you. Yes, you should be the one giving him boners, not some girl dancing on him.

    • I had told him well I hope that if she continued, you would have moved and he said yeah there is that line. I know it was just for a few seconds. It still hurts. I'm hoping his response by saying he would move if it continued is okay. I've never really had anyone be faithful, either. I have the worst luck in relationships and this one means a lot.

    • It could be that he was just caught up in the excitement, the girl dancing on him, etc., and he would have stopped it if it continued. Yes, troublesome, but if he hasn't done this kind of thing before, he deserves the benefit of the doubt.

  • Sorry, you are being irrational. I get a hardon simply from waking up in the morning and have no control over it. It happens.

    • I don't think it's so much the erection that bothers me. It's the fact that further down the row, the same girl was dancing on another guy (in a relationship) and that guy was like woah woah. I know my boyfriend is not a confrontational guy but I would have felt weird even for a second if it were a guy dancing on me.

    • Asker: Getting an erection in the morning, and getting one over letting a girl fawn over you, are very different things. He should not have let the girl dance on him in the first place. I'm not saying dump him, but hopefully he will treat you with more respect in the future, and be more faithful to you, by not letting other women dance on him, etc.

Most Helpful Girls

  • its could easy be an involuntary response, back many years ago my school boyfriend and I were just sitting on a bus, when it was our turn to get off he asked me to walk slowly in front of him, he had a full erection just by being on the bus, I was hopping it was because he was thinking sexual things of me but no, just the vibration of the bus

    • "when it was our turn to get off..." (Snicker)

    • @Bluemax funny ha ha, immature answer

  • ... you know an erection can be completely involuntary right? A freaking bed sheet can cause an erection. Are you really this insecure in your relationship and yourself that a natural bodily reaction that’s pretty much out of his control has you feeling threatened and upset?

    • Obviously I have low self esteem and asked if I'm being irrational.

    • I don't feel sexy after gaining a few pounds. I've tried losing weight and nothing seems to work. I feel threatened because I know I'm not as beautiful as I once was. Yes, I feel threatened because I don't know how one person would want to stay with me. I am really insecure lately. I know this.

    • He’s with you honey, obviously your weight doesn’t bother him or he’d have ended your relationship. You should trust that far more than the negativity you feel for yourself when determining when to feel like less

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What Girls & Guys Said

4 17

  • It is how it is. It’s how the mind of men works. Just accept it and move on. It’s not like he’s cheating on you or something.

  • He was cheating on you

    • Who in the hell are you? I don't even know you and no I won't come over..

  • That wasn't the only boner your boyfriend had for another woman. Nor will it be the last. Every boyfriend you've ever had or will have has had and will have a boner for another woman.

    I don't think the bone is the issue, is it? What is at issue is he didn't stop the other girl from dancing on him, isn't it?

  • Normal for men to have random boners

  • I don't think you're being irrational. You were at an event with your boyfriend and a drunk girl backs herself onto him. He should have protected his own physical space by moving her away from him. She was being inappropriate and he shouldn't have allowed it to go on, even if it was just for a short time. He wouldn't have had to be overly forceful with her. He could have just put his hands on her shoulders and moved her away from him.

  • It happens haha

  • So, so irrational.

    A guy being true to a girl is like a heroic soldier going into battle. A heroic soldier goes to battle, not because he has no fear, but *despite* his fear.

    Imagine your boyfriend made you a delicious meal. Meanwhile, on TV you saw your favorite food and your mother watered. Cheating?

    • Sorry mouth not "mother."

  • Do you not understand men's sexual responses to the slightest stimulation?

  • make sure you talk about spcifically what is making you uncomfortable and also why him dancing with other girls is betrayal-ish.

    a totally different approach is instead of chastising him, let him know that if there are things he is thinking about doing, just do them with me. ask him for some instructions.

  • Guys can't really help them, honestly. I think the important thing is he didn't act on it at all.

  • You're being irrational

  • Totally. Get over yourself

  • Men get erection through anything these days... I sometimes get one while going down bumpy roads... Also if a girl is dancing to make men horny then she is abit of a slag in my opinion

  • Yep, irrational.

  • It’s normal don’t worry about that

  • Normal

  • Well have you ever got wet thinking about another guy

  • i think a line was crossed.

  • its natural human body work.

  • All men are human, you can't say that you don't find other guys more attractive than your boyfriend, and sometimes getting an erection is uncontrollable like it just happens, don't worry about it because if he didn't want to be with you he wouldn't be

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