My man would rather jack off than have sex with me?

[Arizonababe2018]

Ok so I'm trying this app to try and get some advice. Long story short I'm a very sexual woman and my man is not. here's the dilemma. When we have sex he can't cum and if he does its very rare, he usually gives up and has to go jack off in the morning while I'm sleeping in order to cum. My thing is he has no issue cumming when he is jacking off by himself behind closed doors so why can't I make him cum? I have tried to talk to him and tell him to wake me up no matter what time it is, he said he did it cuz he was too tired for sex so I've tried to tell him even if he's exhausted we dont have to have sex but I'd like to feel involved and feel like I helped him cum so I told him i can help jack him off, moan and rub his balls or give him head as he strokes it but he refuses and still Jack's off in the bathroom with the door locked so I can't just go in and help him. Every time I try to talk to him about it he immediately gets pissed off and never trys any of my ideas that may help him/us. a lot of people have said maybe he has death grip and he got too used to his hand and if he stops masturbating his penis will get more sensitive and my vagina will start feeling better than his hand I've told him that but he doesn't seem to care and continues to do it anyways. It's a big issue to me cuz I have a cum obsession so if he doesn't get off Im not fully satisfied and I feel sad that I can't get my own man off and then I end up getting upset. He says that I just need to get over it and deal with it but i just don't get it because in most mens eyes they would love a woman like me (since I love sex and am practically willing to do anything during sex) so I find it really odd that my man isn't like that and doesn't enjoy it as much as he should. he's definitely not cheating, isn't gay, he said he's very attracted to me, he doesn't have a porn addiction (according to him he never watches it) so I don't know what the issue is and what can make it better? Please help and give me your advice.

[FunkyMonkee]

You're a very sexual woman? Hi there!! Are you busy tonight?
Well, you've shot down nearly all of my suggestions. About the only one I've got left is: sit and watch a number of pornos with him and maybe he'll GET aroused enough to want to cum in you, or at least FOR you!
Otherwise, I was gonna say: let him spank his plank with JUST the head of his dick in you so that, WHEN he cums, it'll go into YOU instead of the toilet, Kleenex, cum rag or gym sock. Or let him slap it on his own, but be there in front of him with your legs spread so you can catch his pitch when he and the time cums.
Maybe ask him the kinds of things he thinks of when he's pulling his pud and the next time he does it, talk him through it by creating those images for him verbally. "Oh, YES, draling!! Put the lamp up my ass!!!" Or, just make animal noises.
One thing that really got ME off when I was with madam Ex was when she'd lick my nipples!
Another thing you can try, if he'll let you, is to wrap your hand around his plonker as if you're going to beat him off, but put it rather high on Mr. Sticky so that ONLY the tip of his head is sticking out through the top of your closed hand/fist. Let's say it's your left hand. Then, with your other hand, semi-slowly rub what will basically be the top of your left fist in a circular motion, maybe 1 cycle every 1.5 to 2 seconds, with the palm of your open right hand and make sure your right palm comes in contact with the tip of his dick that's sticking out of your left hand. This is practically the same as rubbing your clit. He should be blasting a sticky load to the ceiling in a minute or two. Dine responsibly!!
My thought is, maybe he's just so used to taking matters into his own hand, as it were, that he just CAN'T do it with anyone else in the room! Try to gradually get him used to you being there. Starting with just a few seconds at first, gradually spend more and more time in the room with him when he's "going to work" until he's completely used to you being there in the room with him.
Another thing you can try is, some night when he's asleep, sneak down to his south 40 and gently give him a blow job so he doesn't realize what you're doing and he might think it's happening in his dream and he'll explode into you.
The guy that says a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush ain't been putting his bird in the right bushes!! Or, he's just got some kind of hang-up about that.
Or, sex therapy!
Anyway, good luck!!
Are you SURE you're busy tonight?

[Arizonababe2018]

Thank you for your response I've actually tried that too just the other night actually and he didn't cum came home and jacked off the next morning. I've even got to the point where I told him what he won't enjoy another man will 🤷‍♀️ so his choice but if he doesn't work on this its gonna end up being his loss

[FunkyMonkee]

Yeah, I guess so! Sex is like a Chinese dinner for two: it's not over `til you BOTH get your cookies!! It's gonna be really hard on both of you if you decide to drop him but, a relationship involves at least TWO people!! And, if one's not getting the satisfaction they need to continue with it, it's probably time to fly! I don't know if it's actually readily available, but I heard about 30 years ago that they were experimenting with a way to hook up something to the brain of a rhesus monkey (they have a shitty union!) to the section of his brain that makes him have orgasms and they'd give him a button to push that'd give him incredible orgasms. Maybe you can look something like that up and keep the button for yourself. If I had one, I'd tape the button down and go flying around the room backwards like a balloon!! 2 days later, you'd find me in a heap in the corner going, "I don't want to cum no more!" Good luck!! I hope he can cum to his senses! Or at least yours.

[FunkyMonkee]

Did you try asking him what's causing him to be this way? Maybe it's some kind of childhood trauma that's making him sexually unavailable to you. Maybe hypnosis can bring him out of it.

[Kaliix]

"Then, with your other hand, semi-slowly rub what will basically be the top of your left fist in a circular motion, maybe 1 cycle every 1.5 to 2 seconds, with the palm of your open right hand and make sure your right palm comes in contact with the tip of his dick that's sticking out of your left hand. This is practically the same as rubbing your clit. "- thats why masturbation is more pleasurable? Bcs pus. sy don't do it?

[FunkyMonkee]

@Kaliix That's not what I said.

[Kaliix]

Yep, but im just curious. You don't have to say it, this topic speaks for itself.

[PoliceLivesMatter]

Maybe he just feels more comfortable being private or by himself when he climaxes. It’s possible that he got used to his hand or he’s just not getting enough stimulation when having sex with you, so that’s another reason. It could be something mental, going on in his head that he’s dealing with that makes it difficult or impossible to climax when having sex with you perhaps. There’s a possibility that he’s not that into you and his imagination is better than having sex with you. There could be a few reasons.

[Arizonababe2018]

I agree all those are possibilities even though I dont like the thought of them but he said he's attracted to me, when I met him he didn't even like head I at least him to enjoy that but he can't cum to it, he's not talking to another woman, maybe it is something mental which would be hard or impossible to fix cuz he's so closed minded. I've asked if he will go to sex therapy he refuses so I guess I'm screwed unfortunately 😭

[Kaliix]

I'm sorry, this is sad but vagina don't feel for them as good as hand. Thats why they cum faster with hand. I know you din't want to hear it and this is sad, but yea, this is real life. Sex is for intimacy for them, but pussy give relative less stimulation to the hand. He don't need cheat or some, just masturbation is more pleasurable then sex, thats why. Don't looking for reason. My advie- leave him.

[Kaliix]

Also There is no point force someone for sex, you want feel that he do it only for you? He will be in ur vagina and u will think that he feels better with jerking.. please don't do it yourself, I do that and now I regres. Don't do it yourself. Thats not worth

[Anonymous]

Ouchhh

[jackmcmillin83]

ughghghghg i hate this. fyi it really helps if you use a penis skin moisturizer... this will prevent cuts and nicks and also keep you clear of any razor burn, which is awful. I use one called Man1 Man Oil.. good stuff. Cheers.

[zippididooda]

Has he ever mentioned what his sex life was in high school? Did he have this problem of not being able to cum except by masturbation then? Does he have any children? Does he wake up with a hard-on in the morning?
I think a good approach is where you quietly stay in the dark room when he masturbates. Maybe eventually you'll get to where he'll let you masturbate him. Or try one of those male masturbators called a fleshlight. Maybe he'll get so starved for someone to touch his cock he'll finally let you do it. Then give him oral. It'll feel so good you'll be doing it for him for the rest of his life. Lol.

[Tamera952]

In a word, ... yes

[tzdc21]

Did you say something to make him feel insecure about having sex with you?

[GingerGuy]

What concerns me most about this (and I don't understand why?), is when you try to talk to him about it, he gets pissed off. There's no reason at all to get upset (unless it's how you're approaching it?). Does he care about you at all? If it were me, that's what I'd be asking myself. One of the most important things in a relationship is communication and you clearly don't have that with him. It might be worth considering finding someone new?

[GingerGuy]

It would drive me nuts if my partner wouldn't communicate or feel like they could talk to me about anything. They should be able to and feel like they can.

[Arizonababe2018]

Agreed it's very frustrating let's just say he's very stubborn and thick headed and he's very closed minded so its definitely hard to talk. I HATE arguing! I am more so sad and nervous when I approach him i dont scream at him I tell him it's okay and that I'm just trying to understand him more. I love him dearly but I know communication is super important so if he's not willing to communicate then sadly this relationship may not work. Even his mom said he's never been good about opening up and talking

[always_excited]

Do you have any idea about what he jerks off over when he's on his own? Maybe there is something that he really gets horny over but he feels he can only do it in private. If you can find out what it is and bring in into the bedroom it might help him open up.

I'm really into fantasies and thinking of other people, and once my wife found out she started talking about people when we were in bed and it meant we had more sex and I jerked off (a little) less.

[reptocarl]

It isn’t you. He’s just a piss poor lover and it won’t ever change for the better. You’re not sexually compatible and this is a very big deal I don’t care what anybody says. You’re only choices are stay with him knowing it won’t ever get better or leave. Personally I would leave. Life’s too short to put up with a piss poor lover

[NerdInDenial]

He uses a lot of pressure duering masturbation and loses sensitivity. He may fear being vulnerable when he ejaculates.

[Arizonababe2018]

He may fear being vulnerable when he ejaculates what does that mean like he's too shy to cum in front of me?

[NerdInDenial]

As in he loses control

[Arizonababe2018]

Nope that's not the issue I'd love if he lost control or came a lot or too quick. We have a child together so obviously he's cum before but its really rare

[NerdInDenial]

How do you know? The reason why he ejaculated in you was to have a child. Now, that he doesn’t want to do anymore demonstrates he doesn’t want to lose control. He likes his method of giving himself an orgasm. Why would he close the door?

[Arizonababe2018]

I don't know I've told him to wake me up but he doesn't he will get home from work goes in the bathroom shuts the door, turns on the air vent pretending he's pooping before his shower. Only reason I know is cuz he forgets to flush his cum after sometimes

[NerdInDenial]

He just likes masturbation or there could be a possibility that he feels like sex is too much work

[Arizonababe2018]

I've told him if sex is too much work I can do other things like help jack him off, lick the tip as he Jack's off, moan and rub his balls for all I care I've even told him to jack off and I'll get on my knees and just watch and he can shoot it all over me... hot right? I guess not hot enough I just wanna be involved but he still doesn't involve me. So I don't know i guess I'm screwed:/

[NerdInDenial]

Does he show you other forms of intimacy?

[Arizonababe2018]

Sometimes yes

[NerdInDenial]

So he does care about you

[Arizonababe2018]

I don't doubt that I know he loves and cares about me

[Dingsbums]

Do u know stuff about any previous relationships?

Maybe he is asexual

But if it doesn’t change I don’t see u having a fullfiled relationship

[Arizonababe2018]

Yeah he hasn't been in many long term relationships he said he was single for 4 years before me so he got used to his hand but we have been together almost 2 years now

[goodlongman]

He has some serious issues and needs professional help. As for you I would suggest you drop him and get a person who is emotionally stable.
My suspicion is he is addicted to pornography and only his imagination can stimulate him and not a real woman.
I am so sorry for you.

[murdanyc916]

ouch sorry to hear that

[murdanyc916]

fyi, jerking off in the morning = less chance of having babies. i know guys that do it regularly to not have kids, it works too

[otw1269]

Wow really

[Arizonababe2018]

Unfortunately yeah

[otw1269]

Im sorry that's sad i hate it for you if you was here i would do you first and then jack off

[Arizonababe2018]

That's what I figured most men would prefer. If I turned him down and then he jacked off I wouldn't be pissed but when you have a girl that is down and willing and you still prefer your hand thats a issue 4 sure

[otw1269]

I would always want my girl

[Stan_Control_]

Wait that's a thing? Death grip?

[Arizonababe2018]

Yes definitely is. Google it. Its where a guy grips it so tight while masturbating that obviously no human vagina or mouth can be that tight so they set themselves up for failure cuz then no sex or oral is ever gonna feel as good

[Stan_Control_]

Wow, okay...

[JackJPershing]

A lot of guys are completely addicted to porn, and it makes it difficult if not impossible for some of them to have any semblance of a normal relationship with a real live woman.

[Arizonababe2018]

I thought that may be it too and asked him up front of it was porn addiction or a certain fantasy and he said he doesn't watch porn, we never like to go through each others phones but I got curious once and looked and no porn on his history at all so I don't know

[Decentguy]

Maybe you had a good body before and not anymore? and he deesn't gets turned on by your body?

[Arizonababe2018]

Damn ouch thanks but I dont think that's the issue

[Decentguy]

im just telling you the possibilities, lol, sorry

[StickStickity13]

TL;DR. Maybe you're sexually boring

[Arizonababe2018]

I promise you that's not the issue I've never had complaints before if anything guys usually come back for more and I'm down for ANYTHING and stuff that most girls won't do or dont like (anal, head, swallowing etc). If anyone boring its him and I try to get him to try new things but he's not down?

[StickStickity13]

how long have you dated him, and when did this start?

[Arizonababe2018]

We have been together almost 2 years and its happened from the beginning. He can cum sometimes but usually only when he's wearing a cock ring

[StickStickity13]

He must be addicted to porn.

[Arizonababe2018]

And if he denies watching it there's nothing I can do. I'm willing to cast some porn to the TV randomly and watch it together but I don't know if that will make him cum?

[StickStickity13]

The thing is, his hand will always create more pleasure than your vagina. He knows his body, so he can grip and stroke his penis for maximum pleasure. Now the plateau needed to cum is much higher because he does that. Long story short, he needs to stop masturbating so his baseline comes back to normal and regular sex becomes more pleasurable.

[Arizonababe2018]

Agreed let's just hope he will actually try it cuz I've told him that and he didn't seem to care if he doesn't want to fix it that's him

[StickStickity13]

Goodluck

[DanOh2018]

Sounds like he's got a minor mental health problem.

[DanOh2018]

Might need a couples sex therapist

[CubaPirate]

Dump him asap

[michaelbernad001]

Simple solution try this. Don't have sex for two months and don't let ur boyfriend jerk off. Have sex after two months. Ur boyfriend would be so desperate to have sex. He would eventually cum in and all over u. UNLESS HE STOPS JERKING IN THE TOILET. HE WILL BE ABLE TO CUM WIL HAVING SEX.

[Arizonababe2018]

Yessss thank you I agree I know this would prob work but he doesn't seem down to stop jerking off. I've told him to try to hold off and throughout the day he will get more horny and by the time he gets me it would be some intense bomb sex but I guess he doesn't want that. Sucks

[michaelbernad001]

Try this. Stop having sex. Don't give him a head or jerk him off. Instead u do ur self in front of him. Watch porn. Use sex toys. Masturbate ur self in front of him. Tell that if he likes pleasuring himself so do I. Make him feel guilty

[weaverman]

I think you put to much pressure on him, as an older guy I've spoke to other guys over the years and it happens

[reptocarl]

Bullshit. He’s piss poor and more than likely always been piss poor. I’m the same age as you and I’m able to keep my 31 year old horny as fuck girlfriend satisfied. Stop making excuses.