Sexual Relationships
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About ANAL sex? HELP?

So the question is pretty simple. My boyfriend loves anal sex and I dont. What do we do? What is happening is that we are 2 years together, and he said to me he likes it a lot, I have almost never tried it (I tried once while drunk with my ex I just remember it hurt so much so suddenly I screamed, but thats probably something he did wrong), and I told him that sexually I am open to almost anything and I reject nothing unless i try it and dont like it. So I said that if he likes it we can try but he has to turn me on and make me want it in some way. That being said he said ok and never tried it. Never made a move or suggested we do it. We kept on having regular sex. Some months back we had a dicline in our sex life. He didn't want to have sex at all. (I have posted about this before I won't go through it again) and he was watching a looot of porn. So searching through his porn history (so I can see what the problem is) I noticed that 90% of it was anal related. And not random videos he searched things like "best anal porn scenes" or "best anal porn actresses". So now I tried touching myself there while having sex with him to see his reaction and he got super hard. So he clearly loves it. WHY HAS HE NEVER TRIED IT? I never said no!! I can't really ask for it because I dont feel like doing it out of the blue but he can get me horny enough and do it. I read that the first time you do it it needs some preparation. Why isn't he trying?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • First of all, I strongly suggest reading the My Take referenced below. It's a guide for first time anal sex. Once you feel like you know what to do, I'd talk to him. There's a reference to a second My Take on that subject below as well. The key is to be calm, direct, and matter of fact, like a business meeting. Men tend to react poorly to a lot of emotion when discussing sexual issues/problems. Just tell him that you know he has a fetish for anal sex and that you want to be the one to scratch that itch, not a bunch of pixels on a screen. You can tell him that you strongly suspect he'll enjoy it a lot more, too. If you're like the dozens of ladies I've been with, you'll love it once you master it.

    One quick question before you talk to him: would you characterize yourself as sexually submissive or sexually dominant? That makes a difference.

    • I think i am more of a "brat" sexually (if you are familiar with the term). I like both (sub a little bit more) and he is super dominant. We have tried sub/dom play before but i think he could not "tame" me at all times , even though he has done it successfully some. I have said that I like the idea of it but that i just want him to make me feel how much he wants it and that will turn me on. I just want to be sure I will be taken care of and it will be done properly because hurting won't help. I have discussed it and he says he is in but still nothing. I dont want to bring it up during sex bc it will ruin the mood and I already told him to take the lead on that (so he should have bought some lube and stuff).

    • Do you find anal sex very submissive? That's true of the dozens of ladies that I've been with. Try exchanging sexual fantasies so you can find some common ground. Would you like a little erotic pain like a spanking for being a brat?

  • Well he probably felt some way that it won't work or he is not confident enough to try and make you super horny. Some where he probably believes that he will fair some how.

    my advice is to not do it with him but for him. Work on your ass and prep it. Strech it out slowly over time. Keep hin sexually interested and when you feel and can take a dildo his size invite him in.

    Anal is great and amazing for me and my wife. However she does need to prep and have lots and lots of lube. We did it that way also. Messing up and latter revisiting it. However she was the one interested in it way more than I am. So she worked on it while I watched and when she was ready. I slowly slid inside man that was amazing to watch and to feel.

    In his mind you did not say no but your answer was close enough to no that he got discouraged.

Most Helpful Girl

  • When you are super horny and in the mood for it, suggest it. There is no greater sexual relationship than a straight forward one.

    On the anal side, don't thrust, don't just jerk it in all the way, small and little movements and LOADS of lube. You get lube at adult shops or use baby oil. Also, you will have to have your anal muscles relaxed. Can't get to the name of the muscles right now. Don't push ar tighten the muscles. Just be relaxed. When it gets to pain, stop. Try again next time. It's takes patience but if done right, it can be very enjoyable and the orgasm can be excellent.

    Also, at an adult shop, you can get like a little thing tou can use like an enema just to clean out before.

    I am sorry if the detail is too much but I hope it helps.

    Also, GOOGLE have an answer for every question you have.

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What Girls & Guys Said

1 9

  • All I remember about doing anal with my ex was that it was awkward and uncomfortable the first few times we tried so we stopped trying.
    Then she started wanting it and she became more relaxed. Just go slow laying in your side and be sure to communicate and direct him. Then rub your clit as be thrusts slowly.
    I bet you'll cum fast.
    Good luck.

  • Maybe he feels you are just doing it for his sake and not into it at all. I can agree with him on this one. If I know a woman is only doing it for me and getting no pleasure or fun herself out of it, don't bother because the pleasure for me is mostly knowing I'm giving her extreme pleasure. So if it's the exact opposite, it's going to feel fake and just going through the motions or just a puppet I'm doing whatever to. Ruins most of the sensuality of the act for me.

  • We kinda had the same problem, but she told me she doesn't like it but she can do it unless it hurts. Actually, since then I've tried to make her turned on in terms of ANAL very slowly. I love licking her butt hole bec she's so clean. She says she enjoys it. Last time i made it to another level and pushed my tongue in her while she was relaxing her muscle. I'm waiting for a time i can use lots of lube to push my finger in and make it to the next level.

    I think u can offer him to do the same things every time u feel relaxed and turned on so that both of u enjoy it and u get prepared for some good experience in the future. He will also notice u care about his needs.

  • He’s waiting on you

    • but I said to him to take lead on that because I have no exp. and he said ok

    • Apparently he didn’t get the message

  • Use smoother.

  • I never tried anal either. I might die without experiencing my dick in the feces.

  • He may or may not know how to do it properly for both you and him. However, I suspect that he does from the amount of anal porn that he has been watching. He may be afraid that he will hurt both you and your relationship if he does try it. My considered suggestion is that you find information on the best way to do it and then when the two of you are in the midst of a particularly romantic play time, you bring out a tube of lubricant and proceed to lovingly and willingly let him have what he wants.
    That is the only suggestion that I have for you.

  • It’s pretty good. Use lots of lube and tell him to take it slow. You should ask him if he’d let you peg him in return

    • I think he is insecure about his some men have doubts about male anal sex they tend to think it is gay, which in my opinion is very stupid. Sexual pleasure does not define your sexuality and no sexuality is shame so thats that.

    • I agree

  • You both need Jesus he might as well being fucking some dude's ass

  • He thinks you won't do it duh. Just tell him he can do it on you. Buy a butt plug off amazon and Trojan lube. Wear the plug to get you loosened up and makes sure he uses planty of lube and takes his time. Start with you on top.

    A good rule in life is to not get mad at your man for not knowing things or false assumptions. Just tell him, it'll make your life easier to be less hardheaded.

    • But i told him clearly that I want to do it so he can try it!! It is just that he never does which feels strange considering how much he likes it

    • When did you tell him

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