Do you have sex on the second/third date?

[Anonymous]

I just met this guy twice and we had great times. He asked me to go to his place when the end of our second date, but I refused. And then now he’s asking me to go to his place watching Netflix. Does he just want sex? We met each other on tinder. I don’t mind having sex however I don’t want him consider me easy. I think he should make more effort, and I don’t want this relationship turn to sex only. I’m afraid he’s doing the same to other girls. I don’t know. Now I don’t know how to reply him. What do you think?

[Shezadi]

that is why marriage is made for a reason which so called modern, educated and open minded people don't understand.

If he has no intention of getting married and having children with you, then he just wants sex and you are then in a meaningless relationship that is based on lust.

True love is when two people have the intention of spending their entire lives together, when they have the intention of getting married.

Whatever boys say in the comments to make you feel guilty using peer pressure, just prioritise your self-respect, you are not a piece of meat, you are a woman, you are more than just a body, and a relationship is more than just a sex, you are a woman with a heart, with self-respect and feelings.

Don't lower your standards and don't have a board sign that says, "available to get laid after 2 hours of conversation."

A woman who is called difficult is just a woman who knows her value, who respects herself.

Having sex whilst you are insecure, is like putting your heart on your sleeves and waiting for it to be broken.

Step up your game. Make him wait. Test him if this is true love, then he can wait for at least months, ask him if he will ever consider marriage, if he consider introducing you to his parents, if he consider meeting your parents, if he will consider having children with you, especially if you want to a long term relationship.

Commitment is everything. If this is a timepass relationship and lust, then he will just give up and leave, but if this is true love then he will fight for this relationship.

Now, guys can read this comment and BURN!!!

We are not sex objects without brains.

You have the right to ask all of those questions, and men who will make you feel guilty just can't stand women with brains, high standards and self-respect.

They prefer women who are willing to have one night stands with someone they met two minutes ago

Guys do have double standards for their sisters, daughters, and other people's sisters and daughters.

Don't be one of those girls who are used and dumped, who are pumped and dumped and never taken serious.

Sorry if there is anything wrong with my words, I was typing this in a rush.

[SpunkNugget]

I didn't read most of this garbage but sex is not something incredible or to be idolised. Its just sex. You are no better than anyone else for abstaining, nobody will congratulate you or care that you are 50 and a virgin.

[AngelLily]

@SpunkNugget Triggered much?

[Anonymous]

You seem confuse.
Yes he only wants sex , Netflix and chill? You know that right?
And yes he does it with other girls and intends for this shared activity with you too.
If you want to be with a man. just say on 1st date that you ONLY look for a serious relationship.
And be very clear about this.
Its serious business.
It will evaporate the Netflix and chill ones , and keep the good one interested with getting to know you , it will be those looking for serious deal , no dick deal.

I waited 14 th date with my current one. And he was still willing to wait if anything.
He was not looking for anything serious , but changed his mind because' I was strict and knew what I want' and did not put up with his shits.
Don't netflix and chill its bad for your self esteem. And low self esteem don't attract quality guy.

[Opinion Owner]

Some people have taken the time here to length on your question. You don't give any thoughts on this , don't even give a thumbs up/down to anyone , but you have the audacity to update your question and asking on more advice? I think you are the one who should make more effort

[Asker]

Hi sorry I do appreciate those replies. It’s just I am not used to thumb up or down for comments here.

[Asker]

And i did reply to some comments. But there are too many I can’t reply all.

[Asker]

**I can't UPDATE TWICE IN A WEEK AND THERE IS 500 WORDS LIMITATION SO I JUST PUT THE UPDATE ON SOME OF THE COMMENTS FOR THOSE WHO WANT TO KNOW** 1. We watched the show and had a deep conversation at his place, I went to the toilet and there’s a bra hanging there. 2. Some earrings and toothbrushes are there too. 3. I was not angry but laughed at him, he told me he’s dating with a few girls. 4. After the conversation I feel we’re more like friends, even when he kissed me, I literally don’t feel anything. 5. He did ask me if I wanna stay or he book a car to send me home. I told him I wanna go home. 6. But deep in my mind, I don’t mind having sex with him, maybe because he told me that sex is everywhere, he had sex on the first day when he met his ex. I feel that to him, with or without sex seem not to be the key to a relationship. 7. Since I’m not jealous about he’s dating other girls, I think I’m not that into him, after this third date with a deeper conversation. No chemistry.

[newPython]

Ha, ha, you burned her real good by saying that people have taken the time here to lengthen your question. I totally agree with you. Lot of selfish people like her who don't show their appreciation for other people taking the time to help them. Good catch bro. 100 percent agree.

[taleswapper]

Sex isn't something you award or withhold, to test his commitment or to avoid approbation. If you want to have sex, have sex. If you don't, don't. Quit trying to turn it into a tool to manipulate him. By trying to avoid being thought "easy", you are coming across as insecure or cold, instead. If he decides you're not compatible on THAT basis, what have you gained?

You don't want the relationship to be about sex only? Then stop making sex significant. You're working against your stated goal, here.

[Asker]

But I don’t know why guys always imply me for sex when our second date. Im sure I didn’t talk about any sex thing with them or try to wear little. Sometimes even the whole conversation is about travel and politics, they still:(

[taleswapper]

I don't know why, either. Maybe your beautiful beyond belief. Maybe you seem so skittish, they think if they don't ask quick, you'll ghost them. If you don't want to have sex with them, just say so.

[Asker]

**I can't UPDATE TWICE IN A WEEK AND THERE IS 500 WORDS LIMITATION SO I JUST PUT THE UPDATE ON SOME OF THE COMMENTS FOR THOSE WHO WANT TO KNOW** 1. We watched the show and had a deep conversation at his place, I went to the toilet and there’s a bra hanging there. 2. Some earrings and toothbrushes are there too. 3. I was not angry but laughed at him, he told me he’s dating with a few girls. 4. After the conversation I feel we’re more like friends, even when he kissed me, I literally don’t feel anything. 5. He did ask me if I wanna stay or he book a car to send me home. I told him I wanna go home. 6. But deep in my mind, I don’t mind having sex with him, maybe because he told me that sex is everywhere, he had sex on the first day when he met his ex. I feel that to him, with or without sex seem not to be the key to a relationship. 7. Since I’m not jealous about he’s dating other girls, I think I’m not that into him, after this third date with a deeper conversation. No chemistry.

[taleswapper]

"No chemistry" is more than enough to decline, So is "I just don't want to." The reason doesn't matter; only your willingness or lack of it.

[Asker]

True!

[OlderAndWiser]

Ask him - in person - if he just wants sex or if he wants more. Have him tell you what he wants. If he says he wants a LTR and he thinks you are right for him, then reply and tell him that you are very attracted but rushing into sex usually ruins relationships and ask if he is willing to wait. His response to that will tell you what you need to know.

I have had sex on a third date and I have waited for 4-5 months before having sex. If you really want a LTR, you are willing to wait.

[Asker]

Wouldn’t guys feel pressured if I ask this kind of question?

[OlderAndWiser]

A man will respect you for being direct about the subject and he will be flattered for you to admit that you have considered the prospect of having sex with him.

[Asker]

He’s not looking for a LTR. i think most of the guys are not... until they meet a right person.

[OlderAndWiser]

Have you learned some lessons from this experience?

[Asker]

Good question. I’ll think about it.

[HearEm]

Yeah I don't think any of questions can be answered without asking him. And it's possible that a couple things are true. He might be hoping to have sex but also fine not and just hanging out. But if you know that you want a LTR then its might be worth asking him, because then you don't have anything to lose if it turns out he only wants to hook up.

[CallMeDave]

My personal opinion is that you should wait longer than the third date. I think it's good to get the non-sexual part of a relationship somewhat established before adding sex. I think that helps keep the relationship from becoming mostly based on sex. My general guidelines would be at least the fifth date and at least 2-3 months and that's assuming that you have a good bit of interaction (like frequent texts) between dates.

I think that if a guy is pushing for sex by the second or third date, then if you want a more fully rounded relationship you should be wary. It could be that he just mostly wants sex and doesn't care about a real full relationship with you.

If you're not feeling confident that he cares about you as a person and not just a female body, then my opinion is that you should probably not have sex with him yet (unless of course you just want sex and don't care about a relationship).

[SomeOtherGuy]

At what point do you feel access to your body has been bought?

I make this comparison because I see women make this comparison too. They want the guy to invest more money and effort into them to get sex. What you're asking for is basically legal prostitution.

Have sex with him when you feel you can trust him, you're comfortable with him, and you're comfortable with yourself. So long as he isn't throwing up behavioral red flags, you should be fine.

Move away from the notion that access to your body can be gained by money and planning. That's a toxic precedent.

[Asker]

What I want is not his money but he could text me more often, knowing what I’m doing, how’s my day and plan a date even it’s just go to a park or something.

[SomeOtherGuy]

Then frame it in a positive light and ask him: " I'd really love to hear more from you. Tell me about your day some time." " Check out what I did the other day. What do you think?" Things like that can get him talking to you more, if he's interested. If he's afraid to come off clingy, this will ease him into being more active with you. If he is looking for a more casual relationship with less involvement or communication, maybe he's not what you're looking for. We're in a time where women must carry a little bit of the weight of initiation. Men can't always be the social planners and mind readers. Say, " I don't have any plans and I'd love to do something low-key and simple. Do you know anything happening this weekend?" will push him to find something if he's feeling up to it, without being invasive. If he is aloof and just passes something on without suggesting the two of you do it together, ask him if he'd like to "Go with you" to this thing.

[djmzes]

U do not want it to turn into sex
And yet u asking that question

[Asker]

I like this pic. Thank you.

[DaisyBSwan]

The netflix thing seems like a definite effort to get you in bed. There are plenty of other things you can do together that don't involve going to his place. Make it clear to him what you want. If your wants don't match up, say goodbye.

[andybanandy]

He’s either just looking for sex or he wants to be in a relationship and is used to getting sex so he wants to see if he can get you to take it to that level with him. Don’t do anything you aren’t comfortable with. He very well might be seeing other women and doing the same with them

[Tyme1313]

When I use tinder I'm typically only looking for sex. But I also take the girls I meet on cheap or free dates. I also set up multiple dates with multiple women per week. More chances to have sex. 🤷‍♂️ I've had sex on the first date many times, second and third dates are pretty much a given. If we haven't had sex by the third date I just move on because she is evidently not interested. But another reason I never real li y pay for dates is it's a good way to weed out gold diggers. ✌

So yes, it's possible that he's only after sex., it just depends. But if you dont want to have sex, dont. If he keeps going out with you, he wants primarily a relationship. If he loves on, he wanted sex, and he wasn't going to wait for you. 🤷‍♂️

[DublinRollerGirl]

It is some archaic rule that says sex by the 3rd date or GTFO

[Kitty22012]

Well, if you truly honestly like this guy, then I'd either wait a couple more dates and try and make a lasting impression, or admit to him that you don't want it to turn only physical. I think you've got a good idea waiting a little bit, maybe if he asks to have sex again act a bit desirable so he keeps thinking about you after the date.

[Kitty22012]

Did you have sex with him after all?

[bubbayuri]

I had it on first. then my boyfriend second time accused me of rape cause I did it in morning after first sex while he was sleeping. He cool about it now but I'm still like wtf. Kinda regret losing my v-card now.

[Nxtawm]

I would wait till marriage for sex, even kissing I would wait like a year or a few months

[TisforTori]

I’ve waited up to 6 months before having sex with my partner. I’m not into sex for physical sensation only. But to each their own

[redcheeks]

I mean, you could go over to his place and so but still not have sex ya know. If he does make a move and you don't want to, push away then, but not so hard uh

[vishna]

Maybe he does just want sex. Tinder is a great place to meet someone for a hookup and possibly a relationship-but people are shit and you don't know if you can trust him yet. Just don't have sex with him and he will show his true colors. also scope out his social media, if he seems like a player-he probably is. As someone else said, ask him in person, look him in the eye.

I would not have sex that early on and if I somehow did-I must be going through some stuff to compromise my morals like that.

[vishna]

girlll are you in the southeast, cause I'm dealing with a dude and my nerves are telling me he might be just after the sweet stuff

[Lynzerilee]

It's damn too early, and it seems to me that he just wants to have sex with you then he's gone. He'll surely make advances on you while "watching the movie". I advise you to turn it down and see where that leads.

[ShoeGirl24]

I jump into bed far too quickly with a guy! I’ve had sex on first dates with guys I’ve really liked. Bear in mind I’ve been chatting with these guys for a while before I go on a date with them! I wouldn’t hop into bed with a guy I didn’t really know.

[stuie74]

That's part of life, don't epexect eveyone to be the same

[stuie74]

But lucky them x

[stuie74]

I would not say no x

[Logorithim]

Whatever you feel comfortable with, but at that point I think you can leverage his desire to have sex with you to commit to a relationship before you agree to have sex with him.

[newPython]

I have to respectfully disagree with your comment. Would you buy a car without test driving it? Would you agree to a commitment without seeing if they are good in bed? Not me. I think that's a risky move.

[Logorithim]

@newPython: If you are talking about marriage, I would definitely agree, but not an ordinary exclusive relationship, because you can Always break up with them if the sex is really that bad and you can't fix that Problem. I'm not going to tell a Woman whom I have had good Dates with, is fun to be around, seems nice and meets my Dating criterion in General that she has to have sex with me before we have a relationship if she doesn't want to. If is comfortable with it, great, but I anyhow wouldn't even try to have sex with her if it wasn't Pretty certain at that Point that she was going to become my girlfriend anyway.

[Lynzerilee]

@newpyhthon in my country and many arab ones, the couple can last up to three years with never having had sex or thinking about having it, that never turned off anybody, and the relationship is great and fun.

[newPython]

@Lynzerilee That's because in your culture, there is no such thing as "just friends" between men and women... when a man and woman are friends it means they are attracted to each other. But in American culture when a man and woman are friends, it usually means the woman thinks the man looks either ugly or average. In American culture what just friends means is a woman using a guy to feed her ego, needing help with him to fix her sink or give a ride, or using him for a free dinner. In American culture when a man and woman keep dating, and there is no sex, it means the woman is using the guy for free entertainment. In your Arab culture, just men and women hanging out together alone, guarantees the woman and men like each other. In America, if a guy is not getting pussy after 10 or 12 dates, he is getting used. Count on it! Whereas where you are from, just smiling at a guy is a big, big, big deal.

[Logorithim]

@newPython: You can be Friends with someone where there is attraction, e. g., where you were already in a relationship when you met them, or you met them through another friend.

[Lynzerilee]

Our societies are more conservative, true. But that doesn't mean guys and girls are never friends, or that makes me attracted to all the guys in my clique, club, college. We're just not obssessed like western cultures, and find generally enjoyment of the relationship in so much more than the purely physical aspect.

[Lynzerilee]

Men here get rejected and friendzoned too, and so do girls.

[MrMysteryMan]

Hmmm well you met him on Tinder, which to me, is a sex-dating app. Also, you guys have been on a couple of dates. You should ask yourself, how was he on your dates? Was he really sexually suggestive? Was the conversations a lot about your body or his body or how much you guys desire sexual contact from one another or someone? Were your dates more about things you do, your personalities, your hobbies, your interests, your dreams, your family, etc. Or were they more flirtatious or sensually driven? I ask you to ask these questions of your dates, because, that will give you a clue as to how he sees you and what the subject matter is mostly about between you two. Also, I wouldn't necessarily say he's only after you for sex, but I'm sure it's something he really wants from you, if he is sexually attracted to you.

[MrMysteryMan]

Meh, if he is interested in more than just sex from you, he'll still want to date you regardless of you are ready for sex with him right now or not.

[MrMysteryMan]

Then what happened?

[MrMysteryMan]

Hmmm, you can see how the date goes, but if he brings sex up again and somewhat pressures you, then you know how it's going to be and it hasn't changed.

[SarahsSummer]

If for the third date, all he's suggesting is you go over his house for "netlix", he only wants sex. period.

[SarahsSummer]

So you went to his place with him annnddd?

[Asker]

**I can't UPDATE TWICE IN A WEEK AND THERE IS 500 WORDS LIMITATION SO I JUST PUT THE UPDATE ON SOME OF THE COMMENTS FOR THOSE WHO WANT TO KNOW** 1. We watched the show and had a deep conversation at his place, I went to the toilet and there’s a bra hanging there. 2. Some earrings and toothbrushes are there too. 3. I was not angry but laughed at him, he told me he’s dating with a few girls. 4. After the conversation I feel we’re more like friends, even when he kissed me, I literally don’t feel anything. 5. He did ask me if I wanna stay or he book a car to send me home. I told him I wanna go home. 6. But deep in my mind, I don’t mind having sex with him, maybe because he told me that sex is everywhere, he had sex on the first day when he met his ex. I feel that to him, with or without sex seem not to be the key to a relationship. 7. Since I’m not jealous about he’s dating other girls, I think I’m not that into him, after this third date with a deeper conversation. No chemistry.

[SarahsSummer]

You saw other women’s things, kissed him felt nothing and had no chemistry but are still interested in having sex? How does that work?

[Asker]

It’s more like physical need I Guess. Just like guys. And as I don’t like him that much, I could do one night stand more easily. BUT I DIDNT! I can do it, i can not to do it.

[SarahsSummer]

“You can do it, you can not to do it”?

[Poppykate]

Clearly you are unsure about how he feels about you... so don’t have sex with him. It will only further complicate the situation. It’s simple.

[Poppykate]

Here is your problem. Your sex schedule is based on what he thinks. You should have sex according to your own boundaries, beliefs, comfort levels.. etc. Personally, I don’t have sex until we have decide to be exclusive. E. g. boyfriend/girlfriend. But some like to do it on the third date or sooner. This is what I am comfortable with. You need to decide what you are comfortable with. Good luck 😉

[Asker]

Yeah I think so. However what I’m confused is that my schedule is ok, I mean I’m ready for sex, but I don’t want him to see me easy.

[Asker]

**I can't UPDATE TWICE IN A WEEK AND THERE IS 500 WORDS LIMITATION SO I JUST PUT THE UPDATE ON SOME OF THE COMMENTS FOR THOSE WHO WANT TO KNOW** 1. We watched the show and had a deep conversation at his place, I went to the toilet and there’s a bra hanging there. 2. Some earrings and toothbrushes are there too. 3. I was not angry but laughed at him, he told me he’s dating with a few girls. 4. After the conversation I feel we’re more like friends, even when he kissed me, I literally don’t feel anything. 5. He did ask me if I wanna stay or he book a car to send me home. I told him I wanna go home. 6. But deep in my mind, I don’t mind having sex with him, maybe because he told me that sex is everywhere, he had sex on the first day when he met his ex. I feel that to him, with or without sex seem not to be the key to a relationship. 7. Since I’m not jealous about he’s dating other girls, I think I’m not that into him, after this third date with a deeper conversation. No chemistry.