Do you have sex on the second/third date?

I just met this guy twice and we had great times. He asked me to go to his place when the end of our second date, but I refused. And then now he’s asking me to go to his place watching Netflix. Does he just want sex? We met each other on tinder. I don’t mind having sex however I don’t want him consider me easy. I think he should make more effort, and I don’t want this relationship turn to sex only. I’m afraid he’s doing the same to other girls. I don’t know. Now I don’t know how to reply him. What do you think?
Updates:
So I told this guy that I’m not looking for hook up. He said “who says anything about hook up?” And he still wants to meet. (But who knows? Maybe he just doesn’t want to admit

For I mentioned previously that I don’t mind having sex, I was too easy for my previous date, I didn’t think too much as I’m not that conservative, and I don’t think it’s my lost. However guys seem don’t treat those girls who have sex with them at early stage?
Okay so we had dinner yesterday and we talked a lot. And he asked me again if I want to watch that show with him, it was very hard for me to say no, not because I want to go but I’m that kind of person that feel embarrassed to say no to people. So I didn’t answer, just wanted to change topic, but he asked me many times until I mumbled “ok...”, I was thinking to tell him I wanna go home after dinner, but he booked the uber immediately, so yes I didn’t know how to do so I went to his place with him.
3d
Update:

I told this guy that I don’t want to be one of his casual relationships, especially after seeing so many girl’s stuff at his place. He said he understands but he really likes me. In the end we stopped talking about this. After around two weeks he texted me again and asked me out, might be tomorrow. However I really don’t know what to say actually. Seems we are just not attracted to each other enough to cut off other lines.

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Most Helpful Guys

  • Sex isn't something you award or withhold, to test his commitment or to avoid approbation. If you want to have sex, have sex. If you don't, don't. Quit trying to turn it into a tool to manipulate him. By trying to avoid being thought "easy", you are coming across as insecure or cold, instead. If he decides you're not compatible on THAT basis, what have you gained?

    You don't want the relationship to be about sex only? Then stop making sex significant. You're working against your stated goal, here.

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    • But I don’t know why guys always imply me for sex when our second date. Im sure I didn’t talk about any sex thing with them or try to wear little. Sometimes even the whole conversation is about travel and politics, they still:(

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    • "No chemistry" is more than enough to decline, So is "I just don't want to." The reason doesn't matter; only your willingness or lack of it.

    • True!

  • Ask him - in person - if he just wants sex or if he wants more. Have him tell you what he wants. If he says he wants a LTR and he thinks you are right for him, then reply and tell him that you are very attracted but rushing into sex usually ruins relationships and ask if he is willing to wait. His response to that will tell you what you need to know.

    I have had sex on a third date and I have waited for 4-5 months before having sex. If you really want a LTR, you are willing to wait.

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    • Wouldn’t guys feel pressured if I ask this kind of question?

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    • Have you learned some lessons from this experience?

    • Good question. I’ll think about it.

Most Helpful Girls

  • You seem confuse.
    Yes he only wants sex , Netflix and chill? You know that right?
    And yes he does it with other girls and intends for this shared activity with you too.
    If you want to be with a man. just say on 1st date that you ONLY look for a serious relationship.
    And be very clear about this.
    Its serious business.
    It will evaporate the Netflix and chill ones , and keep the good one interested with getting to know you , it will be those looking for serious deal , no dick deal.

    I waited 14 th date with my current one. And he was still willing to wait if anything.
    He was not looking for anything serious , but changed his mind because' I was strict and knew what I want' and did not put up with his shits.
    Don't netflix and chill its bad for your self esteem. And low self esteem don't attract quality guy.

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    • Some people have taken the time here to length on your question. You don't give any thoughts on this , don't even give a thumbs up/down to anyone , but you have the audacity to update your question and asking on more advice?
      I think you are the one who should make more effort

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    • **I can't UPDATE TWICE IN A WEEK AND THERE IS 500 WORDS LIMITATION SO I JUST PUT THE UPDATE ON SOME OF THE COMMENTS FOR THOSE WHO WANT TO KNOW**

      1. We watched the show and had a deep conversation at his place, I went to the toilet and there’s a bra hanging there.
      2. Some earrings and toothbrushes are there too.
      3. I was not angry but laughed at him, he told me he’s dating with a few girls.
      4. After the conversation I feel we’re more like friends, even when he kissed me, I literally don’t feel anything.
      5. He did ask me if I wanna stay or he book a car to send me home. I told him I wanna go home.
      6. But deep in my mind, I don’t mind having sex with him, maybe because he told me that sex is everywhere, he had sex on the first day when he met his ex. I feel that to him, with or without sex seem not to be the key to a relationship.
      7. Since I’m not jealous about he’s dating other girls, I think I’m not that into him, after this third date with a deeper conversation. No chemistry.

    • 2d

      Ha, ha, you burned her real good by saying that people have taken the time here to lengthen your question. I totally agree with you. Lot of selfish people like her who don't show their appreciation for other people taking the time to help them. Good catch bro. 100 percent agree.

  • that is why marriage is made for a reason which so called modern, educated and open minded people don't understand.

    If he has no intention of getting married and having children with you, then he just wants sex and you are then in a meaningless relationship that is based on lust.

    True love is when two people have the intention of spending their entire lives together, when they have the intention of getting married.

    Whatever boys say in the comments to make you feel guilty using peer pressure, just prioritise your self-respect, you are not a piece of meat, you are a woman, you are more than just a body, and a relationship is more than just a sex, you are a woman with a heart, with self-respect and feelings.

    Don't lower your standards and don't have a board sign that says, "available to get laid after 2 hours of conversation."

    A woman who is called difficult is just a woman who knows her value, who respects herself.

    Having sex whilst you are insecure, is like putting your heart on your sleeves and waiting for it to be broken.

    Step up your game. Make him wait. Test him if this is true love, then he can wait for at least months, ask him if he will ever consider marriage, if he consider introducing you to his parents, if he consider meeting your parents, if he will consider having children with you, especially if you want to a long term relationship.

    Commitment is everything. If this is a timepass relationship and lust, then he will just give up and leave, but if this is true love then he will fight for this relationship.

    Now, guys can read this comment and BURN!!!

    We are not sex objects without brains.

    You have the right to ask all of those questions, and men who will make you feel guilty just can't stand women with brains, high standards and self-respect.

    They prefer women who are willing to have one night stands with someone they met two minutes ago

    Guys do have double standards for their sisters, daughters, and other people's sisters and daughters.

    Don't be one of those girls who are used and dumped, who are pumped and dumped and never taken serious.

    Sorry if there is anything wrong with my words, I was typing this in a rush.

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    • I didn't read most of this garbage but sex is not something incredible or to be idolised. Its just sex. You are no better than anyone else for abstaining, nobody will congratulate you or care that you are 50 and a virgin.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 113

  • I don’t mind having sex however I don’t want him consider me easy. I think he should make more effort, and I don’t want this relationship turn to sex only.

    Don't have sex. Keep your standards. This is a good way to weed out people who only want.. well... sex.

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  • Be honest with him. Tell him outright that you are not on Tinder for hookups but to find a relationship. If he is only after sex he will move on otherwise he will set up a nice date to take you on. Relationships that start with sex on the first few dates rarely last. If you go out on a few dates and realize he is not long term material and then just want some sex then go for it but figure out what you want first. Good luck and have fun.

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    • Yeah I’ll insist until I feel he’s more serious. I do like to have sex but not that of kind without heart.

    • So how did it go at his place? Did you just watch the show or was he all about having sex and did you give in and say yes?

  • Whatever you feel comfortable with, but at that point I think you can leverage his desire to have sex with you to commit to a relationship before you agree to have sex with him.

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    • I have to respectfully disagree with your comment. Would you buy a car without test driving it? Would you agree to a commitment without seeing if they are good in bed? Not me. I think that's a risky move.

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    • Our societies are more conservative, true. But that doesn't mean guys and girls are never friends, or that makes me attracted to all the guys in my clique, club, college. We're just not obssessed like western cultures, and find generally enjoyment of the relationship in so much more than the purely physical aspect.

    • Men here get rejected and friendzoned too, and so do girls.

  • I had a potential girlfriend that wanted to wait but while she was holding out her friend moved in on me and I was overpowered by her. I never waited that long unless there was nothing else to do. So yes he probably has many other options and that is just the way it is. If you want something serious it sounds like you need to dump him. Besides, as terrible as you think someone like me is, I would prefer a woman that wants someone serious to find him rather than me. So just make a wise choice.

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  • U do not want it to turn into sex
    And yet u asking that question

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    • I like this pic. Thank you.

  • Avoid it he wants sex. Your relationship will be boring if all he wants to do is watch netflix. Whatever happened to going places and adventuring on dates? For me personally sex, netflix, cuddling, etc came after about 1.5 months of dating. For me I try to make the plan to sleep with someone I potentially see as being my ONE. Doesn't always work out but it keeps me calm knowing my odds of getting a disease low.

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  • If you're putting a time frame on having sex because "you don't want to appear easy", it's sad to say but that means you're easy and just playing hard to get and chances are he already noticed.

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    • If he shows more care for me I don’t mind having sex with him right now.

  • Well I'm pretty sure tinder was started to find someone for sex so there's youd problem right there. If he's paying for you at what point dont women understand a guy is better off with a hooker if he's gotta pay for things. At least the guy is getting what he wants. Personally if I didn't want a relationship to start off from sex I wouldn't be using a tool that was marketed for hooking up to have sex with others.

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  • Regardless of what he wants its your decision when you're ready and comfortable with that. If he gets annoyed or something when you tell him this then he is not worth it. You dont need to cater to what he wants, you have priority.

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  • No sex by the third date would be a deal-breaker for me if the girl says she wants to be serious. No sex and you are just friends at best.

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    • I think being serious and holding on for sex are different things? I don’t mind he dating some other girls but don’t treat me so easy that’s all... I would rather stay friends first.

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What Girls Said 68

  • Clearly you are unsure about how he feels about you... so don’t have sex with him. It will only further complicate the situation. It’s simple.

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    • Here is your problem. Your sex schedule is based on what he thinks.
      You should have sex according to your own boundaries, beliefs, comfort levels.. etc. Personally, I don’t have sex until we have decide to be exclusive. E. g. boyfriend/girlfriend. But some like to do it on the third date or sooner. This is what I am comfortable with. You need to decide what you are comfortable with. Good luck 😉

    • Yeah I think so. However what I’m confused is that my schedule is ok, I mean I’m ready for sex, but I don’t want him to see me easy.

    • **I can't UPDATE TWICE IN A WEEK AND THERE IS 500 WORDS LIMITATION SO I JUST PUT THE UPDATE ON SOME OF THE COMMENTS FOR THOSE WHO WANT TO KNOW**

      1. We watched the show and had a deep conversation at his place, I went to the toilet and there’s a bra hanging there.
      2. Some earrings and toothbrushes are there too.
      3. I was not angry but laughed at him, he told me he’s dating with a few girls.
      4. After the conversation I feel we’re more like friends, even when he kissed me, I literally don’t feel anything.
      5. He did ask me if I wanna stay or he book a car to send me home. I told him I wanna go home.
      6. But deep in my mind, I don’t mind having sex with him, maybe because he told me that sex is everywhere, he had sex on the first day when he met his ex. I feel that to him, with or without sex seem not to be the key to a relationship.
      7. Since I’m not jealous about he’s dating other girls, I think I’m not that into him, after this third date with a deeper conversation. No chemistry.

  • Yeah I don't think any of questions can be answered without asking him. And it's possible that a couple things are true. He might be hoping to have sex but also fine not and just hanging out. But if you know that you want a LTR then its might be worth asking him, because then you don't have anything to lose if it turns out he only wants to hook up.

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  • Well, if you truly honestly like this guy, then I'd either wait a couple more dates and try and make a lasting impression, or admit to him that you don't want it to turn only physical. I think you've got a good idea waiting a little bit, maybe if he asks to have sex again act a bit desirable so he keeps thinking about you after the date.

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  • I jump into bed far too quickly with a guy! I’ve had sex on first dates with guys I’ve really liked. Bear in mind I’ve been chatting with these guys for a while before I go on a date with them! I wouldn’t hop into bed with a guy I didn’t really know.

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  • Do not have sex until you are sure you want to. Unless you want to be just another increment on his body count! I do not advise getting close until you know hih one whole lot better. You do not really know him yet.

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  • If he truly cares about you, Anon.. then he won't be bothered about waiting, but if he gets annoyed etc about you turning him down because you're not ready? then he's not worth it.

    I really don't like the sound of him already, and I don't even know the guy.

    Just be careful, and do what you want and not what he wants, okay? stay safe. x

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  • If for the third date, all he's suggesting is you go over his house for "netlix", he only wants sex. period.

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    • So you went to his place with him annnddd?

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    • It’s more like physical need I Guess. Just like guys. And as I don’t like him that much, I could do one night stand more easily. BUT I DIDNT! I can do it, i can not to do it.

    • “You can do it, you can not to do it”?

  • You do as you feel and if sex shouldn't be involved until you know each other a bit more then don't do it. This is your body, your teme and , you will be sooo proud of yourself to stick with your boundaries. Men meet girls with low self esteem, poor principles all the time and trust me they want to feel safe with a woman they know won't have sex easily with any dude. Many trick you by saying or acting like you are boring, not cool etc... They show their true colors...

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  • The netflix thing seems like a definite effort to get you in bed. There are plenty of other things you can do together that don't involve going to his place. Make it clear to him what you want. If your wants don't match up, say goodbye.

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  • You have to be clear with him, and tell him you’re not the sort of girl to have sex until a while in. If he wants you because he actually likes you, he’ll take the chance that he’ll get some eventually and stay. If not, he’ll be off quicker than you can say fuckboi.

    A lot of guys lose interest after the sex part, and if they’re not invested in you, they’ll dart.

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