My husband slapped me in the face during sex. Is it normal in a long term relationship for partners to ask to try new things before doing it?

I just hit 25 years old and my husband is 35, we have been together for four and a half years. We are happily married, except our mismatched libidos (Mines way higher).

The other day me and my husband were having sex and out of nowhere he smacks me in the face. He wasn’t like hitting me hard though, but firmly. (No Bruises). Still personally trying to figure out if I enjoyed it.

Don’t get me wrong my husband is a good man. I enjoy rough sex so I let him do it more during that escapade. So please don’t think my husband is trying to beat me.

We have tried it since again without him asking, again, and I’m 50/50 about if I enjoyed it. I can’t make up my mind. This is a tricky one for me. I usually let him try new things but usually I get some prior warning. He will usually talk about it during sex a few times and then do it to judge my reaction.

I dont mind kink, I actually like it. But smacking someone’s face I feel might warrant a conversation beforehand. Mind you he did corner me after to make sure I knew he wasn’t being disrespectful and just wanted to try something to “get me out of my head”.

What do you think? Would you have discussed this with your spouse prior?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • It really depends on your own personal dynamic. From what you've told us, you're into kinky stuff, and you know that he wasn't doing it out of anger but rather out of kink. You also note that he looks for your reactions to see how you like it when he does something new, AND he talked to you about it after.

    I think this is just something that came to him in the moment (otherwise, he'd have discussed it first) and he kind of just went for it. A lot of people actually prefer that - they don't want sex to feel like they're having to check off boxes on a form for approval, especially when kink stuff is involved. There's a spark about being spontaneous.

    Anyway, it's perfectly okay if you liked it, and perfectly okay if you don't. I had a girl ask to be slapped in the face (we talked about it beforehand), and then when I did, she burst into tears. She had been slapped like that growing up, it turns out, but even though she thought it was hot when watching porn, it triggered those memories for her and even though SHE asked for it, it turns out she didn't like it after all. Sometimes you have to try it to find out.

    Anyway, if you want prior warning before adding in new elements, you need to tell your husband. Set expectations in advance - if you don't, then you can't be too upset if he just tries something new once in a while. He clearly isn't doing it out of anger or disrespect, so it's really just that you need to define some parameters in advance.

    • Yes I totally agree this is my issue not his. I do think we need to talk about preferences more in depth. But I like the surprise of doing things spontaneously. Just trying to figure out if I’m ok with it. Thanks for your comment.

  • I would never be able to bring myself to hit a woman, choke a woman, slap her in the face, or do anything else which could hurt her or cause pain. Even if she wants me to. I think of it as she is someone's daughter or sister and what would I think if someone did that to my sister or little girl.

    To me sex should be a loving act where I am first and foremost interested in her being comfortable, feeling loved, feeling safe, and finally, where she feels horny and orgasmic and like her body will lose control. I want it to be amazing and out of body for her.

    Now all that said, there is nothing that says sex can't and shouldn't be adventurous or fun at times but I just can't bring myself to do something which is violent or over the top. Sex isn't just about the fun and adventure. There should be times where a couple however needs to connect and feel each other's bodies while connected manifest that amazing loss of control through orgasm and twitching while sharing a very intense and emotional bond which should say or covey "I love you so much."

    • My husband doesn’t get an emotional connection through sex. (Just the way he is built I guess) so sex is just sex to him. I’m more the one who gets the thrill of being intimate so maybe that’s why I am unsure as to whether or not I enjoyed it. Good to think about. But there is something inherently sexy about a guy taking control.

    • I love taking control too. Just can't do the slapping or choking thing.

    • Yea I get it not for everyone. Guess it’s just something that makes him tick.

Most Helpful Girls

  • As I see it, the fact that you gave him permission on prior sex "sessions" to try to add pep into your relation could have given him a kick to try even more daring fantasies of his.

    Of course, I do not accuse anybody of beating up their partner when they slap her/him. Many couples do.

    Could it be that he is checking you out on how far he can go with you, without you taking offense or fighting back. A new kick may revitalize a sex life that is not so ardent anymore.

    If you can live with him trying new things on you without informing you in advance and you find yourself enjoying it or even get a better sex life, then all is in the green.

    However, it is important that you agree that there are limits which you or him are not willing to go beyond. If you are into trying this new kick, ensure you have a key word or sentence you or your husband use when trying new things. This must be an alarm to the other that you/him have gone beyond what is acceptable by either one.
    Good luck

    • Awesome answer thanks for not going all “abusive husband” on me.

    • not at all. It would not cross my mind. I am even willing to try out my limits

    • Same here. It keeps things fresh.

  • I think it's always best to discuss these things prior to trying them just to make sure that you aren't going to overstep any boundaries. Maybe bring it up to him, tell him that you don't mind him trying new things and that you're not mad at it, but that you think it's best to discuss it first. Have a think about the things you'd like to try yourself and give him some ideas, and let him know your limits.

    • I like to test limits so defining them could be problematic. But thanks for the opinion.

    • That's fine too. In BDSM people often have what are known as "soft limits" and "hard limits". Hard limits are obviously things you would definitely never want to try and are non-negotiable. "Soft limits" would be things that you don't really want to try right now, but might be willing to at some point. There must be some things that you definitely wouldn't want to try.

    • Yea there are a few things lol. But sometimes I think I’d hate something until I try it. I’m pretty open minded. So usually I’ll try and then determine if I hate it. He’s not one for “talking about sex” so us sitting down to talk about limits would be a struggle.

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What Girls & Guys Said

3 8
  • I LOVE face slapping for kinky reasons.
    Having said that I always ask for consent first. It's disrespectful not too.

    • You think so? I don't know I like surprises. So him always asking can take away from the sex. Maybe just because it’s slapping is why I am so unsure.

    • I usually ask during dirty talk. There are plenty of sexy ways to get consent. ;)

    • Yes he usually does that. He’s very into dirty talk so I usually know when these things come up. Guess that’s why I was so shocked. Haha just doing my thing on top then BAM. Whatever though. Guess I got to be ready for anything with him. 😂

  • It would have been nice to discuss it prior but it does fall under rough sex which he knows you love. I don't see it as a sign he is abusive or suddenly goes out of the norm he is just experimenting with different ways to fulfill the rough sex aspect.

    • Haha yea. This is the first time I’ve ever experienced being unsure as to wether or not I like it. But that’s strictly my issue not his.

    • In that case why not try it out playfully more often or ask if it does anything for him? As long as it stops when you don't like it its all good :D

    • Yea I will. He says it’s for my benefit. (Major eye roll) but if it’s something that gets him ticking having fun with it is a good idea.

  • That's so crazy if I could have recorded my face as I read that first paragraph that's so crazy definitely should have spoken about it before hand but some guys are more action then speaking

    • You should have seen my face after he slapped me. But I know he wasn’t trying to be hurtful in any way.

    • That's the thing I feel it was done with no malice intent but it's still crazy just talk to him

    • I just think that if I bring it up then he will feel like he crossed a boundary. And I am unsure as to wether or not I like it and feel bringing it up may cause more grief than help in the bedroom department. We have mismatched libidos and he doesn’t have sex with me enough as it is.

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  • Has he done it before?

    • Never

    • Then no it's not normal

    • But I do like to be surprised so I can see why he thought he could.

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  • What if be breaks your jaw or something?
    You guys should be careful.

    • It’s not that hard of a hit, but he does give it some oomph.

    • Well tell him to be a bit careful because a persons' face is really delicate.

    • If it ever gets to that point believe me I’d say something. Lol. I’m not just gonna let him beat me.

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  • Just ask him to smack your ass instead. :)

    • I was waiting for someone to say that.

  • It's common to try new things in bed once in a while

    • Yes I believe so too, face slapping is just one that could come across as disrespectful. I just thought I’d get some kind of warning though. Lol.

  • I think he might have thought it as a pleasuring way but if it hurted u somehow u should tell him that it will help in future consequences

    • Future consequences?

    • Like he wanna try something more hardcore

  • Yes it is

    • Normal to ask first? Or normal to try new things without asking?

    • Well, both. Just tell him that'd you rather be warned. Unless you liked it.

    • That’s what I’m trying to figure out I guess.

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  • Smack and slap is not the same, if he has slapped you that is pretty much normal for the people who are into that but smack is something that should never be ok in my opinion. I slapped my girlfriend more than once, it was really impulsively and while we were doing sexual things, I also choked her and it was also pure instinctual impulse, she liked all of those things and we never spoke about it beforehand. But if he smacked and not slapped you I don't think that's a good sign really

    • I don’t understand what you think the difference between the two are?

    • Open hand and closed fist, I thought there was a difference between slap and smack, English is not my first language by the way

    • Totally cool. I just thought I’d ask what you would consider different about the two. And no he has never his me closed fist.

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  • Sit down and talk to him about asking you before trying new things.

    • The only thing is I like to be surprised so him discussing every little thing with me could kinda kill the mood.

    • Hmmm... that’s a hard one...

    • Yes see my dilemma?

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