Sexual Relationships
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My husband wants to have a threesome and it’s ruined our marriage. How do we come back from this?

My husband opened up to me about a fantasy of his. Typical guy fantasy of wanting to watch me and a girl have sex and he could end up joining in. I wasn’t mad or anything initially, seeing as how this is pretty normal for men in my opinion. However, we’ve had issues in the past with his wandering eye and just being flirty/overly friendly with other girls. But, being the open minded person I am, willing to try anything at least once to keep him satisfied, I decided to give this a try in a different way. I chose a girl who I felt I would be comfortable trying this with but instead of meeting up with her right away, we looked through her Facebook profile and went through photos, eventually choosing one to pleasure ourselves to, TOGETHER. Once we started, it was fun, he was teasing and touching me, I was getting into it and so was he but suddenly he wasn’t touching me anymore and he wasn’t even looking at me anymore, only her. He was talking as if she were there, calling her beautiful and complimenting her body, completely shutting me out. He even moaned her name, and talked about how good her lips would feel wrapped around his cock. He ended up coming to a picture that showed her tits, leaving me to finish myself off while continuously asking how soon we could make this happen and if she would even be down for it. It hurt, hearing him desire someone else. I tried to shrug it off, I tried. But honestly, I’m hurt. Broken even. I hate the fact that he was so easily able to forget I was in the same room without her even being physically there. And that he was so eager to contact her too. Oblivious to my emotions. He chose not to include me and make it something intimate between him and her (even though she wasn’t really there). It’s caused issues between us ever since. I don’t know if I can do something like this but I know it’s something he wants. How do we come back from this? And how do I get his mind off this other girl now?
My husband wants to have a threesome and it’s ruined our marriage. How do we come back from this?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • This sounds VERY unhealthy.

    His sexuality is for you. Him getting off on other women isn't part of what a marriage should be. You should be the focus of his desire, craving, need and outlet and he should be that for you.

    Him thinking it's ok and healthy to lust after other women and for you to sort of be part of this is not going to lead to a happy marriage.

    He should starve his eyes from lusting after other women and porn and he should practice thought control by always purposely distracting his mind with something else when he starts wanting threesomes and other women.

    Otherwise why even by married, just have an open relationship.

    • *poetry snaps*

    • Kauderwelsch.

  • How long have you been married? Do you have any children?

    • 2 years, no kids yet

    • Does this seem to be a relationship that can last? It doesn't seem that he is very devoted to you.

    • He’s had his issues, like the wandering eye thing at the beginning of our marriage. But, I can’t say that I haven’t noticed a change in him. This incident just has me wondering if this is simply a fantasy he’d like to carry out with me as a sexual experience for the both of us or if it’s something he would rather pursue on his own, in which case I’d say he’s probably not in this for the long haul.

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What Girls & Guys Said

4 21

  • Honestly this seems weird enough that it's a little hard to believe, but I'll assume that it's true.

    I certainly understand why you would be hurt - even broken - by that. I think threesomes are always dangerous things. Maybe if you both really want to do it and are both very comfortable with your commitment to each other then it could work out OK but otherwise I think the risk of someone getting hurt and damaging the relationship is really high. That happened with you and you didn't even really do the threesome (at least not with her there in person).

    My guess is that this will be difficult (but probably not impossible) to recover from. I'm not sure of the best approach, but I think you should start with explaining to him how much it hurt you the way he acted there and that he seemed so much more interested in this other woman that wasn't even there than he was with you. Let him know how it made you feel regarding how much (or little) he cares about you and that he seemed to desire that other woman more than you.

    Hopefully that will get his attention and make him realize that he's created a crisis in your marriage. If it does, then hopefully he'll try to fix it which I think would involve dropping any idea of doing anything with that woman, dropping the idea of a threesome entirely, and focusing on you and making it clear that he loves you and desires you in bed.

    My guess is that it will take quite a while for you to really regain your trust and confidence in him regarding how he feels about you, but if he's sincere and keeps showing you for long enough that he really does want you, then I think the chances are pretty good that you can eventually get there.

  • I'm so sorry he did this. I suggest you find a great couple's counselor and see what can be done to repair the damage.

  • I always wondered about this... and honestly i think it makes perfect sense... he focuses on her more because eventually he is gonna come back to you. you marriage ain't over... you just didn't like the fact that you weren't attended to. he was living his fantasy. The fact/fear of having a threesome is that one partner would get attached. If this was a one-time thing... say so. and gather your marriage back.

    Lastly... dont you think you married a little too early?

    • We may have married too early, yes. But the bond/relationship that we had was so strong that we felt ready for it. Who knows what’ll happen. At least if I get divorced it won’t be at 40 or some shit

    • And I get he was living his fantasy but come one now, he had me laying naked right next to him lol could’ve at least sucked on a titty or some 🤷🏻‍♀️

    • sounds like his fantasy was to be with someone else... and with consent. either way, he got his... thing is, where is it going now?

  • Your first fatal flaw is agreeing to this just make him happy. Part of a threesome is for the 3rd to get attention from both partners. So the second flaw is seeing your husband pay her attention as a negative and hurtful thing. You are too easily insecured and too full of jealousy. I don't think his comments towards her or calling her name out is a bad thing. I think this is part of a threesome. If she was actually there, she wouldn't be ignored, right? Yes, he was a douche about this and he also committed the biggest mistake any guy can do, he ignore his primary partner! Neither of you are ready for a threesome.

  • Like most people say this, you should have expected it. If he wants a threesome, you're obviously not the only women he wants to have sex with and sex with you is nothing special for him, since he doesn't want to keep it exclusively for you two.

    You can't do much about it. Like you said, even earlier he was flirting with other girls. Even if you will manage to somehow have normal sexual life with him, I doubt his nature would change, and he will still desire other women.

    You can choose to live with that or divorce him, I see no other option. If I was in a relationship and the guy was even only watching porn, the relationship would be over

  • I will never understand people that want to have threesomes lol

    If you want threesomes or tensomes or orgies, just be single and do it with single people. Or be Poly

    • See, these are my thoughts exactly.

    • Bu they, people have fantasies so yeah lol

    • Yes, except he doesn’t want to keep it as a fantasy. He wants to meet her and actually be with her.

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  • You can't do this. And he needs to show you he loves you enough to drop this fantasy.

    When I've always thought about being with two girls I always thought about how me and one girl can spoil my girl and then switch to the other.

    Your guy is a taker... doesn't get it... this isn't a threesome to him it is one one on one sex with two girl (not the same as a threesome).

  • It would had been worse with a real threesome, that's why you should not do it.

  • OlderAndWiser has it right, but you could always suggest a second guy, instead of a second girl. :)

  • I've never been able to recover a relationship from a multi partner thing... and I have tried, I warn people three ways are sexy, fun and destroy relationships. The only way out I could see if you were either very dominant or submissive and that would take WORK.

  • That man just wants to have a threesome so it can open the door for him to explore with other women.

  • Let him understand what he had done.. Next time during sex just moan his any guy friend's name and complement that guy.. Than he will understand it.

  • Threesomes are not for serious relationships. You would have regret it, and I think he don't gives you any reason to trust him, which makes things worst. I think he should be honest as for what he really wants.

  • Look, a person like your husband can't be satisfied because he is greedy. His desire will always burn for more because you're aren't enough.

    The only hope is for your husband to give his life over to Jesus Christ to help him with his sin.

    • You sound just like my daddy

  • I'm just here to point out that you married way too young.

    • Yeah. Everyone says that

  • I don't know that I want you more than anything

  • It’s because you are young.
    We had same thought, so we decide to do it

    • How did it work out? Did you get jealous at all?

    • Does he want to do it more often now? Does he check girls out more now? Lol I have so many questions

  • Can’t say I’m surprised. Most relationships wouldn’t survive a 3 person. I my self fantasize about this from time to time but that is all it is. I would never try it as I know the outcome would be much like you are experiencing. I don’t know how you get over it. Not sure if you can.

  • the true side of the threesome, poor you.

  • You should try and flip the script on him

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