Is my boyfriend not attracted to me?

[Anonymous]

He has problems getting hard. When we met, we were kissing a lot in the park where no one could see and he got hard. The first time we had sex he got hard and was ready to go. When we stayed at a hotel he was really turned on before anything even happened.

But ever since I've known him he's hardly ever been ready to go. He used to watch a lot of porn and he smokes and sometimes smokes marijuana before bed. He also has a very tiring job.

But I know that he can get an erection, as he does when he masturbates and he does in the morning. But he'll also get them at random times, like when I just had my bare legs resting on his lap. When we're in bed, his heart beats faster when he touches me, and he loves doing foreplay for hours, but doesn't get hard. He keeps his t-shirt and pants on, so I can't even tell most times.

He isn't confident in his body as he is very slim and he doesn't seem to like eye contact. I can only get him hard with foreplay & when I do he whispers my name and things, and seems to be enjoying it. Even when he is going down on me, which he says he loves more than I love receiving, he isn't hard most of the time. We have to get him hard to have sex.

Last time in bed he said we have so much respect for each other, I could just grab you. And I said i wouldn't mind. I wish he would grab me and show passion!

He also only likes doggy and is awkward when he's on top of me. But he compliments my body all the time, uses massage oils and cuddles me all night. Still I feel i am not attractive to him and i told him last time and he said it's not me, but i don't believe him anymore. My confidence has gone and I am frustrated that he only wants sex one way, except spoon sex in the morning. When we have sex he finishes fast, so he makes sure I finish during foreplay. He is in his early 30s.

[v851234]

Sounds like he lost interest, or something is wrong at least, or maybe not ready for sex, when. I was new to sex I had the same issue, masturbation was great, worked fine, but I'd try to have sex, and I'd be hard, but I would lose my erection for no reason, now many years later, I put it down to me not being ready for sex, and or doing things that prevent sex being 100% possible for me (peeing just before sex, cumming just before sex, trying to have sex with someone I deep down didn't find attractive, etc), also, being a virgin, etc etc, all of that could cause the same issue in my opinion, patience and care should guide him through it, but then he was fine before, so it sounds to me like he either lost interest or he already tried you, so he doesn't have the interest to try again.

[Asker]

But if he's lost interest, why does he do foreplay on me for hours, kiss me, oil massage etc, compliment me, and sleep with his hands on my boobs and touch me in the night? Lol. I just get confused and depressed about it. Also, he never undresses, like he doesn't like his body. Maybe it is time for us to separate.

[Kingfish3447]

Give him a sexual Break like for 15 days to see if that works for you. But make sure his dick doesn't land on other ladies tacos 🌮! (If you know what I mean)

[Asker]

@Kingfish3447 I just think we need to stop seeing each other. He doesn't want to do any other position but doggy, even when we first met, on top it was like he didn't know how to move.

[Asker]

Apart from spoon sex in the morning.

[v851234]

Well from what your saying, you need someone different, if you like to be dominated, find someone confident in doing that, and if I misread and it was him who likes that, then find someone who likes what you want.

[Asker]

Thanks for your advice. I don’t want to just throw the relationship away just based on sex. But I guess there’s nothing that can be done.

[v851234]

Well imho, it's not based on sex, it's based on trust if you throw it away.. from how you speak, it's like you don't trust that he truly wants you, and trust is important, and it's my pleasure, if there is ever advice sought, I hope I can be there to provide it 😊

[Asker]

No I don’t trust that he wants me, because that’s what everyone is saying. So even though he says it isn’t me and he compliments my body and touches me in he middle Of the night, it clearly is me. Even after foreplay on me when he says that was so nice, his lack of erection doesn’t show that. So what else can I think :/ I guess I don’t trust him then.

[thrombis]

Work and stress effect u. It doesn't just turn off.

[Asker]

So could he still be attracted to me? He always cuddles me and compliments my body when he gives me a massage, so I'm very confused. And we kiss a lot, so I don't get it. His job is tiring though and he always seems like he can't relax.

[Prezzi3]

I don’t think it’s you, maybe it’s health related, he sacking off on his own too much, or weed related. You need to tell him that you want to try different things and not do the same thing all the time. And that you want him to try to last longer. Obviously he loves you because he so gentle and caring towards you and you said his heart beats faster when he lays next to you.

[Asker]

Yeah his heart beats faster and he sleeps with his hands on my boobs a lot lol. But I have no confidence anymore and am frustrated. Guess I have to talk to him, because I can’t help thinking it’s me

[Prezzi3]

You can’t put your confidence or happiness in a man. Those two things have to come from within. Do thinks that make you feel sexy that aren’t necessarily just for him.

[Asker]

But the thing is guys have tried to talk to me when I'm with him and he's gone to the toilet and come back and he gets annoyed when he sees the guy speaking to me. So other guys have found me attractive, but the one guy I want to find me attractive makes me feel the worst. I know I should have confidence within, but it's just getting me down. Thanks for your help and I won't let it get to me :) Maybe we just aren't right for each other.

[Anonymous]

guys have always been hard around me so i would find another guy

[Asker]

Yeah this is the only guy who confuses me. I don’t know if this can be fixed.

[Opinion Owner]

it sounds too complicated to deal with. a new (hard) guy will do wonders for you lol

[Perhatus]

Use a lot more of your sexuality, woman!

[Asker]

I do use my sexuality. He's the one not using his! It's strange. The other day he said he was walking home getting a hard on thinking about the night before. But so why can't he get one easily when we're together? He also never gets undressed. He thinks he's too skinny and said he was trying to make his legs bigger with heavy things at work.

[Asker]

About the things we did the night before.

[Perhatus]

This relationship seems a bit off. He may have some issues from past experiences, something that marked him in aome way. Objectively, if you care about him, you should try to talk to him about it, instead if asking strangers online. There may be a cause to all of this, something he hides. Every man should have the opportunity to prove himself in bed, watch a partner tremble and proudly claim the laurels. This should actually be a drive, if he is honestly into you.

[Asker]

I know, you are right. It's very frustrating. He knows that I never finish from sex, which is maybe making him stressed? This is because he doesn't last long & always wants one position. Which is why he always makes sure I finish from other ways before. I don't want to ask strangers, but I feel talking to him will make it worse and add tension. But i really do need to talk to him ultimately.

[Perhatus]

Indeed you do. Open, sincere, eloquent, gentle communication should help you make sense of this and in the end you want a solution or a conclusion, right? Things now are fake and kinda awkward for you, if it's the same for him that mught actually bound the two of you.

[Kingfish3447]

Try seducing him!

[Asker]

He gets awkward about it. He wants to dominate I think, even though he doesn't really do that. Once I wore a special outfit and he told me to wear it again. We had sex, then woke up in the night to have sex with me. But if he's lost interest, why does he do foreplay on me for hours, kiss me, oil massage etc, compliment me, and sleep with his hands on my boobs and touch me in the night? Lol. I just get confused and depressed about it. Also, he never undresses, like he doesn't like his body. Maybe it is time for us to separate! :(

[Asker]

Also, he is boring. I want to try new things and he just loves doggy. On top, it's like he doesn't know how to move, so I don't ask him much because I know he doesn't like it.

[v851234]

If he is boring, then your clearly not into him as much as you think, find someone less boring.

[Asker]

I am into him and I want it to work, but he has ruined my self esteem and I don’t see how this can be fixed, so we are obviously not right for each other. When other guys talk to me he is annoyed, but if he doesn’t want me that why, why doesn’t he let me go.

[v851234]

He doesn't let you go because no one wants to be dumped, and he likely doesn't dump you because he just didn't let you go, and coca versa, best thing if you think it's over, walk away, if your wrong, he will make the effort, and if your right, he won't., But if he makes the effort and falls short again.. find another guy, I'm. suret here are plenty out there who will show you the good time you deserve 😉