How can I get my boyfriend to understand that I HATE oral sex?

So my boyfriend and I have a good sex life. I'm very submissive to him, which he loves. And I also do everything I can to sexually please him. We do whatever position he wants, anal, I give him blow jobs everytime BUT the one thing I don't like is to have oral sex performed on me. I hate it. I was raped and the guy that raped me, held me down and performed oral on me and every since then I've hated. I haven't told him this so he thinks I don't like it because he is doing it wrong so he constantly wants to try to get better. How can I make him see that I HATE WITHOUT telling him the real reason? I'm sick of pretending I halfway enjoy it when really I wanna scream when he goes down on me. But telling him about being raped isn't an option either because he thinks all women lie about that because his ex did. Help?

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What Guys Said 12

  • Why won't you tell him the real reason. You don't have to call it rape since that's such a loaded word. Just tell him your were forcibly eaten in the past and that you're working to get past it but that for now, he needs to respect that singular wish. Maybe he'd like to spank you for it? I'm really sorry you went through that but now is the time to get some counseling to get past what happened to you.

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    • 3d

      Yeah that is a better way to put it. Thank you.

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    • 2d

      I texted him and asked him about counseling. Do you think that would help?

    • 2d

      I hope so but I wouldn't hold out too much hope that he'll do it and stick to it. IMHO, he has a pretty deep seated problem as an abuser.

  • Um, have you tried actually, you know, telling him? Generally speaking telling some one something allows them to know it. The fact is your going to have to tell him, it doesn't matter what he thinks. I highly doubt he believes every woman is a liar when it comes to rape, he probably believes that certain women are liars about it (which to be fair, their are, women do lie about it, but clearly not all of them and I think he is probably going to understand that fact).

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    • 3d

      When I tried to tell him he just told me " don't be a liar like his ex was". So trust me, I've tried. I've also told him how much I hate it but I can't get him to understand how much I hate it. I've told him to stop in the middle of it before but he doesn't listen.

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    • 2d

      I just think he needs counseling and maybe we can work on our relationship

    • 2d

      No. No, that's not going to cut it, again, "You think I'm not being firm with my "NO" . . . we have a little struggle back and forth because I'll pull my body away and he brand me by the hips, pulls me down and will hold me in place because I'm trying to wiggling away. All the while telling him to stop, saying "no, don't do this again" and push him away." Sounds like rape. "He completely blew up at me, HE was raging mad because I said I would leave. He started throwing things saying he that I belonged to him and that would so whatever he wanted to me. And asked me who I had been talking to that would make me say this." Sounds violent and like he doesn't really care about you. But again, if that's what your into, being raped and treated like property, then go for it I guess but that sounds rather insane to me (I think if you sought counciling they would tell you the same thing.).

  • Just tell him you don't enjoy to being licked. My wife don't likes to be fingered, she just told me and I'am okay with it.

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    • 3d

      Trust me, I've told him a million times and a million different ways. It's was playful at first but now it ends with me almost in tears and he just won't listen. He tells me stop being dramatic about nothing and will just do it anyway.

    • 3d

      A guy who is really in love with you, would listen to you and take your wishes seriously.

    • 3d

      I feel like he just doesn't grabs the seriousness of it because he doesn't know the reason. I don't think he realizes he is hurting me.

  • You don't need a reason, just tell him that you don't like it, and since you don't like it you don't want him to do it; asking why or protesting is pointless because it's meant to be for your pleasure, and you just feel uncomfortable.

    If he doesn't accept "no" as an answer in anything sexual, you should find someone else - it's as simple as that.

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    • 3d

      That's true but dude, trust me. He is not listening. I tell him no everytime.

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    • 3d

      Is it still "roleplay" if you're genuinely saying no? I don't think so.

    • 3d

      No but to him in his mind it is. Thats all im saying. I feel like it he genuinely knew it was hurting me he wouldn't do it.

  • Tell him! Details as to why you don’t enjoy it can come as you feel more comfortable talking about it or not, (nobody says you have to have a reason why), but regardless of why, if you don’t enjoy it, sex is not the place to have things done to you that you don’t enjoy. He’s performing this on you in effort to make you happy. If it’s not, tell him (it probably wouldn’t hurt to give a little bit of info in your case so he doesn’t believe it’s simply because he is doing it wrong)

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    • 3d

      I have tried to breach the subject but he doesn't listen.

    • 3d

      He just got angry with me so I stopped the conversation

  • Well many guys see it as a submissive act anyway, and okay with not doing it, also are you sure that it's only because of your bad experience and not because you only like to do things that please the guy, and not things that please only the girl?

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    • 3d

      I'm not sure but the rape was pretty traumatic and I feel like oral sex is so intimate that it's for people that share feelings or love. So to have it forced on me I just hate it.

  • You have to tell him the real reason. But him thinking "all women lie" because his ex did... that's going to cause many more problems for you. He's got to change his thinking/attitude, or he's not the guy for you (or anyone).

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    • 3d

      People react differently to trama. He has to work through his trust issues and it will take time.

  • You may have to sit him down and tell him the reason... go out for coffee, and have a discussion about it... maybe if he knows the reason he’ll stop doing it?

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    • 3d

      Heyyy my friend 😊😚🤗

    • 3d

      I'm about to follow you. Send me a message

  • If you tell him the real reason but he won't listen, just slap his face and get really mad at him whenever he tries to go down on you. Tell him: "FUCK NO, FUCK YOU" and he'll get the message.

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    • 3d

      Omg. I could never be so mean to him. It would make him feel rejected and unwanted. I can be do cruel to him like that. But thank you for the suggestion

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    • 3d

      Nobody is perfect, but going down on you without your consent is forced oral sex, which is rape.

      I'm surprised with #metoo being a thing that he's acting so brazenly.. you could very easily get him in a lot of trouble.. for good reason..

    • 3d

      I love him and it would kill me to see him hurt so if never get him in trouble. He is a good person. Just had issues like everyone does.

  • Eventually you're going to tell him that you were raped. Why not just explain it to him? You have nothing to lose.

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    • 3d

      I have him to loose if he thinks I'm lying like his ex did. The one time I tried to tell him he started getting angry with me and I just had to stop talking about it so if calm down.

    • 3d

      *he'd calm down

  • just tell him baby, he will understand it and won't do it. :)

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    • 3d

      Trust me, I've tried a million times, a million different ways.

    • 3d

      he should stop doing it and let u suck him off :)

  • It's pretty ridiculous you don't just tell him.

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    • 3d

      I have tried and he didn't want to hear it. He just started to get upset with me so I didn't continue the conversation.

What Girls Said 3

  • Ok, so don't date a guy who believes all women lie about rape. That's the first thing.

    But sit him down over coffee or something calm and explain it.

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    • 3d

      Yeah that's not gonna work. He'd just get angry at me and leave me. It seriously isn't an option. His ex lied about it and he got locked up for beating up the guy and the truth was she cheated and was the one that pursued the man she claim raped her. He is traumatized for that so I can't tell him.

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    • 3d

      Yeah, I get what happened to him. I do. I can appreciate how terrible he feels about what she did.

      But that doesn't make it reasonable to doubt everyone who makes a claim.

      And it's time for you to clue him in that he is not respecting your right to say no.

    • 3d

      No of course not but people react to trama differently

  • Say you had a bad experience and that you in no way enjoy or want it, and you'd rather blow him instead.
    by the way, If he doesn't believe it if you'd tell him you were raped, he's a shitty person and not a good boyfriend

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    • 3d

      He just has had someone lie to him before and it affect him really badly.

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    • 3d

      You've been raped before yet let it happen again. Doesn't matter how nice and good he is, it's sexual assault pea brain. Have a safe word and literally pound it into his skull every time.
      You're actually an idiot

    • 3d

      Sorry if I am upsetting you. Maybe I'm not explaining things correctly. I apologize.

  • Sounds like you need some real counseling because you are missing out on something good and what a lot of women don't get from their man.

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    • 3d

      So you think maybe I'm the problem?

    • 3d

      I can't tell you that as I am not a trained psychologist. But usually when someone goes through a rape and it affects their sex enjoyment they need therapy of some sort.

    • 3d

      That's true. I'm actually doing good regarding that at the moment I just dont want oral sex. If he'd listen and stop when I said no our sex life would be perfect.

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