I have a really weird sexual fetish that has effected my life. Should I get help?

Question

For years on end, I had this weird fetish for this situation where I know certain guys want me or even have a crush on me, I'd flirt and tease but I'd turn them down. Meanwhile I'd hook up with guys who had no feelings for me whatsoever and have the hardest sex ever. I'd constantly think about those other guys and as evil as it sounds, it turned me on so much. Just thinking of the fact that these guys were at home, dreaming of just getting a kiss while I was draining some random guy's balls like there was no tomorrow. At one point in college I had a flat where three of my neighbours/friends had a crush on me, and I'd have really loud sex with random assholes on my squeaking broken bed, so they'd hear every detail.

After a while I actually went to a therapist for this because I started feeling like I was abnormal and even had a sex addiction. I was a little chubby and felt insecure as well, but apparently a pair of puppy eyes, large breasts and a big butt were more than enough, since I'd get so many chances for this situation to happen. I couldn't keep it under control. It started ruining my reputation and I was simply hurting my friends, and the fact that I only felt attraction toward guys who were bad to me, I was hurting myself as well. The therapy worked, and I had a lot more control. But quite a few times when I got drunk, I was back at it.

Eventually I was able to get over it and now i'm a married woman. I do have to admit that even though I stay 100% loyal, I still fantasise about these situations. Is this fantasy ok? Should I get more help? Does anyone else, if somehow possible to understand my weirdness, have an idea or opinion?

All info and thoughts are welcome. I guess I mainly want to get this off my chest, and I totally understand if you don't understand :)

ps: no, I will not give you my name for a private chat, so don't try pls. There's a reason why I wish to keep this anonymous.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I think fantasy is perfectly fine, but I’m not really the best one to judge what’s healthy and ok since I’m pretty fucked up when it comes to sexual stuff.
If it were me, I don’t know how open you are with your husband about your past but if you are and it wouldn’t hurt your mental situation (? Don’t know what else to call it) I would maybe explore it a little with your husband. Could be fun to sort of role play that. I just don’t know if it would be healthy to do so, I wouldn’t want you to back track into old habits.

ZiZi_Bell · Accepted Answer

I think the fantasy of it is fine. You can't control fantasies. And the more you try to repress them the harder they are to ignore. Just be happy with your life now, indulge in your fantasies when you are alone.
I honestly think you're fine. And admittedly that does sound like a pretty hot fantasy.

AustinMan · Accepted Answer

Fantasy is fine. It's acting on it that's the issue. How would your husband react to some role play sex where you turn him down, he sulks a bit and then yanks you over his knee and gives you a hot, hard bare bottom spanking?

swabby · Accepted Answer

Omg that was really fucking hot.

I have an almost opposite/reciprocal fantasy. I want my wife to fuck other guys and tease me by not putting out for me while doing things witb them she'd never do with me.

Celtero · Answer

Women...

Mitch-french · Answer

I think you were a bit turn on by being slutty. No problems in my opinion.

buttcrackjoe · Answer

You like the feeling of being wanted sexually by other men while also attracting and sleeping with assholes who aren’t attracted to you. Most girls go for the latter anyway they are seen as a conquest to be had. I don’t think this is abnormal at all.