Is this considered rape?

If somebody makes you have sex with them, even though you’ve changed your mind, and doesn’t stop when you tell them they’re hurting you - is it considered rape? Even if you previously agreed to come over, but it didn’t feel right in that moment? I feel like I put myself in this situation and don’t want to pull the rape card, but I’ve been very angry and confused since then, and I don’t know what it constitutes, if anything.

0|0
49

Most Helpful Girl

  • If the situation is just as you described there, then in most countries, yes, that would indeed be considered rape. If you've genuinely experienced this, I would urge you to look at your legal options, contact the authorities and look at how best to proceed- us ordinary people can't be all that much help. You'll want to look more closely at the law, but yes, in my mind, and in most Western countries, if someone forces themselves sexually on you without your consent, regardless of any consent to previous sexual acts you might have given, and if you tell them to stop and they don't, then that's rape.

    1|1
    0|0
    • I didn’t actually say “stop” or “no” but I did say that I didn’t think I was ready, told him he was hurting me, which he ignored, laughed, and kept on when I didn't answer him as he tried talking to me during it, because I think I was in shock. He was my friend so I didn’t know what to call it and thought it might just be regret that a lot of people talk about having after sex (this was my first time).

    • I think you should talk in confidence to somebody with legal expertise. Like I said, some countries' definitions in law can vary. Tell them exactly what happened, they'll know where to go from there. Take care, stay safe and reach out for all the support available to you.

    • I appreciate your input, thank you!

Most Helpful Guy

  • Are you asking if it was rape in a legal sense? Because if not so what if the word doesn't exactly fit the bill. It's just a word. What matters is what happened and that you were wronged, whether he realises or not. Moreover it sounds very much like he knew, at least on some level that you didn't want what he was doing to you.

    If you do mean the legal sense of the word, you could always try consulting with a lawyer beforehand? I imagine you would need one anyway if it ever came to pressing charges.

    Either way I'm very sorry this happened to you.

    1|0
    0|0
    • Thank you so much for your words. That kind of validation is extremely appreciated. Cases of rape/assault are so hard because the legal definition and joke that everyone has turned kinks/rough sex into really discredits the feelings associated with actual abuse. I don’t know if that’s what happened to me, based on legal definition. But I’ve had a pit in my stomach and extreme anxiety since this, nor did it feel right at the time - especially since I wasn’t a voluntary participant and nothing about my actions/words gave him active consent. You would think that basic respect and body language cues would hold up in a sexual situation as they do anywhere else, but I don’t think that happened here. I liked him - a lot - but I didn’t want what happened to go any farther after I first hesitated, so being that he was my friend, I feel betrayed and disgusting. But I also can’t blame him because we’d previously talked about trying things and I still went to his house that day. My gut is screaming at me that what happened was wrong, but my head is trying to rationalize it. I appreciate your input so much.

    • Show All
    • Yes, you’re right! I think what makes it hard too is that sex is obviously a very vulnerable thing, and even though I liked him, I realized that I was in no way ready to be that vulnerable with him, and then I didn’t have a choice. Being that intimate is emotional, especially for women, so that might be why I still have these feelings. I told a friend about it, but called it a hook up at first, and the first thing she said was rape, so I guess that validates it, but it was also partly my decision to go over there. I told her that I let him, but truthfully I just didn’t know what to do and couldn’t actually do anything because my body wouldn’t let me. So I don’t know. I just know that it didn’t feel right and I don’t feel like the same person I was before this, like I lost a part of my dignity. Even if he thought it was just play, the fact that he treated me that way makes me mad. If that were me, I would have been considerate and at least kept checking in or actually listened to what I told him. Stockholm Syndrom is something I didn’t even think about, but that’s a VERY fair assessment, seeing as I was in his house and all the blinds/doors were shut, and based on how I’m feeling now. I’m thinking that maybe those men and women who commented on the post you saw have the same desire to somehow gain a sense of control back, and that’s what drives their actions. That would make a lot of sense too. The psychology of the brain is very interesting.

    • "I just know that it didn’t feel right and I don’t feel like the same person I was before this, like I lost a part of my dignity."
      Oof, that makes me really sad to hear. I hope you manage to recover somehow :/ I've had something similar happen to me, though it wasn't because of rape. I had that feeling and I was right about it.
      Have you considered therapy? I know it might be a long shot, but maybe it could help? Who knows.

      "I’m thinking that maybe those men and women who commented on the post you saw have the same desire to somehow gain a sense of control back, and that’s what drives their actions. That would make a lot of sense too. The psychology of the brain is very interesting."
      Oh yeah, I could see that being the case. Very interesting. I mean it's better than what I got, and I got nothing ^^

Recommended Questions

Have an opinion?

What Girls & Guys Said

38
  • Did you tell him to stop? If so, it's rape. If you otherwise made it clear you didn't want to, it's rape.

    0|0
    0|0
  • This is simple... Anytime a woman says no or stop and the man doesn't follow her wishes, he has raped her.

    1|2
    0|0
    • I feel like, because I agreed beforehand and did go over to his place, that it can’t be classified as that. I have no evidence left, and I don’t know what to think because he was my friend. I did tell him I wasn’t ready and told him he was hurting me, but he ignored that, laughed, and kept on when I didn't answer him when he tried talking to me. But I also didn’t try to fight with him or yell or anything like that, so I didn’t know what to call it and thought it might just be regret that a lot of people talk about having after sex (this was my first time).

    • Show All
    • I appreciate your input, thank you!

    • You're welcome!

  • If a guy carries on when you say NO or STOP, then it becomes rape. It is your right and yours alone to say when and if sex starts, and your right to say when it should stop. WHATEVER the reason!

    0|2
    0|0
    • I didn’t say “stop” or “no” but I did say that I wasn't ready, and told him he was hurting me, which he ignored, laughed at, and kept on when I didn't answer him as he tried talking to me during it, because I was just frozen. When he moved over I tried to turn away from him and closed my legs, but he said “Nope!” pulled me back, and just continued. I couldn’t do anything because I was in such shock. He was my friend so I didn’t know what to call it and thought it might just be regret that a lot of people talk about having after sex, but this was my first time.

    • Show All
    • I appreciate your input though, thank you!

    • No probs! I hope you can get this sorted out! It cannot have been a pleasant experience.

  • Did you say no or stop at any point? You said that he was hurting you but did you say stop? Did you make it clear that you didn't want sex to happen?

    These things are important as hurting someone during sex can happen even without intent and doesn't always mean stop. It can mean be more careful or stop that particular thing without stopping sex altogether.

    0|0
    0|0
    • I didn’t say “stop” or “no” but I did say that I wasn't ready, and told him he was hurting me, which he ignored, laughed at, and kept on when I didn't answer him as he tried talking to me during it, because I was just frozen. When he moved over I tried to turn away from him and closed my legs, but he said “Nope!” pulled me back, and just continued. I couldn’t do anything because I was in such shock. He was my friend so I didn’t know what to call it and thought it might just be regret that a lot of people talk about having after sex, but this was my first time.

    • Show All
    • It doesn't sound good for him, certainly. At the very least he was grossly inconsiderate and there might well be a case to prove rape as consent could be shown to be visibly refused even if not verbally.

    • I appreciate your input, thank you!

  • I'm sorry that you had to go through this, what a terrible way to have your first time... You might be able to make the case that he raped you, because you told him that you weren't ready. Unfortunately, after the sex started, nothing you did actually explicitly told him that you weren't okay with being penetrated. At best, he was being inconsiderate, but I don't think his intention was to violate you.

    0|0
    0|0
    • He also hit me a couple of times, so I don’t know if that would help my case, or if he would just say it was “rough sex,” but like I said, I was a virgin before this and couldn’t get away from him. When I told him he was hurting me, he laughed, and kept on when I didn't answer him as he tried talking to me during it, because I was just frozen. When he moved over I tried to turn away from him and closed my legs, but he said “Nope!” pulled me back, and just continued. I couldn’t do anything because I was in such shock. He was my friend so I didn’t know what to call it and thought it might just be regret that a lot of people talk about having after sex, but this was my first time so I don’t know what to think. I feel awful and haven’t been able to concentrate on anything since, so I’m just really confused but don’t want to put myself through anymore humiliation in the process of taking this any further, or ruining his life if nothing can/can’t be proven.

    • the longer you wait to do anything, harder it is to make your case.

    • That’s why I thought I’d ask opinions from outside sources on here before I do take any action. It’s tricky, and I want to be sure before I do anything. Thank you.

  • On the line, could go either way. Generally when you say stop, it doesn’t matter if you previously said yes.

    0|0
    0|0
    • He also hit me a couple of times, so I don’t know if that would help my case, or if he would just say it was “rough sex,” but like I said, I was a virgin before this and couldn’t get away from him. When I told him he was hurting me, he laughed, and kept on when I didn't answer him as he tried talking to me during it, because I was just frozen. When he moved over I tried to turn away from him and closed my legs, but he said “Nope!” pulled me back, and just continued. I couldn’t do anything because I was in such shock. He was my friend so I didn’t know what to call it and thought it might just be regret that a lot of people talk about having after sex, but this was my first time so I don’t know what to think. I feel awful and haven’t been able to concentrate on anything since, so I’m just really confused but don’t want to put myself through anymore humiliation in the process of taking this any further, or ruining his life if nothing can/can’t be proven.

    • But, as a grown man, I would think that none of my action (or inaction) gave him a “yes” or implied that I was a voluntary participant in this. I appreciate your input, thank you.

  • Why you changed your mind? why didn't you stick with the decisions that you made?

    0|0
    0|0
    • Because I didn’t have to? I had the right to change my mind and didn’t feel comfortable at the time. I liked him, but that didn’t mean I owed him sex or anything like that.

  • Yes it Is rape

    0|1
    0|0
  • Yes. hard part proving it...

    1|0
    0|0
  • Very close to rape if not rape

    1|0
    0|0
  • Look if you say stop... and he dont its rape

    0|0
    0|0

Recommended myTakes

Loading...