My boyfriend got angry because I keep my sexual fantasies to myself?

We have great, regular sex. Those fantasies are something I would never really do and prefer not to talk about them.
I will gladly listen to his fantasies and make them come true if possible but I want mine to stay private. Am I that wrong for not sharing all my intimate thoughts with him?

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What Girls & Guys Said

214
  • You're absolutely wrong. You're telling him you don't trust him sexually and physically. It's amazing how creative role play sex can work toward a LOT of fantasies.

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    • 6d

      Did you read? I said I don't want to play out those fantasies irl.

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    • 5d

      Yup. We each got our universal ones and this is mine.

    • 5d

      I don't blame him for being very curious what your nuclear codes you're willing to work so hard to keep secret are. Just stating a fantasy brings no obligation to act it out.

  • The problem here is that he trusts you enough to share his fantasies and you do not trust him enough to share yours. Telling him doe not mean that you need to make them happen.

    What kind of fantasies do you have that are so horrible that you are ashamed to share them?

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    • 6d

      Who says it's about shame? It's just something that I want to keep just mine.

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    • 6d

      Do you understand why you feel that way?

    • 6d

      Not really. I have no reason for it, like bad past experiences, I have just always been that way.

  • No. Just because you have an SO, even a spouse, you do not give up all your privacy. I have a few fixations and fantasies that my SO knows nothing about and never will. None are really dark, but not vanilla either.

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    • 6d

      Thank you for understanding.

  • If your fantasies involve other men or multiple... Then keep them to yourself and just make up some fake once to make him happy.
    If they don't then why would you not tell him or try them out with him?

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    • 6d

      Are you really tell her to fake things and lie to her boyfriend? Seriously?

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    • 6d

      @ThinkerShell Well good luck with that :)

    • 6d

      Thank you :)

  • Ultimately it feels like a lack of trust, not just a feeling you cannot fulfill their fantasy, when your partner can't even tell you what they are. Even worse you feel spoiled and uneven/unfair when they're willing to hear anf fulfill your own fantasies. All of that defeats the trust in a relationship.
    You shouldn't bet yelled at for it, but it is pretty hypocritical

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  • He doesn't have a right to every thought in your head. Perhaps if you can convince him that it isn't about trust then he'll relax a little. You don't share not because you don't trust him but because your fantasies are your personal therapy, so to speak. Remind him that at least you have been honest. You could have just made up fantasies that you don't actually have or you could have said that you don't have any.

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  • Iranian have a saying which explains my thoughts on this matter the best!
    They say:
    Don't make friends with elephant owners, or build your house the way it has places for elephants!
    No one is forced to have a relationship which needs lies and fakes
    I don't judge you or her or anyone else but I prefer to find someone who accepts me as I am while I'm trying to make whatever changes needed to make a great match with her. (Unless I'm still what I am)

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  • Do and share whatever you're comfortable with. Tell him if you're uncomfortable sharing those things with him and explain to him your reason. If he truly loves you he will understand and be accepting, you have to be your own person and do whatever feels right to you.

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  • If it does begin to hurt your relationship i do recommend to take a little bit of an extra step to calmly and respectively let him know about the value of your privacy. Its okay to keep it your own, and from his perspective I'm sure it seems like things might be unfair that he spills the beans on his fantasies while you do not, however, that is no reason to say your fantasies. If you ever do decide to let him know of any of your fantasies then don't let it out of frustration but rather that he understand how difficult it is for you to speak of it and that letting anybody know would hurt you in your sex life.

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    • 6d

      Thank you. I didn't force him to share his fantasies he chose to. So I want to be allowed that same freedom, to share with him stuff when and if I even want to.

    • 6d

      Communication is very important in relationships, and if he responds badly to this too many times then you either have the choice to move forward to helping him understand learning in a relationship or moving forward in general and accepting or giving the bad news.

  • It’s great that you are an amazing girlfriend To please him, listen to him.
    How do you feel seeing his frustration? I have my opinion on this...

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    • 6d

      I don't like seeing him frustrated.

  • No your not wrong nothing wrong with that as long as you do everything with him

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  • Is it possible you're in denial?

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    • 6d

      Denial of?

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    • 6d

      Wasn't implying you are, just thought it could be a possibility.

    • 6d

      I am just saying it isn't, but thanks for the effort.

  • Looool

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  • He might feel like you don't trust him with it

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  • he may want to know it and try it.

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  • Yes. Why don’t u want to share them?

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    • 6d

      It's personal.

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    • 6d

      Why don't you share them?

    • 6d

      I don’t think she’d understand why I like what I like. Lol.

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