Sexual Relationships
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On the first date with my (now) husband, I had sex with someone else. How should we deal with this?

When I started working at the same place my husband works at, he immediately had a crush on me. I didn't find him attractive but he was a really nice guy. I just had a lot of sex with random guys cause I liked sex. I just didn't see him as a possible partner for that, even though I had some casual encounters with other colleagues. He was just too passive for me back then I guess. Eventually, he asked me to go eat something with him and afterwards to drink something at his place. Kind of a date, but it got out of hand real bad. He had a roommate who joined us, completely opposite of him: real player and quite arrogant. We got really drunk and he passed out on the couch. In the meantime I was so horny and his roommate and me started fucking. We were so drunk we just went at it really loud with the door open. My husband woke up and stood by watching while his roommate kept going at me from behind and yelling at him to fuck off and go to sleep. I was too drunk to care I guess. I vaguely remember him standing there weirdly in the door opening for a while and then leaving his buddy to it.

I thought it was funny afterward, but now I feel so bad that that was our first date. I just appreciated my husband much later and we ended up getting married, but i just can't help but wish that situation didn't happen with the guy I ended up marrying. We still see his roommate and we are still "friends" but it's kind of painful. I really like the guy and he's really funny, but I don't know how to react when he makes inappropriate jokes about that day. Also we never talked about it. I know pretty much everyone around us heard the story cause that guy bragged about it and it really went around at work. Everyone just has a laugh with it and the past is the past, but to me, it just seems like a feeling that won't go away, and I don't know how he feels about it.
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Most Helpful Girls

  • You should talk with your husband about it. Be prepared because it could go either way. He might secretly replay that night in his head sometimes and get aroused. Or, he might absolutely hate that it happened and feel constant humiliation. If it's the first, then he might enjoy trying it again (but maybe with subside else that will keep their mouth shut). If it's the latter then, to help him overcome his tormented feelings, you really should cut the room mate out of your life and move to the next town over or something. Fresh start where he doesn't have to constantly see the guy that fucked his wife and everybody knows about it.

  • Who Cares? You Married NOW.
    Let that Sleeping Dawg Lay in the Cozy Corner Like Little Jackie Crack Pot Horny Horner..
    Silence is Golden to the NEW PUP.. YOUR HUBBY. xx

    • Thanks! Maybe I should keep it silent. I just don't feel like if I stop caring, he might still be haunted by seeing his roommate banging me.

    • Move on, Lovely. xx

    • Thanks to Gag. xx

Most Helpful Guys

  • I suggest you talk to your husband about it and that you still feel bad about it that you're sorry for it. Past is the past and nobody can change it but letting him know that you feel sorry for it afterwards and how you feel about it now will give both him and you peace over the matter. And he could even help you deal with the times you meet his old roommate by telling you how he feels about those encounters and how he would like you to behave or react when meeting that guy. Discussing it thoroughly anyhow will take a huge load of guilt off your shoulders.

    • Thanks. I understand completely. But I also think it sounds a lot easier than it is. I'm kind of afraid it would make him think about it more.

    • I used to have something i felt quilt over in the past. Not a case like this but tye way you feel is something i can relate to very well. I talked it through and felt like a mountain of weight was lifted off my shoulders and i am confident that you will feel better about it afterwards. You don't need to worry if you would think about it any more or less since it isn't about that. The point of talking it out is to change how you deal with that memory. It won't ever disappear from your memory and your husband will be there every day to remind you of that experience. Best to deal with it and make it so that the memory won't cause you any more distress or feelings of guilt once he has directly forgiven you about it. And if you are worried if he will forgive you or not... you wouldn't be here married with him today if he didn't forgive you about it.

  • Two things. 1) Talk to him about it. Apologize is you want. Tell him that you feel badly about it and want to know how he feels. Get it all out and then agree to never speak of it again. Tell him to tell his former roommate that that topic is no longer acceptable and not to speak of it again.

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What Girls & Guys Said

1 10

  • Your husband must have no self respect.

    • HE DONT KNOW< JOE. xx

  • Quite an exciting story. It would definitely be amazing to tell one day the kids. Mommy got fucked from all her colleagues with the knowledge of your father, she used have random hook ups and when she was on her first date she and your fathers room mate and i quote " were fucking hard and loud with the door open" regardless of him standing there.
    If there's one man who's lower than you its your so called husband to have accepted you. No dignity, no self respect, no honer, no back bone. You still say like him and not love him !!
    A proof you would do it again.
    So now cut the bs cz you ain't sorry. The guy took you the way you are without a shred of regret.

    • Thanks for being cruel and not helping. You do realise you can tell a story like that about pretty much every sexual encounter with someone with an ex or whatever. And I hope you realise that the way you make me look like a slut is not really helping you either. If your wife or future wife notices that kind of behaviour, she will just lie to your face about anything. Just like any woman who has brains and an idiot partner like you.

    • Dear asker, firstly you're very welcomed. Secondly don't turn the tables on me. You trying to butter up your history by saying you realise you can tell a story like that to anyone is really not the case. Its not a story to tell anyone, its your dark history once revealed it affects your image. That being said, its important to realize who you are first, your mistakes and repent with regret. You were kind of unlucky to have decided to be with the person who works at the same place where the colleagues work and the one who witnessed your doings. Its a daily reminder. What's shocking is not you.. its him. by the way i never labelled you. Only stated facts you're clearly aware of them. Hiding behind your finger cz of my words won't change them. Its not my job to be nice to you. I don't get why you feeling bad if that man accepted you the way you are? Mind you also explaining how did you ended up with him to begin with?

  • Damn... Well at least you can take comfort in the fact that your husband must be desperately in love with you if he is able to deal with such humiliation.
    My guess is, that his biggest fear and what he probably thinks is that you settled for him, and would leave him if someone better came along.
    If this isn't true then do what you can to show him otherwise...
    But after what he has gone through I think you have to forever be 100% loyal and be extra careful not to in anyway make him feel jealous in anyway.

  • I wouldn't even mind if I was the husband. I understand people sometimes make mistakes and move on. I allow a little leeway for this type of stuff in relationships.. I don't see any serious harm if my SO colours outside the lines once in a while

  • Maybe you should have talked before getting married

  • Damn, that's the most interesting first date story I've ever heard. Anyways, best leave the past alone.

  • TALK TO YOUR HUSBAND!

  • If - and I stress if - this is a true story, then I think you're actually quite proud of yourself and will always feel a glow of self-satisfaction for being an 'anybody's fuck-girl' !

    Also can't help feeling you deserve having this guy as your husband, he clearly has no backbone so if/when the time ever comes for you to need his moral & physical support I reckon you might as well wait for that till hell freezes over !

  • I wouldn't worry about it to me it sounds like he probably didn't care anyway

  • Cool story bro.

  • Why would you have to deal with it? It´s in the past and shouldn´t matter.

    • Thanks for understanding!

    • Wow... Thats the most insane comment I think I have read on here. This is definently the perfect website for you :)

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Home >  Sexual Relationships  > On the first date with my (now) husband, I had sex with someone else. How should we deal with this?