Sexual Relationships
+1 y

Guys: why did my boyfriend ask if he can verbally degrade me in bed?

We have been together for 6 years, I guess sex can get pretty routine sometimes. He asked me if it was ok to degrade me during sex. Last time I agreed, he said things such as “you’re my dirty little whore/slut” and other things like that. I didn’t like it very much because it made me feel like he fantasizes about hooking up with hookers or sluts.

I told him it’s ok to slap me around a little bit, but I don’t like hearing him verbally say those things. He doesn’t like to hit me though.. so I said no and that was the end of conversation.

So so please tell me.. I consider myself with a lot of self respect, why does he want to say these things to me? Is it normal? Should I just agree to satisfy his fantasy? Help!!
Updates:
+1 y
I guess I don’t mind the slapping around because it just makes it rough sex so I don’t see it has him degrading me as a person. As opposed to calling me a whore or slut makes me feel devalued and that he doesn’t enjoy having sex with ME, but with a whore instead.
0 1

Most Helpful Guys

  • Its definitely some sort of a fantasy that he wants to bring to life. Its like girls who wants their boyfriend to call them a bitch and whore.. its psychologically turn them on more to feel that belittled.
    I understand you very well and agree with you 100% that you should not accept it just to please him if you're not comfortable with it. How he will perceive you later in the future might change. For me as a man at least. Some dont bcz they dont mind their partner being one. So you gotta know how he thinks if you were with him for a long time and won't feel judged at some point.

  • He wants to play the dominant and insulting one in intimacy, what means he feels very likely too submissive and somehow abused outside sexuality. It's not necessary related to your relationship, but maybe to his job or friends... etc.
    I wouldn't give him that, because you will lose your dignity. Once you start playing the training bag for your partner the demands for emotional relief will escalate.

    • Hmm very interesting opinion. He has been feeling very stressed at work and he absolutely despises his boss. His boss is always rude and talks down on him. Perhaps this is his way to compensate. I appreciate your help!

Most Helpful Girls

  • I respect myself a lot and so does he, he never called me names ever outside the bedroom. But when we’re having sex I love it when he tells me I’m his little slut. It doesn’t mean he devalues me or he really think I am a slut, he just thinks I’m HIS slut like there to please all of his desires.

  • You don't have to agree to anything if you're not comfortable. Be honest with him, talk to him about how you feel and ask him why he likes it. Maybe if you talk about it with him you'll understand it better and won't mind as much then but if you don't like it, tell him and he should understand.

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What Girls & Guys Said

3 15

  • Effects of porn once again.

  • If you don't mind it/enjoy it, then say yes. If it's going to hurt you and put a strain on your relationship, then say no.

  • some people when they like slapping about during sex are excited by the humiliation too... some however draw the line at one and the other feels wrong.. he sounds like he's trying something different, I personally would sit him down and discuss what you both like and what you didn't/don't like...

    this way you will both know what are the do's and do not's within your sex life

  • He’s probably been into that for a long time, but knew he couldn’t just do it from day one with you… Everyone has their own kinks. For some people that dips into sadomasochistic practices.

  • Yes you should agree , and you should enjoy it yourself , it’s hot when guys call you a whore and dominate you that what rough men like in bed nothin got to do with respect

  • Sounds like he's pretending to be in a damn porno. You have every right to tell hom you don't like it

  • He wants to be the dominant in the relationship!

  • Hi again!

    It's very difficult to understand why people are turned on by what they are turned on. So, I don't think I can answer why. But I can assure you that him asking you that doesn't mean this is what he really thinks about you, or that he wants to hook up with a whore or any of that. It is probably just a way to heighten the senses and make sex more raw.

    That does NOT mean you should accept it if you don't enjoy it or feel comfortable with it. If you hate it, then you hate it and that's that.

  • Why are you okay with getting slapped around but not verbally degraded if you supposedly have a lot of self-respect? Sounds like you're contradicting yourself there.

    • I guess I don’t mind the slapping around because it just makes it rough sex so I don’t see it has him degrading me as a person. As opposed to calling me a whore or slut makes me feel devalued and that he doesn’t enjoy having sex with ME, but with a whore instead. Hope that makes a little sense to you.

    • Rough sex IS degrading though, especially if it involves getting struck in the face. Not sure why girls don't see it that way.

  • He's trying to spice things up in a way that respects your wishes. He asked you, precisely because he DOESN'T fantasize about hookers and sluts. Don't do that weird female thing where you read into absolutely everything and pull the worst meaning you can from it.

  • its a kink

  • He should respect and if you dont like it then he shouldn't do it.
    Why dont you tell him you dont like this degrading thing

  • I’m not sure what he enjoys about it but I think you should try to look past it. If you can, let him keep doing it because it makes him happy. I say this with the proviso that you find a way to accept it which I suggest you do

  • It's a part if enjoyment it makes him feel he is great and powerful you should help him if you like if don't just tell him that you can't.

  • I like to talk naughty to girls, they like it and it turns them on.

  • It's just probably him having a fetish connected to having power over the girl.

  • Some guys like that. I wouldn't worry about it.

  • The best way to know whether he sees it as degrading or not is to ask him:"if a guy wanted to do this do your mother/sister, how would you feel about it?" If he reacts badly, is angry and all that jazz, you'll know this is disrespectful in his view

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