How do I stop comparing myself to porn stars?

[Anonymous]

I've noticed that i seem to have this insecurity that i feel like i have to perform as well as a porn star does and to not means that i fail as a 'guy'. I grew up where the guys were 'guys' just from their attitude and swagger; you know the type the ones that would claim they slept with like 10 girls by the time they were 16

Before anyone says yes i know ALL porn is faked and that the moans and groans are faked and over exaggerated but i feel like that because i don't seem to require sex as much as pretty much anyone i know (not due to low sex drive but due to a problem with trust and by extension intimacy) i feel like when i do eventually have it with my girlfriend that i have to be Mr porn star

Now me and my girlfriend are inexperienced (i'd only had sex 4 times before i met her and she was a virgin before me) so as strange as it sounds to me pleasing a virgin/someone who is inexperienced isn't exactly hard to do anything i do will be fireworks. Plus all it takes is some quick googling to find out tips for how to please a women, it really isn't rocket science. But i still feel like i should the the guy that is able to go for hours at a time and be really rough and dominating

Don't get me wrong i do get a kick for being dominating but somehow i don't think a girl would take to kindly to being called a 'slut' or 'my personal whore' even in the bedroom unless it was for porn. Also yes in case you're wondering i did watch a lot of porn starting at 18, at the time (and even now) that's been the way i've dealt with my urges

For me i'm happy with just foreplay but part of me feels like i'm not a 'man' if i don't enjoy intercourse (which i really don't; it doesn't do anything for me, but i compromise for my girlfriend)

[0112358]

You realize they’re all on drugs right? The guys to stay hard and the women to get through it.

It’s not uncommon for women to like to be dominated but it’s also really common for them NOT to want that. Do you have any actual reason to think she wants it?

Do you actually like intercourse less or do you just find it stressful compared to other things?

[Asker]

Thats why i said i know its all fake Notnsure what you mean by the last point

[0112358]

"i'm happy with just foreplay but part of me feels like i'm not a 'man' if i don't enjoy intercourse" If you legitimately like foreplay better, hey that's fine. If you would enjoy intercourse as much, but don't, because you feel pressure to perform well (thrust right, stay hard not cum fast etc) then that can likely be overcome, which would give you more options.

[Asker]

Oh it takes me ages to climax anyway generally

[0112358]

That would generally be considered a huge advantage (taking a long time).

[Asker]

Normally yes. Buut when thats also mixed with not feeling anything its ratherr embrassing and frustrating

[Ephemera1]

You're a porn addict. Look into NoFap.

Those guys that "were 'guys' just from their attitude and swagger" are liars who feel less of themselves probably for the same reason you did. They just coped with it a different way; socially.

Discuss your desires with your girl. If she's submissive she'll love dirty talk.

[Asker]

I wouldn't say i was a addict as im able to easily go weeks wothout watching it Also i can do dirty talk over text no problem in person however it kinda has the opposite effect on me

[Ephemera1]

You said in a comment below it was hard for you I must've misread your post because I understood that you enjoyed it, but you're scared she won't like it.

[Asker]

For me intercourse doesn't please me. Never has, much prefer foreplay

[Secret6620]

I just ignore it. I will never be as hot as a porn star and I am okay with it. 💜🖤💙

[Asker]

Looks aren't what i'm insecure about

[Secret6620]

Or performance.

[Asker]

But i feel like she thinks i should

[Anonymous]

Stop watching porn, because it will just depress you.

[anmari2001]

Don't watch them

[Asker]

Kinda tricky when i have an urge and nothing to really distract myself with at the time (IE like work or a hobby)

[anmari2001]

Then you make sacrifices

[Asker]

If you mean don't watch porn, i'm already doing somewhat doing that, i can go months without watching porn. My life gets crazy busy quite frequently

[anmari2001]

If you want to improve your performance you shoutalk with tour girlfriend what she likes and doesn't likes or at least what she think she will enjoy, try stuff, probably most helpful than google

[Asker]

She doesn't know what she likes though that's the problem, i've tried asking her and she always says "i dunno" when i say she was a virgin i mean like didn't even really have any kinks or anything. Not due to religion i just don't think she had time for it is the past dealing with uni and family matters

[anmari2001]

She doesn't seem like a person who cares that much about it so why are you worried about it Just do what you do, keep talking to her, maybe sth will change

[Asker]

Im worried about it because i dont want her to go off it just because i can't please her

[anmari2001]

She is not very helpful tho You are not supposed to do all the work, it is about communication and such at least this is what I have heard

[Asker]

Because she isn't expieranced. Im the expieranced one therefore its my job to be the lead in the bedroom