My boyfriend said he loves me less. What should I do?

My boyfriend and I (relationship 1,5 year) have had quite a lot of fights over the past 1 month. He has erectile dysfunction. Once, we didn't have sex for 3 days. Then I caught him mastrubating under the shower while I was in the other room. Long story short, we started talking more openly about his problem due to this event. I did tell him though that I have been feeling unwanted as a woman for quite a long time. Please keep in mind he finds me very very attractive. The problem is psychological (performance anxiety). After this situation, we started fighting a lot! All the fights were initiated by him. He would accuse me of things I haven't said or he would "alter" my words and draw wrong conclusions.
However, yesterday I slept over at his place. Suddenly, I woke up and heard weird noises from the bathroom. It sounded like him when he is usually cumming. I was very angry and I immediately asked him if he was mastrubating again when I'm in the other room. He denied and he got very very angry. He was accusing me again of not trusting him and he got a bit verbally aggressive. I got scared and offended and left his house at 5am in the morning. He didn't even try to stop me. This was the first time I saw him being so indifferent. He didn't even try to stop me from leaving. This is not how he usually is.
We met later to sort things out. He said he is really tired of our fights (even though he causes them). Then I asked him is he loves me less and he said quite indifferently "Yeah, if I am thinking so long about it, I love you less". I started crying and I was really upset. I told him that I can't live with someone who just suddenly loves me less. I told him that I don't like his behavior and that this might be the end of our relationship. He got emotional and cried. Then he said he was really sorry for saying that and that he is the cause of the problem. He even planned an appointment with a psychologist. What should I do? I can't handle this inconsistent behavior.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • If those fights only started after that episode, of you caughting him masturbating in the same time that he was neglecting you, then it appears that the problem it's basically sexual and from that it generated other discussions that normally would never occur. If you like him and you do have many other points in common, and you see a future with him, just try to get over this. Sexually speaking how kinky are you able to go? Does he feel confortable being naked around you? If not why don't you make him feel more chill around you? You suspect he is in the bathroom jerking off, ok just don't over react, just stand up, go up there, with a chill and sensual mode and help him finish, try give him a blowjob (there isn't a guy that would refuse it). See what kind a porn does he like, talk about it with him, share your desires with him, tell him how he can please you in other ways than is cock. You are a person too, and with needs too, so teach him how can he help you with that. So try to be more open minded if you really want to work it out.

    • Thank you so much for sharing your opinion. I have already told him what I like and how I like it. I have told him about my fantasies but she is reluctant to try new things out. He has also talked to be about his desires and what he likes. He feels comfortable around me but he can get very embarrassed when his dick is soft and I am naked. I am always reassuring him and trying to help him not worry about that. I love him with all my heart and I would never leave him for that. What breaks me is the fact that he got more distant and started to cause fights despite my effort. Also saying that he loves me less really hurts me because he is literally the most important person in my life. I don’t feel appreciated and I feel like he is lying to me when he says he is going to correct his behavior. This pattern keeps persisting...

    • I guess he is hurt (his proud). He feels like he can't satisfy you, so just say that to feel less inferior, thats my guess. If he had another girl, he wouldn't have to jerk off himself, and that his the positive point of you knowing that he does it, and more than that you know that his thing works, so you just have to making him feel well with his body, don't just tell him, show him, make him a surprise. Do you guys do it with the lights on, and with no blankets?

    • I always want to do it with lights on, but because he is nervous that there is too much pressure, he prefers to do in in the evening with lights off. I did talk to him about this and he is doing his best to have sex not only in the evening but also at other moments of the day (with light).

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  • Has he sought out a good therapist to work on his problem? If not, will her? Is he worth the investment in a couple's therapist if that becomes necessary?

    • He did find a good therapist. We will be going to a sex therapy next week. Besides that, he will be visiting a psychologist on his own. I am ready to do whatever it takes to work on our problems. I am not just going to give up on him. The only thing that bothers me is his repetitive behavior when it comes to fights and also the fact he said he loves me less. I just can get over that. This is the only thing that makes me question our relationship.

    • Then I strongly recommend that that be the FIRST thing you bring up when asked why you're there.

Most Helpful Girl

  • If he serious about you, he should be adressing his mental health issues which he seems to he doing by making that appointment. Give him some time and space. See if his behavior changes. If it does not, you know it is time to end things as this relationship will not be sustained.

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What Girls & Guys Said

0 3
  • This is a very one sided story, I can't rightly give advice on it. He needs his side told.

  • Plan your exit. It's a trend you can't change.

    • Do you think so? After each fight he says he is sorry and that his behavior is going to change but it never happens...

    • Yes I do. You are unequally yoked. Excusing him clears him to mistreat you more. Experience tells me this will only get worse. You want to be loved. He doesn't or he wouldn't act as he does.

  • Maybe he should see a sexologist.