Guys, would you date a girl who has no genitalia, but is submissive to your needs?

[Anonymous]

So, since I'm posting this anonymously, I'm going to include more details. I'm a transgender girl in my early 20s. I'm pretty feminine and I don't look like a guy. I don't wear makeup and my voice is androgynous. I try to be nice and show compassion to others. I have high functioning autism and loyalty means a lot to me. I'm submissive when it comes to relationships and would please him in whatever ways I can, if we were both mutually interested in one another, although I'm single and a virgin so I guess my words haven't really been practiced in action. Unfortunately, at 18, I had sex reassignment surgery and everything came apart due to "complications" (he botched me, but he says different). No other plastic surgeon is willing to even try to fix me due to lack of tissue, so I'm in the process of undergoing genital nullification surgery (the complete removal of my genitalia, "smoothie") because it's time I move on with my life. I'm chronically in pain as it is. I'm also really tired. But, at least I don't have a penis anymore, and at least I no longer produce testosterone. It's only etrogen now, which feels a lot better. Anyway, if you came across me and we shared common interests, what would be the likelihood of us having a successful and long-term romantic relationship? Would you even want to talk to me? I'm very curious to see how low or high my chances of finding love are.

[Anonymous]

You will have an extremely hard time finding a guy who will be okay with this. Chasers will stay away from you because you don’t have a dick and straight guys into women will not want you either because you can’t have penetrative sex. Getting the cavity closed is in my opinion the best you can do. If your SRS was botched, chances are almost non-existent they could repair it to have penetrative sex. They could do a colonoplasty which would use a segment of the colon to lign your new vagina with but this will leave extra scars again and no guarantee for success. I’m sorry that your sex life is ruined. Finding relationships will be basically nearly impossible with anyone outside of the queer community at this point. You would be better off dating another trans woman or a trans man or non-binary identifying individual. For cis people genital intercourse is very important. You will also need lots of therapy to overcome this. Focus on that first. Your body was ruined. You need to heal mentally first.

[Asker]

Actually, I did undergo a colon-vaginoplasty revision, but unfortunately that didn't turn out how I thought it would. It looks awful. Turns out, surgery is not like the federal government, like at all, you can't make (print) something out of nothing and expect positive results. I've learned that the hard way. It's truly ironic and pretty damn unfortunate. Chances are, I kill myself before or on my 30th birthday, so I'm not too concerned. I just don't care anymore. Although, I am thinking about coming out as panromantic asexual as I can identify pretty well with that community. I wouldn't necessarily say that finding a relationship is impossible. I'm trying my best to stay romantic. I know there's plenty of men (especially women) who don't care for penetrative sex, and there's always anal or oral. But you're right for the most part, there certainly will be a majority of men and women who will take with me.

[Asker]

By "take with me" I meant "take issue with me". But here's to optimism!

[Opinion Owner]

SRS is very hit and miss. The good versus bad results are really 50/50. I have a medical degree so I have seen quite a few and honestly even the good looking ones weren’t cis passing. Needing revisions is very common after SRS. Especially revisions to reposition the urethra or to remove excess erectile tissue. You still have a prostate to experience sexual pleasure when it’s stimulated but the head of your penis will likely also be taken away once they close the canal. It will be a heavy surgery because you had a colon graft that would be needed to be taken out. Don’t underestimate the nullification surgery either. The best results that I have seen were from dr Suporn. The worst were from dr Rumer and dr Reed.

[Asker]

Yes, I've learned that sex reassignment surgery is a hit or miss. I really wish I would have known that but everyone around me (including my doctors) neglected to mention that. As long as I have a flat and smooth surface 'down there', I won't care about the appearance. It can't possibly get worse given that I have lost about over 70% of the tissue. I'm probably just going to tattoo the whole area after I'm recovered and if it's successful.

[Opinion Owner]

They should definitely have informed you better about the potential risks. Dilation is a life long commitment and necrosis is a possible complication of SRS surgeries too. Especially the neoclitoris ( which is a debulked sensate part of the glans ) necrotifying. The scrotal graft used to deepen the vagina with is prone to atrophy when not regularly stretched out by dilation. The colon tissue you have in your neovagina now is prone to producing overlubrification and bad smell because there are no sufficient amount of lactobasilli ( milk acid bacteria ) in the cavity. At this point I think having the colon graft taken out and closing the neovagina is the best course of action. Leaving it open might have serious side effects on both your mental and physical health longterm. I know four trans women personally and 2 have decided against SRS , 1 has had a zero depth vulvoplasty ( only labia and a clitoris, no depth ) created and is relatively satisfied. Yet another has had complete SRS 13 years ago and has had several revision surgeries ever since. SRS is a very risky surgery longterm. Especially the creation of a cavity in a space where the natal male body doesn’t expect it. I’m in favor of social transition with HRT and FFS but without SRS for MtFs because that mentally creates the most satisfactory outcomes for most MtFs. Many who are post-op are unsatisfied with the limitations of the neovagina. Non-ops also have better chances of finding partners because post-op men might as well go for a cis woman. The non-op woman can provide them with an experience they otherwise wouldn’t have.

[bjstevenson89]

Nope, and not because of any gender issue. One of the big goals in my life is to have a family, and my own kids. That's enough for me to check out. But as far as if I were in that situation I would be fine with it as long as my needs were being taken carenof

[Asker]

Good luck! All the best to you. I personally want to adopt someday, and can't help but wonder why anyone would want to bring a child to a world of suffering when there's already so many children that need families. I just think it's quite selfish, that's all.

[bjstevenson89]

Ok, well It's nice that your not judgmental about opinions that you asked for. Good luck with not having a penis, cuz you're a cock.

[Asker]

Sorry if my bluntness makes me a cock. But we were both being honest, so I felt the need to be honest as well...

[Phanta]

I certainly don't hate you. I have high functioning autism myself, and I cannot find a partner. I wish you the best.

[Asker]

Sometimes I question if I should just give up on life and call it a night. But I don't know, it certainly would be easier. But, thank you. All the best to you, as well!

[slatyb]

Sorry, not for me.

[Asker]

I appreciate your honesty.

[TonyBologna25]

You lost me at transgender.

[Asker]

Okay. Thanks for your valuable input.

[genericname85]

naw. sorry but genitalia are pretty damn important for me. i mean for friends, it doesn't matter but for sex it does.

[Asker]

I was told that there's always anal and oral sex, there's even romantic positions and feels a lot better for the guy because there's more tightness than vaginal sex. Of course I wouldn't have sexual organs so I wouldn't feel the need for sexuality, but would please him in any ways I can.

[genericname85]

xD you can't argue with how i feel about this. just like you can't argue how you feel about your body and sexuality. for me female genitalia are important cause they turn me on and a lack thereof turns me off. that's just how i work. it's not that much about the physical pleasure. it's about visual and emotional pleasure. the latter is totally absent for me if the other isn't "turned on" and just does it to please me.

[Asker]

Not arguing. I totally get where you're coming from. I'm pretty unfortunate so I have to make due with what I got. I was simply making a statement, is all.

[genericname85]

yes i understand that. i'm trying to be considerate, cause i know that probably sucks for you but at the same time i'm saing how things are for me without sugarcoating it.

[Asker]

I appreciate your honesty. Maybe I'll have better luck if I come out as asexual. I love to pleasure men, not trying to sound slutty but being on my knees and pleasing someone I love while he's dominating every move, it just seems so romantic. I'm a hopeless romantic, lol.

[genericname85]

if you love pleasing men, coming out as asexual won't do you any favors xD i'm quite sure there's loads of men out there that would be into that. just not me.

[Asker]

You're right, it's sort of an oxymoron. I was just suggesting that maybe if I come out as asexual and meet others who are asexual as well, then the need for sexuality wouldn't be such a big issue for either one. It would just be a relationship focused on personality and romance, not lust.

[genericname85]

your sexual wishes won't be fullfiled by associating with people that don't have any such wishes xD by the way. what is "romance" without any sort of sexual thing? even be it just kissing.

[Asker]

Well I won't feel the need for sexual pleasure, other than to happily serve and please him. But if sexuality wouldn't be an issue, then I have absolutely no objections to skipping that already. Kissing, cuddling, hugging, holding hands, making out, etc, is not something I consider a sexual act. It's pure romance.

[genericname85]

ok fair enough. i disagree but obviously that doesn't invalidate your opinion about that :)

[Asker]

I think the term is 'panromantic asexual'.

[genericname85]

to me it can be with or without sexual connection but with people i wanna do that with in a non sexual way, i will also want to do that in a sexual way xD that's why those are connected to me.

[Asker]

I can respect your wishes, but to me human sexuality is strange and already confusing as it is, I would prefer just to keep our body parts (or lack of) to ourselves and just focus on ourselves as romantic and spiritual bounded by physical love, not lust.

[Chris_68]

you got me at "submissive to my needs" ... but be aware: I have many strange festishes, and i'm a sadist... and I would demand your complete submission.

[Asker]

I can't tolerate harshness and my pain level is pretty weak. Sorry to disappoint.

[Asker]

By "pain level" I meant pain tolerance.

[Asker]

Also, I'm not someone you can just abuse and disregard. I don't play those types of games. Sorry.

[Chris_68]

you think you know what I am? You're miles out!

[Asker]

Sorry, I guess I don't really understand the whole sadist or BDSM thing. It just seems so abusive and overwhelming, but then again nothing is ever truly represented in the media.

[Chris_68]

BDSM is not more or less abusive than any other kind of relationship. Usually, the "top" or "sadist" is lovingly caring for his partner. But the (sexual) games between them are a bit more "harsh" - in the defined set and time of the "action".

[Asker]

So, if I were participating, what exactly would you do to me, or have me do? I hate pain and I hate crying.

[Chris_68]

First we would meet and talk about our likings, limits and taboos. If we find consent - and take to each other - and trust each other... then we can think about what will happen.

[Anonymous]

Sure! I think that’s kinda hot personally!

[Anonymous]

I find that extremely arousing actually. I desire a penectomy and castration myself. Could you be a nullo who enjoys another nullo?

[Anonymous]

i would be open to that my only thing is iam very sexual and non judgmental but i get judged a lot

[Asker]

Hey, we both get judged a lot! Fuck them, right? They wouldn't understand us unless they were in our shoes, but that's never going to happen

[Asker]

Do you think you could live without vaginal sex? I'm sorry to be so personal, but I'm trying to gain insight, lol.

[Opinion Owner]

sex is sex

[Asker]

Yeah, I guess...

[Anonymous]

Inbox me

[Asker]

No...

[Opinion Owner]

You 0eople cannot be helped...

[Asker]

Lol.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s tough for trans women in general to find long term relationships. I’m not sure that your position is that much worse.

I half feel like the constructed vagina is as much for your benefit as a partners. A guy who is interested in a trans women might be happier with bj and anal anyway while also being okay with the fact you can’t get pregnant.

The fact your attempt at a constructed vagina went badly... is a shame but I doubt changes things for a prospective partner that much.

[Asker]

I'm not entirely sure if I can believe that. The fact that I won't have genitalia or the ability to have orgasms drastically changes my options. Don't you think?

[Opinion Owner]

I don’t really know. I thing you’re more likely to find a guy who is happy with a submissive girl who likes bj and anal then a guy who just wants to be sexless (you might find s pan guy like that?) I mean... what do you want, sexually, with a partner?

[Asker]

I don't mind sexually pleasing my partner. I also don't mind if it was a sexless relationship. What I want doesn't matter, it's just not possible with the science and technology of today. I really wanted a vagina and to have penetrative sex, I had a lot of sexual fantasies that I must now give up. It hurts a lot, I'm not going to lie.

[Opinion Owner]

I’m sorry you can’t gave vaginal sex. So my question is... does having sexual connection with your partner matter to you or not? Even if my penis didn’t work, feeling mutual desire and connecting sexually is something that matters to me. But others feel differently.

[Asker]

As long as I'm loved and cared for, it won't matter. I wouldn't mind if my partner wanted me to wear a collar and to get on my knees for him or her. I wouldn't mind if it was a sexless relationship. As long as there's romance, I really don't care.

[Opinion Owner]

Have you ever had a relationship? Do you no longer masturbate?

[Asker]

I have never had a real relationship before, no. The last time I masturbated was before I transitioned, which was in 2016.

[Opinion Owner]

I think it would be worth exploring asexual dating sites. The state of your genitals probably won’t matter as much. Just be up front about being romantic. Best of luck to you.

[Asker]

I definitely agree. Thank you.