Is it my father's fault that I can't get rid of my spanking fantasy?

Question

This is base on a true story of my spanking fantasy I can't get rid of: During my early childhood years, most of the time my father would used the belt or hands in frustration. I felt I've learnt nothing useful other than wishing him to stop. One time I had to hide in the bathroom because he was chasing me with the belt. He was upset because I didn't understand his instructions on how to operate a remote control. I didn't want to speak to him for a whole day. I was very upset that day. I thought it was totally unfair and undeserving.  Then when my parents were arguing, my father really thought he had the rights to spank my mother (he would excused it by claiming that she kept backtalking and being verbally antagonizing) and would do without her consent at all. He would do it in anger. She was crying by then and screaming at him to stop but he wouldn't. Sometimes he would cause bruises on her bottom.  The way I imagine a consensual spanking: At some point when I was still a kid (9-10 years old), I started having spanking fantasies. It would involved me getting spanked on the bottom. As an adult, I still have that fantasy where I to get spanked hard (with my full consent) and it leaving bruises on my bottom. The only difference is in that fantasy, I make the rules. I get to choose with what object it should be done with, when to continue and when to stop. It would be done for sexual release. Then there should be aftercare involved and resting time.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Wow the guys' comments here are very supportive in that there's no problem and it's even a good thing because there are many others who want to engage in it. I have been doing a lot of thinking, and a little research, about why spanking is popular, but I really can't say I have come to any real realizations, sadly. I have known very nice, respectful, reasonable, docile, basically wonderful men who like to spank. They would not dare put a hand on me in any other context. (I would slap them back and walk out the door if they did.) I myself had/have no opinion about it, being on the receiving end (and I have zero desire to dole it out, myself), but I am totally fine with it, and I mostly just like it that they like doing it. I think one of the best, surefire routes to great sex, is abandonment (as in, freedom of worry of judgement, and the ability to fully express oneself). When it comes out of nowhere (and is not that hard, of course), it's interesting.
But in your case, I do think it has some negative associations. Yet maybe it is complex, it's a whole 'riddle wrapped inside a mystery wrapped inside an enigma' sort of thing. What you went through is a type of abuse, especially watching your mother endure that. It sounds awful., and you may be somewhat traumatized from it. (Clearly a father who would do this has other issues you and your mother needed to contend with. I doubt your household was a bastion of calm) You hopefully will not want to model this behaviour in any ways in your life. I think you should really search your feelings about this, and if a bout of anger and resentment etc etc comes out towards your father, go with it. It is justified. Therapy is not a bad idea. But if you're not interested in that, could you act out these feelings by being the aggressor in sex? Could you reverse it? Could you find your way out to the other side, without it becoming an obsession or fixation? Maybe your boyfriend would be happy to help ;) My spidey senses tell me it may not be the healthiest thing for you, in particular, to endure this during sex for the rest of your life (while for some others, it is, as others here are saying, no big deal).

mistixs · Accepted Answer

Spanking fantasies are really common. From the polls I've read here on GAG, most women said they enjoy being spanked in a sexual context, even with a belt.

0112358 · Accepted Answer

Maybe, but its' hard to say. Someone asked here about spanking fantasies and if people were spanked growing up, and there wasn't all that much of a link.

So it's quite possible you'd have found it arousing anyway.

It strikes me that seeing your mother spanked may have more impact - it reinforced to you that it's something men do to women, not just something that happens to kids.

MrTuxedo · Accepted Answer

Believe it or not, many women actually want to be spanked. Not really to the point that it leaves bruises, but few slaps really turn on some women.

Papajohns · Answer

Most of our childhood experiences have an incredible amount of influence on our adult lives. It is very likely that you are correct

mrsingle · Answer

The only spanking I find sexy is if it’s my girlfriends belt, seeing her take hers off turns me on

Daniel3035 · Answer

Honestly I dont think so I never was hit as a kid a few times I got threatened I remember once in a barber shop the barber got a wooden hairbrush and said maybe we can use this? I felt super awkward. But besides that no. I think our desire comes from our bodies so used to spankings that that it thinks we need it and it does it by desire sexually. So yh centuries of spanking caused it I guess.

bamesjond0069 · Answer

Your spanking is not from your father. Almost every girl including ones that never got spanked have a desire to be spanked. I've spanked every girl I've ever dated. Nothing weird about it at all. Almost everyone is into it.