Is it my father's fault that I can't get rid of my spanking fantasy?

Anonymous
This is base on a true story of my spanking fantasy I can't get rid of:

During my early childhood years, most of the time my father would used the belt or hands in frustration. I felt I've learnt nothing useful other than wishing him to stop. One time I had to hide in the bathroom because he was chasing me with the belt. He was upset because I didn't understand his instructions on how to operate a remote control. I didn't want to speak to him for a whole day. I was very upset that day. I thought it was totally unfair and undeserving.

Then when my parents were arguing, my father really thought he had the rights to spank my mother (he would excused it by claiming that she kept backtalking and being verbally antagonizing) and would do without her consent at all. He would do it in anger. She was crying by then and screaming at him to stop but he wouldn't. Sometimes he would cause bruises on her bottom.

The way I imagine a consensual spanking:
At some point when I was still a kid (9-10 years old), I started having spanking fantasies. It would involved me getting spanked on the bottom. As an adult, I still have that fantasy where I to get spanked hard (with my full consent) and it leaving bruises on my bottom. The only difference is in that fantasy, I make the rules. I get to choose with what object it should be done with, when to continue and when to stop. It would be done for sexual release. Then there should be aftercare involved and resting time.
Updates:
+1 y
My boyfriend and I are still on long-distance. This fantasy got to the point that last year, I spanked myself with a shoe but my hands got tired too fast.

Ironically I can distinguish between a consensual spanking and straight forward abuse. My fantasy involves me giving full consent to this and I would be making the rules of how I want this taking place.
Is it my father's fault that I can't get rid of my spanking fantasy?
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