Do you consider having an abortion if birth control fails?

What's your take?
Do you consider having an abortion if birth control fails?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Absolutely not. The worst thing a person I loved ever did to me was abort our baby without telling me. It happened to me and it shattered me more than anything I have ever experienced.

    Suffice to say, it ended our relationship. The pregnancy had not been planned, but I would have stayed with her and cared for her and our baby through anything. She didn't care. When she decided she didn't want a baby my feelings didn't matter. What we shared didn't matter. That I loved her didn't matter. That I loved our baby didn't matter.

    It broke my heart. I have since met a beautiful woman who cares for me. Who forgave me when I could not forgive myself. We have lived together for over a decade and have three children - the three most beautiful gifts a woman has ever given a man. (We don't want to be married. We think what we share is natural and beautiful and would not be improved by an expensive ring, an elaborate ceremony and a permission slip from the state.) She has made me happier than I have any right to be and I love her with every fiber of my soul and being.

    Still, even now, I can't help but think of the baby I never knew. It hurts more than words can even begin to express. I loved my girlfriend and aborting our child - my baby - was more painful, more heartbreaking, than anything else that has ever happened to me. I would have loved my girlfriend and my baby and done anything for them and protected them and cared for them - and it all didn't matter.

    • I'm so sorry for what you went through. This is one of many problems I have with abortion. The fathers have no rights and basically have to live with the fact that the woman they choice to be with can or did kill their child. Its not right. I believe your baby knows you loved it. Once again I'm sorry for your loss.

    • I'm sorry for the loss of your beloved kid. Glad to hear you found a new love and finally got your family. The unspoken love, that fathers have for their kids, is often underrated and sadly a taboo in terms of abortions.

    • @PinkMichae Thank you for your kindness. It is really astonishing. I love my girlfriend and our children and I am happier than I have any right to be. Still, I can't help thinking of the baby I never knew - I don't even know if I had a son or a daughter. It still hurts and I only wish I could hold him/her and tell him/her how much I love him/her and how sorry I am that I failed as a father.

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  • If both parties do not want a child (with each other) definitely, Yes.
    It's pretty straightforward to be honest.

    If one party wants the kid while the other doesn't, then there needs to be a proper conversation and agreement on what to do.

    It'll be unfair to force/make/guilt someone into having an abortion but it'll also be just as unfair making/... someone become a parent.

    The wellbeing of the potential offspring (s) should be of utmost importance.

    Choosing to have children is already a gamble for those who want them, i don't think one should gamble with what they don't want/aren't appropriate for.

    • It's not unfair to make someone become a parent. That's the risk they took by having sex. So if a woman gets pregnant and doesn't believe in abortion she is not to blame for him becoming a parent.

    • @PinkMichae I believe it's unfair if there was an agreement or understanding beforehand and (as this question states) the chosen birth control methods didn't work. And I think you're looking at this totally from a single perspective. Just because she's the one who got pregnant doesn't always mean she's the one making the choice. And you also have to keep in mind that at the end of the day, it's not necessarily either parent that's being "punished" for taking the risk. The child didn't ask to be born into a messy situation.

    • The child didn't ask to be slaughtered before it ever had a chance at life either. The way I see it both man a woman are responsible for this child even if they were trying to prevent it. Everyone is aware nothing is 100% effective so by having sex you both still take that risk and bare that responsibility to the child. And the child shouldn't have to die for the risk they took.

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Most Helpful Girls

  • No! I want a child anyway and not just that but it's not the child's fault it's exsisting! Some people will NEVER get the chance to be a parent! Plus don't you want to see how much it will look like you? And or your partner? Or how much it will have your personality traits or whatever? Lots of people already took that route and you're very much entitled to that especially if God (or the universe or whatever) has given you this special gift! The gift of bringing forth a living, breathing (okay not that just yet but you know what I mean!), life! ... If your mother thought like this, you would not be here to ask this question! So in a way you should thank her? Lol, I don't know I just it's just that I appreciate the beauty of life (not just having a "cute baby" to coo at and think aww how cute!).

    Souce:
    I can feel the pride mothers have even though I'm not a mother (of a human baby) just yet! I don't know if I will ever had the chance as I'm 35 already. But that's okay! I could just adopt!

    Good luck whatever you end up choosing!

    • Sorry I meant "Source"! Lol!!

    • Oh wow chosen as best answer? ! Thank you!! :)

    • If you are going to adopt it would be a good idea to do so soon. The older you get the harder it is to take care of a baby. But there are a lot of kids under 6 that need adopting too.

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  • I work in social work and I know that there are so many kids in the system that are living shitty lives due to parents who couldn’t look after them. I hear people say all the time that if you can’t raise a kid don’t have one. Abortion is not killing a ‘baby’ it is just cells there is no life form yet. Abortion isn’t allowed after a certain time when the baby has actually formed. If i was brought into this world out of rape or from parents who abuse me, can’t look after me, I would much rather not have existed. Don’t bring a life into this world if you can’t look after it so abortion can be a good option for many people

    • I think abortion should be a last resort after the couple has used every form of other reliable birth control that's available like (pills, condoms, UID, shots, even abstinence, etc.) It's not the fault of the child that it's exsists and MAYBE if it had a really shitty life or bad life it can work but sometimes when women in really bad situations have abortions, they get uterine scars and it's permanent and later on they will have trouble getting pregnant if they wanted to! Also, if a woman has a late term abortion, the same thing can happen (the odds are greater) and what's worse is that the baby may actually survive the abortion - if it's nearing term - but will be extremely premature and have a lot of health complications. I see what you are saying though and this is a very personal decision to make and shouldn't involve other people's opinions on the matter; only the woman's (or if applicable the father's opinion as well)!

    • Thank you for saying this, it's something that needs to be said. They often do have bad lives if they were born from rape or incest. They have actual health problems when born from incest sometimes.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Yes, I would get an abortion - but I'm also the type of woman that made it crystal clear before I slept with a man that I do NOT want children, and we will be using birth control, and if it failed I would have an abortion. They'd have to be fine with that before putting it in.

    Usually this conversation came up in the stage before even going to bed, so they knew what they were getting into. They can't say I didn't tell them so. And this is before they're all horny and bothered and just want sex. This was a conversation had upon ordering me my first glass of wine because all too often I'd meet guys who wanted children. If they were being untruthful just to impress me, I never would have known it because I've never been pregnant, so thankfully I've never had to deal with it.

  • Absolutely. If I use birth control and I still get pregnant? I'm getting an abortion. I'm not having a child I do not need or want.

    And before anyone says, "just give it up for adoption!" Maybe I don't want to carry a reminder of a mistake or accident for 9 months.

    • I agree with you.

    • Given that the odds of actually getting pregnant are small even without birth control (20% to 25% from a healthy 20s woman), I think you're in good hands! Just make sure to keep using birth control and being responsible if you do decide to engage! Anyway that's awesome to hear! :)

  • No but that's because of research I've done and how part of the what I've committed to works out in the world around me.

  • Yes.

    But fortunately I've recently been permanently sterilized so this is no longer a possibility.

    Bilateral salpingectomy for the win!

  • I would not have an abortion but I would ask infertile couples if they would like to adopt the child and have me as a god mother or babysitter or auntie to the children.

  • Yes. It’s a clump of cells, it’s not a baby yet. I’m not in the right place financially or emotionally to raise a child and I don’t want to bring it into this world when it cannot have a great life.

  • I would. I am not ready right now. And I would rather wait to bring a wanted child to the world when I am.

  • I personally would not.. if I truly did not want a child or the father wanted me to abort.. I would consider adoption... but I personally could not forgive myself for an abortion..
    I do think it to be a choice that each person must make for themself.. as they are the ones who must live with that choice.. I also think it unfair that the fathers have to accept the choice the mother makes and feel that they should have knowledge and be considered in the choice.. but ultimately if it isn't agreed upon there really isn't a way to make it fair for both parties...

  • I had an abortion 12 years ago. Since then it changed me. . Now id say ill never get an abortion again.

  • No. If I were to be having regular sex, I'd have to be responsible for the consequences. Nothing is 100% effective. When you're having sex, there's always a 1% or more chance of ending up pregnant or with an STD. You have to be responsible for your own actions. If you didn't want a baby then maybe just stick to masturbation or oral. That's just my take on it. A baby shouldn't be something you can dispose of just because you were stupid, reckless or immature.

  • If neither one of you want a child and it's not too late in the pregnancy (like still the first term) I think that it's okay as long as you discuss it with your partner and find a safe, reputable clinic. Especially if you're not ready for parenthood or know that you'll be able to provide a safe, healthy environment for that child to live and grow in.

    However, if it's the second or third trimester, and the baby is forming and developing normally, I think you should still have it, even if you need help from supports like friends and family. Too late in the pregnancy can cause horrible side effects, especially on the mother. You might become depressed and/or regret your decision later on.

    But it's your life, body, and most importantly your own choice. Do what's best for your and your partner's future.

    • Thank you :)

    • No problem! It's just my opinion, with a little bit of science mixed in lol :)

  • Yes. In short, a wiman has a right ti do with it as she wishes, in relation to abortion, as its a connected part of her until its actually born. If people can't handle that, then they can close their own doors and mind their business

  • I would really not, I have been taking pills in the past to regulate my periods though since they were Irregular. But I would still not abort the baby. Even if it freed me of years worth of problems, I would feel kind of sad, guilty and like a bad person later on, I would really regret that decision later. I wouldn't possibly be able to live my life normally knowing that I killed my own baby puporsely, because "Abortion" means Just that. It means that you know there's another life Inside you and you want to purposely kill it, Just to free yourself of worry and stress. I understand the way I said it was harsh but that's what someone is literally deciding to do when they are considering to "Abort". Having an abortion would NEVER cross my mind, it would be out of the question. No matter how hard it is I would try my utmost best to take care of the baby and take full responsibility for it. I would really regret aborting later on down the line. I wouldn't be able to live life normally knowing that I killed my own baby. So no I wouldn't consider it...😕

  • Yeah.

  • No, even when I was raped and got pregnant I never considered it. I instead was looking through countless records of parents who wanted to adopt a newborn, trying to find the right fit. It never got that far though as I lost him a few months in.

    • 😨 You are so amazing. 🙏💙

    • @Jamie05rhs Thanks

    • You're welcome.

  • I would yes because I don’t wish to have children. But I don’t plan on that being an option. Currently I don’t use any birth control because I’m not sexually active but when I will be I am getting my tubes tied as a form a birth control.

    • Wow why did people down vote you for expressing your beliefs? Wow just wow.

    • From experience, most people really dislike the thought that a person doesn’t want children. Especially a young woman. 🤷🏽‍♀️

    • I don't see why anyone would care.

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  • i would need to know their situation and truly empathize with them before i could even begin to judge and why are we judging people? the only one who can do that is Jesus and he's already forgiven and saved us all? at least that's what he told me and yes i am probably bonkers crazy but i hate judging people! it's not my job!

  • Hell to the no!! I'm not killing my own baby cause of my own irresponsibilities. We all know having sex can make a woman pregnant but we still do it. That's the risk. So if I get pregnant, oh well, I'll have a baby then. And I do want babies someday so I would never put myself through that traumatic and awful experience.

    • This is by far the best opinion I've read. I 100% agree with you. The baby definetly doesn't deserve to be killed Just because a person didn't think before they acted, and now doesn't want to act mature and take responsibility for it. We all perfectly know that having sex will get a woman pregnant and so there is no excuse. If you have sex, you get pregnant. What else do these people expect to happen? I would also proceed to have the baby too. These people are perfectly capable of knowing that there's still a risk of getting pregnant even on birth control...😕

  • Yes. If I'm not ready to be a mom and the thing that is supposed to work doesn't, I'll be aborting it.

  • Definitely not. All human life is valuable whether they’re fully developed or not. Plus, God hates the shedding of innocent blood. Babies are innocent. If someone were to see the baby’s body being ripped out limb by limb during an abortion of a baby in the first trimester and later, I don’t think they would think aborting a baby is moral anymore. It’s no different than murdering a born baby. It’s equivalent to torture. The baby can feel their limbs being ripped out as it gets vacuumed from his/her mother’s womb.

    • I can't believe my mother did that because of her own mistake.

    • Sorry to hear that 😢 That’s sad 💔

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