I’ve never had an orgasm, and my ex partner says he can’t help me. What do I do?

Question

Title really says it all. I’m 29 and I’ve never had an orgasm. I’ve had 6 partners in my lifetime. But all of them, including my recent one, have essentially made it clear that that’s my problem and they can’t do anything to help me. My last guy told me it’s because I’m a woman and there’s nothing a man can do to make me have one.

But I want one. I find the idea of sex enjoyable but sex itself is not. I find that I’m faking it the majority of the time just so he gets off but I’m always left unsatisfied and annoyed by the whole thing.

I’m single now and there’s a guy I really like. But I’m scared to tell him I’ve never had one because I’m pretty sure like others he will not care or he won’t help me have one. I’ve tried masturbating but the idea of pleasuring myself makes me feel lame and dirty and I end up turning myself off.

Onepiece_fan2000 · Accepted Answer

. I tell you my method and you tell me if you tried any of it. Experiment. Some of this is optional. There are other ways to use objects like cucumbers, hair brush tips, or bananas. Use the edge of your pillow and play with your boobs. Here is my method your welcome to use it: if alone, the big key is constant stimulation, relax, and fore play. First I would recommend starting out in the fallowing outfit: T-shirt, bra, and panties, first you start rubbing the top of your pussy over your undies while playing with your boobs over your bra and shirt for about a 3 mins, then while sticking your hand down your panties and rubbing your pussy start taking off your shirts (the key to this is to to switch hands), then take your panties and bra off, then start rubbing your clit for a good 3-12mins , while one hand is still busy with your boobs. Then stick your finger inside your pussy and point it upward and start rubbing there and play with your boobs (of course), do this for about 8-15mins or until you orgasm (wich is a sensation feeling you are building up this whole time) , the stronger the intensity is the stronger the orgasm will be. Make sure to be thinking dirty thoughts through out this process and make sure you have a lot of alone time. Also try to go after your g spot: in your vag u point upwards and rub it (it feels like top half inside your mouth). Also try using a electronic toothbrush (to stimulate ur clitoris. Hope this helps:) Experimenting and taking your time is key , increase the amount of time if needed. In terms of boyfriend you should. Also stretching out your hymen helps make it more pleasurable..

Little21 · Accepted Answer

Masturbating is the only way you're going to figure out what you like (especially since your partners wouldn't help).
One of the major benefits of masturbation is figuring out what feels good for you, what kind of stimulation you like or don't like.
Considering the fact that you don't masturbate, I'm going to assume you haven't tried clitoral stimulation during sex. Most women need it to achieve orgasm during penetrative sex. You may want to try it out.
Your partners also sound incredibly selfish. If they can't make you orgasm from sex, they should at least try oral sex or manual stimulation.
Start masturbating and demand foreplay

Soteris · Accepted Answer

I would say its probably an issue of your mentality towards sex in that case. Regardless of what most people might think but the actual physical part of sex is not that important which is why people can orgasm from all sorts of things.

My suggestion is to do a little bit of soul searching. What do you like, what dont you like? Try different things and try be honest of what you desire. Perhaps you will find something really kinky or whatever and shy away from it because you are afraid but you should at least try so you know.

I know you said you did not want to masturbate but a good place to start regardless is just to watch porn and see what turns you on and what does not. If you feel like it you could masturbate but thats up to you.

Once you find something that turns you on and you feel relaxed you will easily be able to orgasm either through masturbation or through your partner. It will come pretty naturally.

Johnny-ire · Accepted Answer

I have had the pleasure to help a couple of ladies have their first ever orgasm. In their cases, the key was the mind. Playing with her mind. My voice, my words, my descriptions, building the anticipation. Me in control of her, was so much part of it. There is much to describe, but better to do that by PM if you would like to

EriFrancis1994 · Answer

Can you give yourself one? It may help the guy if you can tell him what spots to hit to give you one

TadCurious · Answer

You're not going to have an orgasm with a sex partner until you get past your feelings about masturbation being "lame and dirty." If you're going to be orgasmic with a partner you need to embrace your sexuality with yourself and discover how to bring yourself to orgasm.

Dargil · Answer

*I'm not a troll. I'm a fixer.
*Assuming you haven't even had an orgasm by your own hand. Correct?
*When you have been with partners or by your own hand, have you ever gotten "close" as in building sexual tension but just can't get over the top?
*Is any move, hand, oral, intercourse more effective than any other?

outside_Toronto · Answer

You should figure out how to do it yourself first. Once you know, you can explain it to a partner.

bangyourhead · Answer

You need to pick better men.

skittles2017 · Answer

Get drunk and go to a place where nobody can hear you having sex or nobody knows you and you don't care about having loud sex.  If not, masturbate to get orgasms

Valnac · Answer

Have him start by your ankles. Tell him to lick the inside of your legs alternately side to side, past your knees and thighs. Finally meeting at your clit. You better be holding on to something.