Why do girls want sex?

[Anonymous]

I can easily see why guys like sex - because the vagina is a soft warm delicious tunnel of love that being inside makes it effortless to orgasm. Girls have it far more complex...heck, orgasm is far from guaranteed! How is it even possible for girls to say they don't even need orgasm to be satisfied? This may seem rambling, but I see girls appreciating other things besides sex; and there's a very good chance that sex ~could be~ a disappointing experience for her if the guy only satisfies himself.. It could even be painful emotionally and physically where guys wouldn't have a clue So girls, why do you like sex?

[Anonymous]

I like sex because I need it. I want it. It feels great. I can orgasm with a guy I don't love, but for me to fully enjoy it I need to have an emotional connection with him.

Sex with someone I love is the best thing ever in the world. Ever ever. There are a thousand conversations that take place and not one word ever has to be spoken. There most often is, but it's not completely necessary. I crave the heat, the noise, the touch, everything about it, more than I crave sleep. Being able to say my preferences to him takes a lot of trust. Then when he acts on them with stunning accuracy while not really knowing if he's doing it right (barring my immediate response), it tells me that he truly cares about pleasing me. It is like winning an auditory lottery if he can't help but make noise or say things when I'm lovin' on him.

I don't always need to orgasm, but I will admit that I sometimes feel it's not fair if I don't. Sex is the one activity in which I think everything should be fair. I don't need to orgasm every single time because...well, I like marathons and sometimes it's not physically possible. Sometimes I just want his touch, and not so much the intense physical sensations.

The only bad sex I've ever had was when I garnered "extraordinary" and "phenomenal" for my efforts, and the jerk blamed me for the fact that he never could make me orgasm.

[Asker]

It's answers like this that give a guy truly false hope. You describe sex as if it were told by a guy-- but women don't feel like you do or it would be common knowledge. Common knowledge is that girls avoid sex, hate guys for "wanting their body" and would much rather cuddle and talk than have a penis inside them. It makes me very sad to hear stories about girls like you because I think you're lying and being mean by saying these things. I WANT girls to like sex, but it hurts to know they don't.

[Opinion Owner]

I don't make this common knowledge because I have guys after my ass ALL THE TIME. It makes me feel cheap and unloved when a guy I don't know is like, "Hey baby, how 'bout it?" I started getting that from men when I was 17. I could have a hot friends with benefits going by the end of the week,but sex without emotion makes me feel empty and depressed. I want the talk and cuddle too, but to see the same emotions in his eyes that I see when we're not having sex, times 1000 when we are, I want that every. single. day.

[Asker]

It's so sad to hear you want sex like this because I know it would never happen. If your guy looked at you like that every day after a while you'd reject him because you'd accuse him of "only wanting sex"...

[Opinion Owner]

Hmmm...don't go putting thoughts in my head, now. Some days clearly won't work for reasons out of my control. My guy and I are only in the beginning stages. If it goes long term, he stays faithful to me and still looks at me with lust every day -because I don't cheat and I think he's sexy- then isn't regular sex the best way to show someone you love them unconditionally, the ultimate acceptance of another person?

[PoisonIvy007]

Sexuality is different for everyone, it's not just something that can be labeled for a male or female. Every person has their own types of turn ons and offs, and how much drive they have. Yes, some girls prefer cuddling and talking, but that's just a personality trait, not an explicitly female trait. I consider myself to be a very sexual person, if I see a hot guy it turns me on. If we hang out and he seems sexually driven too-I just want to touch him and be all over him. I want our bodies to intertwine and just to feel the closeness and the lust and the drive is enough pleasure for me to be content and relatively happy. If I have an orgasm, It feels even better and just adds fuel to the fire that I call a sexual experience. But I have a different personality than some girls, so the "want" for sex could be completely different for them. Having an emotional connection makes sex wonderful and it makes girls feel safe and comforted, but if you have a physical connection it could make sex hot and fun and experimental and wild, in any case orgasm is a bonus. It really just depends on what your mentality is and what you expect going into the situation. I hope this answer cleared any of your questions up :)

[Asker]

Thanks for your response! You mentioned that "it depends on what your mentality is". What IS the mentality of women and sex (for you, at least?) Is it to feel good, or is it to be close to someone? If you could be close to someone without having sex, would that be better? Is sex ever a "bother" or a "chore" you have to deal with to keep your guy happy?

[PoisonIvy007]

If I'm with a guy I love it's about the closeness and passion but sometimes we're both just fired up so it's just about the sexual drive and "getting some". Also, if I'm with a guy I think is really hot and we're either friends or I don't know them that well it's about the sexual drive and such. The reasons why women want sex really depends on the guy their with and their reason for being with him, or wanting to be with him.

[Asker]

Then why does it "seem" so much easier (and automatic) for girls to say "no" to sex? There's no question that girls have to be "persuaded" into having sex because it's not a "naturally occurring" instinct...the guy "always" has to "do" something to get her in the mood, whereas guys are "always" on fire...know what I mean?

[PoisonIvy007]

Sometimes girls are afraid of the things that can potentially come with sex more than guys are, ie; std's, pregnancy, the dirty/empty feeling you can get afterward. So they're less likely to just say yes. Women need to be lead into a sexual exerience sometimes, the man needs to seduce her if she isn't the one who wants sex to begin with. But women can be turned just as easily as a man, you just need to know that specific womans turn ons, so that it would be easier for her to say yes for sex.

[Asker]

So girls don't want sex unless they're "lead into it"? So what you're saying is that girls have a naturally repressed sex drive? If this is true then how can a girl "be turned on as easily as a man" if they're enslaved to confusing mind games?

[PoisonIvy007]

No, what I mean is that girls will be more likely to say yes to sex if they're lead into, when they weren't the one wanting sex in the Beginning of the situation. But sometimes girls are the ones who want sex to begin with, they're usually just less vocal about it. Especially at a younger age girls might want sex but their afraid or too shy to just jump into a sexual situation. Again, this all depends on their personality as well. Experience or lack there of can also be a factor.

[Asker]

I wish In knew a girl that wanted sex. I've certainly never met one that wants it every day like me...

[PoisonIvy007]

You don't have to answer these questions if you don't want to, but how often do you have sex? How many girlfriends have you had? Do you think you flirt a lot? In your opinion, how would you rate your physique on a 1-10 scale. And lastly, how old are the girls that you would want to have sex with? All of these are factors, I will explain when (and if) you answer. :)

[Asker]

OK, here goes: I haven't had sex in 2+ years...I've had about 3-1/2 girlfriends, I love to flirt (witty humor, fun demeanor, casual attitude, and slightly mysterious)...on a 1-10 scale I'm a solid 8 (I work out/swim every morning and am in exceptional shape)...and lastly, the girls I want should be in the same general age range as me. Any other questions?

[PoisonIvy007]

It's seems that you're a great guy. Maybe all you need is to master the art of "trapping" girls. By this I mean being able to get a girl interested in you, think you're sweet, trust you, and want you (favorably in that order). That way a girl will want to talk to you, she'll feel adored by you, feel safe and secure with you, and when you try to make a move initiating a sexual relationship, she won't have any reason in her head to say no. Cause girls love sex when they can trust & adore their man

[Asker]

I do that and it doesn't work. I'm caring and trusting as a part of my natural personality and I do attract my share of girls. However when it comes to sex, I find girls have a take it or leave it attitude. And frankly, all the girls I know (including my Mom and sister) say sex is waaay overrated - like they rather do just about any thing else. Girls Do NOT have a natural sex drive like guys do. That's ridiculously obvious to me. Sorry I'm such a loser.

[PoisonIvy007]

You're not a loser, you just encounter the wrong girls. Because I love sex, and everything about it. I have a VERY strong sexual drive, as do probably 1/2 of my friends. You just need to find the right girls, I'm absolutely positive that there are plenty of women who are eager to have sex.

[Asker]

You are absolutely positive that there are girls who like sex? Even half of them?! I'm sorry, that doesn't seem possible. I really wish it were true...life would be so much easier if this were true ten I'd have a fair shot at meeting one of them...but for a guy who's been looking his whole life for just -one- horny girl, your statistics are like a punch in the stomach. I don't know. It just doesn't seem possible but if it's true what you say (which I doubt) that makes me very very sad indeed.

[PoisonIvy007]

Take me and most of the girls who answered this question as you example of girls who love sex for whatever reasons. I promise there are girls out there who like it and even love it. Maybe not 1/2 of all girls, more like 1/10. Find a girl who's hot and is relaxed about sexual things-go clubbing or something.

[Asker]

If there are 1/10 girls who like sex then that means 9 out of 10 guys have no mathematical chance of finding such a girl. Yeah, so thanks a lot for the encouragement. Life is ridiculous sad.

[PoisonIvy007]

You think too much. I do the same thing but I try to manage it. Here is some encouragement, just relax and don't over process things too much, I promise life will be much more enjoyable that way. Roll with the punches, keep your mind open, and a perfect woman will find her way to you. Be spontaneous, chicks dig that (I know I do). You seem like the kind of guy who'll be the lucky 1 in 10 to be with a girl that'll make your dreams come true. :) Any girl would be lucky to have you.

[Asker]

OMG that's so optimistic! I gave up looong ago looking for Ms. Right (joke: we all know fairy tales are frauds), I'm so fully aware of the deep-water odds of finding a girl who likes sex that my ship is drifting, powerless, and lost at sea.

[Blink_Again]

I'm a virgin, I've never had sex, I have a couple toys and honestly I might not be as horny as a guy (ive heard they think about sex every ten seconds) but when I'm really craving sex I have to masturbate once, sometimes even twice a day. I'm not a virgin by choice simplly by circumstance I mean I don't have any need to have random toughtless sex with a random person. so to say I crave it like a man, I don't think that would ever be possible. but we do crave it. Also I could never get turned on enough to simply do it with someone I wasn't attracted to, I've heard some guys say it doesn't matter as long as its got a vagina. I crave sex and I've never even experianced the real thing yet. and even if I didn't reach my orgasum it does feel good its like water on the driest of day even a little can help and a down pour can't really quench your thirst but it still feels good. I've heard friends say that often if the guy cums before she does the guy will often finnish her off with oral.

[PoisonIvy007]

You're not demanding too much, trust me. It makes your first time much more meaningful and amazing.

[Quadrophonic84]

From what I understand, girls have a very different set of feelings and expectations from sex. First of all, they have way more nerve endings in their vaginas than we do in our penises. This is why girls will frequently act like they're being over the top...because it is actually more intense than we experience it. Women can have two different kinds of orgasms too so if it isn't working one way, it's good to try it the other way (I actually just found out how to have the other kind of guy orgasm but I won't get into that now). I've been with several women who weren't interested in having an orgasm at certain times. They just wanted to feel sexy and desirable and close to me. They also wanted to just focus on my pleasure because it made them happy to make me happy. They get a huge emotional kick out of sex generally and that is what non-orgasmic satisfaction tends to refer to.

Also from what I understand, a lot of what you said in the second part is true, it's a huge disappointment with certain guys. No one likes having a selfish partner, sexually or otherwise.

[claire111]

For girls, sex is not just something physical. It is something emotional as well. Girls can be just emotionally satisfied during sex and thus not have an orgasm. Girls just like the closeness with their men and of course they like to feel so loved. But some girls just love the physical side of sex..

[Asker]

Just is such a great answer and one I've heard a hundred times before...but as a guy...I just don't get it! I must be an idiot.

[claire111]

haha you are not an idiot, you are just a guy :P I don't think guys will ever understand. But it is so nice to see a guy who is trying and who is so curious about it :)

[Asker]

What would you tell a guy that feels guilty for seeking his own pleasure knowing she may not want to have an orgasm? I mean he -tries- to give her pleasure, and maybe she does get pleasure, but she falls short of "orgasm". To a guy this seems so incredibly selfish and, in a way, that he's "using" her...know what I mean? I don't want to be seen as a selfish d*** (sorry for the pun), but I get off knowing she wants me...and not feeling "used" in the process...see what an idiot I am!?

[claire111]

I love my boyfriend very much and sometimes it is just enough to simply have sex. I don't always want to orgasm. Having no orgasm can be satisfactory too! No need to feel guilty!

[SkyBlossom]

Depends on the girl, me, I want sex only with someone I wnt that kind of deep connection with. it's the ultimate setting down eachother's guards and it get's mroe appealing as time goes on, not having shared it with anyone yet. For me love needs to be apparent, if I feel like he doesn't really love me, then sex is very unappealing.

[hideme84913]

I love sex. I love the initmacy, the feeling, the ways the body's intertwine. I feel like a guy for saying this but I can't live without sex. I have tried. I was abstinent for 2 years, and it was terrible... I didn't need emotion during sex, because sex to me was just a physical fullfillment. Crazy I know, but sex with my exFWB was completely different from "making love" with my crush. There are just different levels of love, lust, intimacy, feeling, and the bond.

I had never experienced "making love" until recently, and my whole perspective of sex changed. Maybe because there are real emotions involved now, but sex has become more than a physical hunger. I do it to make him feel good and not for my own orgasm anymore. It's just the satisfaction that he enjoyed himself is enough. Maybe this guy is just really special to me, but the two times we have had sex I didn't come either time but I keep going back to him. =]

[Asker]

Wow! That's fascinating. I wish I could understand why girls want to have sex because I see so many reasons why she wouldn't want it at all...

[kally52]

I mean craving physically. Girls get horny, and our bodies "need" sex, if you will. I know for me, there are times where I just really want to have sex in the same way that sometimes I'm tired and need sleep, and sometimes I'm hungry and need food.

[Asker]

I just don't see girls acting (or especially) thinking this way...I find it so impossible to think that girls crave sex when they could easily have it any time they want...Craving (to me) involves some amount of 'scarcity', because it's impossible to crave something that is so easy to get. I would have to say I categorize girls as closer to repulsion towards sex because they -know- that IS what guys are after and (it would seem to me) that girls would more "resent" guys for being pigs than craving them.

[kally52]

Eh, no resentment. Girls like it two. Good sex is a two-sided thing, and GOOD sex is not easy to get.

[Asker]

Gawd I wish I understood this...it just seems that girls don't really "crave" sex; heck most of the time girls care less about sex and are usually repulsed by just the thought of it. Maybe that's just me because Ima loser. I tried meeting and dating other loser chicks on my level, but still I don't get that they have any interest in sex, let alone a "physical craving" like me. I've NEVER heard a girl say she craves sex and I honestly can't imagine a girl saying it in real life. It makes me sad.

[kally52]

Don't be sad, and you're definitely not a loser. Your concern is genuine. Many girls are intimidated by sex, but very few are actually repulsed by it. You may be involving yourself with girls you "just aren't read", but girls who are comfortable with themselves and comfortable with you will enjoy having sex just as much as you do.

[Asker]

I wish it were true. I've heard that people should be casual and free to express themselves sexually but so far I haven't met any girls who are like this...

[kally52]

1) Our bodies crave sex just like yours do. We want it, it feels good, and it is actually physically really good for us.

2) It makes us feel close to somebody we love. If I really love somebody, it's a sign of intimacy, trust, and commitment.

3) We like making guys happy. If a boy we love wants sex, it simply feels good to know that you are doing something nice for someone you care about.

[Asker]

It's hard to imagine a girl "craving sex" since I'm not a girl and I've never heard of a girl ever saying anything like this. Do you mean "craving" as in hypothetical, not physical; like a girl might "crave" a new pair of shoes? When a guy thinks of "craving" it's like we get all light headed, because all the blood rushes to our penis away from our head! Craving to a guy is an insanely powerful rush that overwhelms every cell and every thought. I've never met a girl describe anything like this.

[diamond3]

it feels good to us also.. and our body craves it just like yours

[Asker]

Wow! It's weird to hear you say that girls "crave' sex...I'm having a really hard time imagining that's even possible...Is it possible?

[diamond3]

yes sometimes I really need to get laid just like you do sometimes.. I don't know y but I do. many girls get horny and feel they need sex

[TimeAndTimeAgain]

They're just really good at hiding it and denying it, because society puts all this pressure on girls and brainwash most of them into thinking that being horny is a bad thing.

[Asker]

So many girls are describing "closeness", "to make him happy" and "love" as strong motivators but so far yourer the only one that I've read that has said a girl can "crave" sex. Would I be wrong to assume you prefer all those 3 things ~first~ before you get all craving horny? Or does your body have a "crave" mode independent of your emotional objectives?

[diamond3]

no I don't need to feel like I love him.. if that was the case I would rarely have sex... love is hard to find but your body wants what it wants...

[voluptuous]

I've had sex several times but have never reached orgasm in sex which is a little sad...

The reason I like it, is because it feels good..mostly, and I'm secretly searching for the guy that can make me come!

I just love the whole experience, foreplay and talking...and hopefully one day orgasm :P

[Asker]

I believe in the "pleasure principle", but girls are not guaranteed pleasure; more like a "comfort condition" where the guy gets an exceedingly disproportionate amount of the "pleasure" compared to the girl...is it a fleeting pleasure for girls? Because it sure doesn't seem like a sure thing for her.

[B2W_777]

Girls its your answer time !

[Asker]

I guess by the very few girls who respond that they REALLY don't "want" sex. Without ANY doubt they certainly don't want it on any level even remotely approaching the "desire" that a guy has... It's more like girls are trained to ~resist~ sex; NOT "want" it...

[Anonymous]

Because we enjoy it ?

[Asker]

If girls enjoy sex, then why is there so much difficulty getting a girl in the mood? If she liked it, would she naturally want to do it?

[Opinion Owner]

Women think about sex just as much as men do, our bodies just don't turn on & off like men's do. We have to work harder to achieve orgasms, but that doesn't mean we don't like sex. I wish I could have sex right now :P

[Asker]

My girlfriend says the same thing that you do. Oh I wish I could have sex right now, she says, but when I offer she always says, maybe later. ALL girls are ALL talk and no action.

[Opinion Owner]

woah, don't judge us all by what your girlfriend does, I'm my own person.

[Anonymous]

i love this question. Sex is more than just the amount of orgasms that you can get if you can't even get one. it's the relationship that you build with your partner. even casual, one-night stands are relationships...just brief ones like some people's marriages. for girls...most girls, it's all about that connection you have with your partner...it's trust...security...comfort...closeness and every conceivable mushy word you can think of. the other part of it is that just as guys need to have sex so does a girl. we're sexual beings and once that "cherry has been popped" the need is always there clawing you like an itch you can't scratch. I know I feel like something is missing when I go too long without

[Asker]

I wonder if this "need" is actually "real" with girls, though...I mean, I want to believe what you say, but there is a very real discrepancy between what people "want" and what they "get". Guys want sex but can't get a girl so some go to a prostitute...if girls "really" liked sex, the prostitute would be more than willing to provide sex for "free" because she (ostensibly) wanted it on the same level as the guy. If girls "really" liked sex then why aren't there more gigolos (or less prostitutes)?

[Opinion Owner]

you see there is stigma attached when I woman proclaims that she wants sex as badly as any man. you call her a whore, prostitute, a bad thing...taking the whole "a lady in the street but a freak in the bed" so far that it is inhibiting. so why voice the fact that we like sex when the ramifications of uttering such a context is so high? yes we do like it but not when your name has to be dragged through the mud and your whispered about behind your back

[Anonymous]

Sex is about more than just an orgasm. The organism is the end, which seems to be the main attraction for guys, but for girls, the journey is just as important, if not more. Sure, I would love to have an orgasm every time. But the lead up to the orgasm is what is really enjoyable. The best sex I've had has not been when he was trying to get us to the orgasm, but when we went slow and just enjoy it, lived in the moment.

It feels amazing to have sex. It's not just the orgasm that makes it feel good. Girls crave sex too because we want the physical pleasure. Yes, sex is a physical craving for girls as well as for guys. Because it feels good for us too. We want the pleasure like you do- for us it's just more about the journey than the destination.

[Anonymous]

cuz its awesome

think of it this way, you orgasm when you masterbate, the orgasm just feels better when your with a woman. for a woman, it feels better the whole time, but she can orgasm later when she masturbates lol.

women come when they do very specific things, so that's why its hard for lovers to do that for them..

[Anonymous]

I think for some reason, girls just aren't as open about wanting sex. But I agree with the answers here in that it's just something we desire for whatever reason. It's definitely about the physical touch and feeling really close to whomever you're with. And, we also happen to be caring, loving, and relatively selfless. We don't always mind if you get greater pleasure than we do.

[Asker]

Do you find it easy to say "no" to sex?

[Opinion Owner]

Umm, it's not immensely easy, but it's not that hard as long as you are with someone who respects you- which isn't always. But most girls are stern about what they want or don't want.

[Asker]

So you're a "normal" girl who gets pressured into sex when you don't want it sometimes?

[Opinion Owner]

Eh no. Yes, I am a normal girl, but I don't get pressured into sex, and I don't think that most "normal" girls do either. I just meant that sometimes you have to be stronger in what you want or don't want, depending on the guy, if that makes sense.

[Asker]

If you could have all the "benefits" of a relationship but you never had sex, would that be good?

[Opinion Owner]

I couldn't really say since I haven't been in that situation, but I would think that it would get old after awhile, and both of us would probably end up wanting sex sooner or later.

[Asker]

What if he was cool to not want sex. Would that be cool with you, too?

[Opinion Owner]

I'd be alright with it for a while, especially if the relationship was headed towards something great and long-term. But if it doesn't seem like we're getting anywhere after several months then I might cut it off. Again, if the guy was amazing, I would stick with it. Also, if it was one of those cases where the guy wants to wait til marriage, and I think we have a chance at marriage, I would wait it out.

[Asker]

How would you know if you were sexually compatible?

[Opinion Owner]

You never know until you try.

[Asker]

That's my point! You would rather wait until marriage not having any idea if you were sexually compatible...It must be very easy for you to say no to sex with such stakes at hand...

[Anonymous]

i enjoy the emotional closeness and the physical feeling. I don't always orgasm but I can honestly say I don't always feel a need to orgasm! whether or not I come I find sex with my partner still amazing. emotional aspect is imponrtant for me though. I tried casual sex once, we didn't love each other, and I can honestly say I couldn't orgasm and felt pretty rubbish after because having had sex like that I realized it wasn't the sex I missed, it was that closeness to another person and I just felt very empty and down for the next few days.

happily, now I'm in such a great relationship and having the feeling of love running parallel with the lust magnifies the experience and the feelings a million times and that is what my body craves. its why I don't get aroused by seeing a random fit guy walking around naked, but if I think about my other half I get all sorts of urges!

[Asker]

That is so amazing! As a guy I really have no way of empathizing with what you say about not "needing' an orgasm. I get the "physical reaction to your partner" part, but as a buy I can see a beautiful woman and get very sexually aroused (not in a bad way where I want to rape or anything, but it does -feel- good to see a beautiful woman) Rambling now...So essentially sex for girls is more emotional than physical?

[Opinion Owner]

for me certainly. for every woman, I doubt it. but I do believe for the majority we crave the emotional high from sex.

[Asker]

So a great connection on an emotional level is the right key to her pants?

[Opinion Owner]

yes definitely lol .. though if I found out a guy was only pretending to feel an emotional connection with me I would be pretty devastated so be careful and don't hurt anyone just to get laid :P

[Anonymous]

I like the pressure. I like the fact that it's with someone I love. I like that it makes him happy also.

[Asker]

Clear trend here for "closeness" as a motivator...Can you elaborate on this feeling you describe as "pressure"?