Who was the best lover you ever had?

[AmandaYVR]

Tell the opposite sex here exactly what this best lover did, and what made them so good. This is really what many people here want to know.

Sex, behind the scenes

'Demanding Lovers' by Cynthia Morton

[Lliam]

There was a girl named Petra who worked at a business that I had to frequent as part of my job. She was a German national with permanent residency - short, petite and really cute with pale skin and curly natural blond hair. She had an interesting way about her and dressed kind of funny in all that I can describe as costumes. They were a bit bulky and looked like something an older woman would wear. There was a certain boutique she went to who sold her complete outfits with all the accessories. She considered her attire professional.

Anyway, I asked her out. We had been on two dinner dates and a few lunches over a period of a couple of weeks. One Saturday I took her to the county fair and we had an enjoyable day. In the evening, we found a secluded spot near a live band and made out heavily for about an hour before leaving.

When we got back to her place to drop her off, she invited me inside. She wound up laying me on her bed and then silently undressed me from my shirt to my shoes and socks as if I was an invalid. She did it with slow, systematic deliberation.

Then I watched in silence as she undressed herself with the same deliberation, not like a strip tease, but not as careless and matter of fact as if she were alone. It was sexy as hell. I had never seen her naked and, as she slowly revealed herself, she turned out to be more beautiful than I had imagined.

Then she returned to the bed, laid next to me and we began kissing and petting. But she took control by moving to my ear with her mouth, gradually moving to the side of my neck and collar bone.

She ran the tip of her tongue over my chest and eventually licked my nipples. I didn't think I would like that and almost pushed her away. But I let her continue and the sensation was so intense that my upper chest and neck began buzzing. I had to bite a knuckle in order to remain still.

She eventually moved slowly down my body with the same skill and subtlety. The unfamiliar sensations drove me to the point of madness.

She licked and sucked my dick and balls with supreme skill. When I begged to come inside her, she found a condom, put it on me, and came on top of me.

What was extraordinary about this experience was that she was entirely the one taking action. I had done similar things to women before, but no woman had ever showed such initiative or masterful finesse and intuition. What she did to me even showed me how I could have done a much better job making love to previous lovers. She showed me what peak pleasure felt like. I was never the same person after that.

We continued to date and eventually moved in together. The sex we had while we were together was Olympic. She was not only skilled but uninhibited and insatiable. Her entire body was an erogenous zone.

What's interesting is that she didn't care about cunnilingus but she came and came from penetrative sex. She also loved performing oral sex on me and swallowed like a hungry baby bird.

[AmandaYVR]

"... no woman had ever showed such initiative or masterful finesse and intuition. What she did to me even showed me how I could have done a much better job making love to previous lovers. She showed me what peak pleasure felt like. I was never the same person after that." Now that is a damn good story.

[Lliam]

Thanks Amanda. It felt weird at first just lying there. But it turned out to be the most erotic experience ever. Have you ever taken control like that? Has anyone ever 'allowed' you to? Usually guys take control and woman are more on the receiving end.

[AmandaYVR]

Oh, Lliam, I could say a whole lot about that topic. I love your story, and I think what you described is beautiful and awesome and perfect. Yet it should be much, much more common. And, I have a big, big issue with this whole power dynamic, sub/dom trend that keeps cropping up these days. It makes me really really angry. If whoever is reading this has read many of my prior questions and posts, you will know that I am very liberal not conservative-minded philosphically, and very much always try and combine the psychological and biological and anthropological aspects of humans, in order to understand people, and sometimes I pass on this information to some of the younger or less relationship-experienced here. I know, there are primal forces at work, our nature of hundreds of thousands of years of being essentially quite wild has still not completely disappeared or receded behind our proportionally enormous, evolved cerebral white matter cortexes. But, domination has now also become a part of the cultural landscape, a boxing match of power and control, especially in these times of gender social upheavel and next (4th) wave of 'feminism'. (There are also other situations where 'powerful' men who hold stressful positions in their careers, long to give up all control and be dominated in the bdrm. I am all for that. My problem is that it is usually the men who are 'doms' to females. It is far too one-sided, and people just brush it off like it's 'our nature'. I am not so sure it's as simple as that anymore.) I would not allow anyone, man or other, to overtly dominate me in any way other than pure fun or lightheartedness. My sex is equal, or not at all. cont'd...

[AmandaYVR]

Every single guy I've been with was fine with me sometimes taking over, and I do often. The more I like or love the guy, the more I do this. In fact, it is so much of the time, it is irrelevant, inconsequential. One receives, one is more active at any given moment, but there is no one in control. It doesn't even enter my (or, I presume but I cannot be sure because they are all in the past... their minds.) But times are changing. I've been with the same man for just shy of 20 years now, so I am not in the current dating pool. But I can tell you all that of all my past experiences, and I've had my share and variety of relationships, no one ever uncomfortably or as a fetish, wanted to be my 'dom'. What all men want is enthusiasm, passion, energy, effort. The reason is because men have typically higher sex drives, want it more often, so women will often/sometimes do it when they are less than particularly 'into' it. And women can physically have sex even when they are not particuarly turned on (thought it does not feel pleasant and requires aids). But men need to be turned on, so their body's physical reaction and display is proof of their interest. I've read that this is why men long for enthusiasm so much form their partners. They have no other way (ok, there's one other way/proof, down there - things get mighty wet when she's really into it) for them to 'know' conclusively. Men are afraid of her not being happy, enjoying herself, or that she was in even the smallest way, forced into it. It is their biggest fear. (Thus, all the explosion of anger - which is really fear gone amok - regarding men taking the initiative and worrying about rejection, or far worse, a sexual harrassment claim.) cont'd...

[AmandaYVR]

If women could master all this, and were just as turned on and active in the act as the men are and want them to be, and could come to peace with it - that everyone has desire (women should not be judged differently or more harshly for this), that they are valued for more than their bodies and for sex, and could get their heads in the game emotionally/mentally, and taught their men exactly what they need and want to have a really good experience (and possibly also relationship), and men listened, did not judge, and were open to learning from them, sex between the sexes could be out of this world. So I am still trying to process how any females, young or old, would allow or even prefer this, to be so passive or controlled (other than the basic, animalistic, raunchiness of it - I can understand that to some extent). I also will never understand women who 'just lie there' and let/make the man do all the 'work'. Totally bizarre to me. I'd rather not have sex. And a lot of guys (though not all - some are really starved for the experience and are happy to take whatever they can get for a while) would rather not have sex like this either). Men are people too (obviously) and everyone deserves to be 'spoiled' and have all focus and attention on them, completely cared for. And if that carries into the bedroom as well, the sex is like magic. Boom, fireworks, "bright lights, big city." cont'd...

[AmandaYVR]

Though p. s., I will say there was one absolutely awful experience in my past, where a boyfriend of 3 years suddenly, out of nowhere, flipped out and got very physically violent with me, when I one day playfully held him down to 'take charge' on top. This is totally normal behaviour, yet he reacted so swiftly and with such anger, I'll never forget it. But fuck him. He was broken. Any good man would have/should have been happy about it. I never trusted him again. I broke up with him, a few weeks later, I guess it was (also for several other reasons though, which I won't get into now.) But every other lover I had never reacted in this way, and I appreciate all of my experiences and wonderful men I have met. Sex is a good thing. I am in favour of exploring it, and people (not complete strangers, but after you get to know their personalities and confirm compatability to you at least somewhat). I hate to sour or dampen the beautiful exchange above, but as you asked, I felt that was also relevant. I received two question invites this morning, as a matter of fact, about a woman wanting more aggression and violence in bed from her lover, and I haven't yet figured out how to respond. I treat relationship matters very seriously and gingerly, but I really want to tell her to stand her ground, and not deliberately turn into a submissive, but that is what she wants. I don't believe completely that it can be isolated to just the bedroom. Though I am trying to understand this mentality. I have to ponder it more.

[Jamie05rhs]

I think a lot of women aren't turned on because they don't feel security in the relationship. They don't feel like the guy really loves them. (And in these cases he probably doesn't.). They are just going through the motions because they feel like sex is what is socially required of them.

[AmandaYVR]

@Jamie05rhs Yes, true, good point. I certainly don't want women to pretend that they're having a good time when they're not. Women do have fairly complex emotional lives and they want these needs met. And yes, some men are just keeping women around in their lives primarily for the sex, and some are chronically dissatisfied because they feel they're not getting their sexual needs met. But for the guys who genuinely really want a partner in life, a confidante, a satisfied lover, I hope for all of them (men and women) that they can be more 'present' and connect better or on a deeper level. Everyone would love that. Easier said than done, of course, but wouldn't it be nice. Anyway, you say some of the women are just 'going through the motions' because it's socially expected of them. But I guess less and less people are willing to stay in unhappy relationships nowadays. Less people getting into committed relationships. Though I guess divorce rates are holding at about the same 55% (women inititate them slightly more often). But it feels as if the tides are shifting, and many people are leaving relationships if they don't get what they want out of it. Are expectations too high? Or is peoples' resolve and commitment to work through problems too low?

[Lliam]

That was so well thought out and eloquent, Amanda. Thanks for the time and thought you put into writing it. It's nice to read more than sound bites. I agree with everything you said. It's true that many women enjoy the power of a man, his size and strength, his ability to pick her up and position her. She may enjoy being the object that drives him wild with hunger and passion. She may like to be ravished and man handled (consensually, within boundaries). But some men don't understand what they are missing if they don't allow or encourage their partner to take control at times. How many men have never been made love to? And some women have no idea 'how' to take control. The idea might never even occur to them. They are so used to being compliant. How sad is that? As you said, it creates a situation where they often don't even enjoy themselves and their partner is relegated to merely using them as a plastic fuck doll. There were times when I told my girlfriend to use me as she wished. I'm not referring to B&D, just focused grinding and fucking to her heart's content. What a joy it is to see a woman break out in a sweat and lose herself as she uses you for a dildo. But, as you essentially said, best of all is when both partners are actively fucking each other like desperate wild animals at the same time. Experiencing your partner using you for their pleasure while you use them for your own increases you own pleasure exponentially. You become a god. Sex doesn't get any better than that. It's only during times like that that I've ever had multiple climaxes without ever pausing to rest or replenish. I fear that many people haven't had that experience. One time, I happened to notice the clock and realized that we had gone at it nonstop for nine hours. Nine hours? I would have thought that impossible. It's true that "What all men want is enthusiasm, passion, energy, effort."

[AmandaYVR]

Like fine wine, you are. That last paragraph esp was killer.

[Lliam]

You're fun, Amanda.

[Anpu23]

There are three that really stand out
The first is my wife, she's built in a way that matches me well. Not much you can do about that.
All three have two traits in common though.
One they seek their own pleasure, in bed they all know what they like what works for them and aren't afraid of acting on it.
The other trait is all three are willing to show how they like to be pleasured. They are willing to teach, " no, not like this like that" one even chained me down, sat on my chest and masturbated only inches away from my face... This is how it works kind of thing.

[AmandaYVR]

What ages were they, approx, by the time they were doing that?

[Anpu23]

Late teens (wife and I met at 17 and are born with in a month of rach other) and the other two early 20s

[AmandaYVR]

Ah. So it was their personalities rather than age or experience in particular.

[Anpu23]

Yes I would say so. It's confidence more than anything else.

[Anpu23]

Oh and another thing, they all understood that I am a unique person and have unique likes and dislikes. They accepted that I don't like receiving oral, and were willing to accept my boundaries as well. I'm really skittish about sex (I'm a rape survivor) and so they get me, and that is sexy.

[Anpu23]

Thanks for MHO

[BlackRoseFairy]

Ever since reading your question I am torn between two guys...
The first one was the only guy I've met so far who was truly in love with me and we didn't have sex, we made love. I could feel his passion for me in every touch, every kiss, every single inch of my skin... it was an unique experience, not easy to describe the feeling and he has for sure left his mark on me...

The second one is a guy with whom we had a hell of a chemistry. He was the absolute opposite of the first one, rough, dirty, wild... but the chemistry we had was a pure, raw passion. An animal-like compulsion. When we were together there was no logic, no need to think, our bodies spoke for themselves. He was drawing me like a strong magnet and made me feeling like a volcano about to erupt whenever he was close, let alone touched or kissed me...

Now I know that those are two different cases, but both of them were mind blowing experiences that I'd like to have again...

[AmandaYVR]

That was so well written. You killed it, BlackRose. MHO!

[BlackRoseFairy]

Thank you! ☺ And thanks for MHO 😄

[NickiB]

My current.
I am not going to give personal details but she took the time to ask and explore what gave me the most pleasure.
That's what makes her better than the rest

[NickiB]

Thanks for mho

[MrHopper]

My hand

[Jamie05rhs]

Same here, unfortunately.

[JackSmy]

Won't share it, openly, here!! Too personal, to WOW!! OM me for details, if you want!

[kathy1121]

It wasn't a guy but I was drinking and a girl went down on me and she did something with her tongue that was amazing

[AmandaYVR]

What did she do? That's the part the people want to hear, I'm sure.

[Dongtai]

Her name was Emma and until this day she’s kind of the model for what I look for in a woman.

We met when I was 18 on some website. I was attracted to her for sure but we also had that platonic chemistry. We’d text all day and would hangout for hours just talking and goofing around before we had sex.

What I liked about Emma was that she was my first/best example of the type of relationship I want. After we met her father invited me over for dinner because he wanted to meet me. He cooked steak, greens and mashed potatoes I think.

Her family was very welcoming. That made me fall for her more. It just felt real. She even invited me out to a Thanksgiving trip where I met her relatives. I guess I liked how family oriented she was and how she invited me into it. I haven’t met any girls who’ve done that since.

The sex was amazing. The physical attraction was there and we also had feelings for eachother. I believe she was the first girl I made love to. She wasn’t my “first” but she’s definitely the first girl I’ve ever truly loved.

[Dongtai]

We went out on dates. I don't know. What I like the most about her is that it fit my idea of what a relationship looks like. We went out on dates. We got eachother gifts and introduced eachother to our families. I also liked her as she was inside and out. She had looks and personality. If I ever do meet a girl like her again or one that’s better I’d definitely marry her. I don’t think Emma and I made it because we both were young and too immature to appreciate/maintain the type of relationship we were building. Out of the blue she started withdrawing and my gut told me something was up. She swore it was school but I would see her replying to comments a guy would make on her Facebook page while my texts went unanswered. I kinda pushed it to the back of my mind because I really loved her and I didn’t want to let go of the bond I made with her. But after a while I did let go. It hurt too much. My gut is never wrong. Even when I ignore it the truth has always came out. I gave her so many chances but she kept withdrawing. I broke it off. By the time she tried to come back I was too hurt to forgive her. She told me her parents told her getting serious with me wasn’t a good idea. That wasn’t a good enough reason for me. I stood out in the snow for an hour just to talk to her for 10 minutes. After that I was too hurt to keep trying. But yeah. If I met a girl who had her good qualities I’d marry her no questions asked

[mk200195]

I would wanna kiss someone on the beach, exactly like in your second photo

[AmandaYVR]

Yes, it feels right being out in nature, alone, just the two of you, with only the ambient sounds. You are then 'one' with the person, and the planet.

[mk200195]

Yeah but I feel like i am way too intoxicated for that rn or not 🤷🏻‍♂️

[AmandaYVR]

Anything that enhances the experience of nature is ok in my book. I have other things in my bag of tricks too.

[mk200195]

You've a whole bag of tricks? I am intrigued

[AmandaYVR]

Meow.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ly_vxI4nllA

[mk200195]

Hahaha 😈

[Jamie05rhs]

@AmandaYVR Yesss!! That's my jam right there!

[Jamie05rhs]

I also like the description you wrote. One with them and the planet... <3

[AmandaYVR]

@Jamie05rhs Thanks Jamie.

[Jamie05rhs]

You're welcome! :)

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

Still waiting for that to happen so far never happened. LOL

[Quidthonian]

Pass. No history of lovers for this geek.

[GreenGold1992]

If and when it happens, I'll let you know

[Slim57]

Unfortunately my ex, and the only reason is because she was the only one who actually stuck around with me and helped me experience my first relationship, thinking back, there was nothing really good about her that I can even think of

[Bman0623]

My wife. We have an amazing sex life, open minded and not scared to laugh.

[GuyGuy2433]

I have had many lovers and every one of them were the best at the moment

[Anonymous]

My fiance is definitely the best I've ever had. There are a lot of reasons, most important being that we care about each other and I feel like we have a great connection. We are honesty and open about our needs and desires and are totally comfortable discussing them. She is also very sexually hungry and initiates sex a lot, which is something I've never experienced before. I have to admit that it's great for my confidence because I always feel wanted. She is submissive in bed and prefers I take the lead, but she is also energetic and engaged and passionate, and I can feel that she is into it. One thing that is unique about her is that she doesn't really enjoy vagina sex very much. It is uncomfortable for her and makes her feel a little sick. So we do anal most of the time. I'm OK with that as long as I get her vagina occasionally too.

[AmandaYVR]

Wow, it makes her feel sick. How odd. That's too bad. I can't imagine going without that.