The question admits of two paradoxically different answers. In general, for society, the cultural acceptance of sex outside of marriage has been a disaster. The data on this are not in doubt. Yet, at the personal level, sex is a means of satisfying the evolutionary instinct to breed and is also a means of social bonding.
To take first things first. Truth in advertising, my girlfriend and I have lived together for over a decade and have three children together. We do not want to be married but to all outward appearances we look like a very traditional married couple - house in the suburbs, both college educated, employed, etc.
That being noted, the moral, religious and cultural - and in some cases legal - prohibitions against sex outside of marriage are not based on nothing. More than half of all children born in the United States are born out of wedlock. Since that trend, rates of child poverty and abuse have skyrocketed. Ditto child abandonment. Abortion has risen - though of late it has begun to decline somewhat.
(Here, I make no judgment on the morality and legality of abortion, but merely point out that if, as pro-choicers argue, abortion should be "safe, legal and rare," then, statistically speaking, sex outside of marriage thwarts the policy. Rare it has not been.)
In general, it is hard to underestimate the disastrous impact that the casual acceptance of sex outside of marriage - indeed the decline of marriage itself - has had on society. By making casual that which has been treated privately and intimately, it has fostered a culture in which the weak and vulnerable - children and young women in particular - do not do well.
That said, on a personal level, the desire and need for sex is understandable and has its own evolutionary dimensions. The data show that men in particular, who do not regularly have sex - the frequency of sex varying somewhat according to the studies - tend to be lonelier, more aggressive, more irritable, more prone to violence and suicide and have shorter lifespans than men who have sex consistently. For women the effects are not quite as pronounced, but they tend more to depression.
Sex satisfies that instinct, placed into us by evolution, to reproduce. It also facilitates the instinct to bond socially and give us a sense of connection. Although by no means the most important thing, it is important to men and women - especially the latter, whose prehistoric ancestors were programmed by evolution to impregnate as many females as possible. It is how the species has survived for several hundred thousand years.
However, as man has evolved, the regulation of his animal instincts has become not just a luxury, but essential to the well being of the larger community. Else you end up with the human misery that "free sex" has produced in society.
So the balance must be struck. Social and religious prohibitions are not foolish and only fools would ignore them out of hand. By the same token, ignoring the individual's sexual needs and instincts also has a harmful effect.
Thus the division of labor. The society is not wrong to look askance and the burden falls upon the individual to have sex with a sense of responsibility. If you cannot handle the consequences, then best not have sex - or at least be prepared to step up to the plate.
Speaking as a man, there were two other women I have gotten pregnant in my "wild and crazy days" before I met my girlfriend. (Even then, our first two pregnancies were unplanned.) With the first woman she had a miscarriage and I did not find out that she was pregnant with my child till years later. With the other woman, she aborted my baby without telling me. It was and remains the most painful and shattering experience of my life and I will always miss my baby.
CONT.
For all that, it is not impossible, though I don't think likely, that I have another child out there that I might not know of. Were that the case as that child were to enter my life, I would care and love for him/her as I do my other three. In that connection my girlfriend has said that if I discovered I had another child that she would accept that child as her own because a part of me. (I love my girlfriend with all my heart.) If you can get that ideal outcome and live that way and take the consequences and the responsibilities then by all means, sex outside of marriage is natural, healthy and instinctive. Like any choice there has to be thought and a sense of obligation and responsibility. We are creatures of instinct - but we cannot be guided by instinct alone.
Virginity is meaningless.. I had to reread your question twice to get what you were asking, I originally thought you were asking if cheating was OK lol which that answer is hell no..
I won't commit to someone unless I have had sex with them, honestly I don't want to be with someone who is bad at sex, so sex before merriage is must for me.. That having been said, if a person (male or female) has had a shit ton of partners that to me indicates they treat sex as mastubation no more and are best avoided..
Sorry, its early for me and sometimes writing a clear question just isn't going to happen 😂 thank you for your opinion :)
No need to apologize.. My reading comprehension sucks this early. Glad to give my opinion, it's a good question.
Wonder why I was down voted.
For most of the society, today it is sense a lot men are saying they don't want to get married. No one should be doing it cause God said to wait for marriage but everyone has free will and gonna do what they want to... It's personally not good, sex after marriage was meant to protect us from heartache, diseases, and prevent unwanted pregnancies. But people just saw it as of God trying to take their fun away from them when that's not the case at all. As you can see today, the lack of waiting and people making marriage seem outdated, has actually hurt us more so than good but for whatever reason people are blind to this.
STD's are high and certain std's have sky rocketed in certain states, we have teenagers to young adults carelessly getting pregnant or impregnating someone they don't even see themselves with for the rest of their life. People are lot more cold when it comes to relationships, cause their constantly in and out of relationships and sharing themselves with different people who eventually leave later on down the road.
if we all listened, then their wouldn't be any std's, babies out of wedlock wouldn't exit, and people would be a lot more happier cause they are in a fulfilling marriage. A lot of people say their isn't a soulmate, but i don't think that's true. I think God knows who is best for us and who is perfect match or soulmate for us, but a lot us want people we can't have, people who aren't good for us, and people who aren't mentally, physically, or spiritually ready for a relationship. This is the reason why a lot of people today are just so pessimistic towards love and relationships. All it is, is inflicted pain we get do to ourselves yet we never learn or haven't learned why this is working out for a lot of us.
I do believe sex should remain within a marriage. Humans develop bonding phycologically when having sex and there is no birth control to prevent that, that's why so many people get depressed later in life if they have screwed around. The bonding should be preserved only for the person who has shown you their full commitment and authenticity. Sure, this means you could have sex with your fiance or boyfriend even when committed, but I personally believe that if he's becoming my husband anyway then we are having sex anyway so why not wait till marriage anyway 😂
And it's nothing unnatural. Humans are naturally supposed to be highly selective of their partners.
Agree with that
Yes it’s ok for me if it feels right with the person and I feel comfortable and we have a connection. Preferably we would be in a relationship first but sometimes shit happens lol
I agree!
I had sex with a guy before we were in a relationship and now we are so I guess it worked out
Oh, I'm happy for you too :)
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What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!My girl and I still have sex with others and we are married.
Only if that's what you both agreed upon
I think it depends on the person. I definitely don't think it is wrong to wait until marriage if that is what you wish, but I don't think it's necessarily wrong not to, either. The way I see it, you'll know when you're ready.
Do i think its right? No. Do i think its accepted by a majority of society? Absolutely. I’ve done it in the past but often try to fight against it. Its hard for me to enjoy it outside of marriage. Its like “temporary fun” that i honestly couldve waited til marriage for. Its not a “need” for me. I like gambling more than sex.
Your answers do not match the question. A strict "Yes" to the actual question asked would be in favor of sex outside of marriage.
But the Yes answers both point to restricting sex to marriage or most sex to marriage.
Why the fuck does someone accept the marriage vows ( forsake all others ) yet break them? They are lame ass tards!
I think it should be your choice; if somebody wants to wait for personal reasons they should, but they shouldn't have to wait. Either way, there should be no pressure on the person to do or do not before marriage.
It depends on the person. Everyone has to make their own choices in life. As for me, I was pretty young the first time. I was 15. I did marry him 3 years later. Was married for 17 years. Got divorced. I dated a few guys. Yes I had sex with them. My new hubby and I had sex before we got married.
My grandpa said , do you buy a pair of shoes before trying the on? Some people do, others don't.
I like that. I don't think I could ever buy shoes without trying them on. The whole process of returning them is a pain in the ass and ends up costing you more.
@Capnjaques Exactly my point? Haha haa
Its a hypersexualized time we live now, you see sex everywhere, movies, pictures, etc.. Back then if a man had sex with a woman he had to strictly marry her - now you can have sex as much as you want, its the norm, and actually its judged if you abstain from having sex
How far back are you going?
As a christian i should say, You need to be married before sex. But as a teenager who doesn't abide by all the laws of a christian i also would be a hypocrite if i said that
Marriage prevents the man from abandoning the woman if he gets her pregnant or gives her an STD
@mistixs only in an ideal world. Shame more people don't share your view
Now and days. Not too many people end up waiting. Most people end up
Having sex before marriage
No, as a muslim i dont think it’s acceptable but also im not religious at all. I dont follow every rule so its kinda of hypocritical as well. Either way i hope i wait until im married for reasons other than religion too
If you aren't religious, then why say "as a Muslim"?
I do believe in islam and do pray sometimes but i dont pray everyday (which i should) and im kind of willy nilly when it comes to following some rules but not all.
Why do you believe in Islam?
No but it doesn't mean I won't fucking do it!
you swear too much... hahaha
@MistiGal LOL I was just in a swearing mood that night!
Fuckin A
Yeah, it’s okay.
it made sense back when girls were considered the property of their fathers, to be bartered off for land or whatever, but now it's a bit outdated..
I don't see a problem with it.
If you're religious and your religion says no that it, then it may be unacceptable for that person, but not everyone is and I don't think it's a problem if someone want to have sexy before getting married, if they even want to get married that is.
There's absoultely nothing wrong with it and anyone who thinks otherwise is brainwashed beyond repair.
I voted D
I wish i tried before I committed.. It screwed my life big time
@arabgoddess how did it screw up your life. PM me if you want.
All is good, thank you... Too many on here already talking to me about it
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