Sexual Relationships
+1 y

First time having sex and struggling to stay hard?

I lost my virginity to a beautiful girl, you rarely see a girl as hot as her even on TV etc.. she had an angelic face, dark brown eyes, long dark hair with a fringe, really soft skin, slim but really curvy at the same time, enhanced boobs (bigger than average) and a tattoo on her lower back.

when i used to think about having sex for the first time i always thought i wouldn’t last very long because I’d be ‘too excited’

But in reality I lasted longer (25-30 minutes) than I thought because I wasn’t as turned on as I thought I’d be even with a girl that looks f*cking perfect.

I wasn’t as hard as usual after she put a condom and we started having sex.
I don’t know if its because it’s my first time or it’s because I’m not used to the sensation of the condom because I felt like it was a bit too tight.

I would say my erection was about 15-20% softer than usual.
i was feeling very comfortable and relaxed with the girl and it wasn't significant at all but I had to focus on her to stay hard.
I also felt like my brain was struggling to focus completely and I was thinking about other stuff lol.

do you guys have any advice/tips?
any personal experience you’d like to share?
any observation? Feel free to give your opinion.
Updates:
+1 y
Oh I forgot to mention that I had a fight with multiple (3) guys less than an hour before sleeping with her, don’t know if its got anything to do with that Thanks for your opinions ☺️
+1 y
Im going to stop masturbating for a couple of weeks, im going to try to get used the sensation of wearing a condom and get thinner ones and a bigger sizes. Thanks for your opinions it has helped me
2 3

Most Helpful Girls

  • This is a better question for the guys to answer, which they are, but I just thought I'd write a couple thigs.
    Well congratulations on your first time and finding such a great girl to be with. You can feel happy about that, that you found her so attractive.
    I wonder if this has anything to do with the society where we live in now, where seeing sexual images, like through porn etc., is so easy to come by now, for free, even. I have heard about it causing sexual dysfunction sometimes, when a guy is actually with a live woman. The reasons for this are not totally clearn, and could be many.
    In your case, it may very well just be the condom. They do reduce sensitivity a lot. How about trying a different type, that are made very thin, or have a stimulating gel in them? I don't know how guys feel about that. For women, these types of 'warming lotions' etc. can be quite awful for some, giving allergic reactions, but what I'm suggesting comes already on the inside of the condoms.
    You having some trouble focusing is interesting. Were you so overwhelmed that you had a hard time letting go and really being completely in the moment? It can feel surreal, the first time, being something that you probably imagined so many times. Anyway, you've done it now, so it won't seem like such a super big deal from now on. Maybe you will be able to feel more present, as time goes on. It's probably nothing too serious to worry about. Just have fun with it, enjoy yourself. Be happy that you found such a great girl for your first time. You know how to fish now. Just work out the details as you go. (Ha ha. I think I'll end the analogy there before this gets weird.)

    • Re: @update Ooooh. Is that what your mind kept going back to then, thinking about?

    • It wasn’t really on my mind but I feel like it didn’t help me focus on sleeping with the girl for the first time.

    • 👍 I think as a woman, you know guys well.

    • Show All

  • The condom for sure played a role in your less-than-usual erection.
    It was your first time, so even this is an important factor: you were a little bit excited and under pressure.
    It’s normal to think about other stuff during sex, a lot of people do that. You usually have to stay focus on the task or really being in that person. Like, real feelings.
    An hot girl is not really enough to keep you concentrate, especially if you don’t let yourself go completely (like in this case).
    With time and practise will be always better and less stressful and more enjoyable.
    Remember to not masturbate too much and to not have too many porn expectations.
    You can be inspired by porn, but do not make the mistake to think that those stuff all all real.
    Have fun, be safe and remember to let yourself go completely.
    Ah, and do not forget fore play!

  • It sounds like you like her mostly for her looks instead of her personality and who she is. If your feelings weren't connected to her, that could make it not as enjoyable to have sex with her. Maybe her appearance just wasn't enough and the problem had something to do with not being in love with her or having strong feelings for her.

    It could also be partly because of the fight you'd been in. You were probably still upset about that and unable to focus on sex.

Most Helpful Guys

  • You probably were scared of not performing and that distracted you. Like I really suck at sex in a shower if my hand isn’t on the wall cause I’m afraid of falling - so it’s only a tease/short thing.

    How hard is a mental thing. If she’s wearing my favorite outfit (s) or favorite role play it’ll be harder. Likewise if I find her hot it’s harder than if I don’t... women HATE to hear any mention of this even if it’s not about them personally.

    Bj or long hand job before sex will make you harder too in my opinion. Lot of foreplay, same.

  • well... congrats and smart to use protection. Sounds like it doesn't fit, buy new ones and try diff sizes is the only way I know.

    I had issues with women early on due to emotionally it violating my core values. Have to look inside yourself to see if that is what you felt, or if it was atrraction not there, alcohol can cause issues. It sounds like she lead this, so could be you really not that attracted to her... emotionally... and assuming emotion connection is important for you.

    thsoe are some possibilities.

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What Girls & Guys Said

8 33

  • 1) I know its exciting and I'm sure your girlfriend is a perfect beauty... but no offense... in your eyes.

    To help you comprehend my intention, individually, our girlfriend is perfect in our eyes too. How else will we want have sex with her?

    My objective to point this out is, lower your excitement. You like that girl and is wonderful. But cool down. Most of us here in G@G like our girl too. It's normal. So I hope this info helps you get a grip on your emotions that will ease some performance issue.

    2) personally, cunnilingous help me get and stay hard. Not mere licking her, but smelling and eating her juice. It has an acquired taste. After I do it often, my hardness is related to it.

    Maybe this will help you too. So try it.

    3) use a butt plug. This is my new discovery. When I bought a glass plug last month and tried (got my girlfriend to insert during sex), I was like superman! LOL!

    4) of course other guys had other great comments and I think you should follow too.

    • She isn’t my girl and I’m being 100% objective if she was just above average I’d say it but it is not the case. I’m not in love with this girl lol

  • This is completely normal. Could be performance anxiety or the fact that you weren't concentrating. Condoms play a big factor too. My advice is get a thinner brand condom like skyn or Trojan barrel in and practice by yourself with those till you feel comfortable. After that, don't masturbate for a few weeks to get your sensitivity back. Also when you are in the act, please your partner. I find it enjoyable when she's having a good time. Try not to let your mind wonder. Stay safe and have fun!

  • Sex is mostly a mental act. Any anxiety you might have can affect it. It's often made worse by the need to be a good performer. So if you don't give it as good as you think you should, that anxiety just snowballs. Best thing to do is relax, remember that she chose to sleep with you. She could have picked anyone else. You're the best. Gotta fuck her like you know that.

  • I wish I had experience, but that is something I lack in. I think it could be that you were imagining the sex was so good while masturbating that the real thing just didn't hit the mark.

  • Well if you are not used to a condom that could be a big issue. The other thing maybe try some different things. I am not trying to get into your business. But one of my girlfriends liked having sex outside. Try it in a different place. Maybe in the shower or some place other than the bedroom. There is a lot of stuff you can try.

  • i definitely feel like a part of it could’ve been that it was your first time,,, you might’ve had a perfect experience built up in your mind and you wanted it to be just like that so much that when the slightest thing went wrong you worry over it. as long as you overall enjoyed the experience i think it’s fine and that you should’ve dwell too much on it

    • Performance anxiety

  • No clue, but sometimes I get bored when the sex isn’t that hot. PM me and I’ll tell you a funny story.

  • Increase the tempo if you feel your dick becomes soft. If you can control the tempo and hardness are long sex session realizable. Having constantly a stone hard dick is maybe 10-15 minutes possible, but not one hour

  • Don't worry about it. This is common. I expect you'll get over it pretty quickly.

  • this sounds like performance anxiety to me

    • I agree with this, it cpuld just be a stress thing.

    • That's exactly what I said

  • did the relationship happen really fast?

    • Not a relationship and yeah I met her just a few hours before

    • i could never orgasm with hookups. i need a mental connection. somehow it's a weird thing? i was never a fuckboy so it doesn't bother me.

  • It's cuz you were thinking to much , you were over analyzing it so your expectations were higher then reality, you werent relaxed you had to much going on , so the Blood flow to your penis wasn't a 100 percent and Yes condoms suck it does take away some of the sensation , on top of that you aren't really emotionally connected to her you are just turned on by her looks so part of you was probably nervous

  • Well do you love her? If you don’t that’s probably why.

    • I don’t love her, I think it’s different for guys. It’s probably because the condom was a bit too tight and I’m not used to that, the fact that it was my first time played a role and also the fact that I got into a fight just before sleeping with this girl also kinda disrupted me lol

    • maybe 🤷‍♀️

  • i dont know the one guy that i fell in sorta love with couldnt get hard in weeks after we first hung out it was embarressing

  • Relax. Its normal. It may be performance anxiety. My advice is dont masturbate a good week before you do it next time. You will explode with cum.

  • Sounds like performance anxiety.

    You just need more practice. Make sure you tell this girl that. Tell her I said you need LOTS more practice.

    First time having sex and struggling to stay hard?

  • Just depends on how much concentration your putting into, yea your first time will not always be total control on how your penis stays hard but just be patient it will come in time

  • You need to have sex again, this time not after a fight and at least to begin with without a condom. Oral, between her tits, against her face, use your imagination. Explain the situation and enlist her help - appeal to her pride ("I wanna see how hard you can get me"). Not necessarily the same girl by the way - might even be better with a different one.
    Then try putting the condom on and penetrating. If you get soft you know what it is.

  • Maybe the pressure of 'not lasting long' got you too stressed out, and made it so you couldn't get 'into it' and enjoy the moment as much as you should/could have. Thinking about other stuff during sex... yeah also plays a factor.

    Also condom... bit less feeling, but hey you have got to stay safe! ;)

  • The feeling to be under pressure to 'deliver' can be quite distracting; and sometimes this results in just the opposite.
    At least you were able to 'finish the job'.
    In my own case we needed to postpone for next day because we could not stop laughing; out of 'nervousness', I guess.
    I don't think that it's a tragedy to be not made of granite all the time. Dildo's aren't either.
    'Hardness' is a... mechanical... feature; it has little to do with 'quality' of sex.
    As long as both involved are happy with the results, I don't see a problem.
    Humour: If your brain activity requires much blood supply - this blood will not be available to build up pressure in the action-area.
    Conclusion: Don't think too much ;)

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