Can a lack of trust affect the ability to have sex?

Question

I'm currently dating my boyfriend and things are going really well. We talk regularly, hang out, and do most things couples do... except for have sex. It's not like be both don't want to have sex, but I've had some bad previous experiences (both non-sexual and sexual related) that made me question how much I could trust people, like my family, friends, and past partners. I told him this, and he was very understanding of my circumstances, but I feel bad that I can't convey those types of romantic feelings back for him because other people in my life ruined it for me. How can I get over these feelings of mistrust and show him how I really feel for him? Any advice is appreciated!

Corerue · Accepted Answer

If he is understanding of the full situation then try a new approach to sex. Something fun hopefully.

Try a sex-ercise in using a blindfold. You put it on and just let him pleasure you. Just for a moment let go and put your faith in him. My wife and I call it the Ragdoll. Just let him position you and you just support yourself a bit not be totally... ragdoll lol.

Just an ice breaker. Lol 😅

Or you do it to him, because from the sounds of it. You trust him, but what you suffered in the past has left you with insecurities that you are having trouble overcoming. This is normal. Perfectly normal, however in every relationship it is a leap of faith. One that you have to find ways to make it work and make you comfortable.

So aside from my sex-ercise above. You need to form some boundaries and start considering that if you are with someone who doesn't cross said boundaries, or apologies when They make a mistake. Then you can slowly convince yourself mentally to start being trusting.

A little at a time. Self Care. Mindfulness and do trust building exercises. :)

normalice · Accepted Answer

Start with blow jobs, I think. Lots of them. After you've become accustomed to his sexual behavior you'll eventually come to learn that he's different than your previous sexual encounters, and you'll be able to trust him for other things better.

Or you could just let him have his way with you entirely, see for yourself what the worst thing that he would do to you is, and come to realize it's not nearly as bad as you were fearing all this while - because chances are what you are fearing is the "unknown," rather than anything specific.

SueShe · Accepted Answer

Sex, contrary to what a number of people want to make you believe, is not the most important thing in a relation.

Much more important than physical intimacy is the fact that you can share more important things together. Cuddling, kissing or holding hands are even more important than sex because you can bond just as well without taking a risk of your partner being unfaithful because of sex.

Furthermore, not being sexual substantially reduces you risk of getting infectious diseases from past partners and obviously unwanted pregnancies.

Talk with your boyfriend and make him realize that not everything in life is just sex. You can live so much happier not being stressed to have to perform or deliver and then you get rid of that lack of trust in the same time.

btbc92 · Accepted Answer

You can't trust a boyfriend because they come and go. That's why it's better to wait and have sex with your husband. Because it's expected that he treats you right, though that may not always be the case depending on who you married. You do NOT have to have sex if you don't want to or isn't ready for that. Trust is absolutely important. You already show that you love him. Your not obligated to have sex to prove it. And that is something you have to figure out for yourself. Because it comes from you.

Chris200 · Answer

By taking the baby steps in chances long hugs, longer kisses, cuddling with clothes on in public places, there is no set timetable, Come up with your own lists of baby steps. When you get 100 comfortable doing one move on to the next one on your list until you reach whatever you set your goal to be.

AustinMan · Answer

Figure out how to screen out guys for the things about that led to them betraying you and find someone who fits your trust model. We all get our feelings hurt and our hearts broken so you may at some point have to engage in trusting him anyway.

sejla · Answer

therapy

Duckysback · Answer

It took me years to open up again after having a series of bad experiences. Don’t rush things, it will only make it worse.

MissDawn7961 · Answer

read your bible and ask God

nerms123 · Answer

Just take sexi baby steps and you’ll be ok

abc3643 · Answer

YES ABSOLUTELY And it's not just trust - it can be a lot of things - anything that adversely affects attraction in any form.

arabgoddess · Answer

Yes 100% no denying that

humanearth · Answer

Sure can, but some can work through them

winterfox10 · Answer

Of course, that's like the biggest reason that sex stops happening in relationships.

_SOARER_ · Answer

You are not the abuse you suffered.  He has proven himself worthy, he won't have sex and abandon you  You need to be vulnerable

Bman4907 · Answer

At some point you're just going to have to realize one of two things, 1, that you are going to punish him for what someone else did to you or 2, that you're willing to move out of the past and move forward with the new boyfriend. THi9s doesn't fall into just sex at this point, more that its trust, and the lack there of. It just seems wrong that you are penalizing him because of someone else's bad behavior.

COMMODOREII · Answer

There are erotic massages you can try on him which will convey your feelings for him to. give you time until you are ready for sex.

LuWe22 · Answer

Yes. Trust is very important

Twalli · Answer

You can't. You will either trust him or not. It's your choice. I always trust until an individual has illustrated otherwise. So if he hasn't given you an reason to mistrust him individually you should assume he is trustworthy. Most people are pretty much trustworthy until things get rough.